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Found this one  soooo funny

I cannot shop at Costco anymore :-))))) Yesterday I was at Costco buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Necco, the Wonder Dog, which weighs 191 lbs. I was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think I had an elephant? So, because I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your jacket pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stopped to Pee on a Fire Hydrant and a car hit me,

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Costco won't let me shop there anymore. Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in the World to think of crazy things to say. Forward this (especially) to all your retired friends...it will be their laugh for the day!

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A man and woman were married for many years...whenever there was a confrontation, yelling could be heard deep into the night. The old man would shout, "When I die, I will dig my way up and out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life! Neighbors feared him. The old man liked the fact that he was feared. Then one evening, he died when he was 98. After the burial, her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may indeed be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life? The wife said, " Let him dig. I had him buried upside down...and I know he won't ask for directions.

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   My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer. I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

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47 minutes ago, Lindal Kidd said:

You're both wrong, it's an outcrop!

I'm not so sure about that.  An outcrop is generally an exposure of rock that is in place, as in a cliff face or a roadcut.  That looks like a freestanding boulder, perhaps one that has rolled downhill or been plopped there by a glacier or a monster flood.

Edited by Rolig Loon
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16 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

I'm not so sure about that.  An outcrop is generally an exposure of rock that is in place, as in a cliff face or a roadcut.  That looks like a freestanding boulder, perhaps one that has rolled downhill or been plopped there by a glacier or a monster flood.

I vote for glacial erratic.

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   Realtor: The market is terrible at the moment, I haven't managed to sell anything for weeks. How's business on your end?
   Undertaker: Well, the cemetery is really crowded - and people are dying to get in!

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