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Absolutely broken.  I have just had confirmation that my wonderful, amazing,  perfectly imperfect partner lost his battle with cancer this morning.  We almost made it to 11 years in this mad crazy wor

My dad passed away today, in his sleep, at the hospice. I'm in that shock phase now, numb and unable to think.

So, quick update number 2...  My daughter is negative for covid-19!!! the super quarantine is lifted and we can go grocery shopping! Back to your regularly scheduled bickering.. 

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12 minutes ago, Beth Macbain said:

Normal is all relative. I personally think it's perfectly normal to be completely abnormal!

 

Many years ago, when I was talking to a therapist about being 'normal' she told me that normal was nothing more than a cycle on the washing machine.  

I repeat that to myself often.

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Just now, LittleMe Jewell said:

Many years ago, when I was talking to a therapist about being 'normal' she told me that normal was nothing more than a cycle on the washing machine.  

I repeat that to myself often.

I know that becoming comfortable with this kind of thing comes with age, but who the hell wants to be normal? What great people throughout history have been normal? 

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2 hours ago, Zzevir said:

I love you all and hope you get better and I don't want to offend nobody. But cluck me I'm the normal one here. That's don't happen to often. 

 

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ETA: I see others went the uplifting route for your comment, while I, surprise surprise, decided to respond like a smart ass. :)

Edited by Seicher Rae
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I’m catching a cold, I can’t sleep and I feel like 💩. But don’t give me sad faces, because I’ll then have to hunt you with my cupcake gun...knocking you clean across the sim region.

also I need to give up sugar and carbs again, I’ve backslid into wretched eating habits. My sweetie has a big fever and it worries me, he so rarely gets sick and he’s burning up despite NSAIDs dosing. Even the kitty is crabby tonight. When it rains, it pours. 🌧😓

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Points taken in regard to making people laugh - thank you. :)
Specifically, (which I did not clarify), I was talking of late teenage students in a singular/specialist learning environment.

And to be clear, I judge the success of my efforts on the results they are now able to obtain, interaction with others,
interaction with tutors and support staff, BUT -> most importantly: what I see in their eyes.

Many of you have far higher levels of qualification than I do.
I was invited to take up my position 8 years ago and even a smile from a student who can now see the path ahead to success
justifies the emotional exhaustion this work entails.
We simply don't give up on lost youth - ever.

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Well, went in to see the nurse practitioner, and she's moved me from my Wellbutrin/ Buspar combo to a Trintellix/ Buspar combo, with thoughts of easing off the Buspar as the Trintellix takes effect.

We'll... see how it goes?  All I know is that I had to take it with food, which is going to need me to adapt my schedule based on this morning.  I used to take my Wellbutrin right when I got up, then Buspar with some breakfast when I'd arrive early at the office.  Well, no Wellbutrin this morning... and holy cats, my brain missed it.  I was unreasonably upset that I had to balance a Chicken McGriddle on top of an iced coffee for my child. I mean, literally distressed over it.  The heck?

This is Not. Rational.  Fortunately I know it and am able to moderate my external behavior accordingly, but dadgum, part of me really hates being dependent on medication just to not be completely discombobulated by even the tiniest curves life throws me.  The rest of me, though, is grateful the meds at least exist.

That said, it takes three weeks for this stuff to start kicking in.  THREE.  Lordy, I'm just going to have to hold onto myself like a fiend in the interim.  Here's hoping the changeover side-effects aren't too bad.

At times, I really wish my parents had sought genetic counseling prior to reproducing... :P

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2 hours ago, Zzevir said:

Hello my little muffins!

 

Did you ever tried physical activity to relive your dark mood? Or to escape it  ?

This is one of those well-meaning comments that falls under the subreddit r/thanksimcured LOL

To be fair, studies show that for some types of depression and other mood disorders, physical activity can be helpful in conjunction with therapy and, where indicated, medication.  However, it isn't always helpful; in fact, where the type of disorder causes an utter lack of energy and inertia, being told "You have 30 minutes a day to take a walk!" or comments of that nature is... pretty defeating.

Personally, I am on medication in part to get me to the point where I'm able to get exercise again.  I used to walk for 30-60 minutes per day in addition to weight lifting, etc.  I'm not able to right now, but I want to get there... and telling me "just do it" isn't going to do a thing, because I quite literally can't have one more thing on my plate.  The stack is teetering as it is.

Others' mileage varies.

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6 minutes ago, Ajay McDowwll said:

This is one of those well-meaning comments that falls under the subreddit r/thanksimcured LOL

To be fair, studies show that for some types of depression and other mood disorders, physical activity can be helpful in conjunction with therapy and, where indicated, medication.  However, it isn't always helpful; in fact, where the type of disorder causes an utter lack of energy and inertia, being told "You have 30 minutes a day to take a walk!" or comments of that nature is... pretty defeating.

Personally, I am on medication in part to get me to the point where I'm able to get exercise again.  I used to walk for 30-60 minutes per day in addition to weight lifting, etc.  I'm not able to right now, but I want to get there... and telling me "just do it" isn't going to do a thing, because I quite literally can't have one more thing on my plate.  The stack is teetering as it is.

Others' mileage varies.

 

I didn't said anything I just asked a question from quriosity. Noting more noting less. 

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2 hours ago, Zzevir said:

Hello my little muffins!

Did you ever tried physical activity to relive your dark mood? Or to escape it  ?

I think it's probably safe to say that most of us here who live with depression have, over the course of our lives, tried all of the above and then some. My depression first made himself known when I was around 11-12 years old, and I'm 50 now. 

When I exercise, yes, I feel better. Exercising releases all sorts of lovely chemicals that feel nice. The problem is that the exercise high is temporary and it doesn't address the underlying causes of depression. It's very similar to self-medicating with alcohol or drugs. Yes, it makes you feel better for that moment, but then you come down, and often feel even worse.

Depression is a chronic condition that requires lifelong maintenance. Exercise may be part of a treatment plan. Exercise doesn't relieve depression or help you escape it. If someone is having a bad day that doesn't actually have depression, it might work to kick them out of their mood, but I think most of us (certainly not all) in this thread who deal with depression are dealing with actual diagnosed clinical forms of depression. 

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12 minutes ago, Zzevir said:

I didn't said anything I just asked a question from quriosity. Noting more noting less. 

I'm sorry for misunderstanding; the way it was phrased read to me as a suggestion, which is something I (and I'm sure many others) have heard time and time again.


"Why don't you go out and get some sunshine?"

"Take a walk -- everybody has thirty minutes a day for a walk!"

"Have you tried getting out with some friends?"

"Have you tried exercise?"

These are things that are usually first suggestions when someone is feeling "down" or "dark".  Thing is, there's a difference between just feeling a bit blue and actual major depressive disorder.  There's a difference between just having a case of nerves, and full-blown generalized anxiety disorder.

I wish my specific condition were fixed as easily as "trying some exercise".  It would be great.  It would mean three fewer pills to swallow per day, a ridiculously pricey prescription off my list of monthly expenses... and it won't work. 

Also, what Beth said is true.  It can help you feel better in the moment, but in my case it's clinical.  I will likely need medication the rest of my life to balance this because my brain chemistry is hopelessly hosed.  I don't love it, but if it's what allows me to function from day-to-day (and yes, even get to where I'm able to get back on track with my exercise), I'll take it and gladly.

Edited by Ajay McDowwll
Wording. My brain went one way and the paragraph went another; resolution was required.
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15 minutes ago, Cindy Evanier said:

Not a good day today.  That's it really.  A friend who went through similar with her SL partner said;  get through the next moment.  It will become the next hour and eventually a day.

I wish I had magic words or something, anything, that could help you to feel even a bit better but I know that you just have to feel what you feel and have a bad day because you need to have one because you lost someone and it hurts and it's hard and it hurts even more. 

I'm thinking about you and sending good karma and juju you're way... and lots of hugs, tissues, candy, whatever you need... and either sitting beside you just holding your hand, or on the other side of the room just being present for you, or even on the other side of the world supporting you in your grief. There's no time frame, no proper period of mourning... feel what you need to feel, take as long as you need to take, talk to us if you need to talk, or go quiet if you need to do that as well. There is no right or wrong. 

But I, and the rest of us, too, I'm sure, are here if you need us. We're here even if you don't need us. 

Hell, at this point, you can't get rid of us.

big squishy hugs

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6 hours ago, Fauve Aeon said:

I’m catching a cold, I can’t sleep and I feel like 💩. But don’t give me sad faces, because I’ll then have to hunt you with my cupcake gun...knocking you clean across the sim region.

also I need to give up sugar and carbs again, I’ve backslid into wretched eating habits. My sweetie has a big fever and it worries me, he so rarely gets sick and he’s burning up despite NSAIDs dosing. Even the kitty is crabby tonight. When it rains, it pours. 🌧😓

the sad face is really inadequate anyway, what we need is an emoji that says I hear you and I care. ♥️

Edited by kali Wylder
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3 hours ago, Zzevir said:

Did you ever tried physical activity to relive your dark mood? Or to escape it  ?

I have severe arthritis in my hips and knees.  I used to love to go for walks and yes it did help my mood some.  I wish I could do it, but the pain stops me. I find it difficult to walk from my desk to the kitchen and back. Just getting up or sitting down must be done gingerly while I wince. But thanks for caring. ♥️

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So the visit with the shrink yesterday went well. I forgot to ask about Wellbutrin. But I did get an increase in my Klonapin supply, I now get 10 per month for those days when the anxiety is too much to bare and I also got something that is supposed to help with the psychosomatic itching which also might help me sleep.  Can't remember the name of it and I haven't been to the pharmacy yet to pick it up. I'll keep you posted.  We decided that it still was not a good time to experiment with reducing my Effexor. 

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1 hour ago, Ajay McDowwll said:

I'm sorry for misunderstanding; the way it was phrased read to me as a suggestion, which is something I (and I'm sure many others) have heard time and time again.

 

Yes it would be great if things could be sorted with a light jog in the park, but I know it can't. 

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9 minutes ago, kali Wylder said:

I also got something that is supposed to help with the psychosomatic itching which also might help me sleep

I'd be interested to know what this is! I don't have this problem on the scale you do, but occasionally, yeah. And YAY for the Klonopin! That is something I will be talking to the psychiatrist about when I see him. I like to pretend I don't have anxiety, but in reality I know better. It's not debilitating for me as it is for many but some nights I just get deep into my brain and start worrying about... hell, how much a crumpet costs in Bangladesh or something equally bizarre that I have absolutely zero way of controlling and it would be nice to have a little something I can take on those occasions. 

I'm also cautiously optimistic about that the Kentucky House of Representatives actually voted to pass a medical marijuana bill. I didn't pay any attention to it as it was coming up for a vote because I didn't think it stood a chance in hell of passing. I have no idea what the senate will do with it, but I'm hopeful. 

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