Should I put my real-life gender in my woman avatars' profiles?

[Orwar]

1 hour ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I'll restate it as: "Men who are entitled to 'demand' proof, are as good as villains.

   As a villain, I take offense to that. 

   Besides, I don't see why people get their knickers in a twist about it being a 'demand' - it's some unsophisticated dweeb behind a keyboard, anyone can at any time block anyone whose communications are unwanted.

[Rowan Amore]

19 minutes ago, Ingrid Ingersoll said:

And men. 

I find it hilarious when i see "voice verrified". As if there's an organization that verifies that you're female irl. There's probbaly not one rl women who has that in their profile. 

It's all so stupid sometimes i wonder why i still log in.... Oh yeah the decorating. 

Mine says Totally unverified. 😁

[Rowan Amore]

4 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   As a villain, I take offense to that. 

   Besides, I don't see why people get their knickers in a twist about it being a 'demand' - it's some unsophisticated dweeb behind a keyboard, anyone can at any time block anyone whose communications are unwanted.

I don't get upset when someone asks if I use voice.  Often I'll get the response, "That's a shame, your loss".  " No, it's actually yours."

[Gopi Passiflora]

4 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Gopi you should just turn back into your little grey, sexless alien don't you think?  This is all too much  🤣

Gopi is almost always a grey alien (although he does have both male and female human forms). I made this topic in reference to my accounts/characters who are always women.

But yeah, a lot of info to take in....

[Rowan Amore]

8 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Gopi is almost always a grey alien (although he does have both male and female human forms). I made this topic in reference to my accounts/characters who are always women.

But yeah, a lot of info to take in....

No worries.  I'm sure someone will come in soon to completely derail it.  

 

[Ayashe Ninetails]

6 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Gopi is almost always a grey alien (although he does have both male and female human forms). I made this topic in reference to my accounts/characters who are always women.

But yeah, a lot of info to take in....

You can ignore most of it as you said relationships here don't interest you.

I swap male and female avatars all the time. I also don't do relationships these days. Nobody's cared one way or the other outside of all that. Friends are so used to it by this point.

My RL gender is in my profile, though, simply because running around as a dude named Ayashe makes everything kind of obvious. All of my avatars are on this one account. No biggie. 

[Rat Luv]

When you ask @Love Zhaoying to voice verify...

 

[diamond Marchant]

3 hours ago, Ingrid Ingersoll said:

Did you ever consider this is simply a matter sexual preference? If so, I'm curious to know why you didn't. It always makes me wonder why when I see someone trying to villainize anyone for this.

For me, this is not simple. Obviously there is sexual preference. The question for me is, in a virtual world, why does it matter who directs the female presenting avatar? The male in this scenario is supposedly attracted by the avatar appearance and personality. This satisfies the "sexual preference" part. The question for me is "why is this not enough"? One theory (and this is not an attempt to villanize, rather, it is an attempt to understand) is...  if the female avatar is not directed by an AFAB, then the male considers it taboo. For me, this takes us out of "sexual preference" and into "morals".

This issue will come up in the future with AI chatbots, which might have no problem voice verifying or even doing naughty voice chat. How will our voice verifying males really know if there is an AFAB human on the other end or a chatbot? Will an AI chatbot need to be certified as being trained on sexy talk produced by AFABs?

(As previously stated, in this discussion I am talking about booty calls, not relationships.)

 

[Kathlen Onyx]

37 minutes ago, diamond Marchant said:

For me, this is not simple. Obviously there is sexual preference. The question for me is, in a virtual world, why does it matter who directs the female presenting avatar? The male in this scenario is supposedly attracted by the avatar appearance and personality. This satisfies the "sexual preference" part. The question for me is "why is this not enough"? One theory (and this is not an attempt to villanize, rather, it is an attempt to understand) is...  if the female avatar is not directed by an AFAB, then the male considers it taboo. For me, this takes us out of "sexual preference" and into "morals".

This issue will come up in the future with AI chatbots, which might have no problem voice verifying or even doing naughty voice chat. How will our voice verifying males really know if there is an AFAB human on the other end or a chatbot? Will an AI chatbot need to be certified as being trained on sexy talk produced by AFABs?

(As previously stated, in this discussion I am talking about booty calls, not relationships.)

 

You bring up good points however, since I am attracted to males I would prefer to have a male play the male part during sexy time as he knows first hand what the part feels like as a male.  Women can only speculate what a man would actually feel.  Could a woman play the part without anyone knowing. Sure but most of the time you can tell.  Even if it's bad slex I still prefer a male. Shrugs, that's just how I feel but when people say it doesn't, or shouldn't matter that is for them.  For others it does matter.

[Ingrid Ingersoll]

1 hour ago, diamond Marchant said:

Obviously there is sexual preference. The question for me is, in a virtual world, why does it matter who directs the female presenting avatar? 

Because like you, they get off on certain things, and other things they don't. And that's their business not yours. And it doesn't matter if that doesnt work for you or not, because its not about you. And it doesn't mean they're homophobic. 

 

[Luna Bliss]

1 hour ago, diamond Marchant said:

For me, this is not simple. Obviously there is sexual preference. The question for me is, in a virtual world, why does it matter who directs the female presenting avatar? The male in this scenario is supposedly attracted by the avatar appearance and personality. This satisfies the "sexual preference" part. The question for me is "why is this not enough"? One theory (and this is not an attempt to villanize, rather, it is an attempt to understand) is...  if the female avatar is not directed by an AFAB, then the male considers it taboo. For me, this takes us out of "sexual preference" and into "morals".

Since your premise is wrong then your conclusion has to be as well.

Their fantasy, their belief, even as they interact with a toon representation, is that they are with a real woman in 1st life -- this is what they desire.

Edited August 18, 2023 by Luna Bliss

[Ceka Cianci]

I sure wouldn't mind someone showing up as a cherry cheesecake shake right about now.. I sure could go for one of those..

 

[Chike Nightingale]

I haven't actually seen gender being mentioned in profiles, that often. Age is mentioned more often. Neither interest me. I react to the appearance of the avatar in front of me and the personality they have, not their RL gender, age, if they have a cat or dog, what their RL race is etc. So no, I don't think, in general, gender is a necessary element in someone's profile. However, clearly, from posts here, some do want to know RL gender and that seems, mostly, to be about engaging in slex with them?

The only things I look for in a profile are, nicking LM's of interesting looking places and avoiding people with aggressive or rude profiles. The other thing that gives me a good laugh are the amazing subjects covered in the groups people are members of, a lot of which could not possibly be repeated here!

 

[LoverLoveBoy]

 guy/gal ✌️ Shapeshifter he/she/they.  Unisex many sizes.   lad/lass   Someone on the other side.  Happy happy joy joy 🤩  pink/blue pill   

Edited August 18, 2023 by LoverLoveBoy

[Love Zhaoying]

We could go back to the days where the standard greeting was, "A/S/L?"

[QuietEventide]

4 hours ago, Anthony McGregor said:

I haven't actually seen gender being mentioned in profiles, that often. Age is mentioned more often. Neither interest me. I react to the appearance of the avatar in front of me and the personality they have, not their RL gender, age, if they have a cat or dog, what their RL race is etc.

I put my (old) age on my profile but I'm kind of on the fence whether to post RL gender. I'm not sure "RL gender" really matters.
Sorry for the long post, I've tried to divide it into parts. I hope someone may find it reasonably interesting.

RL Age - RL gender
I posted my RL age (born 1958) and that's partly because I might not have all that much in common with 20-somethings and I really don't want to waste their time.
As for gender ... well, I'm not on SL for sex or SL relationships. I'm mainly here for escapism and soul searching and some fun/virtual relaxation. I don't feel I owe it to anyone to tell them what my real life body looks like. It's not in super shape anymore, that's for sure... sigh... so I am a little bit vain since I like to at least feel pretty here.
But both my avatars are frauds if we put RL in the mix...  ...physically I am nothing like either of them.

Body vs Soul
I keep coming back to the old song "Body and Soul" (recommend Coleman Hawkins from 1939, it's on Youtube).
Note the key word "and" in the title.

I think many people are mixing up the concepts. And many don't seem to be able to separate the "body" from the "soul" which lives inside you - the soul being the "spiritual life form" which inevitably will leaves the physical body when our days on this earth are over. The body will wither and go back to Gaia. We don't know what happens to the soul.

A Spiritual Paintbrush
In Second Life, we have been given the paintbrushes to paint our souls. We can leave our earthly body behind and we can instead get a digital Maitreya or a Jake or whichever more or less perfect 3D body we like. The soul is the same. Does a soul have a gender? My take on that is that our souls - the inner spirit - is completely free of all that. It is much more than simply "male" or "female" or "trans" or any of the other earthly limitations and ticked boxes we carry around.

Free.

Inner Desires
My female avatar is a "spirit painting" of my futile inner wish to return to the more carefree days I remember from the 1970s. Rolled-up jeans, great pop music and somewhat ridiculous clothes. I felt at home there. That period represents a form of security for me (Evie).

Prescott (my male avi) paints a picture of something that happened even longer ago - to the "wild west" and a homestead or a wagon out in the wilderness.
I don't think anyone ever asked Prescott if he is really a girl in RL. Gosh... I guess nobody dared!
He seriously looks like the type that shoots first (no, not like that...! ) and asks questions later.

Which one of these two avatars is the "real me"?
Answer: both of them. Plus probably many more, but I have only explored these two...

My main point
We are all so much more than just a physical or digital body.
We have bodies - but we are souls.
SL gives us the tools to make a journey inwards, into ourselves, and see a glimpse of our own inner spirit.

May peace and love be with you all.  

[Amanda Crisp]

On 8/15/2023 at 1:28 AM, Phil Deakins said:

In certain circumstances, I disagree with that.

Some people, and I am one of them, would seriously hate to be 'romantic' with an avatar that is being operated by someone of the same gender and, imo, it's unethical to have someone think that the person at the keyboard is not the gender they believe they are 'interacting' with.

DISCLAIMER:

The Phil is an all around good human and a longtime contributor to these forums; whom I respect.  My comments are not intended to put him in a bad light; we just happen to have some minor differences of opinion. He is a cool, smart guy and I would not have people assume I think otherwise. AK

I take the stance that “unless you plan to take a relationship to RL, RL demographics are irrelevant”. ALL if us in SL are disembodied brains manifesting on the avatar of our choice.

I personally have an obvious handicap in RL; in SL I am free of it. But that discontinuity might freak some people out.

I’m rather OLD in RL; in SL I am eternally 30-something. THAT discontinuity might freak some people out too.

I decided long ago that I can’t let other people’s preferences determine how I live my life.

SL is good for my mental health, as its my chance to be mistaken for “normal” and not the occasional object of pity.

That being said (and more on Phils point) - I don’t make my RL status a secret to people  I am associated with. I don’t wander around w a titler that says “Old and Gimpy”, but I also talk about it openly w friends and on these forums.

Respect for people’s preferences and triggers is an important part of civilized behavior, but with regards to “RL status” I think the point where that should be discussed is when we invade someone’s Personal Space. That’s up to the individual.

It’s also important to remember how badly some Residents have been treated by others for NOT having an avatar that matched their RL demographics. It wasn’t so long ago that the memories have faded so I can see how that might make people “cautious”.

[Phil Deakins]

@Amanda Crisp

Thank you for the disclaimer

[BilliJo Aldrin]

The more i read and the more i think about it, no one has the right to ask or expect anything to be shared about rl. 

don’t like it, hit the road 😂

As I state in my profile, im living my second life, not yours 😁

[Luna Bliss]

21 minutes ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

The more i read and the more i think about it, no one has the right to ask or expect anything to be shared about rl. 

don’t like it, hit the road 😂

As I state in my profile, im living my second life, not yours 😁

Some people could ask, express a desire or preference, without expecting or demanding an answer though.

[Luna Bliss]

2 hours ago, QuietEventide said:

And many don't seem to be able to separate the "body" from the "soul" which lives inside you - the soul being the "spiritual life form" which inevitably will leaves the physical body when our days on this earth are over. The body will wither and go back to Gaia. We don't know what happens to the soul.

A Spiritual Paintbrush
In Second Life, we have been given the paintbrushes to paint our souls. We can leave our earthly body behind and we can instead get a digital Maitreya or a Jake or whichever more or less perfect 3D body we like. The soul is the same. Does a soul have a gender? My take on that is that our souls - the inner spirit - is completely free of all that. It is much more than simply "male" or "female" or "trans" or any of the other earthly limitations and ticked boxes we carry around.

My main point
We are all so much more than just a physical or digital body.
We have bodies - but we are souls.
SL gives us the tools to make a journey inwards, into ourselves, and see a glimpse of our own inner spirit.

So true, and I am flummoxed by the fact that, for many in virtual worlds, what should, or has the potential to, cause people to realize that the physical really does not matter has instead made the physical matter even more!

Edited August 18, 2023 by Luna Bliss

[Kathlen Onyx]

15 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Some people could ask, express a desire or preference, without expecting or demanding an answer though.

I once met someone that asked me to dance and I asked the simple question to move along the conversation as he wasn't saying much. I asked "what state are you from"? He said that he doesn't divulge personal information while in the next breath asking me to go cuddle with him. No Slex, just cuddling with our clothes on.  I didn't see the point. He wasn't RPing he was just being super secretive.   To me cuddling can be more intimate than Slex.

There has to be some point of conversation and that often surrounds what you do for a living or what part of the world do you reside in, things like that. Those things can move the conversation to other non RL things.  I mean lie if you must but if you are just behind an avatar with no tangible information to be able to have a conversation why would I waste my time with you.  

I agree that in a crowd of people that the sex of who is behind the avatar doesn't matter but if everything isn't how you present yourself then how really are you to connect with the person on a individual level?

[Arielle Popstar]

20 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

I once met someone that asked me to dance and I asked the simple question to move along the conversation as he wasn't saying much. I asked "what state are you from"? He said that he doesn't divulge personal information while in the next breath asking me to go cuddle with him. No Slex, just cuddling with our clothes on.  I didn't see the point. He wasn't RPing he was just being super secretive.   To me cuddling can be more intimate than Slex.

Such a person I would suspect of being an actual rl female from being wary of sharing even location information and also preferring cuddles over actual slex. In general that isn't how men are.

 

Quote

There has to be some point of conversation and that often surrounds what you do for a living or what part of the world do you reside in, things like that. Those things can move the conversation to other non RL things.  I mean lie if you must but if you are just behind an avatar with no tangible information to be able to have a conversation why would I waste my time with you.  

I agree that in a crowd of people that the sex of who is behind the avatar doesn't matter but if everything isn't how you present yourself then how really are you to connect with the person on a individual level?

Some of the best friends I have inworld those questions don't even come up as the relationship is based on how we feel about things in a general way rather than their A/S/L. The only reason I tend to care about location is for their time zone as it gives me an idea of their inworld times. Neither is their vocation of real interest because well I don't really want to know that this pretty young thing is actually a 50 year bricklayer. 😉

Edited August 18, 2023 by Arielle Popstar

[BilliJo Aldrin]

56 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Some people could ask, express a desire or preference, without expecting or demanding an answer though.

i should have said demand instead of ask, anyone can ask anything, but demanding is different 😁

[BilliJo Aldrin]

33 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

To me cuddling can be more intimate than Slex.

There has to be some point of conversation and that often surrounds what you do for a living or what part of the world do you reside in, things like that.

I agree totally about cuddling, there has to an emotional connection. Besides with a lot of guys “cuddling” is just the first step to sex.

I’d prefer they just ask for sex instead of playing games.

As for sharing rl info, I talk about my rl all the time .