Make Us Laugh!

[Maryanne Solo]

During spoken instructions prior to a written exam today.....
The tutors exact words were "and no rushing through the paper".
To which I quickly added: "No Rushin, said the Ukrainian". 

The classes response was quite predictable. 😬🙄🤪🤮😪
But groans, smiles and smirks from everyone.
No one of either culture in the class. 😉
(no Russians or Ukrainians were harmed during the making of this sad joke).
 

Edited March 1, 2022 by Maryanne Solo

[Annie Nova]

A woman brought a very limp duck into a veterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest.
After a moment or two, the vet shook his head and sadly said, “I’m sorry, your duck, Cuddles, has passed away.”
The distressed woman wailed, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I am sure. Your duck is dead,” replied the vet..”
How can you be so sure?” she protested. “I mean you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”
The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few minutes later with a black Labrador Retriever.
As the duck’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. He then looked up at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.
The vet patted the dog on the head and took it out of the room. A few minutes later he returned with a cat.
The cat jumped on the table and also delicately sniffed the bird from head to foot. The cat sat back on its haunches, shook its head, meowed softly and strolled out of the room.
The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.”
The vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman..
The duck’s owner, still in shock, took the bill. “$150!” she cried, “$150 just to tell me my duck is dead!”
The vet shrugged, “I’m sorry. If you had just taken my word for it, the bill would have been $20, but with the Lab Report and the Cat Scan, it’s now $150.”
 

[Rat Luv]

Dying 🤣 

 

[Claireschen Hesten]

🤣😂

 

[Marigold Devin]

[Marigold Devin]

[Ceka Cianci]

I was looking at Soprano video clips on youtube just kind of killing some time before I head off to bed..

 Then came across this, which had me in tears  because it caught me off guard so much.. hehehehe

I about fell out..

The news lady and they guy that works the images that show up on the screen must have got their wires crossed.. hehehe

 

[CaithLynnSayes]

Queso = Spanish for cheese.

K, so = Southern for "here's the plan and y'all probably not gonna like it".

 

[CaithLynnSayes]

Why wearing cone-shaped metal hats is a bad idea.

 

(a classic)

[Rowan Amore]

😂

[Zzevir]

[CaithLynnSayes]

[LittleMe Jewell]

26 minutes ago, CaithLynnSayes said:

I'm obviously quite dense today -- I don't get it.

[CaithLynnSayes]

1 minute ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

I'm obviously quite dense today -- I don't get it.

Don't make me explain a joke, it'll ruin it  

[Sid Nagy]

Because it is international women's day, I will not laugh (publicly) about the picture.

Edited March 8, 2022 by Sid Nagy

[LittleMe Jewell]

33 minutes ago, CaithLynnSayes said:

Don't make me explain a joke, it'll ruin it  

You don't need to explain the joke - I just wanted to explain my Confused reaction, since it can sometimes mean other things than actual confusion.

[Odaks]

14 minutes ago, Sid Nagy said:

Because it is international women's day, I will not laugh

I tried very hard not to.

 

[Luna Bliss]

Women drivers have fewer accidents and get fewer tickets

Saturday, 7 March 2020

 

Women drivers have fewer accidents, including serious accidents, and also commit fewer motoring offences, according to the latest study by the road traffic institute Vias.

The study was prepared to coincide with International Women’s Day on 8 March.

“There are a lot of prejudices going around when it comes to women behind the wheel,” the institute says.

“On this international day for women, Vias has made a new analysis, from which it appears that women take fewer risks than men when driving, and are less likely to be involved in serious accidents.”

The statistics show that women make up 44% of minor injuries resulting from accidents, but only 34% of serious injuries, and 23% of fatalities.

“That comes about because by nature they drive more carefully,” Vias concludes.

According to other figures, accidents involving at least one woman driver as two times less likely to involve a fatality than those involving a male driver. There are 10 deaths for every 1,000 accidents involving a woman driver, compared to 19 involving a male driver.

Women make up 43% of all accident victims, whether driver, passenger or pedestrian. However the number drops to 37% for drivers alone. At the same time, women passengers are 63% of all killed or injured passengers.

“That comes about partly because men are more likely to be the driver than women,” Vias says.

Another reason for the lower presence of women in accident statistics is the lower likelihood of them using certain modes of transport.

For example, women account for only 11% of injuries among motorcycle users and 3% of drivers or passengers in lorries. On the other hand, they make up 61% of injuries of bus and coach passengers, and 52% of injured pedestrians.

Men are four times more likely to give a positive breath test than women – 4% compared to 1% at a routine check. When tested after an accident, on the other hand, men prove to be driving under the influence in 11% of cases, compared to 5% for women.

Women, finally, are also less likely to be fined for a motoring offence. In cases where a fine is immediately payable at the scene, 63% of cases are men. In cases where the matter goes before a police tribunal, men represent 76% of four drivers punished.

Alan Hope
The Brussels Times

https://www.brusselstimes.com/news/belgium-all-news/99084/women-drivers-have-fewer-accidents-and-get-fewer-tickets-injuries-driving-under-influence

[Odaks]

Present those sort of statistics in the form of "[event] per 1000km driven" and they might just begin to take on some meaning.

I am quite convinced that women drivers are, indeed, safer drivers. Not by those "statistics", though.

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Odaks said:

Present those sort of statistics in the form of "[event] per 1000km driven" and they might just begin to take on some meaning.

I am quite convinced that women drivers are, indeed, safer drivers. Not by those "statistics", though.

Damm, since @Madelaine McMasterswasn't around I thought I could get away with such a sloppy article   

But yes, I remember stats from awhile back that I'm too lazy to track down, and they said women overall are safer drivers.

[Silent Mistwalker]

On 3/4/2022 at 10:37 AM, Marigold Devin said:

I thought it was a blimp with legs at first.

[Lindal Kidd]

1 hour ago, Luna Bliss said:

Damm, since @Madelaine McMasterswasn't around I thought I could get away with such a sloppy article   

...sets you on fire acting as Maddy's proxy.

I could get used to this.

[kali Wylder]

3 hours ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

I'm obviously quite dense today -- I don't get it.

You and me both.

[Madelaine McMasters]

4 hours ago, CaithLynnSayes said:

When I bought my new SUV, the dealership tried to sell me "wheel insurance" for $700, stating that women are more likely to scrape a curb than men. I asked him why women pay lower rates for auto insurance. I got no answer. My life long mechanic will tell you that gals make the little dents, guys make the big ones, and I'm living on borrowed time.

It's difficult to tease apart actual accident data to get a good understanding of gender effects. Men drive more and therefore have more accidents. They also have more driving experience. Their routes average longer and safer because they're the freeway drivers on vacations and professionally. Women drive less and so have less experience. We drive on shorter, more congested routes. We are, on average, shorter than men, creating greater visibility problems. We're more likely to use our phones while driving, presumably because we're the schedulers, chauffeurs, and are more social. I've yet to see a study that factors in ALL these things (and more, I'm sure) to see what role gender actually plays.

Curb rash is a visibility issue, so I really wouldn't be surprised if shorter people (women) scrape more rims. I'm short and grew up around large vehicles. Dad taught me to learn the extent of any new vehicle by test driving into and over safe obstacles placed on the driveway. I've yet to scuff a rim or scrape a fender on anything, but I've shoved plastic garbage cans all over the place.

My favorite cousin, an FBI agent, barely passed her FBI driving test. Did she have difficulty because she was female, or because she was a big city kid who'd never owned a car before joining the academy? As graduation gift, I sent her a box of candy corn and a little remote control car, with instructions to set the candy out like traffic cones, then plow over them, so others at the party could experience her test vicariously.

I recall some old study of driving errors that heavily favored men as less error prone, and summarized the results by saying women are far more likely to admit making embarrassing driving mistakes than men. See the problem there? Maybe the correct conclusion of that study was that men are more likely to fib about their driving prowess than women. I could believe that.

Oh, I also recall that study revealing that men are more likely to get in their car and drive off leaving a child behind. I'll never forget the look of the taillights on the family car as Dad left me at the gas station. I also won't forget leaving the prototype for a pocket heart monitor on the roof of my car, losing it on the freeway, and spending a week of what should have been vacation building another one.

I'm 52 years into my observations and still find more questions than answers in the data.

Meanwhile, my cheese hat is off to all you International Women.

[Sid Nagy]

That wall of text did not make me laugh either.

How about this one?

Edited March 8, 2022 by Sid Nagy