Just relief and lightness for me at the moment 🖤
While starting my new job has been great, they don't pay me until this weekend, and I was left with £5.44 to feed and entertain my kids over the half-term break. I solved that by setting up a Ko-Fi crowdfunder with the provision that any money I received will be rounded UP to the nearest £10 and then donated to Mermaids UK (a charity supporting trans and gender-non-conforming children) when my pay comes in. There were enough donations to cover my cash-flow dilemma and I've since decided to double the total when I donate to Mermaids.
I was still left with the problem of not being able to cover my rent and bills this month due to the costs involved in getting interviewed and updating my certification etc to work with vulnerable people. Since I escaped a very toxic relationship situation back in August I've been living on about £600 a month plus whatever I could raise by doing every trick I could and jumping through every hoop available, not always eating, while fighting off depression and ideation and being haunted by my brother's suicide and my own previous decision which I've been battling with for six years. I didn't think I was going to make it this time.
Last night, I reviewed all my income and expenses. It still wasn't quite enough, but agonisingly close at the same time. Then I had a phone call from someone I didn't speak to for 20 years, promising just enough of a top-up to get me through. When I realised I was going to be ok I just broke down and sobbed, hot rolling tears, until my youngest daughter came and shared the most amazing, loving hug with me xx
I'm going to be ok. And for a while, it seems.