Scylla Rhiadra

That was with reference, not to you, but to a few people who have been "defending" you here -- and, in the process, exhorting you to be unapologetic and as trollish as they are. If you want to consider the value of the "advice" being offered to you here by Jumpman, you might give thought to the fact that he has actually boasted no less than three times in this thread about harassing someone else to the point that they became near suicidal. And harassment was what it was -- some of us have been around here long enough to remember his absolutely appalling behaviour, and his banning from the forums for it. That's not who you are. Don't fall for it. Pearl, walk away from this thread -- it'll be locked tomorrow anyway. I see that you did apologize, although I think you might have been clearer -- as Lilette says above, it would be great if you were more unequivocal. I know of at least one regular poster who has left this forum, permanently he says, because of the nasty turn this has taken. He's a thoroughly decent man, and this has become too toxic for him. When we start driving people away from here, it's definitely time to take stock of what we are doing wrong, no?

Nope, no RP. This is a good thing: I'd be awful at it.

Words are enormously powerful things; they have consequences. This is especially true in an online or virtual context, where language, often stripped of nuance and context, is the primary means by which we engage with each other. And it is so easy to hurt people with it, even inadvertently. Hurtful language here can have the impact of a punch in the gut. I've experienced such pain, and, on occasion, I've made a mistake, and inflicted it on others. When I have, I hope I have apologized. Pearl (@Bagnu), I am pretty sure you are a genuinely good person. I don't believe for a moment that you intended to cause hurt and pain in your language describing the disabled -- and yet it is objective fact, demonstrated here by the response of some you've hurt, that you did. You've responded to that, however, not by providing a clear and uncomplicated apology, but by twisting and turning, and being defensive. I can understand why that is so, but surely you realize that it is only making things worse, and suggesting that you don't actually care about the hurt your words have caused? And some of the defences of your words here frankly have the air of the white person patiently exhorting a black person not to get so "worked up" about racism. It's not helping. Avoiding hurtful language isn't about being "PC" -- it's about being a decent person. If you are the person that I think you are, you will give this some thought, and you will return here to offer a genuine and heartfelt apology to those you've insulted and hurt. No one will think the worse of you for that. On the contrary, it will confirm for me and others that you are someone who cares about others.

Chic is right . . . You can put in want ads and you can advertise land, but not anything else -- at least in theory. That wasn't a joke, though: it was a mental hiccup. To place a classified -- which unfortunately costs money -- follow these directions. And good luck!

Yes, I think possibly, depending upon what you charge, and -- assuming the idea is to draw pictures of people's avatars -- how adept you are at capturing people's distinctive looks. Why don't you put together some samples for a sort of portfolio, and advertise in classified section of the forum? See if it takes off!

Kinderwhore

So, here's an example of sort of telling a miniature story, but more particularly alluding to a particular cultural moment and, in a way, ideology. The garments are an embodiment of a recognizable "style" (so-called "kinderwhore") that is in turn associated with an identifiable demographic, and a broader social context derived from particular genres of music and writing. But that style also alludes to other recognizable, gendered styles: the kinderwhore look was a conscious political statement that took on and subverted conventional notions of "femininity," particularly as they were represented in popular fashion. The picture is trying to capture all of that. It's not just "selling" particular garments: it's alluding to (and arguably advocating for) a much broader cultural, political, and aesthetic movement. JustBECAUSE -- Leena Dress (10Cream) Pseudo -- Trucker Jacket (Black) Blueberry -- FLF Stockings Pack ::ROC:: -- Erica Boot La Licorne -- "all we have is now" (Tattoo, Black) Carol G -- Petals Arms (Tattoo, Black)

I'm a pretty outgoing, chatty person . . . but I've always found making friends to be hard work. I don't mean that in a negative way, though. I mean that establishing real friendships, ones that go beyond a quick wave in IM, require effort and time. So, if I go to a club or some other place that is relatively chatty and welcoming, I still don't expect to instantly walk away with a basket of new friends. I join in, tentatively and carefully at first (because it's important to get a sense of the community before barging in), and I'll return several times, gradually establishing myself, and getting to know the others there. And from that, actually, very real, lasting, and important friendships develop. A lot of my friends come from this forum. The same principle applies here, though: establish who you are over time, get to know the community, and pay attention to the others posting. Start with a friendly DM about something inconsequential, and see how things unfold from there. I'm not much into the idea, being somewhat mooted here, that finding friends is like window shopping: just read those profiles until you find one you like, and then make your purchase! It doesn't work like that in RL, and it really doesn't work like that here either, at least not for lasting friendships. A friendship is a mutual exchange of interest and, eventually, caring, and I'm very aware that I also have to demonstrate that I'm someone that they might want to get to know better. So, it's work. And time. But it's worth it, because people are worth it. And the friendships that you nurture and grow that way are everything: they are the real reason I'm here at all.

A well-defined, managed, and enforced rating system empowers people. It enables them to make informed choices about their experience in SL. And that's good for retention, as well as just generally being a nice thing to provide. There actually are people who want to restrict their experience of SL to things that are G rated. They deserve consideration and respect too. Their happiness is certainly more important than a "convenient" structural change that makes life easier for you, bit disenfranchises them.

The Confederation of Democratic Simulators is still very much a going concern after 16 years -- which is a hell of a long time in SL terms. It's very successful, and very interesting. It's not an attempt to "run" SL, but rather an experiment in governance in a virtual worlds environment. It's worth checking out, if you are at all interested in that.

Really nice point! Fashion photography can tell stories, and stories that we want to write ourselves into!

Absolutely. That's the point, maybe, where "fashion photography" becomes merely not just about the clothes, but about the whole cultural milieu associated with them -- the way that they fit into, and add additional meaning to, their contexts. The pic above, which is (as usual, Saskia), gorgeous, doesn't highlight the dress in the way that a simpler advert does, but it makes me want to own it because of the ideas and emotions that it evokes as part of this overall scene. Part of how you've "sold" the dress is by packaging it up with a whole bunch of other appealing elements.

I don't think my bar has room for that many businessmen, Cris.

It might be useful to make a distinction between friendship, which doesn't require props or clothing at all, and the necessities of one particular themed photo. You don't need a surfboard and wet suit to be our friends, join our community, and take part in other activities, including photos. On the other hand, if you want to be in a pic that is actually about surfing, then showing up in a ballgown is probably going to be an issue. Had I not wanted to buy the outfit and board, I'd have simply sat out the pic. Doing so wouldn't have made the others "elitist," nor would it have ended my friendship with them. It would simply have meant that I chose, for whatever reason, not to participate in that one particular photo. Conversely, anyone who thinks they are being excluded from being our friends, part of our community, etc., because they can't or don't want to purchase whatever props might be appropriate for a single photo shoot is probably not understanding the meaning of "friendship" very fully. That's surely pretty logical, no?

Well, ok! Why not? I'm as vain as the next person! (You know that there are several threads in the "My Avatar" forum for pics, right?)

It's not the outfit, Laika! It's the friend(s)! And you don't need an outfit to celebrate those. I know for a fact that you have lots of friends -- I could list some of them here. It would be lovely if you took some pics of some of them with you, and posted them here! We'd love to see them!

This is such an interesting question. I think there are some nuances to the issue? Amina's point about that one particular post is, I think, pretty valid. When someone posts looking for one thing, and you offer another, at a cost, that looks a lot like advertising. Overall, though, I don't think Pearl's continual (and for some, yes, tiring) references to herself as an escort are really about advertising. Having read most of her posts here, and met her briefly once in-world, my own sense is that Pearl's status -- her "profession" if you like -- as a sex worker is an absolutely integral element of her identity in SL -- just as, for instance, someone who is a furry or a sub or a Gorean whatever might feel that that is central to understanding who they are. It just so happens that, in this instance, that particular identity involves, indeed, is actually defined by, getting paid. I've known a fair number of strippers and prostitutes in SL. Of those, I knew exactly one who was a sex worker primarily for the money -- and she used it to promote her phone sex business, which was where she really made her (RL) cash. Most of the sex workers here I've known do it because it's a thrill, or a fantasy, or some other reason that was about their identity. Equating a sex worker in SL with a landscaper is maybe a bit of a red herring in that sense. We might well all know someone who chooses to RP sex work. Do you know anyone who RPs being a landscaper?

Got to work building a wine bar / night club tonight. When I had my very first house in SL over a decade ago, I decided it was much more important to have a stylish bar than a bedroom. So I built myself a bar from prims. (That almost proved my undoing, but that's a different story.) It's kind of fun, so many years later, coming back to that idea, although I'm not building it from scratch this time.

By the same token, it's silly to make things too simplistic, and insist upon a reductive black-and-white characterization of things that are, actually, rather complicated. Some shades of grey might be a good thing. I don't know why you keep insisting on this kind of simplistic equivalence. I've already said that SL sex, or being a virtual escort, is not the same as the RL things. In the same way, an SL marriage isn't the same as a RL one -- but there has to be something marriagy about it, or people wouldn't do it. Do you know no one who takes their SL partnership seriously? I do. Being partnered or married in SL produces emotional effects that are not exactly the same as the RL thing, but are at the least simulacra of them, and can sometimes be very close to them indeed. In the same way, SL sex, whether from an escort or a partner, produces effects that are pretty darned close to the "real thing." I'm almost certain that SL escorts and prostitutes (and, of course, other lovers) are producing real, honest-to-gosh orgasms. Are those not "sex"? You also didn't answer my question about sex workers engaged in cam sex, phone sex, porn videos, etc. What about strippers? Are they not sex workers too? Their work differs in degree, rather than in kind, from an escort who brings you to climax using text. Your definitions seem awfully narrow.

Not a really very apt analogy, is it? And kind of reductive, no? Being an escort in SL is going to be very unlike being one in RL, for all sorts of reasons -- not least of which are the hazards to which one might be exposed in RL. But I wasn't suggesting that they were "the same thing." They clearly aren't, just as "sex" in RL is rather different, in all sorts of ways, from "sex" in SL. That doesn't mean that an SL escort isn't a sex worker. Unless you want to exclude from the term a whole very wide and increasingly important range of those who make a living from sex in other ways than by engaging in the physical act with other people, which I think would be an inaccurate use of the term.

It's an interesting question as to the status of a virtual escort. Is a student taking course online "not a real student"? What she is, indisputably, is a "real" sex worker. Cam girls, phone sex workers, and a whole lot of people on Porn Hub count as that. If she's earning currency for sex, in some form or another, she's a sex worker.

Unionize. It's the most effective way that RL sex workers have found to protect their rights and stay safe.

Really stylish pic, Catrie!

If you are very lucky, you have a friend, or maybe even friends, with whom you feel so sympatico that you are immediately comfortable and at home with them. Friends who, while unique in ways that make them invaluable companions, also mirror enough of your outlook and understanding that you feel a little as though you've known them, and they've known you, forever. @Eva Knoller resides in a different country, thousands of miles away from where I live, but I recognized in her early on something of a kindred spirit. She's liberal-minded in ways that I hope I am, and sensible and down-to-earth in ways that I wish I were. I feel comfortable talking about pretty much anything with her. She is, as I told her before we took this pic, the sort of friend I can imagine meeting for regular weekly movie or theatre evenings, or coffee and shopping dates. Here, we are grabbing a quick covert smoke during the intermission of a play we are watching. (Neither of us is regular smokers in RL, but . . . hey, it's our night out!) Thanks Eva.

Sure we are! It's just that we think that anyone can be elite too! Our definition of friendship is inclusive, and our ideal for community open and welcoming!