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Absolutely broken.  I have just had confirmation that my wonderful, amazing,  perfectly imperfect partner lost his battle with cancer this morning.  We almost made it to 11 years in this mad crazy wor

My dad passed away today, in his sleep, at the hospice. I'm in that shock phase now, numb and unable to think.

So, quick update number 2...  My daughter is negative for covid-19!!! the super quarantine is lifted and we can go grocery shopping! Back to your regularly scheduled bickering.. 

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Can I just say that I LOVE this thread and everyone who posts in it? You all are making this season a lot easier to take this year.  I find my self eagerly checking in over and over to see what's up with everyone.  My heart aches for your pain and soars for your triumphs.

And on a cheery note, someone I work with volunteered her husband to come do a honeydo for me that I was overwhelmed by.  I'm so used to not depending on anyone else, that I was thinking I might hire someone.

I'm a telecommuter and we have daily check ins in small groups  and before the meeting started I was bemoaning the fact that I felt so inadequate to hook up a propane tank to the generator I bought at the end of fire season. 

I thought I was home free until next fall since fire season ended before I got to use it, but last night we lost power for no particular reason for three hours and I started to prep it.  It needed a lot of prep work.  There was oil to put in and a battery to hook up and then the part that stymied me, hooking up the tank to the generator.  I understood the instructions sort of but when it got to checking for leaks with soap bubbles I balked.  If I did something wrong the darn thing could explode! Luckily while I was reading the manual, the lights came back on.

So anyway, I'm so grateful for the kindness of strangers and the loving care I feel from you all. 💞

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I too find this thread very interesting and heartwarming. Thank you @Beth Macbain for your generosity in getting this threat going. Like @kali Wylder, I took come here and read what people are thinking and feeling. I believe this is the power of the internet. A very underwhelming, under utilized part of it anyway.

I sympathize with anyone that is having a tough time or just misses people at this time of year. I remember when my mom was alive, every single Christmas even she would cry openly before our family meal remembering her own mother, father, and brother. Maybe this is a good time to tell a little story.

I'm an English teacher (but please don't triple check my grammar and spelling - laugh - it can be better)

I had a poetry unit and had the students write 10 original poems. The end of the unit was a poetry reading where they had to read a composition from a classmate and one from their own collection. The day was going great until the last young lady got up and began to cry and could not finish her poem. It was about her little brother who had been accidentally run over by her dad in the driveway). She stopped crying and because it was Friday we all left for the weekend. On Monday she came to see me and asked to once again read the poem she wrote about her brother. I certainly didn't want to cry again, but what the hell was I to do, so I said yes.

Once again she started to cry but this time she finished the poem and sat down.

A day later I asked her why this was so important to her and I won't ever forget what she said. She said that in time she has forgotten many things about her brother, but when she was crying and feeling so intensely, she felt his presence all around her. This is what this thread reminds me of. It might be tough to be human and let other people see you for who you are and what struggles each of us carries, but in the end I think it brings us closer together.

I prefer making immature dirty innuendoes elsewhere in the forum, but I thought I might contribute something here anyhow.

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And I thank all of you who have joined in!

I know how December hits me, and trying to put on a fake smile and be all fake cheerful just makes it worse. I thought maybe I wasn't alone on that, and that in the midst of all the happy holiday threads, we could use a real one for people who aren't so merry where we won't be fussed and and told to quit being Grinches and Scrooges and where we're allowed to be however we feel in whatever moment. 

We're almost, but not quite, halfway through the month and it seems that we're all hanging in there. Some of us are hanging by thinner threads than others, but I hope we can keep this going at least through the first of the year as a place to scream, kick, cry, punch, throw things, hide under the covers, avoid phone calls and texts and emails, be generally unhealthy through copious amounts of ice cream/chocolate/alcohol/caffeine/nitrous/pasta/whatever your food/drug of choice is, and all the other things the cheerful people look down at us for until it's January and OUR time to shine while everyone else goes through the post-holiday blues.

I can't wait. 

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I’m numb. I just can’t with it all, so I freeze. I joke, play with words a bit, gift bomb the ugliest of sweaters at times to those least expecting it...but under? 
frozen. That’s just how it is right now for me. 

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7 minutes ago, Fauve Aeon said:

I’m numb. I just can’t with it all, so I freeze. I joke, play with words a bit, gift bomb the ugliest of sweaters at times to those least expecting it...but under? 
frozen. That’s just how it is right now for me. 

You've found the right place then... you can be as cold as you want over here with the rest of us misfits! ❤️

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8 minutes ago, Fauve Aeon said:

I’m numb. I just can’t with it all, so I freeze. I joke, play with words a bit, gift bomb the ugliest of sweaters at times to those least expecting it...but under? 
frozen. That’s just how it is right now for me. 

It's ok to freeze, it's a defense mechanism, your body is stopping you from feeling more than you can handle at the moment.  And when you're ready to feel it all, you will. In the mean time,  ♡

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I am finally feeling GREAT.  I am officially off work for 2 weeks now and I leave on Sat for a 1 week vacation -- a beach vacation to get away from this darn cold stuff that keeps coming every year.

I have no doubt that many things will be broke when I get back to work and the 26th - my first day back - will be absolutely horrid............. but for now, there is NO WORK and that is fantastic.

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I'm OK today. A lot of chores to get through, but it's not raining, and I have a clear head. I get migraines quite often so a clear head day is a great day.

On the subject of being wanted, my father abandoned me and my mother before I was three. He lives nearby, but he's a stranger to me. His selfishness has defined who I am. His absence was a black cloud right through my childhood, and yet, I know I was better off without his malign presence. His reputation locally is appalling and few people know he's my father. But I managed to gain strength through adversity, but also real compassion for those with similar life stories. Life can really suck, so try to stay strong. Don't be a prisoner of your own thoughts. Try to be strong, and live the life those who loved you would want. That's what makes me who I am.

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Ok went back to sleep refocussed and concentrated on the youngest child's birthday.  Being just after Christmas it has often been a washout for him as far as getting friends together for parties and such and as time went by it faded into family only stuff.  Anyway,  I have booked a VR experience for him and 3 friends  (surprise surprise they all RSVP'd for once)  I have started to put together a party bag so on the way are gamer style party bags with pens, notepads, wristbands, bookmark and stickers.  I have added gamer socks and  a keyring and my personal favorite  fart bombs.   Drop in some sweets and a slice of the cake I am off to look for now (online of course. not going outside today) and job done and I feel I have achieved something before midday and I haven't even taken my CBD yet.   OMG   I was avoiding the news but couldn't resist  a quick look and best news ever https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/50780855  😁

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I’m feeling better today. I thought some things over and decided on a simple course of small actions to take in a couple of areas,  to just focus on those for a bit. It’s hardest to take the first steps to getting un-stuck. Posting about it helped. 🦋

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1 minute ago, Fauve Aeon said:

I’m feeling better today. I thought some things over and decided on a simple course of small actions to take in a couple of areas,  to just focus on those for a bit. It’s hardest to take the first steps to getting un-stuck. Posting about it helped. 🦋

There is a reason that 12 step programs use the "one day at a time" mantra. Things get overwhelming when we look at things in a very big or broad way. Small bites. Baby steps. One day at a time. They sound like platitudes but they're true. 

Just look at today and focus on getting from Point A to Point B. Tomorrow you can work on Point B to Point C. 

hugs

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21 hours ago, Fauve Aeon said:

I’m numb. I just can’t with it all, so I freeze. I joke, play with words a bit, gift bomb the ugliest of sweaters at times to those least expecting it...but under? 
frozen. That’s just how it is right now for me. 

:::hug::: You're not alone. There are others here who are in the same frozen boat, and some others who are here cheering on those who are trying to pull the boat back over to land.

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6 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

There are others here who are in the same frozen boat, and some others who are here cheering on those who are trying to pull the boat back over to land.

And some of us who are just tired and achy. The spirit is willing, but some days the body has a hard time getting out of low gear.  I wish I was an nimble as my avatar.

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I feel a mixture of things at the moment. I love this time of year. Winter is my favorite season because of the cooler weather. It is when the world becomes a magical place for me filled with wonderful memories and the same exuberant feeling returns. It is bittersweet though because the one person (my dad) who was the most important person in my life isn't here to share it with me and hasn't been for ten years.

So while I'm very upbeat and happy (I'm disgustingly so most of the time or so I've been told), I'm really heart broken too. My Dad loved the holidays and he made them a joy to experience. Those wonderful memories I have of him are the most precious thing to me this time of year, but they come with a lot of sadness too. I just get sick of feeling guilty for being sad because my dad was my whole life since he adopted me. Now that he is gone...I don't know. He was the only family I had in the entire world. It is hard to explain.

I also have a lot of chronic health stuff and PTSD stuff I deal with on a daily basis. Nothing is life threatening so please know I realize how fortunate I am. They are debilitating though and sometimes I'm just sick of being sick. I feel guilty for this as well.

That is more than enough about me. I'm going to be quiet now.

This is a very thoughtful thread. Thank you.

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I didn't realize until just now how on edge I am today. I can actually feel it in my teeth from, I suppose, the gnashing.

I know I'm tired. Working last night threw off my entire schedule so I didn't get enough sleep. Dad's birthday is Monday. I've got to figure out what to do about the damn potluck next week, and then my boss comes to me today to ask if she can take me out to breakfast or lunch for my holiday gift. I'd rather have cash, but I'm also good with a free meal. 

But then she picked breakfast. At 8am. 

That isn't a treat! It's punishment! She knows I hate mornings and now I have to get up even earlier than normal to be at a restaurant before working hours that's further away. It's next Friday morning and now I'm going to be stewing about that for a full freaking week.

And I want some eggnog. With rum. 

Liquor store after work!  

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20 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

Liquor store after work!  

So it appears I will not be the only tipsy in SL avatar tonight. :)

I didn't think I liked eggnog much, kind of ambivalent, until I polished off, in record time, a quart of very rich nog from a local dairy. I think it evaporated.

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14 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

So it appears I will not be the only tipsy in SL avatar tonight. :)

I didn't think I liked eggnog much, kind of ambivalent, until I polished off, in record time, a quart of very rich nog from a local dairy. I think it evaporated.

I definitely do not like eggnog but I did call in at my favourite pub on the way home from work for a couple of beers and a chat with friends.

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I'm back from my root canal.  It was pretty meh, which is not too bad considering. Sadly, the anxiety was too intense for me to really enjoy the high. I arrived having added 2 advils, 1 klonapin and some kushberry vape to the mix before they got me in the chair.  The gas was lovely as was the music... They asked what kind of music I liked and I told them blues so they played Stevie Ray Vaughn, Joe Bonamassa and Beth Hart for me.  It hurt at times.  First thing done to me was something very cold was placed in the worst possible proximity to my infected tooth and nearly made me jump out of my chair groaning.  Then they gave me ten minutes with the gas and more novacaine to recover from that. I survived.  Now I am sore and numb.  I continue to add cannabis and orajel to the mix and I think I am ready for a nap.

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8 hours ago, Matty Luminos said:

I definitely do not like eggnog but I did call in at my favourite pub on the way home from work for a couple of beers and a chat with friends.

Eggnog often feels too heavy to me, and I get all soggy and hard to light.  My Xmas drink of choice is cocoa with whipped cream and spiked with peppermint schnappes.

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