How are you feeling today?

[kali Wylder]

3 minutes ago, Bitsy Buccaneer said:

.... like I really don't belong here any more. The exuberant ramshackle creativity that was once our world has been driven into hidden corners, I'm not motivated by the overwhelming push towards a fantasy "realism", and my stamina is too poor to finish building projects. Maybe it's time.

The skill required to make merchandise here is way beyond my talents, but I can still juggle the prims, as I am rediscovering to my joy over in Bellisseria as I pull things apart and edit links and textures and make the occasional 1 prim rug or table.

You sound weary Bitsy, SL is supposed to be fun.  If creating is no longer a joy, there are other things to do. Take a break, wander and wonder, maybe you need to howl at the moon, have you ever been a wolf? Hugs!

[kali Wylder]

6 minutes ago, Marigold Devin said:

yesterday evening, just to go looking for hippos!! (I didn't find any   )

I think there are some at the amusement park in Bay City. https://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Oak Bluffs/60/15/25

[Selene Gregoire]

4 hours ago, 811Lord said:

 “Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.”– Carlos Castaneda

 Wednesday: Halfway to the weekend! Enjoy your day!

Castaneda's books were works of fiction. The person described as Don Juan Matus of the Yaqui never existed. You are quoting a faker in a thread devoted to being there for others. You want to quote someone who actually was Yaqui, quote Ritchie Valens if you want to be taken seriously.

[Madelaine McMasters]

2 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

4 hours ago, 811Lord said:

 “Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.”– Carlos Castaneda

 Wednesday: Halfway to the weekend! Enjoy your day!

Castaneda's books were works of fiction. The person described as Don Juan Matus of the Yaqui never existed. You are quoting a faker in a thread devoted to being there for others. You want to quote someone who actually was Yaqui, quote Ritchie Valens if you want to be taken seriously.

Hey, if you're gonna quote Ritchie in a thread about being there for others, let's actually quote him being there for others!!!

Para bailar la bamba Para bailar la bamba Se necesita una poca de gracia Una poca de gracia Para mí, para ti Ay, arriba y arriba Ay, arriba y arriba Por ti seré, por ti seré, por ti seré	To dance the bamba To dance the bamba You need a little grace A little grace For me, for you Ah, higher and higher Ah, higher and higher I’ll be for you, I’ll be for you, I’ll be for you
Yo no soy marinero Yo no soy marinero Soy capitán, soy capitán, soy capitán Bamba, bamba Bamba, bamba Bamba, bamba, bam	I’m not a sailor I’m not a sailor I’m a captain, I’m a captain, I’m a captain Bamba, bamba Bamba, bamba Bamba, bamba, bam
Para bailar la bamba Para bailar la bamba Se necesita una poca de gracia Una poca de gracia Para mí, para ti Ay, arriba y arriba	To dance the bamba To dance the bamba You need a little grace A little grace For me, for you Ah, higher and higher

A little grace, and being for each other, goes a long way.

 

[Selene Gregoire]

1 hour ago, Bitsy Buccaneer said:

.... like I really don't belong here any more. The exuberant ramshackle creativity that was once our world has been driven into hidden corners, I'm not motivated by the overwhelming push towards a fantasy "realism", and my stamina is too poor to finish building projects. Maybe it's time.

It can take me months to complete a relatively small project. Yes, months not weeks or days. 

You belong here as much as anyone else does. More so than me, in fact. I usually have two or three projects I work on simultaneously so I don't get bored or burned out on trying to complete just one. Variety helps. Take breaks to just enjoy SL. Don't be like me and get to the point where all you do is work on projects because the one person who does hang out with me doesn't have as much time to be on as I do... even if all you do is window shop. Window shopping is a great way to start planning the next project.

If you aren't selling, projects don't need to be fully completed unless you intend to use them. Example: a chair that doesn't have animations or scripts in it isn't fully completed but the chair is still usable via AO or even the system sit.

If you really want to complete a build then just tinker at it bit by bit. Don't try to do a whole lot all at once. And before you know it... you're done! Just stop watching that darn clock! 

 

[Selene Gregoire]

15 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

A little grace, and being for each other, goes a long way.

...sets you on fire

Oh wait. You're already on fire.

...adds fuel to the fire

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 hour ago, Bitsy Buccaneer said:

.... like I really don't belong here any more. The exuberant ramshackle creativity that was once our world has been driven into hidden corners, I'm not motivated by the overwhelming push towards a fantasy "realism", and my stamina is too poor to finish building projects. Maybe it's time.

Or maybe you just need to jump out of an airplane at 3000m wearing a fexi skirt, and watch as it billows around you as you fall carefree against a blue sky?

Sometimes we just need to rediscover the things we've lost or forgotten.

[Garnet Psaltery]

@Bitsy Buccaneer  If you want to go exploring sometime for a change, I'm around in UK time.

[Saraya Starr]

6 hours ago, 811Lord said:

 “Happiness is an attitude. We either make ourselves miserable, or happy and strong. The amount of work is the same.”– Carlos Castaneda

 Wednesday: Halfway to the weekend! Enjoy your day!

 

[Panteleeva]

On 3/9/2020 at 11:30 PM, LittleMe Jewell said:

I grew up with a lot of verbal abuse from one of my stepfathers, though luckily that relationship was short-lived.  Mostly what I had to deal with was just an emotionally unavailable mother and too many stepfathers.  I can't even imagine what it would have been like to have had that verbal abuse throughout my entire life.  I'm truly so sorry you have that in your life. 

Hugs to help you deal.

thank you so much LittleMe!

-hugs-

[Panteleeva]

3 hours ago, Marigold Devin said:

I can't advise you what you should do, but I had no contact with either of my parents during what turned out to their final years. I have no regrets about that, except I should have cut the ties many years earlier.

Children are like bank accounts. If you don't invest wisely, then no one should be expecting to withdraw anything out at the end. It is not the god given right of parents, because they gave us birth and life, that they should use their kids as verbal, physical, or sexual punch bags. Bad enough it is that all parents give their children ultimately, is a death sentence which hangs over us for all of our lives.

It's hard to be hard, but sometimes it is absolutely essential to cut the ties. 

I had mountains of mental health counselling before I made what, for me, was the right decision.  I  hope you can get some necessary help and support closer to home. But we are here, listening, and caring. 

 

i m really happy to see your long response to my message.I felt like shaking whole day, but now more sleepy and much less thoughts about what happend.thank you so much for your supportive response

 

 

(me duck in that pic)

[Beth Macbain]

I don't feel equipped to give you any advice, @Panteleeva, since I've never been in a situation anything like yours. My instinct is to tell you to cut off all contact with your toxic family and live your life for yourself, on your terms, but I understand that I know every little about your circumstances and things like cutting off your family are much easier said than done. 

It hurts my heart to know you are living through such misery. No one should have to live that way. Just know that we're here for you when you need to vent.

hugs

[Sukubia Scarmon]

6 hours ago, Panteleeva said:

some update:Today i bought grandma some mdeicines she needs,even if i thought that she takes all of them without any normal schedule.Later i started to clean her house and  this was a moment when it started to be worse.I know she was dringing a bit while i cleaned floors,etc.Because iw asnt able to watch her and clean. She started to yell dufferent rude things,like I ASK YOU FOR HELP BUT YOU DO UGLY FACE AND DON T WANNA DO anything. She believer in what she wants to beliieve in . She cant understand why i cant make smiley face and even smile a bit. Later she started to talk about that someday i will kill mother or she will kill me,because she thinks our relationships are ewww(sadly grandma is the one whio started many our scandals).And then my phone started to ring.It was mom,who wantes to ask if i bought grandma meds.I didnt respond because i was busy while cleaning.Thats was ok for her.But after 2-3 mins grandma started to scream:who was that???mom or your bastards who *ucks you all the time in any hole they know?..

It was final...I runned away with my boots and all the stuff in hands, i remember many of her drunk  insults, but now i feel like she 

(pierced the bottom(how we say in Russia).  Many years grandma sister and others from our family kept saying don t pay attention, because drunks can say bad things, actually wasnt meant anythibng bad, because runk brain is not what sober brain thinks..but i don t know...i have no idea how i should talk to her after that. 

If it's of any consolation - you did good in running out. The people in your family need to stop making excuses for your grandma. She drinks and becomes (verbaly) abussive, and that needs to stop. If that's not a possibilty, you need to take care of yourself and set boundaries. Familymembers of abusive people, particulary children and grandchildren, tend to stay due fear, obligation and guilt. But you don't have to. You and your help are not a right, they're a privilige people CAN squander. 
I have a narcisistic grandma who used to abuse me, albeit more psychological - I cut contact. I have an alcoholic mother who'd sometimes verbaly abuse me. She's on low contact.
That worked out for me, and I don't regret those decisions. 

-------------
Just removed two people from my friendslist. Person A for using me as a filler when he's not chasing a potential loveinterrest (of whom he had 4 in the last two weeks), letting me down all the time  and Person B for basically making excuses for him, throwing me under the damn bus so she can look like the "good cop" and basically telling me I need to consider his feefees, but damn if I ask for anyone considering mine. (To be fair, I  told him off after he apologized. However, it was a halfarsed apology that tried to shift blame away from him, that's what set me off. I was blunt, but neither rude, nor angry).

I feel crappy, though. I know I did the right thing for me, but losing people you care about, no matter how little they reprociate that, always hurts for a while.
I'm proud that I stood up for myself. I'm sad I gave them enough power over me to make me feel worthless and devalued.

[BelindaN]

Hang on in there P......

Like Little Me, my mother was distant, and with a string of man friends. I never really knew my father, just having a few bad memories of the man.

Life can be tough, family can be toxic. In the end you must do what's best for you, however hard that may be.💋

[Pamela Galli]

Do any of the regular posters in this thread need a place to live?  I have a Linden houseboat I am not using, and won’t be. 

[Cindy Evanier]

3 hours ago, Pamela Galli said:

Do any of the regular posters in this thread need a place to live?  I have a Linden houseboat I am not using, and won’t be. 

Thats a really kind offer Pamela.  Hopefully you can help out one of our lovely friends here.  

 

[Panteleeva]

17 hours ago, Beth Macbain said:

I don't feel equipped to give you any advice, @Panteleeva, since I've never been in a situation anything like yours. My instinct is to tell you to cut off all contact with your toxic family and live your life for yourself, on your terms, but I understand that I know every little about your circumstances and things like cutting off your family are much easier said than done. 

It hurts my heart to know you are living through such misery. No one should have to live that way. Just know that we're here for you when you need to vent.

hugs

i m very happy you started this thread and after i started to post more personal things while crying in rl ,it made me feel easier .   

 

 

(p.s at first i clicked wrong reaction thingy, ugh).

[Panteleeva]

another update( sorry for no normal responds from me).Today grandma called and asked to buy  milk and bread. Ok i bought it and gave it to her,she tried to let me in and said  :now i will cook a big meat pie and you will help me with it.....I said sorry i don t want meat pie,gave  her milk and walked away(sorry i m not 13 years old anymore,it doeasnt work).  

[BelindaN]

21 minutes ago, Panteleeva said:

another update( sorry for no normal responds from me).Today grandma called and asked to buy  milk and bread. Ok i bought it and gave it to her,she tried to let me in and said  :now i will cook a big meat pie and you will help me with it.....I said sorry i don t want meat pie,gave  her milk and walked away(sorry i m not 13 years old anymore,it doeasnt work).  

A lot of (older) people are very manipulative, domineering, and bullying. They live off the idea that being who they are gives them "rights". In some ways similar to a bullying boss. 

I don't respond well to that mindset. My mother could switch from charming fun lover to selfish vindictive bully in an instant but only family ever saw that side.

It sounds like grandma was trying to get you back on-side. But sadly people dont change.

[Selene Gregoire]

4 minutes ago, BelindaN said:

A lot of (older) people are very manipulative, domineering, and bullying. They live off the idea that being who they are gives them "rights". In some ways similar to a bullying boss. 

I don't respond well to that mindset. My mother could switch from charming fun lover to selfish vindictive bully in an instant but only family ever saw that side.

It sounds like grandma was trying to get you back on-side. But sadly people dont change.

Or maybe grandma was just trying to get her to stand up for herself.

Children and grandchildren don't come with instruction manuals any more than parents and grandparents do.

[Marigold Devin]

18 hours ago, Sukubia Scarmon said:

I feel crappy, though. I know I did the right thing for me, but losing people you care about, no matter how little they reprociate that, always hurts for a while.
I'm proud that I stood up for myself. I'm sad I gave them enough power over me to make me feel worthless and devalued.

I am proud of you for standing up for yourself.  Being hurt is absolutely unavoidable, and I think the more caring you are, the more likely you are to be hurt, but I would rather be this type of person, sensitive, and caring, than a steaming turd who goes around making others feel worthless and devalued.

[Pamela Galli]

8 hours ago, Cindy Evanier said:

Thats a really kind offer Pamela.  Hopefully you can help out one of our lovely friends here.  

 

It’s really not. I would just like to see it used by someone.

[Panteleeva]

12 hours ago, Pamela Galli said:

Do any of the regular posters in this thread need a place to live?  I have a Linden houseboat I am not using, and won’t be. 

for example if i need a place like your houseboat,Will i need to pay for it?(like a rent thing)

[Panteleeva]

1 hour ago, BelindaN said:

A lot of (older) people are very manipulative, domineering, and bullying. They live off the idea that being who they are gives them "rights". In some ways similar to a bullying boss. 

I don't respond well to that mindset. My mother could switch from charming fun lover to selfish vindictive bully in an instant but only family ever saw that side.

It sounds like grandma was trying to get you back on-side. But sadly people dont change.

She used that as:Hey!everything is fine,lets forget the past like nothing even happend and lets bond like before.My grandma was like that since a very start when she raised my mother,and she made mom like her, and mom is feeling great repeating all the dirt on me, because she feels like its not fair that she was toxic-ly raised and i don t deserve better. 

My mother could switch from charming fun lover to selfish vindictive bully in an instant but only family ever saw that side.-i literally can feel it. like person is angel for everyone else, but fot you it s a clear devil. 

 

But sadly people dont change.-sadly thats true...sometimes they don t even try, or(once aagin i say it) in Russia people used to think LOVE ME AS I AM NO MATTER HOW S.ITTY I AM.(

[Panteleeva]

1 hour ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Or maybe grandma was just trying to get her to stand up for herself.

Children and grandchildren don't come with instruction manuals any more than parents and grandparents do.

yes, mom and grandma always used me like i m   just a ball which can be shaped like they want.But they were always with  different opinions about raise a child. Mom don t had idea how to deal with sick kid (i was oftenly sick my first 6 years) and grandma had that sovie union extremely weird s.it like:we raise a child, we pay for child, and then child should pay us back and never have it s own personality