I am completely lost and on the verge of quitting SL

[katiapfurtscheller]

So, a bit of background on my situation. 

In May 2020, I was forced to self-isolate and I ended up spending quite a bit of time exploring Second Life. I came across a sim called Edenvale and met some (what I thought) were really nice people. It was a vibrant sim. There was lots of role-play; people hung out and chatted; and I looked forward to logging in every evening. But at the end of May, somebody created drama and there was an exodus to another sim (called Lake County). Like everyone, I moved to Lake County, and while the first few weeks were good, the sim never really took off and it became boring. Anyway, that sim closed in September 2020, and a few months later I joined a sim called Carroway Heights with some of my friends from Edenvale. 

By way of further detail, I had a disagreement with a friend of mine in January 2021. I felt she wasn't doing her fair share of the work in a hospital we worked at, and the owners were complaining to me. Three days later I find myself banned from that sim. However, I remained friends with the owner, and she had me unbanned a few months later. I was a very good contributor, and was promoted to estate manager a few weeks later. But the people who had be banned never gave me another chance - they tried to undermine me by creating drama and tried to frame me for a virtual secret. It was very hurtful to be treated this way.  

Without going into any further details, Carroway Heights closed in July 2021, and I found myself abandoned. Everyone else went to another sim, which I am banned from (because I had a difference of opinion with the owners). I have had numerous fights with the owners and some of my former friends. I get the sense that some of them revel in the fact that I am alone.  I have been told that nobody likes me and to basically go away, which I am contemplating doing. 

I do love Second Life, and I have some friends, but I am extremely lonely. I had my own land with a medical clinic, but I have decided to give that up as I am tired of logging in every night and being alone. I'm just at the point where I think I will quit. 

I should say, I am not a perfect person. I can be temperamental, and I have struggled with my mental health in recent times. But I don't believe that I should be treated like a pariah. 

Does anyone have any advice? 

Jennifer (katiapfurtscheller)

(Edenvale, May 2020; Lake County, May-September 2020; Carroway Heights, December 20-January 2021; April-July 2021). 

 

 

 

 

[Profaitchikenz Haiku]

Don't worry about other people or trying to fit in, go out and explore, and see what comes your way.

Trying to conform to other's expectations is always going to be a rollercoaster of highs and lows, try and find the middle-ground.

[Ayeleeon]

SL is a big place, you can start over, make new friends and eventually yo uwont even miss your old SL life. 

[Alwin Alcott]

41 minutes ago, katiapfurtscheller said:

Does anyone have any advice? 

move on, go on new paths, don't think about the past.

( nobody can help you with inter residential issues, and landowners can ban/allow who they want, there are no rules for that)

Edited September 4, 2021 by Alwin Alcott

[katiapfurtscheller]

Yes, that is my difficulty. I am so stuck in the past. I keep thinking back to the happy days of May 2020 in Edenvale. I need to somehow find something similar or better. Thanks for the advice so far. Jen. 

[Mollymews]

i don't know anything about you Jennifer other than what you have written here

i just make an observation based on my own experience of working with people who struggle socially due to a mental health condition.  What many of people with a condition do which ends up not being helpful to them is to engage in "physician heal thyself".  Is often not helpful to be playing at physician on ourselves (and/or on others) as it tends to aid us in avoiding having to address the underlying mental health condition

from what you have related this is what you have been doing in SL ever since you joined. Using SL to play physician on yourself. You have been down this rabbit hole three times: Edenvale, Lake County, and Carroway Heights. Each of which has ended in tears for you

if I was to give advice then it would be that you stop doing this.  Spend your time in SL doing ordinary things. Like get a parcel and play home and garden on it, which is the most ordinary of ordinary things to do in SL. From out of the ordinary can come moments of satisfaction, contentment, happiness and joy

SL is a way we can escape even for a short time each day, from that which is weighing us down in our lives.  Treat SL as an escape and not as an avoidance mechanic

   

[Luna Bliss]

17 minutes ago, Mollymews said:

from what you have related this is what you have been doing in SL ever since you joined. Using SL to play physician on yourself. You have been down this rabbit hole three times: Edenvale, Lake County, and Carroway Heights. Each of which has ended in tears for you

What did the OP say that gives you the impression she is using SL to "play physician" on herself?  I only see that she would like to be part of a group in SL and has acknowledged her mental health may play a part in her difficulties.

[Mollymews]

6 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

What did the OP say that gives you the impression she is using SL to "play physician" on herself?  I only see that she would like to be part of a group in SL and has acknowledged her mental health may play a part in her difficulties.

there is a pattern of behaviour. Edenvale, Lake County, Carroway Heights.  And OP now has a roleplay medical clinic of their own. Which too is ending in tears

Jennifer needs to stop this behaviour. Stop roleplaying a physician

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Mollymews said:

12 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

What did the OP say that gives you the impression she is using SL to "play physician" on herself?  I only see that she would like to be part of a group in SL and has acknowledged her mental health may play a part in her difficulties.

there is a pattern of behaviour. Edenvale, Lake County, Carroway Heights.  And OP now has a roleplay medical clinic of their own. Which too is ending in tears

Jennifer needs to stop this behaviour. Stop roleplaying a physician

Ahh, I see...her roleplay.

Perhaps then she should try out a community with a new role?  However,  I wouldn't advise her to be like you  (or me)...or anyone who enjoys a more solitary SL.  Could be she likes being part of a group or community more than we do.

[Mollymews]

3 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Ahh, I see...her roleplay.

Perhaps then she should try out a community with a new role?  However,  I wouldn't advise her to be like you  (or me)...or anyone who enjoys a more solitary SL.  Could be she likes being part of a group or community more than we do.

yes. Anything would be better for Jennifer than what is happening.  Getting a home on Bellissaria would be a start, furnish it, live in it, join the Belli groups and participate in the neighbourhood events and happenings, as a ordinary person, along with the 100s and 100s of other ordinary people who live and play there

[katiapfurtscheller]

Thank you all for your advice, especially Molly and Luna. Most all, thank you for taking a sympathetic view of my situation. 

I've been roleplaying as a physician for about two years. The feedback I get is my role-play is authentic. But not everyone likes me in the medical field in SL, and I have not been able to work at some of the bigger places because of this. All I can say is that medical RP is territorial and some people in that field hate me. I had my own clinic because I enjoyed building it. But doing medical RP without a team is no fun. 

As I said, I am appreciative of those who have been sympathetic towards me. Sadly, that has not been my experience in SL - people have been slow to give me a second chance, and for reasons I cannot understand, distrust me. 

Yes, I can try some new places, but its just so hard to get started. I'm on the edge. 

 

 

 

[Doris Johnsky]

2 hours ago, katiapfurtscheller said:

Yes, that is my difficulty. I am so stuck in the past. I keep thinking back to the happy days of May 2020 in Edenvale. I need to somehow find something similar or better. Thanks for the advice so far. Jen. 

You can't relive the past. You have to move forward.  We all have our ghosts, some more than others. 

SL is big.  Look around, explore, make new friends. 

[Rolig Loon]

Perhaps, as Molly suggests, it would be best to explore other ways of enjoying SL instead of trying to find yet another place to role play.  There are many other things to do in SL, and many sorts of places that you have not investigated.  Only a very small minority of SL residents come here to be involved in role play. For a great many people, this is a place to develop new skills -- creating things, performing, opening a small business -- or exploring a side of their personality that they could never explore safely in RL.  Some people find that they like decorating a home, others take up flying or sailing. I like to wander on horseback or as a mermaid to see what people are doing in parts of SL that I have never seen, despite having been here more than 14 years.  I have no idea what dreams you may have held inside, but this is a place to find them for yourself.

[Silent Mistwalker]

1 hour ago, katiapfurtscheller said:

Thank you all for your advice, especially Molly and Luna. Most all, thank you for taking a sympathetic view of my situation. 

I've been roleplaying as a physician for about two years. The feedback I get is my role-play is authentic. But not everyone likes me in the medical field in SL, and I have not been able to work at some of the bigger places because of this. All I can say is that medical RP is territorial and some people in that field hate me. I had my own clinic because I enjoyed building it. But doing medical RP without a team is no fun. 

As I said, I am appreciative of those who have been sympathetic towards me. Sadly, that has not been my experience in SL - people have been slow to give me a second chance, and for reasons I cannot understand, distrust me. 

Yes, I can try some new places, but its just so hard to get started. I'm on the edge. 

 

 

 

 

Maybe consider changing roles to one of veterinarian. It can be very rewarding (and fun!) especially for those who like to RP animals. And you don't need people to be on sim all the time.

[katiapfurtscheller]

Thank you, Doris, Rolig, and Silent. This is good advice. I will try to do so. 

I need to unshackle myself of the past. It's difficult to start at zero. But thank you both for your kind suggestions - I appreciate it.

 

Edited September 4, 2021 by katiapfurtscheller

[Ceka Cianci]

You could try finding more than one interest in second life, Trying other things out to see how you like them..

I'm not saying to switch, but to put a little more on your plate to fill in the gaps.. There are so many worlds in here that it may be worth a look around it with just exploring when you are bored..

I've found some really fun things just exploring the world..

We have a great wall which is really neat to just see for the first time and travel on or in even.. There is horseback riding and trails all over the world and mainlands..

You may stumble onto something that really sparks your interest..

Anyways, I hope things do work out for you and you get to where you are going.

[katiapfurtscheller]

Thank you Ceka, that is so kind of you to say. I will definitely check out the Great Wall. 

Thanks for your kindness, Jennifer. 

 

[ValKalAstra]

Roleplaying is a very insular activity that is prone to cliques. I've been in these situations and felt the devastation that came from things falling apart like this.

Crashing into this swamp head first, I had to learn some bitter lessons that hurt like hell but also made me more resilient. Foremost, that you can be kind and caring, put effort into everything you do and can still accrue people that hate you with such fiery passion, that you live rent free in their head 10 years later.

Furthermore, that people will latch onto every weakness they see and attack it relentlessly. If they find out you care about your public image, they will burn it to the ground, if they find out you're physically disabled in some regard, they will harass you for it endlessly. If they figure out a mental illness, they will jab it without cease. No matter the weakness, they will strike and feel righteous about it.

Roleplaying at times leads people to believe they're the main character and anything getting into the way of that needs to be destroyed. Which is probably no solace - it wasn't to me in the situation.

What helped me was to realise that what was lost, was not irreplaceable. You built it before, you can build it again. Better. Stronger. Wiser. Different. That there are entire worlds out there that happily welcome you, that there is joy to be found in leaving your comfort zone again. Become a star photographer, travel the lands. Visit all the clubs and chat with people about the music they love, join some groups, a lot of them have some genuinely nice people.

Once you realise that their petty nature can't reach you anymore, that's when you can laugh at their teeth gnashing revenge posts on VS. Truth be told, that place likes to style itself a vigilante righteous thing when really, it's rather sad and desperate. Second Life allows people to relive the best time of their lives. For some, that appears to be High School as a discount bully.

You seem eloquent and introspective, leave the place behind that hurt you and you will find many with similar interests or you might find new interests. If you're an introvert, you can still join groups that share an interest and ttentatively approach the topic until you feel comfortable.

Awful memories happen, they hurt. All the more reason to make better ones on the road ahead.

Edited September 4, 2021 by ValKalAstra
Don't type with fever haha

[CaithLynnSayes]

OP, If you like SL, then stay. There are like 50K people logged in SL at any given time. What you described as "friends" clearly aren't friends and, even though it's easy for an outsider to say this, but good riddance to them. If you enjoy SL, wander around, you'll end up meeting new people. It's inevitable  

 

[Krystina Ferraris]

5 hours ago, katiapfurtscheller said:I've been roleplaying as a physician for about two years. The feedback I get is my role-play is authentic. But not everyone likes me in the medical field in SL, and I have not been able to work at some of the bigger places because of this. All I can say is that medical RP is territorial and some people in that field hate me. I had my own clinic because I enjoyed building it. But doing medical RP without a team is no fun. 

 

 

Jennifer, I’m sorry you are finding yourself in this situation, I’ll give you my two-cents for what it’s worth.

I don’t know about medical RP however the medical field in RL is extremely territorial and competitive. I’m a RL veterinarian, vets like physicians can be generalists or specialists. The competition between specialists and consultants is unreal, and I mean to the point of actually going out of their way to ruin the reputation of some clinic or competing vet by spreading ridiculous rumours.

A medical degree, MD or vet, is not a guarantee of a drama-free existence. We love what we do and sometimes become extremely cagey and arrogant in our knowledge. 
 

My advice to you is try and take a break from your SL practice.. a lot of RL doctors and vets do this regularly. On a side note, many vets suffer from mental health issues, myself included. Taking leave and doing something else for a while is a good thing.

to echo what some of the great people here have said, try living in a community type setting like Bellisseria. Do virtual gardening or get some virtual pets, I don’t know as I don’t do either but I can only imagine it would be great for you to try something new.

IM me in world if you want to chat, I’m not always online due to my packed RL but I get online at least every couple of days for an hour or so. 
Wishing you good luck and don’t give up!

[Kathlen Onyx]

You could try beYou. There are some communities that you can become part of and RP as a physician. It does require a bit of an investment but I've found it rewarding. 

Check out this link and see if this might be something you'd be interested in doing. You can be as social or solitary as you like.

https://beyouworld.fandom.com/wiki/BeYou_World_Wiki

[Persephone Emerald]

If you enjoy roleplay then, maybe look for a different setting and role.  I'm not saying you shouldn't play a physician, just that you might learn more about yourself by playing a variety of roles. I've played in a couple of RP sims in the past and seen drama that can tear a sim apart. There can be jealousy and power plays behind the scenes of the storyline.  I'd also suggest an inworld mental health support group, such as Survivors of Suicide. This is a peer-support group, but it can be a good place to vent about problems you're experiencing in SL or RL.

[Mr Amore]

@katiapfurtscheller Everyone takes a break from SL, when you've reached that point just do it. It's causing you more stress than it's worth, so uninstall the game and spend that time on positive activities in your life.

When you're feeling someone on your sim hasn't worked hard enough, then it's time to pull back. This isn't paid employment, we cannot expect anyone to commit hours of their day virtually working without compensation. People login to roleplaying sims for socializing and entertainment, the whole employment aspect is there to facilitate the former and not to become its focus.

Those who take on IC roles burn out very, very quickly when it becomes all work, and no play. I know several who've been there, myself included.

So take a break from SL/roleplaying, eventually you will return with a fresher perspective. With less expectations from roleplaying sims.

 

[Crim Mip]

The grid is huge. There are many other communities out there. I will say that city/town RP areas have always been some of the most drama filled and short lived RP areas in my experience. After the first couple I tried to play in imploded. I stopped doing that kind of RP and found something else.

[Polenth Yue]

I'd suggest widening your circle a bit. It sounds like you were very focused on that one group, so you aren't sure how to function without them. Go to other events. Visit other communities. Don't look for the perfect friend/group, but instead look for a variety of places where you can have fun with different people. If one goes bad, you'll still have the others.