If you use an avatar of a gender you are not, are you good at portraying that gender?

[HeathcliffMontague]

39 minutes ago, Maitimo said:

I don't think there's a great deal of difference to be jonest. I make no effort to talk or act like a girl (aside from my AO), and the way I talk and act in SL is the same as I would in RL. My profile clearly states that I'm genderqueer/non-binary. And still, most people who don't already know me, assume I'm female. Gender differences really are not that great.

That said, I remember years ago being at a gay mens club, and there was some speculation about which guys were actually women in RL. So a bunch of us were chilling out by the campfire and a few of the guys started with some childish fart jokes and I IM'd my friend and said "okay, well they are not women in RL."

Fart jokes (and not to mention the actual farts...) was the only thing I hated about the Navy

[Charalyne Blackwood]

I like bathroom humor. Not so much the Three Stooges. I like old school thrash metal and figure skating. The only sport I'll make any effort to watch (other than figure skating) is MMA.

[Love Zhaoying]

7 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

You'd never have survived the McMasters family hand puppet theater. By the end of our little plays, one of the characters had invariably been gobbled up by another.

I take exception to that, because at least until very recently, I still had my sizable hand puppet collection! Nightmare fuel, most of them.

[Madelaine McMasters]

31 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I take exception to that, because at least until very recently, I still had my sizable hand puppet collection! Nightmare fuel, most of them.

I still have many of mine in the attic. Animal (from Sesame Street) went through grad school with me and took up residence in my office when I started my career. He's currently draped over the headboard in my guest bedroom, ready to terrorize anyone who dares a visit. There's a lever above his mouth which, when squeezed, closes his eyes. Just the right squeeze can produce a nightmare inducing beady eyed squint.

[Katherine Heartsong]

3 hours ago, Charalyne Blackwood said:

I'm sure we'd have a blast painting the town 255,0,0. *cacklez*

Yes we would

[kali Wylder]

3 hours ago, Cate Foulsbane said:

Interesting. When I have felt this way, it's been about me being deceitful. If I ever finish updating my male avie and take him out into the world, I'll see if the same thing happens. In the past, when I made it clear that my male avie was actually me, when I was the "male" dance partner for female friends, I had no bad feelings at all.  I leave it to somebody else to figure out what all this means..or might mean. 

Yeah, for me the discomfort came from the deceitfulness of it too.  I don't like fooling people.

[Coffee Pancake]

8 hours ago, Charalyne Blackwood said:

I want to be a woman RL but it's completely impossible. This is as close as I'll ever get outside of lottery winning.

It is never too late or impossible.

[cunomar]

By "age related" I mostly meant pre-whatever generic name they give to young people nowadays Gen ABC?

Before they banned all the things that used to turn boys into men . Before chivalry stopped being a duty and instead became chauvinism .

I can cook,sew.clean,shop everything that mommy traditionally did , mainly because she never did any of it because she was at work . Yet i'd say i'm an old fashioned or traditional male in every respect (outside of SL)

Of all the chores i still hate shopping the most , unless its a warehouse full of used junk I can sift through that kind of stuff all day .

A lake and an ocean might look very similar on the surface but what lies beneath is .....................

[Fluffy Sharkfin]

33 minutes ago, cunomar said:

Before they banned all the things that used to turn boys into men

Wait, they banned puberty, when did that happen?  

[Love Zhaoying]

8 minutes ago, Fluffy Sharkfin said:

42 minutes ago, cunomar said:

Before they banned all the things that used to turn boys into men

Wait, they banned puberty, when did that happen?  

I thought maybe they meant Boyz2Men, great group.

[Love Zhaoying]

56 minutes ago, cunomar said:

By "age related" I mostly meant pre-whatever generic name they give to young people nowadays Gen ABC?

Before they banned all the things that used to turn boys into men . Before chivalry stopped being a duty and instead became chauvinism .

I can cook,sew.clean,shop everything that mommy traditionally did , mainly because she never did any of it because she was at work . Yet i'd say i'm an old fashioned or traditional male in every respect (outside of SL)

Of all the chores i still hate shopping the most , unless its a warehouse full of used junk I can sift through that kind of stuff all day .

A lake and an ocean might look very similar on the surface but what lies beneath is .....................

Based on your post, I'm guessing you're a guy.

[cunomar]

Obviously i'm a guy , which makes me very different from a girl , which in my view is neither a good or bad thing - it just is .

My gf could do everything i do if she wanted to and some of it better I'm sure , visa versa . But unquestionably men and women tackle the same chores/go about things with a completely different mindset .

As a teen i shacked up with a woman who was heckled insane and almost housebound by her 3 wild kids , so i sent her out to go visit her mother or whatever she wanted to do and enlisted the kids help in making the house spotless before mum gets home .

They loved it , while at the same time earning a new appreciation of all mum does for them .

A single day changed her life after 9 years of despair trying her absolute best to be the perfect mother .

[Love Zhaoying]

3 minutes ago, cunomar said:

Obviously i'm a guy , which makes me very different from a girl , which in my view is neither a good or bad thing - it just is .

My gf could do everything i do if she wanted to and some of it better I'm sure , visa versa . But unquestionably men and women tackle the same chores/go about things with a completely different mindset .

As a teen i shacked up with a woman who was heckled insane and almost housebound by her 3 wild kids , so i sent her out to go visit her mother or whatever she wanted to do and enlisted the kids help in making the house spotless before mum gets home .

They loved it , while at the same time earning a new appreciation of all mum does for them .

A single day changed her life after 9 years of despair trying her absolute best to be the perfect mother .

Can you help me understand if you just don't like the actual topic, are explaining whether you could RolePlay the other gender, or are merely complaining about "gender these days"? I am struggling to find a connection.

[Madelaine McMasters]

6 minutes ago, cunomar said:

Obviously i'm a guy , which makes me very different from a girl , which in my view is neither a good or bad thing - it just is .

My gf could do everything i do if she wanted to and some of it better I'm sure , visa versa . But unquestionably men and women tackle the same chores/go about things with a completely different mindset .

As a teen i shacked up with a woman who was heckled insane and almost housebound by her 3 wild kids , so i sent her out to go visit her mother or whatever she wanted to do and enlisted the kids help in making the house spotless before mum gets home .

They loved it , while at the same time earning a new appreciation of all mum does for them .

A single day changed her life after 9 years of despair trying her absolute best to be the perfect mother .

That's got far less to do with gender than a host of other factors. Most parents have less short term sway over their children than new people in their lives. My ex-hubby's daughter spent one weekend with me last year. He's still trying to exorcise the devil I seeded in her.

[cunomar]

6 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Can you help me understand if you just don't like the actual topic, are explaining whether you could RolePlay the other gender, or are merely complaining about "gender these days"? I am struggling to find a connection.

Just talking really , to sum up I'd say pretence is superficial and in rp anyone can pull it off so long as theres no depth to the circumstance .

with regard to "gender these days" as an employer in a field where it is extremely rare to see women involved it just seems to me that women have taken on the paternal role all inclusively and the young "men" are all impossibly selfish .

[Cinos Field]

Oh this is one of my favorite topics. While I personally am the same gender, any time someone doesn't mind publicly telling people that they aren't, I ask about portraying that gender. How does one do it convincingly? You get about as many different and contradictory answers as there are people to ask, and I write them down. Some that I remember, presented for amusement and certainly not my personal opinions (my takes are in parenthesis)...

How to present as a man, according to random SLers:
1) Be interested in technology and sports (and presumably, do so in your mancave)

2) Curse a lot, use slang (there's some truth to this one, as a linguist, women do tend to speak a lot more formally)

3) Offer solutions rather than sympathy (here's how to fix the thing you're sad about!)

4) Constant interest in adult activities even if doing non-adult activities at the moment

5) Wear the same clothes every day

How to present as a woman, according to random SLers:

1) Act like you're not as smart as you actually are ("men assume you're a man if you're smart(er than them?)"

2) Wear colors other than black

3) Go for either a realistic female shape, or an exaggerated one. (Yep, both get attempted.)

4) Be difficult to engage in adult activities (god forbid women like those!)

5) Wear new outfits every day

It's just fascinating to me how we perceive the differences. What's my personal opinion? Well, I don't really think there is anything much solid. The language thing is one, certainly - women hedge their statements more, whereas men present them with more certainty. But I doubt you'd even notice that without a lot of experience in linguistics. Personally I do find that if I just wear a different-gendered avatar and act myself, nobody questions me, so... either I have a really androgynous personality, or the differences aren't actually quite on the Mars vs Venus level.

[Love Zhaoying]

3 hours ago, Cinos Field said:

Oh this is one of my favorite topics. While I personally am the same gender, any time someone doesn't mind publicly telling people that they aren't, I ask about portraying that gender. How does one do it convincingly? You get about as many different and contradictory answers as there are people to ask, and I write them down. Some that I remember, presented for amusement and certainly not my personal opinions (my takes are in parenthesis)...

How to present as a man, according to random SLers:
1) Be interested in technology and sports (and presumably, do so in your mancave)

2) Curse a lot, use slang (there's some truth to this one, as a linguist, women do tend to speak a lot more formally)

3) Offer solutions rather than sympathy (here's how to fix the thing you're sad about!)

4) Constant interest in adult activities even if doing non-adult activities at the moment

5) Wear the same clothes every day

How to present as a woman, according to random SLers:

1) Act like you're not as smart as you actually are ("men assume you're a man if you're smart(er than them?)"

2) Wear colors other than black

3) Go for either a realistic female shape, or an exaggerated one. (Yep, both get attempted.)

4) Be difficult to engage in adult activities (god forbid women like those!)

5) Wear new outfits every day

It's just fascinating to me how we perceive the differences. What's my personal opinion? Well, I don't really think there is anything much solid. The language thing is one, certainly - women hedge their statements more, whereas men present them with more certainty. But I doubt you'd even notice that without a lot of experience in linguistics. Personally I do find that if I just wear a different-gendered avatar and act myself, nobody questions me, so... either I have a really androgynous personality, or the differences aren't actually quite on the Mars vs Venus level.

I find it really interesting that your list reflects gender stereotypes!

 

Edited October 2, 2022 by Love Zhaoying
1) Changed "based on" to "reflects" 2) Removed "is"

[Rick Nightingale]

As I recently admitted here, I'm autistic (and male), so I don't think I present as 'typical' anything to others. In one RL workplace, I discovered that most of the staff (men and women) thought I was gay (I'm not - and I very much like the opposite sex, always have!). But then, that was a place where most of the men were misogynists and womanisers and most of the women (who were, of course, employed by the exclusively male management who were not really interested in the professional qualities in their employees) seemed happy with that situation. Neither were the sort I was interested in, in any way.*

While I don't 'use' a female avatar myself, I have frequently driven my wife's alts to keep them updated when there's a sale on or something. My wife struggles with stuff, even using a mouse is very difficult, so I help her out a lot like that so she can just have easy fun when she's on the PC. I also 'make' her avatar; shape, skin, outfits etc.. I even did that a bit in RL, long before she got ill eight years ago. There were plenty of times I would tell her to buy something because it would suit her, that she wouldn't even have considered, and it became one of her favourite outfits. It was always gratifying when we caught someone (man or woman) eyeing her up when we were out (in RL I mean); that happened quite a lot. I must have a bit of talent for it.

While driving her alt around a store or event, I'm not infrequently approached by a male avatar. Often I will just say hello (I don't like to be rude and ignore people) and not respond further. Sometimes though I play along a little, out of boredom or curiosity. No-one has ever guessed I was male, even after a long and obviously flirting conversation. I could have had plenty of dates. I never let it get that far, and tried not to be cruel with how I left it. Given that my wife's main avatar has a partner listed, that should be a clue to people anyway that they might not far. It was certainly interesting being 'on the other side', but then I've never really known how my side was supposed to work, with the autism.

I'm not talking about the "Let's have SLex NOW!" type of conversation starters; those just get an "In your dreams" response if any.

Perhaps the way I present is influenced by the fact that, when at primary school (5-11yo) I would frequently, deliberately misbehave, just enough to get the first stage of 'bad' punishment. Why? ... because that first stage punishment (for a boy) was to suffer the indignity and ridicule of sitting with the girls. In our school the girls tended to be seated on one side of the room; the boys on the other. I much preferred sitting with the girls, especially Nicola or Hazel, and not because I liked playing with dolls . I thought the boys were daft and missing out, and spent most of my time on that side of the room. Similarly at playtimes. The few good childhood memories I have are related to that.

*A couple of illustrations how bad the place was: 1. A couple were found engaging in very 'adult' activities, mostly naked, on a desk as the next class was being brought in by the PSW. Who got in trouble? The PSW for making a complaint about it to the school's head. She was new, and was threatened with losing her job if she didn't keep quiet about it. The two who were seen got away with it completely... he was a rugby player and popular with the sport-obsessed management, and she was known to have had relations with the school's head, deputy head, and a few others, despite being married. 2. The head of the school was eventually caught for repeated sexual abuse of one of the temporary staff, found guilty and banned for life from holding a position in a school (after being head and doing things like this for 15 years). The rest of the management were no different and had all covered each others' backs countless times.

 

Edited October 2, 2022 by Rick Daylight
speeling

[Lindal Kidd]

20 hours ago, Brightstar7777 said:

That wasn't addressed to anyone specific, your offense serves a functional purpose-- to be a ruse and to misdirect and wrongfully project still further harms upon the innocent and vulnerable. Please, none of us were born yesterday and this certainly is not our first rodeo.

If you quote someone, and then express a strong contrary opinion, it's generally considered an attack on that person. I saw your response to Solar in that light, so it's not that they're the only one. If you meant your post to be about the world in general, you should have been clearer.

[Love Zhaoying]

34 minutes ago, Lindal Kidd said:

If you quote someone, and then express a strong contrary opinion, it's generally considered an attack on that person. I saw your response to Solar in that light, so it's not that they're the only one. If you meant your post to be about the world in general, you should have been clearer.

I missed it! But went back and read right now, so I see the source of confusion also.

* performs impromptu interpretive dance in celebration of NOFOMO *

[Katherine Heartsong]

19 hours ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Those people in the forums who've admitted to presenting differently here in SL are no less attractive in their SL persona than anyone else. @Katherine Heartsongis a sufficiently heartfelt woman to me.

/me > Blushing hard.

[Charalyne Blackwood]

55 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I missed it! But went back and read right now, so I see the source of confusion also.

* performs impromptu interpretive dance in celebration of NOFOMO *

*tossez tiny mershmellaz in honor of your hypnotic dancing*

[Charalyne Blackwood]

4 hours ago, Cinos Field said:

Oh this is one of my favorite topics. While I personally am the same gender, any time someone doesn't mind publicly telling people that they aren't, I ask about portraying that gender. How does one do it convincingly? You get about as many different and contradictory answers as there are people to ask, and I write them down. Some that I remember, presented for amusement and certainly not my personal opinions (my takes are in parenthesis)...

How to present as a man, according to random SLers:
1) Be interested in technology and sports (and presumably, do so in your mancave)

2) Curse a lot, use slang (there's some truth to this one, as a linguist, women do tend to speak a lot more formally)

3) Offer solutions rather than sympathy (here's how to fix the thing you're sad about!)

4) Constant interest in adult activities even if doing non-adult activities at the moment

5) Wear the same clothes every day

How to present as a woman, according to random SLers:

1) Act like you're not as smart as you actually are ("men assume you're a man if you're smart(er than them?)"

2) Wear colors other than black

3) Go for either a realistic female shape, or an exaggerated one. (Yep, both get attempted.)

4) Be difficult to engage in adult activities (god forbid women like those!)

5) Wear new outfits every day

It's just fascinating to me how we perceive the differences. What's my personal opinion? Well, I don't really think there is anything much solid. The language thing is one, certainly - women hedge their statements more, whereas men present them with more certainty. But I doubt you'd even notice that without a lot of experience in linguistics. Personally I do find that if I just wear a different-gendered avatar and act myself, nobody questions me, so... either I have a really androgynous personality, or the differences aren't actually quite on the Mars vs Venus level.

The "girly" things I do as female in SL are based on what I've always perceived as feminine characteristics in some women:

Giggles. Men seem to lol most of the time.  Guys don't giggle.

Openly hugging friends. I'm a hugger by nature and anyone who is comfortable with it gets a huggle. In RL I'll hug friends, and not the one handed "brohug".

Trying to be bright and bubbly. Kind of like a cheerleader. I hosted at a club briefly until RL work hours drained my energy to a point where I couldn't do it on weekdays. 

Having an avatar that I'm sometimes told is attractive helps. I wanted her (and in some way me) to be pretty. I feel clunky and ogrish RL. I imagine I get left alone in SL probably because the fact I'm male RL is in my profile. Am I overcompensating? Men seem to do that a lot...

[Rowan Amore]

18 minutes ago, Charalyne Blackwood said:

Giggles. Men seem to lol most of the time.  Guys don't giggle.

Giggling, to me, is what children do.  When women use the /me giggles in SL, it makes me cringe.  Men and women, again in my opinion, laugh, chuckle, guffaw, chortle and at this time of year, cackle.

[Charalyne Blackwood]

3 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

Giggling, to me, is what children do.  When women use the /me giggles in SL, it makes me cringe.  Men and women, again in my opinion, laugh, chuckle, guffaw, chortle and at this time of year, cackle.

I'm a kid at heart? *offers tiny mershmellaz*