If you use an avatar of a gender you are not, are you good at portraying that gender?

[Madelaine McMasters]

19 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

I'm a straight male in real life but I often use female avatars. I don't act that different as my female avis or even try to do so. However, if people want to know my real gender I do not reveal it, I just say my avi's gender - female.

People usually don't suspect I'm male in real life (or they don't comment), so I guess I'm good at it?

During my grad school days, I went out to a bar with friends. We didn't realize it was a LGBTQ hangout. I ended up sitting at the bar next to a trans woman (or CD/TV, I'm not sure). She was warm, intelligent, and hilarious. She analyzed my skin tone, and recommended an appropriate palette of colors for both makeup and wardrobe. She looked at my body type and recommended clothing styles to make me look taller, slimmer, and more professional/in command. She gave me dating tips. She was enjoying a femininity I'd always taken for granted. She fought for what I was given at birth. I walked away from that encounter with a shifted perspective.

Those people in the forums who've admitted to presenting differently here in SL are no less attractive in their SL persona than anyone else. @Katherine Heartsongis a sufficiently heartfelt woman to me. I take people here at face value. If their RL presentation is different, and the intent behind their SL presentation is acceptable, I'll respect the face they show me. I am not the only one in SL that contains multitudes.

[Love Zhaoying]

12 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

 I take people here at face value. If their RL presentation is different, and the intent behind their SL presentation is acceptable, I'll respect the face they show me. I am not the only one in SL that contains multitudes.

Yes!!!!

[Love Zhaoying]

40 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

The original post / topic question is delightfully..naive?

Most who've been in the Forums long, probably have noticed that many, many users admit to either portraying a "different gender" on their Main avatar / accounts, or their Alts.

If all these people admittedly portraying a "different gender" were not "good at" it, probably they wouldn't be doing it.

Could be another thread that's just innocently trying to get discussion going..? (Versus the threads nefariously trying to get discussion going.)

I'm sorry @Gopi Passiflora, I missed important parts of your statements that clearly explained your reason for this thread. Maddy quoted it, and I was enlightened. 

Regardless, I'm a Trans Ally - which had nothing to do with Second Life.

[Madelaine McMasters]

2 hours ago, Cate Foulsbane said:

8 hours ago, Amina Sopwith said:

and has never been prepared for menopause.

I was intellectually prepared for menopause but, damn, when it became reality it shocked the living crap out of me! Mood swings? Yeah, but men have those, too. 

Menopause came overnight for me, as the result of an oophorectomy that accompanied my lumpectomy (2-for-1 discount FTW!). The following radiation and chemo masked the worst of the menopause transition by making everything horrible for months, and five years of estrogen blocking oral chemo brought their own unwanted side effects. If I can keep my bones from disintegrating, I'll be a generally happy camper.

[Sissi Slacker]

I have a few avatars with vastly different looks (male/female/androgynous, human/non-human) and sometimes do wonder how people perceive rl me in terms of age and gender. 

I feel like even just an avatar appearance is often but not always a giveaway. K-pop idol looking guy, partnered to another k-pop guy, has lots of clothing stores groups, a flickr and mentions astrology/MBTI in the profile? 99% it's an rl girl. Busty half-naked woman, mis-matched outfit, little to no accessories, adult groups, "teehee I love shoes", "no voice/no cam"? That's a dude. I never mention it, because let people enjoy their fantasy, but sometimes it's too obvious before they even type anything.

Men and women in sl usually find different things attractive. I believe I can portray an opposite gender quite well because I tend to create characters and emotionally invest in them. I've still been told my dudes look too pretty to be a rl straight guy lol.

[Charalyne Blackwood]

I want to be a woman RL but it's completely impossible. This is as close as I'll ever get outside of lottery winning.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

54 minutes ago, Charalyne Blackwood said:

I want to be a woman RL but it's completely impossible. This is as close as I'll ever get outside of lottery winning.

We've never met in-world, it's true, but I've interacted with you a fair bit here. If you hadn't said you were a man in RL, I'd never have guessed.

In any case, so far as I'm concerned, and for most of us I'm sure, you are a woman.

Congrats on your lottery win. 🙂

[Madelaine McMasters]

1 hour ago, Charalyne Blackwood said:

I want to be a woman RL but it's completely impossible. This is as close as I'll ever get outside of lottery winning.

This, Charalyne, is a reason I'm grateful for SL. If it finally vanishes, I'll grieve for everyone who was able to fully realize themselves here.

[Charalyne Blackwood]

50 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

We've never met in-world, it's true, but I've interacted with you a fair bit here. If you hadn't said you were a man in RL, I'd never have guessed.

In any case, so far as I'm concerned, and for most of us I'm sure, you are a woman.

Congrats on your lottery win. 🙂

Oh my if only! I'm currently in a state that has no lottery, got out of Florida in time to miss Ian. Hadn't played in Florida even though the last jackpot I saw was in excess of 300 million!

19 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

This, Charalyne, is a reason I'm grateful for SL. If it finally vanishes, I'll grieve for everyone who was able to fully realize themselves here.

It's been an interesting experience to say the least!

[Katherine Heartsong]

Quote

If you use an avatar of a gender you are not, are you good at portraying that gender?

Oh, very very much so. Remarkably convincing, and if I chose to, deceptively so.

I treat people in SL the way they are portraying themselves. As long as you're a decent person behind the keys, then how you choose and need to appear isn't important. Like someone said to me once, the avatar is just a shell, but my emotions and words are real.

But, it does weird me out how many men won't even socialize with male-driven female avatar.

Edited October 1, 2022 by Katherine Heartsong

[Paul Hexem]

Every time I'm on a female avatar I always somehow wind up in a kitchen, and every time I switch male, I wind up in a garage. It's crazy! It can't possibly be me! Can it?

[Charalyne Blackwood]

54 minutes ago, Katherine Heartsong said:

Oh, very very much so. Remarkably convincing, and if I chose to, deceptively so.

I treat people in SL the way they are portraying themselves. As long as you're a decent person behind the keys, then how you choose and need to appear isn't important. Like someone said to me once, the avatar is just a shell, but my emotions and words are real.

But, it does weird me out how many men won't even socialize with male-driven female avatar.

I'm sure we'd have a blast painting the town 255,0,0. *cacklez*

[Cate Foulsbane]

6 hours ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

By the time they finally figured out to have a kid, in 1970

Great line!  I envy the way your parents raised you. I wish all kids were raised to do whatever needs doing, to take care of themselves and others regardless of the packages they came in.  And I am glad I have lived long enough to see countless folks living free of, or breaking free of, the old  ways. 

[Cate Foulsbane]

7 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

and the moral panic that not infrequently ensues when someone discovers, or even just suspects, that a friend or lover is representing a different gender in-world, suggests that a great many in SL think otherwise.

Moral panic?  If I found out an SL lover was a different gender in RL, I would be outraged, hurt, and so on and so on. Because the person was a different gender?  No, because a person I trusted was deceitful. Same with SL friends...deceive me, I find out, I am out of there for good.  Is that what you mean by moral panic? Ok then, I react with moral panic when I find I have been deceived by those I have let get close to me. 

[kali Wylder]

I have a few male avs in the alt army.  They never interact with others.  I'm not comfortable with being a male.  I doubt that I am "good" at it.  The first time I made a male av, I took him out to a club and danced with a stranger.  She bought it.  I felt uncomfortable with it and did not do it again. 

Once in a while I'll take one of the boys out for a spin so I'll have a dance partner that I don't have to talk to.  It's one of the best ways I know to discourage unwanted pickups. 

[Cate Foulsbane]

4 hours ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Menopause came overnight for me, as the result of an oophorectomy that accompanied my lumpectomy (2-for-1 discount FTW!). The following radiation and chemo masked the worst of the menopause transition by making everything horrible for months, and five years of estrogen blocking oral chemo brought their own unwanted side effects. If I can keep my bones from disintegrating, I'll be a generally happy camper.

Damn!  I am glad you survived and rose out of the pit of *****e...Hurray for you!  Hugs!

 

[Cate Foulsbane]

1 hour ago, Katherine Heartsong said:

But, it does weird me out how many men won't even socialize with male-driven female avatar.

My guess,they are afraid of gay. 

[Cate Foulsbane]

10 minutes ago, kali Wylder said:

I have a few male avs in the alt army.  They never interact with others.  I'm not comfortable with being a male.  I doubt that I am "good" at it.  The first time I made a male av, I took him out to a club and danced with a stranger.  She bought it.  I felt uncomfortable with it and did not do it again. 

Interesting. When I have felt this way, it's been about me being deceitful. If I ever finish updating my male avie and take him out into the world, I'll see if the same thing happens. In the past, when I made it clear that my male avie was actually me, when I was the "male" dance partner for female friends, I had no bad feelings at all.  I leave it to somebody else to figure out what all this means..or might mean. 

[Maitimo]

I don't think there's a great deal of difference to be jonest. I make no effort to talk or act like a girl (aside from my AO), and the way I talk and act in SL is the same as I would in RL. My profile clearly states that I'm genderqueer/non-binary. And still, most people who don't already know me, assume I'm female. Gender differences really are not that great.

That said, I remember years ago being at a gay mens club, and there was some speculation about which guys were actually women in RL. So a bunch of us were chilling out by the campfire and a few of the guys started with some childish fart jokes and I IM'd my friend and said "okay, well they are not women in RL."

[usedcars]

I have a female alt but I don't act feminine. I am just myself. I think having a nice avatar, a very good AO, and nice clothes makes a difference.  I have never been questioned about it.  

[Madelaine McMasters]

1 minute ago, Maitimo said:

I remember years ago being at a gay mens club, and there was some speculation about which guys were actually women in RL. So a bunch of us were chilling out by the campfire and a few of the guys started with some childish fart jokes and I IM'd my friend and said "okay, well they are not women in RL."

I've heard that liking The Three Stooges is a male "tell". I love them! @Scylla Rhiadra and I have agreed to split the Howard twins. She took Trevor, I took Curly.

[Cate Foulsbane]

5 minutes ago, Maitimo said:

So a bunch of us were chilling out by the campfire and a few of the guys started with some childish fart jokes and I IM'd my friend and said "okay, well they are not women in RL."

I think of myself as cis-gender female in RL, I have lived my RL as a female. I present  myself most times in SL as a female. (Ok sometimes I am a gender neutral mouse or ferret or male dinky cat.) But I love fart jokes in RL and in SL I am armed with fart gestures, fart bombs, whatever I can find to defile the environment around me when I am in the mood. Does that mean I am not really a woman? Bah!

 

[Love Zhaoying]

27 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I've heard that liking The Three Stooges is a male "tell". I love them!

I could never watch them as a cub, way too violent for me!

[Ayashe Ninetails]

32 minutes ago, Maitimo said:

So a bunch of us were chilling out by the campfire and a few of the guys started with some childish fart jokes and I IM'd my friend and said "okay, well they are not women in RL."

You sure about that? 5 minutes around my friends and I may change your mind. 😂🤣

[Madelaine McMasters]

3 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

31 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

I've heard that liking The Three Stooges is a male "tell". I love them!

I could never watch them as a cub, way too violent for me!

You'd never have survived the McMasters family hand puppet theater. By the end of our little plays, one of the characters had invariably been gobbled up by another.