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Making SL more welcoming to males


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This is totally not my experience at all. I am a man and have been using a male avatar since 2006. Talking to people isn't hard if you engage with them in local chat first. Get involved in the ac

I see this has gone back down into the weeds of interpersonal disputes, so it's musical thread lock time. Fortunately, the thesis of this thread has given me inspiration. Time to lock this thread now

I'm kind of surprised that this thread hasn't been locked yet.  Far too much here for me to respond to all of what I wanted to respond to (I tried to do some before I went to bed last night but my int

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14 hours ago, animats said:

As a male in SL, I haven't seen this as a problem.

I've tried the sex sims. It's like clubbing, on easy mode. No problem finding women. Got boring after a while. Met some good people, though.

The way to get somewhere in SL is to DO something. I built motorcycles, people liked those, and I met people that way. I've spent a lot of time driving around SL. Over 2000km of driving. I've built escalators, moving sidewalks, and animesh non-player characters, and met people interested in those things. I have a workshop in-world and a store on Marketplace. It doesn't make a lot of money, but I don't have to buy Lindens.

If you create stuff in SL, over time you meet other creators, and they're usually interesting people. I like having an elaborate, populated 3D world to create in. I just want it to be better. If your idea of a good time involves making things, SL is quite welcoming. I used to build elaborate steampunk props in RL, back when steampunk and the maker movement were big. Now I'm mostly doing things in SL.

I'm still using a free avatar, although one of the better ones. I usually wear jeans and a leather jacket in SL, which is what I often wear in RL. Yes, the clothing options for men are fewer. That's true in RL, too. Go to any American mall.

Not seeing a big problem.

 

I completely agree. Creating is by far the most fun thing to do in Second Life, and creating is how I spend most of my time here. 

Anything and everything that any man might want is easy to come by in Second Life, to the extent it gets boring. The female to male ratio is such that we can't keep all the females entertained. I realize there are a lot of threads in the forums about men randomly saying "hi," which some interpret as men having to work at it. It is just not so. 

There are two cases. One case, which is the less common of the two, in my opinion, involves truly new players that have not figured out where in-world to go to get whatever they might want. That doesn’t take very long, even for slow learners, which is why this is the less common case. People are more than willing to help a new guy by passing a landmark or suggesting keywords for search, depending on whatever the new guy might be seeking.

The second case, and I think this is by far the more common case, are experienced players who go fishing in no-fishing areas, just for the challenge. I'm not into it, but I have a very experienced acquaintance who maintains a new-ish alt (recreating new ones as they age), with modest appearance to go out fishing just for the challenge. The business of maintaining a new-ish alt is a bit over-the-top, but men are known to enjoy fishing. 

Edited by Erwin Solo
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It's totally true, too. A male who's actually good-looking and good at roleplay and whatnot will probably have a long line of ladies fawning over him like he's some kind of precious unicorn. And that's because they are,, thanks to SL's gender imbalance.

Granted if you don't like that kind of activities, I'd imagine the male side of SL might have less to offer. Other than the activities everyone can enjoy, like creating, or just listening to music.

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This is not about all men, but my experience with men and shopping. And why I am not so interested in beeing a personal shopper. It is not fun for me.

1: The enthusiast, who want a full makeover, but who rejects everything. Oh, he is keen om getting my options and suggestions, then he turns them down. But always nice and polite.

2. The grumpy, who refuse to buy anything at all until someone makes ***JUST*** what he want, down to the most teeny detail. Then he buys 1 of it in 1 color, and never buy more. He spend the next years lamenting that no one makes quality things for men, and posts on the forums why he's never shopping.

Maybe the enthusiast is the same as the grumpy, just in a better mood.

Where most of females can buy a new hairstyle just because they are bored. We does not stop shopping if we don't find ***JUST*** the hair we want, we buy something else instead.

Edited by Marianne Little
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6 minutes ago, Marianne Little said:

This is not about all men, but my experience with men and shopping. And why I am not so interested in beeing a personal shopper. It is not fun for me.

1: The enthusiast, who want a full makeover, but who rejects everything. Oh, he is keen om getting my options and suggestions, then he turns them down. But always nice and polite.

2. The grumpy, who refuse to buy anything at all until someone makes ***JUST*** what he want, down to the most teeny detail. Then he buys 1 of it in 1 color, and never buy more. He spend the next years lamenting that no one makes quality things for men, and posts on the forums why he's never shopping.

Maybe the enthusiast is the same as the grumpy, just in a better mood.

Where most of females can buy a new hairstyle just because they are bored. We does not stop shopping if we don't find ***JUST*** the hair we want, we buy something else instead.

I certainly don't buy things that I "kind of" like just for the sake of buying something. 😧 That feels like harmful stereotyping. The difference is that there usually is another creator making exactly that thing you want that the others don't, because of how vast the market is for women.

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1 minute ago, Cinos Field said:

I certainly don't buy things that I "kind of" like just for the sake of buying something. 😧 That feels like harmful stereotyping. The difference is that there usually is another creator making exactly that thing you want that the others don't, because of how vast the market is for women.

Not just for buying something, but out of boredom. And the thing is that I did not say all men, but my experiences are as valid as others. The men I encounter is the base that represend my experience with the shopping SL male.

 

I am in a group called "Saturday Sale Shoppers", and I stopped taking the notecards, because I realized I bought things I didn't need and forgot about them. I can tell you the group chat is very active and very female.

 

It is just 1 or 2 items for men on that list every Saturday, and lord only knows if they sell. If men even join the group.

 

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20 minutes ago, Marianne Little said:

We does not stop shopping if we don't find ***JUST*** the hair we want, we buy something else instead.

excpt stereotyping guys... this quoted line is as false as it can be .. you don't keep shopping, you keep HOPPING and after two weeks of dragging your guy around SL you end in the FIRST store you started and buy the worst wig that's seen during those whole two weeks!

:SwingingFriends:

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5 hours ago, Cinos Field said:

It's totally true, too. A male who's actually good-looking and good at roleplay and whatnot will probably have a long line of ladies fawning over him like he's some kind of precious unicorn. And that's because they are,, thanks to SL's gender imbalance.

Granted if you don't like that kind of activities, I'd imagine the male side of SL might have less to offer. Other than the activities everyone can enjoy, like creating, or just listening to music.

Aye.  A way to describe being a man in Second Life is to allude to that mythical man stranded on a mythical tropical island, with a dozen or more supermodels. Most of us decide that a dozen is more than we can keep serviced, for once sated, our interests shift to higher things.  

Others decide to engage in more challenging fishing expeditions, as previously described.

I tend to go for the smart ones. Poor men go for rich ones.  A majority of the so-called male-dominated role play SIMs are paid for by the female, who props up her man as roleplay Ruler (with appropriate title for the genre).

Edited by Erwin Solo
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36 minutes ago, Erwin Solo said:

Aye.  A way to describe being a man in Second Life is to allude to that mythical man stranded on a mythical tropical island, with a dozen or more supermodels. Most of us decide that a dozen is more than we can keep serviced, for once sated, our interests shift to higher things.  

May I echo your harem when I say: please don't stop.

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16 hours ago, operationhammerman said:

Disbanding the misandrist forum knitting circle might be a start...

Here it is! 

secondlife:///app/group/aff1160b-74a4-fd37-5d1c-22921544f7e9/about

Open to all!

Edited by Beth Macbain
It needed to be done.
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Just now, Bree Giffen said:

I was mostly thinking about how shopping events are skewed to women. I'm not even aware of male events. Are there sims where the guys are all hanging out?

@FairreLilette Thanks! It's my avatar that comes out every winter.

There are a few male shopping events. As expected, they all have "Man" or "Men" in their names, so they're easy to find.

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1 hour ago, Amina Sopwith said:

May I echo your harem when I say: please don't stop.

Erwin has suggested above that he has some of the more obstreperous women on "ignore," so I'm going to hazard a guess that he is oblivious to the snickering in the audience.

However, please don't let that stop you. I'm enjoying your asides immensely, even if he can't.

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11 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Erwin has suggested above that he has some of the more obstreperous women on "ignore," so I'm going to hazard a guess that he is oblivious to the snickering in the audience.

However, please don't let that stop you. I'm enjoying your asides immensely, even if he can't.

When you think about it, it doesn't really come as much of a surprise that SL seems to attract that particular type of men, considering they appear to be outnumbered.

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2 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

When you think about it, it doesn't really come as much of a surprise that SL seems to attract that particular type of men, considering they appear to be outnumbered.

 

Maybe it's an indication of the extent to which we all sort of float around in our own bubbles in SL that I very very rarely run across men who speak this way about women. Occasionally, yes, I'll get trolled in-world about the "feminism" in my profile, but really even that's pretty rare these days.

The men I know, and even the ones with whom I am acquainted only casually, at the clubs and such I frequent, are all of them supportive of women, and of gender equality, even if they might not call themselves "feminists." (Although a number of them would, and do.)

Maybe I've just been lucky? But, on the whole, my male friends and acquaintances are really great people, and I value them muchly.

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24 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Erwin has suggested above that he has some of the more obstreperous women on "ignore," so I'm going to hazard a guess that he is oblivious to the snickering in the audience.

However, please don't let that stop you. I'm enjoying your asides immensely, even if he can't.

I keep seeing that people can place others on "ignore" but I've been clicking around and don't see how to do it. Darned new-fangled contraptions...

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1 minute ago, Seicher Rae said:

I keep seeing that people can place others on "ignore" but I've been clicking around and don't see how to do it. Darned new-fangled contraptions...

I've actually never done it, BUT . . . I quite literally just now discovered that if you hover your cursor over a person's name or pic in a post, you get a popup that includes that option.

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1 minute ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I've actually never done it, BUT . . . I quite literally just now discovered that if you hover your cursor over a person's name or pic in a post, you get a popup that includes that option.

Yeah, it may harken back to the old days, but somehow I think I feel better knowing what the b**tards are saying rather than living in doubt. Regardless of the frustration and head-to-desk applications. :) But still, nice to know there is the option, and how to do it (thanks). 

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4 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

 

Maybe it's an indication of the extent to which we all sort of float around in our own bubbles in SL that I very very rarely run across men who speak this way about women. Occasionally, yes, I'll get trolled in-world about the "feminism" in my profile, but really even that's pretty rare these days.

The men I know, and even the ones with whom I am acquainted only casually, at the clubs and such I frequent, are all of them supportive of women, and of gender equality, even if they might not call themselves "feminists." (Although a number of them would, and do.)

Maybe I've just been lucky? But, on the whole, my male friends and acquaintances are really great people, and I value them muchly.

I'll put it this way, you've been far more "lucky" than I have. I haven't hung out in SL clubs in over 12 years, mostly due to such places being seemingly overrun with guys that are only looking to get laid. That isn't why I'm in SL. I came to SL for a memorial for an AW friend and ended up staying to keep from being so isolated from the rest of humanity, even though it has been my experience that most of humanity aren't the sort I'm comfortable being around. I also stayed because I couldn't keep the RL other half from seeing the far better graphics of SL as compared to AW even though I tried. Things were pretty rocky for us back then but we've managed to stay together for 20 years now. 

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11 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I thought so too . . . except that I'm not sure why it would be useful to hear if there is a "slapping" sound?

Probably you're right, though. Spankers (and whoopee cushions) sound like about the appropriate level of sophistication.

I actually do have a spanker... and a boob slapper, and a hair puller, but that's because I'm a big pain ho with gentlemen who have proven to me that they can handle that level of maturity, respectability, responsibility, and trust, but it also helps me weed out guys (like this one) who are of the mindset of "It's there, so I can touch it." The subway gropers, if you will. 

Click my butt if you must from across the room without speaking to me, or knowing me, but it's a sure-fire way to end up on my block list.  

 

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