If you use an avatar of a gender you are not, are you good at portraying that gender?

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

On the cursing/slang front, I'm pretty much a female Samuel L. Jackson. It takes effort to form full sentences without extra...seasoning. 😇

That's hot!

[Rowan Amore]

If we're talking about men in SL and how they talk (type), I'd chalk it up to typing skills and not language skills.  Back in the day, I took Office Education in HS.  Typing and all that.  Not one single male was in the class.  They weren't even in the regular typing classes.  I know things have changed and they teach keyboard classes but if the general population of SL swings to the older generations, meaning anyone over 40, then it would stand to reason that most men have no typing skills whatsoever.  Short words are easier and faster to type with 2 fingers.  

[Charalyne Blackwood]

3 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

Short words are easier and faster to type with 2 fingers.  

Or one handed 😉😉😉

[Gabriele Graves]

"are you good at portraying that gender?"

Perhaps trying to "portray" a gender is simply the wrong approach and following on from that, the wrong question to ask.  Perhaps what the focus and subsequent question should be is "Are you being true to yourself?"

[Love Zhaoying]

4 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

If we're talking about men in SL and how they talk (type), I'd chalk it up to typing skills and not language skills.  Back in the day, I took Office Education in HS.  Typing and all that.  Not one single male was in the class.  They weren't even in the regular typing classes.  I know things have changed and they teach keyboard classes but if the general population of SL swings to the older generations, meaning anyone over 40, then it would stand to reason that most men have no typing skills whatsoever.  Short words are easier and faster to type with 2 fingers.  

I did not take "typing" or anything like it, but started "programming" in about 1982 so typed a LOT starting even back then.  But then HS and College had English classes, and papers we had to write (communication skills)...

Fast forward to my current job, starting in 1998 - we all had to write our own "Detailed Designs" for any programming / system changes.  If anyone wrote poorly, they were severely judged and ridiculed by the "head (female!) reviewer".  Similarly, if someone is bad at communicating via email now, their career will be somewhat limited.  Communication is paramount in business at least, today!

 

[Charalyne Blackwood]

Just now, Gabriele Graves said:

 "Are you being true to yourself?"

I think more so in SL than RL for me.

[kali Wylder]

On 10/1/2022 at 2:15 PM, Madelaine McMasters said:

 I take people here at face value. If their RL presentation is different, and the intent behind their SL presentation is acceptable, I'll respect the face they show me. I am not the only one in SL that contains multitudes.

That's the way I feel too.  It doesn't really matter to me whether or not someone is male or female in RL, I accept them as they present themselves to me in SL.  And I really do think that gender identification is a personal choice.  I respect anyone's choice in either world.

[Ayashe Ninetails]

1 minute ago, Love Zhaoying said:

That's hot!

It's not when you're on the phone in a professional capacity and almost casually slip into it. I get very chatty and familiar far too easily with strangers and I've got like a dozen different ways to use his favorite word in a sentence. I have to be overly careful! 🤣

In SL, I don't even try to contain it. My Languages section is just "Pure filth with a couple of English words thrown in for clarity."

 

7 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

If we're talking about men in SL and how they talk (type), I'd chalk it up to typing skills and not language skills.

This is a good point, too. I had to take typing/keyboarding classes as well. Then jumped into data entry and legal transcription for a few years. People are always telling me I type fast in SL. Can't help it!

[Ingrid Ingersoll]

I have a male alt that I never use because I'm terrible at it. Or I think I am. Plus I have no interest really.

As a rl woman there are things that I would call "tells" for me that lead me to think the avatar I'm looking at is of the opposite rl gender. One of them is giggling. I just don't know a lot of rl women who giggle. Or who type *giggles*. It seems to be a stereotype that  lot of people like. 

[MinkBlueleaf Fyrewik]

After reading some of these opinions, I guess I'm a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman. Discussions on what a man or woman is supposed to act or not supposed to act are why I am gender-questioning in reals on an almost daily basis. It makes me wonder if this is why I don't fit in anywhere. I haven't found a gender-fluid community or tribe so to speak, so I feel as if I'm adrift and lost in real life. If there's another planet that I am supposed to live on, I hope to go soon, because this one is not my home.

[Arielle Popstar]

43 minutes ago, MinkBlueleaf Fyrewik said:

After reading some of these opinions, I guess I'm a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman. Discussions on what a man or woman is supposed to act or not supposed to act are why I am gender-questioning in reals on an almost daily basis. It makes me wonder if this is why I don't fit in anywhere. I haven't found a gender-fluid community or tribe so to speak, so I feel as if I'm adrift and lost in real life. If there's another planet that I am supposed to live on, I hope to go soon, because this one is not my home.

Personally I don't put a lot of stock on other people's usage of masculine vs feminine words and language as I see it more as a gradient that varies by the individual and where they are at rather than some black or white position that denotes one is one gender or the other. This is especially true I think in a virtual world where one does not need to put up an act of how "mature" they are and can be more free flowing in their use of terms that others may perceive as denoting one gender or another.

[Orwar]

7 hours ago, VaelFaye said:

Vael Faye chortles and wonders briefly what Orwar’s take on all this would be. 

   Shrugs.

   I think the issue lies within the concept of trying to act the opposite gender. People have very varied interests that aren't really ever totally gender exclusive. Someone mentioned guys should be into vehicles and technology - well, the first three tech boffins in SL that spring to my mind all represent as women, and the same is true of vehicle creators in SL. Could they be men behind the monitors? Possibly, but none of them have ever said or done anything 'suspicious', mostly on account of that in the vast majority of contact I've had with them, they've been talking about techy stuff or vehicles rather than what's between their thighs. 

   And even if they are, it hardly matters - I spend most of my time in SL on either of my female alts; they're more fun to shop for and thus more fun to do pictures with, and since one of them had a tiny, tidy inventory, I went with that avi to get into the virtual vehicular hobby (by now her inventory is as much a mess as my other avies, but at least I know where I keep my helicopters!). But then, I don't use either of them to flirt or hook up; the one sexual experience I had on either of them was with a partner who was well aware they were my alts.

   In my opinion, the only point where one's RL gender is of concern to any other SL user, is if you're trying to form a relationship with them. Some people are fine with SL being SL and that RL should have nothing to do with it (though I'm not one of them, myself), others are of a sexual persuasion where your RL gender is a non-issue (or even a good thing!), and if either's the case, all's fine. But the moment you wilfully deceive and mislead another person, abuse their trust and put them into a non-consensual sexual or romantic situation, you're beyond detestable. But that's true of any factor of your identity that you may lie about, really. 

   TL:DR: bad acting is more suspicious than no acting.

[Charalyne Blackwood]

3 hours ago, MinkBlueleaf Fyrewik said:

After reading some of these opinions, I guess I'm a woman pretending to be a man pretending to be a woman. Discussions on what a man or woman is supposed to act or not supposed to act are why I am gender-questioning in reals on an almost daily basis. It makes me wonder if this is why I don't fit in anywhere. I haven't found a gender-fluid community or tribe so to speak, so I feel as if I'm adrift and lost in real life. If there's another planet that I am supposed to live on, I hope to go soon, because this one is not my home.

I understand completely! I rarely fit in and often sit and wait for the mothership to come get me. Or the giant asteroid to find earth...

[Lindal Kidd]

38 minutes ago, Orwar said:

the moment you wilfully deceive and mislead another person, abuse their trust and put them into a non-consensual sexual or romantic situation, you're beyond detestable.

For a bloodsucking demonic vampire, you have some very nice morals.

For any person, in fact.

[EliseAnne85]

When I first started SL eons ago I thought we were supposed to be ourselves, have our hair color, look our age, etc.

For me, I'd like to be an avatar that is younger, about 18-19; a female avi that has a young look, has a young wardrobe, and I'm not talking about being Kawaii, I mean just younger yet acts like myself.  But, I am so much older I fear I would not be able to pull it off and people would keep saying "you are a lot older than your avatar, aren't you?"...or something like that.

So, I think the whole thing with being in an avatar we are not is that insecurities come up and we fear being judged, and it's similar to stage fright.  But, no on likes being judged, let alone thinking we'd be made fun of.  

We need to put our insecurities into perspective though and realize we are own worst critics and most people would not care nor know if you are just interacting as friends.

The people who would care are the one's who might be misled by lies into a love relationship.  But, entering a love relationship on the internet is iffy, imo.  It's not something I'd do, plus I'm too busy to commit to a serious internet relationship.  It's just not possible for me to commit.

 

[BelindaN]

If you take other avis at face value, and don't get too involved, it keeps things simple.

There really is no point agonising over who is behind the keyboard. 

On the very rare occasion I've been sent an RL pic  it's always from a guy and it ALWAYS destroys the illusion.

Keep it simple. Simple.

[SlammedSam]

On 10/4/2022 at 10:33 AM, Gabriele Graves said:

"are you good at portraying that gender?"

Perhaps trying to "portray" a gender is simply the wrong approach and following on from that, the wrong question to ask.  Perhaps what the focus and subsequent question should be is "Are you being true to yourself?"

Very, very much agreed.

[Katherine Heartsong]

On 10/4/2022 at 10:36 AM, Charalyne Blackwood said:

I think more so in SL than RL for me.

This is true for me. While I'm always me in SL, words and emotions are honest regardless if I'm Kat or my male alt, I can certainly be Kat far more "truly" in SL than I can in my RL.

And in terms of ladies being "prim and proper" ... I had one aunt who was the most gracious and remarkable "lady" you have ever met. Just charm and class personified. My Irish gran on the other hand could scare the living dickens out of the saltiest sailors you could imagine.

[Love Zhaoying]

5 minutes ago, Katherine Heartsong said:

My Irish gran on the other hand could scare the living dickens out of the saltiest sailors you could imagine.

My mother moved to Texas in the 70's, so cussed all the time. That was normal for Texans.

[Charalyne Blackwood]

1 hour ago, Katherine Heartsong said:

This is true for me. While I'm always me in SL, words and emotions are honest regardless if I'm Kat or my male alt, I can certainly be Kat far more "truly" in SL than I can in my RL.

And in terms of ladies being "prim and proper" ... I had one aunt who was the most gracious and remarkable "lady" you have ever met. Just charm and class personified. My Irish gran on the other hand could scare the living dickens out of the saltiest sailors you could imagine.

I tend to be more bubbly in SL. On a job site would get me strange looks. 

[Cate Foulsbane]

On 10/4/2022 at 10:22 AM, Ayashe Ninetails said:

On the cursing/slang front, I'm pretty much a female Samuel L. Jackson. It takes effort to form full sentences without extra...seasoning. 😇

 

Oh, I could not agree more!!  Imagine my difficulty HERE?  ..hahahhaha..

 

[NevaehHeartstrings]

Your never in control no matter what you see or believe yourself to be. hormones, social pressures and even all the bacteria in your gouts and body all move you around on invisible strings to what they want.  we can pretend to be anyone or anything but life itself & reality are the final judge not feelings, wants or desires. we are just a mere blimp on life's radar we never really know if we see the exact colors around us or see everything the same or do we all have some unique perception in vision & optics that generically the others cannot. 

Are you good at playing another gender? well do your hormones/genetics truly define how you feel or or portray or could it be your spirit or soul inside that defines who you are. if a man who appears overly masculine in RL but uses an avatar of opposite sex in SL might not need to really try to be anyone or anybody else as the avatar allows them to show who they truly feel or experience inside.

I think the ideas of genders is as damaging in it's conformity as destructiveness as defining someone based on there race.

Yeah life can be unfair, we might not be as attractive as we want to be or be the gender on the outside as we see ourselves inside but these are all just perspectives & reality's, the constraints we have to work with in life but that's not an excuse to not having some compassion or empathy for those who might be under distress from the hand they are dealt who might not feel as strong as other do or have the same coping skills.

I've always said second life is a great therapy session to truly understand what kind of person you really are.

In the human race we created so many social constructs over countless generations to defined who or what we are then each individual is socially expected to conform to those expectations. in this day should be thinking higher and better then this and not try to trap each others in labels created before we were even born.

One thing I learned early on many years ago around a campfire in da boom with Philip & other lindens hanging out was to see the person in front of me, never asking who is on the other end in RL. its not because we might find out something that we don't like but it would be something we might not understand. not because we might be ignorant of what's explained but because its complicated and specifically to that person.

I really believe most are not portraying the avatar, but are just being themselves.

Life is complicated, some things are more fluid then set in stone,  while one certainty for everyone No one gets out of life alive. Just enjoy your life, no matter what life it is. Live your life to sing like no one can hear and dance like no one is watching and make love till you cry cause darling we ain't leaving here alive.

[ballparkdogg]

Yes for ages I had a woman av who was lesbian in a roleplay sim.  I never had in profile that I was a guy.  No one ever asked in the sim or anything.  I talked about it in the ooc chat room in the sim but no one cared till I was on the beach outside sim. Some guy IM about my av then suddenly got sexual.  I told him and he got super angry about it.  He was yelling in local that I was catfishing and I was a dude.  I have it in my profile now and if you don't read the profile then you are in for a shock when my bikini comes off.

Edited October 6, 2022 by ballparkdogg
Typo

[Katherine Heartsong]

I've gone back and forth so many times now on stating it my profile, but I've once again taken it explicitly out of my profile.

I'll tell a guy is he asks, avoid flirting with anyone whose profile specifically says they are looking for RL cis-female interactions (and some of those border on extreme homophobia, btw), and absolutely tell anyone who is showing more than a flirty interest in Kat about the person who is behind the keyboard ... but I love being treated as I want in SL as Kat, so those two or three lines of text are now not in my profile. Again.

[Love Zhaoying]

19 hours ago, ballparkdogg said:

I have it in my profile now and if you don't read the profile then you are in for a shock when my bikini comes off.

You don't have to wear a dohickey under your bikini!