Should I put my real-life gender in my woman avatars' profiles?

[BilliJo Aldrin]

3 minutes ago, Robberinthemuseum said:

Honestly I wish people would stop doing this. I feel responsible for them when they do. It adds an unnecessary layer of stress onto the whole thing. 

I love attention, so if you dedicate yourself to me I eat it up.

[Orwar]

5 minutes ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

To be honest, I never pursue anyone, but if someone pursues me, I let them.

Oh and I have no idea how many times people have declared their undying love for me after 24 hours… mm yes baby, i love you too.

seriously? then whatever

   D'aw, you fail to meet someone's expectations of common decency? Good for you! 

[BilliJo Aldrin]

Just now, Orwar said:

   D'aw, you fail to meet someone's expectations of common decency? Good for you! 

their expectations, not mine.

[BilliJo Aldrin]

I just want to add, im not a gold digger, i dont try to get anything out of people that woo me. I have my own money, my own land, and when they are offline, my own life

[BilliJo Aldrin]

rethinking this topic, I get the impression that unless you are willing to share all of your real life, people think you shouldn’t get involved in sl relations lest you cause that less than 1% of population looking for real life to fall in love with you.

so just forget about the 99% that want nothing more out of second life, than second life,  but comport yourself to protect that 1%.

ummmm no

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

rethinking this topic, I get the impression that unless you are willing to share all of your real life, people think you shouldn’t get involved in sl relations lest you cause that less than 1% of population looking for real life to fall in love with you.

so just forget about the 99% that want nothing more out of second life, than second life,  but comport yourself to protect that 1%.

ummmm no

I disagree. I've seen the opposite in this thread.

[Ayashe Ninetails]

2 hours ago, Katherine Heartsong said:

But let me assure you, that there are a very large percentage of men in SL who absolutely do care if you're male RL and won't come anywhere near you in SL if they knew because you tell them, or it's in your profile. 

Yes, but why would you want them to? That sounds like a good thing. Guys like that aren't exactly people I'd want to associate with in the first place. Insecure, paranoid, worried about obtaining the complete unabridged RL bio of a person they're almost certainly never going to meet (because how many of those really intend to hop on a plane to hang out at some point in the future? Want some fun - try asking them about that and see what happens). Verify I'm really a frog? For THEM? Gimme a break. 😏

More seriously, I've seen this a million times. The potential of someone being male in RL isn't the only thing that squicks these types out. Try shaving your avatar's head, wearing face/head tattoos, dressing the complete opposite of whatever passes for attractive in the events scene these days (no comment), rocking a less than attractive fantasy avatar, appearing too physically strong, inviting them along for a gaming session outside of SL, etc. and you'll still be avoided. These are not serious people looking for serious, genuine friendships (or more). I'm pretty happy when they don't talk to me!

If a guy is that concerned and wants all kinds of verification up front, perhaps he'd be better off on Tinder or OkCupid ooooor perhaps, shock and horror, he should get off his booty and hit up a real life nightclub or social event in a cute little leisure suit.

[Silent Mistwalker]

2 hours ago, Katherine Heartsong said:

To the OP ... Do it or don't, that's really your choice. The line here in SL gets crossed when someone—usually a man—asks you if you're "really female" because they are interested in your persona here for either sexual or romantic reasons, or both. Then you have a decision to make. Tell them "No, male in RL", or say "Not really your business".

I've gotten hit with that question so very many times in 19 years that I combined my response into one sentence.

"Yes, I am and no, you won't, ever."

[Katherine Heartsong]

7 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

Yes, but why would you want them to? That sounds like a good thing.

Exactly! It is a good thing

For me, I like that my profile acts as a filter. It's exactly why I state "Male RL" in my profile ... those types of guys I don't want to interact with. And yeah, try anything out of the feminine "norms" and except at places that cater to that look/scene, same effect.

[Sid Nagy]

.

Second thoughts. Too much off topic.

Edited August 16, 2023 by Sid Nagy

[Ayashe Ninetails]

4 minutes ago, Katherine Heartsong said:

Exactly! It is a good thing

For me, I like that my profile acts as a filter. It's exactly why I state "Male RL" in my profile ... those types of guys I don't want to interact with. And yeah, try anything out of the feminine "norms" and except at places that cater to that look/scene, same effect.

Big same! Once I learned that doing certain things to my avatar was more effective than any other tools we have at our disposal to avoid obnoxious IM spam, I went nuts with it. My profile isn't the filter - I'm the filter! Of course, I do have that I'm female in RL in my First Life tab, but that doesn't seem to change a dang thing because a guy won't even make it past the avatar.

Oh, you don't like it when I express my fluidity? Ok here, lemme just stuff my androgynous male avie into some high heels and a suit he looks better in than you do. Oh, is my nose too big for you? Lemme just make that bigger. Too much metal in my face? How's this *adds more piercings*. Increases height and muscle mass. Stuffs female avies into menswear and alternative hairstyles. Runs around as a literal skeleton with impeccable fashion sense because why not.

Awww what, no more IMs? Poor meeeeee!

[Love Zhaoying]

1 minute ago, Sid Nagy said:

Normally this action below would be a nominee for the Darwin Trophy.
The look on the face of the lion is priceless.
If that guy would not have been one of his best friends......

 

I saw something recently that explained the "cubs surprising older lions" pictures are real, but that the older lions know and let it happen on purpose to help the cubs learn "stalking" (plus its part of play). 

[Phil Deakins]

53 minutes ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

rethinking this topic, I get the impression that unless you are willing to share all of your real life, people think you shouldn’t get involved in sl relations lest you cause that less than 1% of population looking for real life to fall in love with you.

so just forget about the 99% that want nothing more out of second life, than second life,  but comport yourself to protect that 1%.

ummmm no

It's not like that at all. It's not even close. You are lumping all the people who prefer to 'play' with people of a preferred gender, usually the opposite gender, as people who want to form relationships that might even reach into RL. That's simply not the case. It may be for a few, but it's not the norm.

You have your way of 'relating' with people in SL, and that's your choice, but it's not everyone's choice. Judging by your posts, you don't have any experience of the way that other people think about it. You only seem to know about your way. You have a lot to say, but only about your own personal point of view and against the points of view of other people. Yours is not the 'normal' point of view, and neither is anyone else's. People think about relationships in SL in a variety of ways.

For many years, I've only 'related' if I had some confidence that the other person was an RL female, because I would hate it if the RL physical part of such 'relating' was also occurring in the other person if it's not a female. And that's the big thing for me. I'd hate to be encouraging that kind of reaction in another man.

People think in a variety of perfectly good ways. Yours is only one of them.

 

Edited August 16, 2023 by Phil Deakins

[diamond Marchant]

7 hours ago, Katherine Heartsong said:

To the OP ... Do it or don't, that's really your choice. The line here in SL gets crossed when someone—usually a man—asks you if you're "really female" because they are interested in your persona here for either sexual or romantic reasons, or both. Then you have a decision to make. Tell them "No, male in RL", or say "Not really your business".

I agree.

As far as ethics are concerned (that is, how a community expects avatars to behave), you may do as you wish. Avatars are often aspirational, differing in many dimensions from the RL person  (species, gender, age, interests, ancestry, etc.)

But what about morals? (that is, what the RL person believes is right or wrong)  For avatar romance  (where emotions are involved), I personally believe in honesty. I believe all forms of catfishing are wrong. 

Edited August 16, 2023 by diamond Marchant

[Nalates Urriah]

2 hours ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

To be honest, I never pursue anyone, but if someone pursues me, I let them.

Oh and I have no idea how many times people have declared their undying love for me after 24 hours… mm yes baby, i love you too.

seriously? then whatever

Wow... it took that long?

Seems many have confused the feeling of love with the sensation of climaxing.

In SL the idea of forever love is HIGHLY questionable. Early on a girlfriend and I were bouncing through clubs picking up guys. One was making out with her professing how she was the only one for him, forever while in another IM was hitting on me. I wonder about such a person's ethics.

Mine are such that I sent my friend a copy of his chat thread with me... including time stamps. He was all mad at me thinking I was doing something wrong by taking care of my friend.

I am convinced few people ever think about their ethics or even wonder where theirs came from.

[Sid Nagy]

1 hour ago, Nalates Urriah said:

I am convinced few people ever think about their ethics or even wonder where theirs came from.

I'm more in the line of "Mileages vary".  I don't like to generalize.
There are a lot of different people out there. From all sorts, believes, genders, races, age, with all kind of different expectations about SL, different (hidden) agendas, goals, achievements, taste, ethics, morals, cultural backgrounds.

The ones that walk like an elephant through a china shop (like the one you described) can go and f*** themselves.
But I'm convinced that there are tons of good people worth meeting out there too.

[usedcars]

I don't have in my profile who I am in RL and the places I go there is no question about because they are OK with it.   I have been in SL relationships where I don't know what exactly is going on in RL and I am cool with that.  Everyone is in SL for many different reasons.

[BilliJo Aldrin]

5 hours ago, Phil Deakins said:

It's not like that at all. It's not even close. You are lumping all the people who prefer to 'play' with people of a preferred gender, usually the opposite gender, as people who want to form relationships that might even reach into RL. That's simply not the case. It may be for a few, but it's not the norm.

You have your way of 'relating' with people in SL, and that's your choice, but it's not everyone's choice. Judging by your posts, you don't have any experience of the way that other people think about it. You only seem to know about your way. You have a lot to say, but only about your own personal point of view and against the points of view of other people. Yours is not the 'normal' point of view, and neither is anyone else's. People think about relationships in SL in a variety of ways.

For many years, I've only 'related' if I had some confidence that the other person was an RL female, because I would hate it if the RL physical part of such 'relating' was also occurring in the other person if it's not a female. And that's the big thing for me. I'd hate to be encouraging that kind of reaction in another man.

People think in a variety of perfectly good ways. Yours is only one of them.

 

yes of course, there are lots of opinions, but i can only live my life based on mine, not everyone elses. Bottom line, its second life, enjoy it, if you want a real life relationship, down load a dating app, or even better omg, go out and meet someone in rl, then the only thing you’ll need to worry about is are they trans 😂

Edited August 16, 2023 by BilliJo Aldrin
spelling

[BilliJo Aldrin]

1 hour ago, usedcars said:

I don't have in my profile who I am in RL and the places I go there is no question about because they are OK with it.   I have been in SL relationships where I don't know what exactly is going on in RL and I am cool with that.  Everyone is in SL for many different reasons.

exactly, that is the best way to be 😁

as long as the reason they are in sl more or less matches your own, its all good.

[BilliJo Aldrin]

4 hours ago, Nalates Urriah said:

Wow... it took that long?

Seems many have confused the feeling of love with the sensation of climaxing.

In SL the idea of forever love is HIGHLY questionable. Early on a girlfriend and I were bouncing through clubs picking up guys. One was making out with her professing how she was the only one for him, forever while in another IM was hitting on me. I wonder about such a person's ethics.

Mine are such that I sent my friend a copy of his chat thread with me... including time stamps. He was all mad at me thinking I was doing something wrong by taking care of my friend.

I am convinced few people ever think about their ethics or even wonder where theirs came from.

I get hit on all the time by guys while they are doing  it with another girl, I always call them out in local on it.

[Ceka Cianci]

17 hours ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

rethinking this topic, I get the impression that unless you are willing to share all of your real life, people think you shouldn’t get involved in sl relations lest you cause that less than 1% of population looking for real life to fall in love with you.

so just forget about the 99% that want nothing more out of second life, than second life,  but comport yourself to protect that 1%.

ummmm no

I don't even think that was the topic, because the person that started the topic specifically said, they had no intentions on pursuing relationships in virtual worlds.

I think the thread went where people wanted it to go, rather than sticking to the subject at hand.. kinda like twittering or what ever it's called.. hehehe

So basically if they are not setting their avatar up for relationships, but for themselves and their second life experience that are not intended to impact another's in that way. Then there isn't any reason at all for them to feel the need to put anything of RL into their profile..

I'll stick to what I said in my first post.. Do what they feel is secure in doing and if anyone pushes on them to do something they don't feel secure about, they might want to move on..

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Kathlen Onyx]

11 hours ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

I get hit on all the time by guys while they are doing  it with another girl, I always call them out in local on it.

How do you know that they are "doing it" with another girl and why in the world would you advertise it in local? Is it really all the time? Not once have I been hit on where I was aware that they were doing it with another girl.  I'd be interested to know where you hang out that this happens a lot so I don't go. 

[Kathlen Onyx]

16 hours ago, Nalates Urriah said:

Mine are such that I sent my friend a copy of his chat thread with me... including time stamps. He was all mad at me thinking I was doing something wrong by taking care of my friend.

 

I'm sure you know this and probably don't care but for new people that read the forums this is against the TOS and you could get an AR filed against you and banned for doing this.  Frankly, I'd be angry too that you did this so I don't blame him.

[elleevelyn]

On 8/16/2023 at 1:52 AM, Ayashe Ninetails said:

If I know you as a female squirrel, you're going to be a female squirrel to me until you tell me you're Bob from Minnesota (and then I'm still going to address you as a female squirrel in public, so there).

this is pretty much me as well. What I see is all there is

i have a running acquaintance with a person who has more alts than I can remember. I just address each avatar as a independent identity, same as I do with every other person/avatar I meet

in the beginning they would say stuff like: It's me! and I would go: me? like meme or me me?? 

after a while they just accepted that I was little bit weird calling their avatar called Bob, Bob. And their other avatar called Mary, Mary and Jonas, Jonas, etc etc

after I bit we got along fine, with me being the weirdo

 

Edited August 17, 2023 by elleevelyn
typ

[BilliJo Aldrin]

3 hours ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

How do you know that they are "doing it" with another girl and why in the world would you advertise it in local? Is it really all the time? Not once have I been hit on where I was aware that they were doing it with another girl.  I'd be interested to know where you hang out that this happens a lot so I don't go. 

I know they are doing it because its in plain sight right in front of me. Its a swingers, group s*x club.

I call them out to let the girl know, and to embarass him.

Just consider it my good deed for the day 😂