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Beth Macbain

How are you feeling today?

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Honestly, I think life would feel a whole lot different if Iggy Pop was my mom.

 

 

Edited by LexxiXhan
crossposting indecision
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hi everyone, I'm ok.  I really don't feel like telling all the details, but, here I go anyway. It seems there might be a very slim possibility that my Dad won't die yet. My dad is pretty old. He's 93 and he was in good health til he caught pneumonia in September which he has not really recovered from.  Being bed ridden for a few weeks at that age does devastating things to a person's strength.  Just walking to the bathroom is an ordeal. 

Well, he fell while he was in rehab.  They told us about it right away and they took an x-ray and thought he was fine. He's been in and out of the hospital since then. He's had horrendous headaches.  They finally did a brain scan and found a couple of bleeds that they may or may not be able to do something about. 

I'm furious at the mismanagement and feel very helpless. His health and his will have suffered tremendously but he turned down hospice, so they are going to continue torturing him til he gives up. (this is not what they said, but IMO is what they mean).

I'm dragging about the house anesthetizing myself with Simpsons Xmas specials and food. Finally took a shower and sat down here to avoid the things I need to do like cook and wrap presents. Merry fffing Xmas everyone.

Seriously though, I'm very grateful to have this safe place where I can say these things. You all mean a lot to me.

Edited by kali Wylder
cuz typos and perfectionism etc.
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4 minutes ago, kali Wylder said:

hi everyone, I'm ok.  I really don't feel like telling all the details, but, here I go anyway. It seems there might be a very slim possibility that my Dad won't die yet. My dad is pretty old. He's 93 and he was in good health til he caught pneumonia in September which he has not really recovered from.  Being bed ridden for a few weeks at that age does devastating things to a person's strength.  Just walking to the bathroom is an ordeal. 

Well, he fell while he was in rehab.  They told us about it right away and they took an x-ray and thought he was fine. He's been in and out of the hospital since then. He's had horrendous headaches.  They finally did a brain scan and found a couple of bleeds that they may or may not be able to do something about. 

I went through a lot of very similar things with my Dad. He was healthy as a horse until a doctor made a medication error with him, and everything started to decline rapidly after that. It shouldn't have happened the way it did, and he went through a lot of needless suffering due to a series of illnesses and falls that all started with one doctor making a huge mistake, and there was nothing I could do to fix the damage that had been done to him. 

And now I don't have my dad anymore. 

I agree with you. Merry fffing Christmas.

hugs

 

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I just finished cooking all the traditional Polish dishes. This is really the night that is so close to my heart. My parents have been gone for over 10 years and it’s the food and this night that helps me feel close to them. The wine helps too a little bit (smile). 

All I am saying is that I’m taking tonight’s shift and if anyone needs to vent about their uncle Frank who is Drunk again or any other issues, I might be available tomorrow. :)

Merry Christmas everyone! And if you don’t celebrate Christmas, from the bottom of my heart I wish you peace and a wonderful Holiday. 

Edited by Marut72
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1 hour ago, kali Wylder said:

hi everyone, I'm ok.  I really don't feel like telling all the details, but, here I go anyway. It seems there might be a very slim possibility that my Dad won't die yet. My dad is pretty old. He's 93 and he was in good health til he caught pneumonia in September which he has not really recovered from.  Being bed ridden for a few weeks at that age does devastating things to a person's strength.  Just walking to the bathroom is an ordeal. 

Well, he fell while he was in rehab.  They told us about it right away and they took an x-ray and thought he was fine. He's been in and out of the hospital since then. He's had horrendous headaches.  They finally did a brain scan and found a couple of bleeds that they may or may not be able to do something about. 

I'm furious at the mismanagement and feel very helpless. His health and his will have suffered tremendously but he turned down hospice, so they are going to continue torturing him til he gives up. (this is not what they said, but IMO is what they mean).

I'm dragging about the house anesthetizing myself with Simpsons Xmas specials and food. Finally took a shower and sat down here to avoid the things I need to do like cook and warp presents. Merry fffing Xmas everyone.

Seriously though, I'm very grateful to have this safe place where I can say these things. You all mean a lot to me.

Even a scare can be traumatic. I began grieving for my mother four years before she died, after she had a car crash that should have killed her, followed by 3 months in an induced coma while the doctors wrung their hands over whether she would recover but chose to give her a fighting chance. But once that grief process is opened, you don't get to pack it away again, because you've already felt the depth of love and pain from a lifetime of memories and unanswered questions, and the grieving process becomes part of how you continue to live with that person in your life.

Hugs, for whatever you have felt xx

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3 hours ago, Beth Macbain said:

My jaw just literally dropped. 

Two nights ago I had a dream. I was in a Hotel in the lounge and Trump was in the next seat. He was good company.

How weird is that? I'm UK, so that makes it weirder. 

But then a few weeks ago, in RL, I was in a country pub having lunch with friends. Who walks in for lunch? Nigel Farage.......

Sits at the next table.....

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Reading these posts reinforces my belief that this really is a good supportive group, and not to be taken for granted. Thanks goes to the mods as well as everyone who positively contributes to and protects the forum. 
 

Also not to be taken for granted, that this Xmas my family is all good and will be together. Sometimes I forget what a gift that is. 

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22 minutes ago, Marut72 said:

I just finished cooking all the traditional Polish dishes.

What did you cook?

One of my best friends, in a small English town, is married to a very cool Polish woman who does amazing things with cabbage and jokes about teaching the pierogi factory in a local village how to do it properly :)

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13 minutes ago, BelindaN said:

But then a few weeks ago, in RL, I was in a country pub having lunch with friends. Who walks in for lunch? Nigel Farage.......

Sits at the next table.....

Many years ago, as a gigging musician, I played at some huge, posh fundraiser at a 120-roomed mansion in Somerset ~ Iain Duncan Smith was the guest speaker, and this was the kind of event where they all trusted each others' privilege and foibles enough that any of us was close enough to change history, if only we'd known what he would go on to do with his career..

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50 minutes ago, LexxiXhan said:

What did you cook?

One of my best friends, in a small English town, is married to a very cool Polish woman who does amazing things with cabbage and jokes about teaching the pierogi factory in a local village how to do it properly :)

Thank you for asking. 

I made a Greek style fish dish which is pretty common at the Christmas Eve table. Egg Potato salad. Pierogies with cheese and pierogies with mushroom and sauerkraut. (Ok, I’ll come clean, I didn’t make those, but they were home made, just not in my home).  I made dumplings and traditional polish beet soup. 

There are 8-9 dishes I missed out, but that hen again we could never afford to make many of them when I was younger anyhow. 

I have leftovers if you are hungry. 

Oh. And we set an extra plate for anyone that happened to have stopped by. One day I’m hoping someone will. 

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14 minutes ago, Marut72 said:

I have leftovers if you are hungry. 

Oh. And we set an extra plate for anyone that happened to have stopped by. One day I’m hoping someone will. 

Post your address here and you may need more plates. 🤔🥂

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6 minutes ago, Marut72 said:

There are 8-9 dishes I missed out, but that hen again we could never afford to make many of them when I was younger anyhow.

I once spent a wonderful few days in Wrocław, for the wedding of the brother of an ex partner. So I experienced the whole many days experience of a Polish wedding, including a day spent at the home of the bride's parents, with her father's smoked meats and home-brewed vodka, the older women observing the new match with approval, the offering and sharing that said 'this is who we are' x

And the city was another story, a cross section of cultures, meeting Ukranian friends with newfound Polish family, with language barriers being something just shrugged aside and solutions found..

15 minutes ago, Marut72 said:

I have leftovers if you are hungry. 

Oh. And we set an extra plate for anyone that happened to have stopped by. One day I’m hoping someone will.

And this, I remember well. I raise my glass to you xx

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Still in pain with my bug, but can't get in Drs till new year so may clear up hopefully by then however I'm quite alright and finished off my final Christmas colouring in project.

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4 minutes ago, MrsSeren said:

Still in pain with my bug, but can't get in Drs till new year so may clear up hopefully by then however I'm quite alright and finished off my final Christmas colouring in project.

Wishing you whatever you need to get you through. Love and light x

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Just now, Talligurl said:

Sometimes I think it's the whole world

I agree. Everywhere I go, people coughing and sneezing and spreading their germs to everyone. It's a sick world...

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Since we are home this year, with no kids here, I'm heading out to a Christmas Eve dinner with my husband.  Personally, the only thing I ever really liked about the holidays is the food - even if it is just a great meal at a nice restaurant.  In many ways, it is easier when the kids aren't home - I don't have to pretend to like Christmas and be happy and such.

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shuuush   It's 7 am and I am in that quiet moment when I am the only one up, taking my meds and enjoying a cuppa while reading the forums, before I have to throw my happy face on.  

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After 8am, did someone make the coffee? Oh right, that needs to be me, the cats have no thumbs. I’m really just ok with ‘feelings on hold’ today, this holiday is fraught and I’m just not down with that anymore. I’m in the fortunate position of being able to ‘nope’ Holiday stuff all together when I want to, so I’m playing SL and I volunteered to do one holiday thing for my community there. I’m on hiatus from my SL dance company, I’m burnt and taking meds so I’m kind of a sludge-head slowpoke in movement and reaction time. 
Last night I said goodbye to my old style Meadowbrook Linden Home that I had not touched in a long time. A Victorian Linden Home popped up for me...but I didn’t have my tier allocated correctly, I donate part of it to a community and I want to keep doing so in 2020. After waits and refreshes and a few aquisitions and abandonments, another Victorian popped...and I had mis-counted and need to wait 24 hrs. This process kind of feels like a capsule of my 2019. Grateful for the plenty and lack of want..but things just not happening correctly in the right areas, with the right outcomes. People have given my posts ‘sad likes’ but I don’t really feel sad, I just felt like sharing some of what I’m feeling. 

For the first time this year, I looked ahead in my life and thought to myself,

“You’d better kick into higher gear on some of your longest-term goals if you expect to see them come to pass in your lifetime, Chickie. Reassess, ditch some things that don’t matter as much and pull your focus tighter!”

As I popped about on Bellisseria, I kind of get why people might like to have Victorians in places where the older traditional styles are in the north. I hate to say it but my misgivings in looking at the southern parts of the map proved true, the Victorian community isn’t as detailed and more areas are cloned. Which is something I was not alone in disliking about the pre-Bellisseria communities. All in all I’m not complaining or thinking it should be different, just keeping in mind what Patch said about outgrowing them...but I still want to try the commune group idea and for that I need one of the largest homes.

Edited by Fauve Aeon
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Honestly, this morning is blissful.  I slept late -- really late, 9:00 -- and now I'm just drinking my coffee and reading the forums.  There is nobody waiting for me to get into the family room so that I can pretend to be excited while everyone opens gifts............ and that is totally awesome.

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I just woke up, so that's about 10 hours of solid, much-needed sleep for me. Plenty of messages from my family and they all seem to be having a wonderful time where they are - some went to Germany, some to New Orleans, some in Chicago, some just a couple hours away from me. Everyone is safe, and sound, and happy. Can't really ask for more than that.

Just after the stroke of midnight, I had an ex messaging me. I made a stupid bet with him back in... March, April, sometime around there... that I would still be with my partner in December. He wanted to make sure that I knew I'd lost the bet, and he wanted to make sure I knew I'd lost on Christmas, because he's just that kinda guy. Charming, right? My penalty for losing the bet is supposed to be that I become his slave. That won't be happening. I'd rather be known as someone who reneges on a bet than someone who would be involved with the likes of him. I no longer remember the exact terms of the bet, but even though my partner is now a former partner, he's still someone I'm incredibly close to and love very much, and I have my new fella who is utterly magnificent that I also love to the moon and back. I may have technically lost the bet, but overall, I win. The fact that he chose just after midnight on Christmas morning to attempt to rub in my "loss" just further cements in my mind what an utter douche nozzle he is. 

I'll be ordering a delicious Indian meal for my Christmas dinner later this afternoon, and vegging out on the couch to continue binging a docu-series on Hulu called "Disappeared" about people who vanished without a trace. It's creeping me out, but it's also fascinating. Some were likely kidnapped or killed, some had terrible accidents while out hiking or something, and there is the possibility that some of them simply walked off and went off the grid. Imagine having the guts to do that. It's a bit tempting at times, isn't it?

Anyway, we all made it to Christmas day! For me, the celebration will start at midnight when it's officially Boxing Day and no longer Christmas. It always feels like some sort of weight is lifted off my shoulders then, and I can really enjoy being off work the next few days.

Hugs to everyone who has stuck this month out with me! 

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33 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

I'll be ordering a delicious Indian meal for my Christmas dinner later this afternoon

This year my husband and I decided to do Christmas dinner at a new Indian restaurant nearby.  This is probably the first year in forever that we haven't either had a traditional turkey dinner at home or a steak dinner out.  

 

And yeah - that dude is a total douche.

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