Why do people get so irrationally angry over others on their land?

[Galactikat]

I was in a heavily crowded region that was lagging me to death so I clicked a random LM in my inventory, which just happened to be on someone's parcel but I also had to go AFK right at that moment. When I got back I'd understandably been kicked from the parcel. Only she hadn't ejected me but actually pushed my avatar right out of the parcel either with her avatar or a weapon and had been stood there hurling abuse at me for 5 minutes straight while I was away, insulting my character and my RL profile picture. So then her partner and the region owner comes in, and I get banned from the entire sim for "trespassing and being abusive".

So if you don't actually WANT people in your land, why keep it open? That's why the option is there. Close it off if you don't like visitors. It's just the logical thing to do. If I come to your land and it's open with no security I'm just gonna naturally assume you don't mind people on it.  Visitors on your land that are doing nothing harmful doesn't give you the right to act like an abusive psycho towards them. But as ever people are still messed up in this game and take it way too serious. 

Edited August 16, 2019 by charlottevics

[Aethelwine]

Maybe they have had unwanted visitors in the past that were abusive, or have been dealing with a stalker.

It might be part of their covenant not to have ban lines, up because of that being unneighbourly. You shouldn't assume you are welcome just because their security system doesn't kick you out automatically. 

Personally I like visitors and enjoy meeting new people on my land, but I make it fairly clear I do by allowing rezzing, having open 24/7 signs and the like. 

Whilst their reaction while you were away seems over the top, they are entitled to do what they want. Rather than disregarding their feelings by saying they are taking things too seriously, I would be more worried about any inadvertent trauma caused and would be thinking about how to explain and apologise

[Bitsy Buccaneer]

Too many possibilities for the why. She might be going through a rough patch or might have a lot of anger inside that gets directed at whomever presents as a target. Or something else entirely. Drawing her partner and the region owner in though will reinforce both her sense of being in the right and their social bonds, so lots of dopamine and adrenaline for her brain to play with, like an extra big helping of dessert. Not the healthiest of options but hard to resist and it can become something indulged in repeatedly. Whatever's going on, they're going to do what they're going to do and it's rare to find someone who's open to change, especially with the positive reinforcement from the group. Not much you can do with that.

There was one part of this though which was under your control - where you go. If you don't have a "home" already, find a quiet area where you can set to home and teach your fingers to hit Ctrl-Shift-H automatically. Then when you need to move somewhere quickly, you'll be all set. If you don't want to do that, look for a reliable public area. Stores move too often and someone who owns land where a popular store used to be will get lots of "guests" dropping in, an understandable source of tension.

[Alwin Alcott]

48 minutes ago, charlottevics said:

I ....................

when it's just lag, you can select every free landmark in your inventory, so why not a neutral one ...
nobody will blame you to much if you do a tp in the wild, but going afk there is simply not done and rude.
In that case the owners are totally ok to eject you, or push you out of their borders.
 

 

51 minutes ago, charlottevics said:

If I come to your land and it's open with no security I'm just gonna naturally assume you don't mind people on it. 

this is a wrong thought, like RL, open won't say public.
 

 

52 minutes ago, charlottevics said:

Visitors on your land that are doing nothing harmful doesn't give you the right to act like an abusive psycho towards them.

true, but if you were the tenth that day, or it happens all the time because of a old landmark pointing to it... it can be horribly irritating, so even rude o rnot nice, understanable.
 

 

53 minutes ago, charlottevics said:

But as ever people are still messed up in this game and take it way too serious. 

you were the one intruding, don't blame others for it, their land is theirs, not yours to enter or use for afk station.

[Zeta Vandyke]

Depending on my current activities I might not enjoy a strangers visit, but will always politely ask them to leave if thats the case. Other than that, everyone is welcome to walk around or visit.

BUT; if someone I do not know, jumps in my parcel (my home) and is just standing there being AFK, I would not like it either, it's a bit of a strange thing to do on someone else their home. Now the response you got seems over the top, but there could have been unknown reasons.

[KanryDrago]

1 hour ago, charlottevics said:

I was in a heavily crowded region that was lagging me to death so I clicked a random LM in my inventory, which just happened to be on someone's parcel but I also had to go AFK right at that moment. When I got back I'd understandably been kicked from the parcel. Only she hadn't ejected me but actually pushed my avatar right out of the parcel either with her avatar or a weapon and had been stood there hurling abuse at me for 5 minutes straight while I was away, insulting my character and my RL profile picture. So then her partner and the region owner comes in, and I get banned from the entire sim for "trespassing and being abusive".

So if you don't actually WANT people in your land, why keep it open? That's why the option is there. Close it off if you don't like visitors. It's just the logical thing to do. If I come to your land and it's open with no security I'm just gonna naturally assume you don't mind people on it.  Visitors on your land that are doing nothing harmful doesn't give you the right to act like an abusive psycho towards them. But as ever people are still messed up in this game and take it way too serious. 

I don't mind visitors on my land most of the time and am generally fairly open to people coming and wandering around.

However I would also consider what you did rude and would have eject banned you. I wouldnt have harangued you however merely blocked you

The simple reason for that is you tped to their land, you then went afk straight away. You didnt look round and see if there was anyone there and ask if they minded you merely made the assumption that it was ok because they didnt have an orb up. For all you know her and her partner were in an intimate moment and the last thing they wanted was some random being a silent statue around them. 

As someone else said not everyone has rights or option to lock the land to visitors and if they get people like you doing that then yes I can see why they get annoyed.

Simple rule if you visit someone elses land be respectful. If they im or talk to you answer, don't tp and afk immediately when the owners are there ask if they mind

Regardless of whether you see it as rational humans are territorial and just as you wouldn't like some random stranger walking through your open front door and flopping down on your couch, after all you left the front door open so it must be ok, they dont like some random stranger doing the same in their virtual home

[Rhonda Huntress]

1 hour ago, charlottevics said:

But as ever people are still messed up in this game and take it way too serious. 

So you got banned.  Big deal.  Heed your own advice and don't take it too serious.

[Garnet Psaltery]

What a self-entitled twerpish attitude.   You didn't take the time or trouble to check where you were about to go, just as long as you weren't inconvenienced by lag any further.  It sounds as though the person who harangued you wasn't able to eject you or didn't know how.  I applaud her for shoving you out; I've had fun doing that to rude intruders, occasionally onto a tram track.  

[Zeta Vandyke]

4 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

I've had fun doing that to rude intruders, occasionally onto a tram track.

Your talking SL right? ...... right!?

[Alyona Su]

1 hour ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

I've had fun doing that to rude intruders, occasionally onto a tram track.  

 

1 hour ago, Zeta Vandyke said:

Your talking SL right? ...... right!?

These comments gave me an ear worm of a song  (and video) I remember from a ways back. I HATE YOU BOTH! LOL So now I'm going to pass my ear worm on to you.

This is from Australia, and if I recall it is a "safety" video and, apparently, some of these ways described happened in RL, though it's really about people being dumb around train tracks - and it's a fun song. Tram tracks included!:

 

Edited August 16, 2019 by Alyona Su

[Zeta Vandyke]

8 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

 

These comments gave me an ear worm of a song  (and video) I remember from a ways back. I HATE YOU BOTH! LOL So now I'm going to pass my ear worm on to you.

This is from Australia, and if I recall it is a "safety" video and, apparently, these ways described happened in RL - but it's a fun song. Tram tracks included!:

 

This reminds me of those Happy Tree Friends movies. Most adorable cute cartoon animals, who die in the most gruesome ways every episode

[Kyrah Abattoir]

Some people in SL have this approach to life that they won't get hurt by others if they hurt them first.

[Madelaine McMasters]

13 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

it is a "safety" video

For the life of me, I can't see what's wrong with method #1.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

12 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

For the life of me, I can't see what's wrong with method #1.

And Maddy wonders why she doesn't get more invitations to backyard barbecue parties.

[Alyona Su]

35 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

For the life of me, I can't see what's wrong with method #1.

Hahaha! Well, it IS SL. I've done the "What does this button do?" bit a lot.

[Dave23McMasters]

1 hour ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

And Maddy wonders why she doesn't get more invitations to backyard barbecue parties.

As you know, any invitation mom gets is likely to result in a barbecue. I'd refer you to some of my brothers, but miruhulee boava doesn't talk.

Edited August 16, 2019 by Dave23McMasters

[Lindal Kidd]

@charlottevics,

Perhaps the land owner over-reacted.  Perhaps you were nude at the time, or ugly, or were wearing an offensive group tag.  Lots of stuff is possible, so I won't speculate or take sides.  But here are some points to consider:

• If you need to get out of somewhere in a hurry, having a safe and consistent Home position to go to is a better choice than picking a random landmark.  Faster, too.
• If you needed to go AFK right away anyway, logging off entirely is a good choice that offends nobody.
• Remember the Golden Rule of SL:  She Who Owns the Land, Makes the Rules.  She can curse and yell and push and ban you all she wants, because it's her land.  Your only choice is to go elsewhere.  Or wait and be sent elsewhere.
• As a land owner and landlady, I like to encourage visitors and I don't use ban lines or security orbs as a general rule.  But I also reserve the right to clobber anyone who annoys me or my tenants.

[Cinos Field]

It's an interesting phenomenon, probably because of how things work IRL and people unable to differentiate the two. In RL I don't want uninvited visitors because they might steal, break or wear down my things. In SL, all they can do is enjoy them.

Personally I never use banlines or security orbs. If I'm not at home, I don't care what people do in it. If I am and they bother me, I can eject them.

 

[Selene Gregoire]

I wonder what the other side of this story is.

[LittleMe Jewell]

6 hours ago, charlottevics said:

So if you don't actually WANT people in your land, why keep it open? That's why the option is there. Close it off if you don't like visitors. It's just the logical thing to do.

Many people thing that Ban Lines are the devil of SL - and Ban Lines are what you get if you use that option to close off your land.

Instead, many people will use a security system - and some of those settings do not TP you anywhere, but simply place you just outside the parcel.  It is possible that a security orb pushed you off the parcel and then when you just stayed there -- because you were AFK -- the owner came to see what was going on.  It was likely her getting no response from you that then set her off - which is somewhat understandable, IMO.

Most of the time, when I need to go AFK, I immediately hit the Home button first.  

[Janet Voxel]

27 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

I wonder what the other side of this story is.

Clearly there’s a whole lot more to the story.

[Lyssa Greymoon]

I would have decorated your avatar while you were gone.

[Amina Sopwith]

I can see why someone would get annoyed by a non responsive avatar, but once they're off your land there's no good reason to care. And it's really not abusive to stand on public ground not talking to anyone.

[Janet Voxel]

I’ve had randos pop on to my land and immediately go into away mode few times after I’ve im’d them. It’s definitely a thing (I don’t know what the thing is), but I always eject them because it’s such a weird thing to do.

One time I was working on an outfit in blender and I was standing in my house butt naked. When I tabbed back into SL some guy was running into me. I im’d him “Can I help you?” He said “I’m new”and went into away mode. I banned him. *shrugs*

[Kimmi Zehetbauer]

I accidentily TPed to an old LM in my inventory and it was a private residence.  There was a couple there just chatting and I said "sorry, old LM, L8trs" and TPed out.  I got a PM from one of them saying "NP" and said "Thanks for acknowledging us and with SL bad LMs happen all the time."