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Beth Macbain

How are you feeling today?

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3 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

You're not supposed to sit on it!

Says who? Off-label use is a thing you know! 😉

...and in SL it’s easier than ever to have dual purpose items! Just saying!

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20 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

There is nothing I'd rather have for Christmas than homemade cookies except maybe the chocolate-dipped clementines... those sound amazing!

I get you about the confrontations. I hate them for reasons that I'm sure others understand - I am always afraid that if I make a fuss about anything, whoever I'm making the fuss with will just walk out of my life because I'm not worth the trouble. It's the same story at work. I've been here forever, my boss reassures me all the freaking time of my value, I am the only person that knows how to do my job (and it's not something they can go without for any period of time) yet I still have this absolute fear that one day I'll just be told to pack up my office and go. It's not a reasonable fear, but... there it is. 

We will soon be learning about ways to have difficult conversations, and the difference between feeling safe (physically, mentally, emotionally) at work and feeling uncomfortable, especially in regards to these difficult conversations. I can't wait!

They ARE amazing! Both. Actually, I make the best dang cookies. People around here are usually super sceptical when I proclaim that - and then they try them and agree! Yet I still worry if they'll like them, ugh. But I worry about everything. 

I can understand that perfectly. I have a lot of moments like that as well, when I'm rather scared when people will be fed up if I speak up about something. In my case, that's got a lot to do with my non-existent self-esteem and the way I was raised. 

I'm currently learning about how to handle difficult situations - by being thrown into them randomly, lol. I'm glad it's now, when I am more stable.

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Typing is awkward as I hurt my wrist a bit from clicking on everything at the Hop and Shop. :)  I do read everything posted here but don't always think of things to say in reply so please take my Likes as saying them for me when I can't.  It's lovely to see everyone helping each other with commiserations and comfort.  In RL I had a lovely angel card from my first husband, who promises me a boxed present soon.  We lost touch for decades but reconnected a year ago, and I don't think we'll lose touch again.  Now my other wrist is complaining in sympathy so I'm going to watch an old film. :)

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   Makes a note to hide all the lava lamps in the house, if Beth or Seicher ever finds it.

   ... Scratches that, upon realizing that there are no such things in the house.

   I'm doing good. A little bit worn out. Not sure whether I want a cup of tea or a nap, but since napping at this hour would be disastrous for me, I think I'll stick to tea and an early evening in a bit. Put a spine on the book I'm working on today, tomorrow I'll put the boards on - and then I get to play with leather!

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55 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:
58 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

You're not supposed to sit on it!

Apparently you missed the photos of my lava lamp.

YMMV. I mean you're not supposed to sit on a real lava lamp.

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1 hour ago, Love Zhaoying said:

YMMV. I mean you're not supposed to sit on a real lava lamp.

Are you saying Beth's lava lamp isn't real?

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On 12/17/2019 at 8:40 AM, Seicher Rae said:

... stuff I read every single word of... = SIRESWO

 SIRESWO

So glad you're feeling better for time spent with SO....snow sucks unless it is Christmas Eve and melts away the next day....loud knocks are startling, but they don't trigger me....Your forum projects sounds intriguing, and make me wonder which list I made....My self destructive acts are usually geared towards things I do to myself, like smoke at you, eat at you, get high at you, drink at you....I never thought of trolling, but now that I think about it I see how it could wind up hurting you.  Troll efforts usually backfire on the troll. I always accept virtual people as they present themselves to me, whether I suspect them of subterfuge or not. If my suspicions are validated, and they mean me harm, I simply stop associating with them. If there's no harm, then no big deal. Pain sucks even more than snow.  I am well acquainted with pain. I'm not into that BDSM stuff,I looked into it, wasn't turned on, quit playing with those people.Not that I don't like sex mind you, it's just thats not my kink. And yeah I read the whole thing, so sorry, your gold is a bit tarnished, and these are just the short answers!

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8 hours ago, Beth Macbain said:

I started with a foot massager, but someone stole it so I went for the lava lamp! And the community meetings happen at the beginning of all our meetings now, and they are honestly great. No one is every all chipper and OTT happy and stuff - they aren't those kind of team-building crap meetings. These are just sort of knowing what headspace your coworkers are in, what they're trying to accomplish, and if they need help with anything. It's very humanizing. It's really nice to be able to say "You know, I'm feeling like I can't breath today and everything is just all too much," and have people not only empathize, but come to check on me and offer help. 

(Not sure if I've mentioned it before, but I work in a nonprofit that serves children who are experiencing some sort of horrifying crisis - terminal illnesses, severe physical abuse, sexual trafficking, being abandoned, and a whole plethora of the worst stuff no one should ever see.)

So when we have these meetings and check-ins, it's not just for show. We really do have to care and keep an eye out for each other - and learning to say "Hey, I'm not okay" is important. 

I'm also rather ignoring work that I should be doing but I'm not necessarily doing okay at the moment. It is true, though, that if we get the things done that we need to get done, the bosses don't care that we goof around. Sleep in, leave early, long lunch, sit and read Buzzfeed for a few hours helps us stay sane while we're dealing with the unimaginable. 

It's not that I resent potlucks since I love to eat. I just resent not being able to hide under my desk and avoid doing anything holiday related since December is the month when I know I'm absolutely not going to be okay and I hate having to force smiles.

I did my day in the office today, which I have to do once a month and totally loathe.  A day filled with face to face meetings (which I really hate, they are like fingernails on a chalkboard to me), and for added fun I had a chair side with the new head of our department(my bosses, bosses, boss)so for a half hour I showed this big wig how to do my job. She turned out to be a pretty decent person thank gawd, and it went fairly smoothly.  Then I had a one on one with my boss (meetings we have to do once a month to check in) And to top it off we(the whole department) went out to lunch and did an ornament exchange. I took anxiety meds this morning and I was so damn anxious that I wasn't at all aware of any effect at all. I can just imagine how I'd be now if I hadn't. 

Vaped and been reading this thread since I got home. I wish I had better coping skills.  I am the kind of person who tends to blurt out the raw uncensored truth and I feel like sometimes people bait me.  I found myself relaying the history of my disastrous 23 year marriage and divorce. People kept asking me more and more and it all came spilling out.

Your office sounds like a more sincere place than mine.  Perhaps because you are helpers by trade, whereas I work for an evil corporation that's in it for the money.

Edited by kali Wylder
more stuff to say
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2 hours ago, BelindaN said:

@Beth Macbain I found another Buffy fangirl!!! WooHoo!

And another (although it has been a while since I've watched) :::makes note:::

More currently I'm a fangirl of Sam and Dean W.

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Today feels good and I am focussing on only positives for now.   Its less than a week before Christmas and 11 c outside.  That's kinda nuts but I am not complaining.  

My maiden bid on an ebay item was successful so I just paid £14 plus postage for something that costs over £100 new \o/  It's a seated walking machine and so far I am loving it.  

I got a lovely positioned Victorian linden home last night but so far I have just stared at it waiting for inspiration on how to decorate.  (Yes I am one of those annoying people who has a great plot left empty 😂  I rezzed a Christmas tree in the window though.  

To those people who reached out to me in PMs to share their story or just to say hi thank you ❤️  I wish a Merry, Peaceful, Happy, Safe, Pain Free, Christmas to you all.  You will never be lonely with friends online. 

Now for the less positive; I spent most of last night tossing and turning with leg spasms and nerve pain so I think its almost time for a Coffee Nap and to dream about interior decorating

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Today is really an amazing day for me; I applied to blog for one big name designers for girl clothing and to be blunt I did not get my hopes up however I got notecard this morning that my application was approved.  So far I haven't stopped internally squeeing and bouncing with joy as means so much I got given the chance!! :) 

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4 hours ago, Cindy Evanier said:

Now for the less positive; I spent most of last night tossing and turning with leg spasms and nerve pain so I think its almost time for a Coffee Nap and to dream about interior decorating.

Tried Magnesium supplements for the leg spasms?

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3 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Tried Magnesium supplements for the leg spasms?

I'll look into them.  I don't think they will help, its a symptom of MS.  I am willing to try anything though ty

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5 hours ago, Cindy Evanier said:

Now for the less positive; I spent most of last night tossing and turning with leg spasms and nerve pain so I think its almost time for a Coffee Nap and to dream about interior decorating

The thing I've found most helpful for nerve pain is high-dose Vitamin B complex.  You might already know about this, though.

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1 minute ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

The thing I've found most helpful for nerve pain is high-dose Vitamin B complex.  You might already know about this, though.

My last blood tests said my Vit B levels were off the chart and I should cut the supplements right down  lol

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Today I have an emotional hangover from yesterday.  I'm so drained, and feeling kinda lost and vulnerable, plus pressure to work harder to make up for time lost yesterday with all that forced socializing.  Work sucks. On the upside, I took care of something I have procrastinated on for 6 months and my car is legal again.

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I'm feeling good today, even though the started really terrible. I'm an arachnophobe, you see. And guess what greeted me as I woke up and wanted to leave the room? A HUGE spider, not a  small daddy longlegs, mind you. A fat one. So yeah. Right above the damn door. My broom was also on the other side of that door. I had to dash trough it (Always afraid they'll just jump onto me), went to the bathroom, got the broom, dashed back in, and then struggled for half an hour to kill it because scared. I know that some people really don't like people killing spiders, and I understand that. Because rationally, I do understand their usefullness, that they won't harm me, and that they can be pretty. But I am an arachnophobe living alone,  I can't ask someone to remove it for me, and I cannot go near it. I'm open for suggestions, though.
That was enough adrenaline for the whole week.
Had christmas-lunch with people, it was fun, we traded secret santa gifts - luckily here people don't steal them, lol - I got a giftcard for the movies, and I gifted a painting I made.
Then I had icecream with a friend. So it's been a good day for me.

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As it's getting closer to Dec 25, everything seems to be getting heavier, or at least I'm feeling things harder. Or something.

Today I found out that my position is being changed from salaried to hourly due to the Fair Labor Standards Act. I wouldn't really care except it means I have to start punching a time clock for the first time in over 20 years - oh, and my job is being classified completely wrong. As a matter of fact, my job is actually listed on the government website as one of the jobs explicitly exempted from FLSA. 

Our HR has known about FLSA since September. It goes into effect on Monday. I was informed today. That pisses me off as well because it means they've been putting this off because they're afraid to tell people that their job classification is changing. 

Anyway, I've drafted a challenge and we'll see what happens. I know my boss supports me. She had no say in what my job was being classified as which is another bunch of crap. 

I am just so, so, so, so damn tired of everything right now. Go ahead and make me hourly and see how much work doesn't get done because I'm clocking the eff out after 8 hours. They have already said that there is no budget for OT so they won't be leaving me any choice than to leave work undone that is under a time crunch to complete, or work for free, and that ain't happening. 

I need about 35 hours of sleep, I think. Even better, I'd like to go to sleep and wake up and have it be January, but with all my work done. 

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@Sukubia Scarmon  I would offer my service as a spider-catcher. I accept cookies as payment. Just hand me a cup and some paper and I get to work.

I'm tired, but thats not unusual for a Thursday evening. I'm not made for an alarm set to 6am, so I always long for the weekend at this point. What made it worse is, that I stayed up for around an hour longer, than what would have been wise. But I got a little spike of energy just around 10pm and I just started playing Witcher 3 this week (I know, I'm late to that party, but it was an impulse buy during Black Friday). Well...famous last words: "Just one more quest."

Now present-me pays the debt of past-me.

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14 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

As it's getting closer to Dec 25, everything seems to be getting heavier, or at least I'm feeling things harder. Or something.

Today I found out that my position is being changed from salaried to hourly due to the Fair Labor Standards Act. I wouldn't really care except it means I have to start punching a time clock for the first time in over 20 years - oh, and my job is being classified completely wrong. As a matter of fact, my job is actually listed on the government website as one of the jobs explicitly exempted from FLSA. 

Our HR has known about FLSA since September. It goes into effect on Monday. I was informed today. That pisses me off as well because it means they've been putting this off because they're afraid to tell people that their job classification is changing. 

Anyway, I've drafted a challenge and we'll see what happens. I know my boss supports me. She had no say in what my job was being classified as which is another bunch of crap. 

I am just so, so, so, so damn tired of everything right now. Go ahead and make me hourly and see how much work doesn't get done because I'm clocking the eff out after 8 hours. They have already said that there is no budget for OT so they won't be leaving me any choice than to leave work undone that is under a time crunch to complete, or work for free, and that ain't happening. 

I need about 35 hours of sleep, I think. Even better, I'd like to go to sleep and wake up and have it be January, but with all my work done. 

Not sure what HR's are supposed to do, but I'm pretty sure it's not unnessesarily stressing people out. 
I'm crossing my fingers that you're successfull, and they change it back again. 

20 minutes ago, Syo Emerald said:

@Sukubia Scarmon  I would offer my service as a spider-catcher. I accept cookies as payment. Just hand me a cup and some paper and I get to work.

I'm tired, but thats not unusual for a Thursday evening. I'm not made for an alarm set to 6am, so I always long for the weekend at this point. What made it worse is, that I stayed up for around an hour longer, than what would have been wise. But I got a little spike of energy just around 10pm and I just started playing Witcher 3 this week (I know, I'm late to that party, but it was an impulse buy during Black Friday). Well...famous last words: "Just one more quest."

Now present-me pays the debt of past-me.

I'm an nightowl. I NEVER go to bed before 12-1am, even when I have to get up at 6am. I usually have to get up at 9am, and I go to bed at 3am - falling asleep at 4am.  At least last night it was like that again. Welp, I'll never learn. Also, man, people love that game, and here I am, can't really play/enjoy it, because I can't get into games where I can't at least play a premade female protagonist. I don't know why, though, I just can't. 

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4 minutes ago, Sukubia Scarmon said:

I'm an nightowl. I NEVER go to bed before 12-1am, even when I have to get up at 6am. I usually have to get up at 9am, and I go to bed at 3am - falling asleep at 4am.  At least last night it was like that again. Welp, I'll never learn. Also, man, people love that game, and here I am, can't really play/enjoy it, because I can't get into games where I can't at least play a premade female protagonist. I don't know why, though, I just can't. 

9am sounds like heaven. But I can't do that...or at least it would be dumb. At work, we have a "coffee break" till around 9am, because before that the mail isn't ready and most of my coworkers arrive early and therefore many already leave at 3pm.

I have to admit, it does feel different to play a game with a male protagonist. I feel more personally connected to a female protagonist and in general to those that I can create myself. Playing Witcher is more like experiancing just a story. A bit like reading a book. I'm following the adventures of a protagonist. Its not 'me', but the story is good and the protagonist is a dude with long white hair...(you know me). I sometimes feel like that, when I'm on my male alt. Its good, but different.

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1 hour ago, Sukubia Scarmon said:

I'm feeling good today, even though the started really terrible. I'm an arachnophobe, you see. And guess what greeted me as I woke up and wanted to leave the room? A HUGE spider, not a  small daddy longlegs, mind you. A fat one. So yeah. Right above the damn door. My broom was also on the other side of that door. I had to dash trough it (Always afraid they'll just jump onto me), went to the bathroom, got the broom, dashed back in, and then struggled for half an hour to kill it because scared. I know that some people really don't like people killing spiders, and I understand that. Because rationally, I do understand their usefullness, that they won't harm me, and that they can be pretty. But I am an arachnophobe living alone,  I can't ask someone to remove it for me, and I cannot go near it. I'm open for suggestions, though.
That was enough adrenaline for the whole week.
Had christmas-lunch with people, it was fun, we traded secret santa gifts - luckily here people don't steal them, lol - I got a giftcard for the movies, and I gifted a painting I made.
Then I had icecream with a friend. So it's been a good day for me.

I found that spider visitors fell to almost nothing once I started using draught excluders at the base of the most-used rooms.  The ones I have are long sausage shapes covered in artificial fur.  These are soft enough to mould sufficiently to cover unevenness in gaps, and can just be kicked aside when leaving the room.

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3 hours ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

I found that spider visitors fell to almost nothing once I started using draught excluders at the base of the most-used rooms.  The ones I have are long sausage shapes covered in artificial fur.  These are soft enough to mould sufficiently to cover unevenness in gaps, and can just be kicked aside when leaving the room.

Hrm, problem is, I have a small one bedroom apartment, with very few doors anyway, and they're all very frequently used - I also have a cat who needs access to food and litterbox. 
That would not be a problem if someone would hunt the spiders like they're supposed to. *sideeyes the cat*

Edited by Sukubia Scarmon
me failed at inglischs
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