Pearl Worried

[Madelaine McMasters]

2 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

I'm thinking you've been busy just now, because I know I'm not alone in my sentiments posted here and elsewhere on the topic. 😛

...hurriedly scans the picture for fire extinguishers and sees enough of them to stop worrying.

[Pomeline Pancake]

Oh no. Gotta eat my words.

I've been a silent lurker of the forums. Off and on for a few years. I enjoy reading what others post. Most of the time. This is my preferred way to people.

Nothing against bagnu personally. Simply her threads create many arguments. Needlessly. Some people have been upset to the point of leaving the forums. That's wrong. Even though I abhor attention and do my best to avoid it at all costs, I had to crawl out of my cave and speak my mind on this matter.

A lot of people are lonely. Including me. That's the reality of life. No amount of loneliness is a pass to treat others poorly.

In fact constantly sowing discomfort or pain (even if unintentional), and telling others to just accept it is bordering on abuse.

Around the world people are experiencing stress from Covid, and other matters. Unnecessary fighting feels worse than it would normally.

Even though I read from afar, I'm tired of it.

[Amina Sopwith]

Thing is, you can insult someone by calling them names (JOHN NOBHEAD, YOU'RE A SMELLY BUMFACE, YOU SMELL OF KIPPERS AND I HOPE YOUR NEXT POO IS A LEGO BRICK). But you can also insult them by consistently acting in an insulting manner; maybe by using them to satisfy your need for huge amounts of attention, or by ignoring everything that they say while going on permanent transmit yourself, or frequently telling them how awful they are because they once hurt you, with no mention of how you also hurt them. It's not, to me, a sign of good grace or a brave heart.

Anyway, even I'm starting to tire of the whole thing now, and like I said, I think it's a troll.

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Amina Sopwith said:

and like I said, I think it's a troll

Her name is Pearl, and she is not a troll.  Calling someone who is genuine a troll is extremely offensive -- there's no greater insult really.

[Seicher Rae]

Just now, Amina Sopwith said:

Thing is, you can insult someone by calling them names (JOHN NOBHEAD, YOU'RE A SMELLY BUMFACE, YOU SMELL OF KIPPERS AND I HOPE YOUR NEXT POO IS A LEGO BRICK). But you can also insult them by consistently acting in an insulting manner; maybe by using them to satisfy your need for huge amounts of attention, or by ignoring everything that they say while going on permanent transmit yourself, or frequently telling them how awful they are because they once hurt you, with no mention of how you also hurt them. It's not, to me, a sign of good grace or a brave heart.

Anyway, even I'm starting to tire of the whole thing now, and like I said, I think it's a troll.

Yeah. Perhaps this is what is pinging my annoyance. Unlike others, I haven't spent a whole lotta time trying to figure out Pearl, or my reactions to her. It is the abuse (insults, disrespect, whatever term you want to apply) that at least a few of us are perceiving. I've been on the receiving end of a myriad types of abuse since childhood and it does pick a scab.

Like you and others, I'm tiring, especially after the "attention" OP. Could anything speak better than that? Don't feed the trolls.

Sadly, because of the proliferation of this abusive poster, if one blocks her, you miss context for 90% of the GDF. Since I already have a few prolific posters on block, that means my Forum page will look like:

You've chosen to ignore content by...

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[Scylla Rhiadra]

28 minutes ago, Amina Sopwith said:

I didn't see the homophobia/transphobia, but if I had, I'd have done what I did when I saw the "dimwit bimbo" comment, and reported it without engaging.

You didn't!!!

Damn, I have to grab a screenshot for my wall before it disappears!

Lots of what you say here is true, to one degree or another, although I'm still on the fence about Pearl's motivation here. It might help that I've interacted with her in-world as well, so I'm not seeing just this face of her.

Again, I'm really not here to defend her: she's clearly, at the very least, stumbling about like a drunken bull in a china shop. But I do think, again, that the response here -- 11 pages and counting? -- is disproportionate to the "sin." And I think she's genuinely a good person, and she sincerely wants to be friends with people.

But, she needs to fight her own battles, and, hopefully, learn from them. I still have faith that she will -- but again, that's up to her.

[Cindy Evanier]

5 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Her name is Pearl, and she is not a troll.  Calling someone who is genuine a troll is extremely offensive -- there's no greater insult really.

Tell that to the disabled people she insulted by inferring they didn't feel human

[Dafadilia Wayfarer]

11 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

Speaking only for myself, I will say "nope" to this theory of "why" you are postulating.

The piling on may be some people's motives, I have no idea, but as someone who has both been accused of piling on and who has been piled on against (oh gawd, that's a confusing sentence)... Seeker don't play that. Never has. Accused of it yes, actually doing it, no.  I say what I mean. Sometimes it aligns with others, quite often it doesn't.

Perfectly said. I'm so thankful there are people who can eloquently express what I cannot at times. Thank you for that.

[Tari Landar]

7 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Calling someone who is genuine a troll is extremely offensive -- there's no greater insult really.

Calling people fuddy duddy, or other names, for being offended when someone has blatantly offended them is also insulting.

That said, I can think of a lot of greater insults, most of which I'd never dare utter. 

[Tari Landar]

3 minutes ago, Cindy Evanier said:

Tell that to the disabled people she insulted by inferring they didn't feel human

Thanks

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Cindy Evanier said:

8 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Her name is Pearl, and she is not a troll.  Calling someone who is genuine a troll is extremely offensive -- there's no greater insult really.

Tell that to the disabled people she insulted by inferring they didn't feel human

You misinterpreted what she said. It could have been taken 2 ways, but you chose to take it as an insult. That's easy to do when you already don't like someone -- you choose the slant that paints them in a negative light.

A troll is someone who is not sincere though...not really being there but only trying to bug people...and Pearl is not that.

Besides, she already apologized for the comment and any hurt it caused.... so why do you bring it up again?   We have many on the forum who have made mistakes and apologized...yet we don't hold it over their head forever do we?

[Seicher Rae]

9 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Calling someone who is genuine a troll is extremely offensive -- there's no greater insult really.

/me shakes tiny pixel fist at the being able to see quoted stuff

I have to admit, this was the first real laugh I've had this morning. "there's no greater insult"... LOL. I mean, really, did you just write that? Sigh. Normally I would accept that challenge to offer samples of far greater insults, but just no.

 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

19 minutes ago, Pomeline Pancake said:

In fact constantly sowing discomfort or pain (even if unintentional), and telling others to just accept it is bordering on abuse.

This is a good point.

I've never been a fan of the "I gotta be true to who I am, even if who I am is destructive, makes people uncomfortable, etc." thing.

I really value community, and connection, and the only way to integrate into the one, and make the second work properly, is to adapt. Being adaptable (within limits, of course) is an act of generosity, and demonstrates that you value other people and their perspectives.

I want to see Pearl adapt herself to this community. Not "betray" who she is, but be generous and, as you very rightly say, avoid causing discomfort. If the people in this community are worth engaging with, and I certainly think they are, they are worth making an effort for.

Pearl? Does this not make sense to you?

[Cindy Evanier]

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

You misinterpreted what she said. It could have been taken 2 ways, but you chose to take it as an insult. That's easy to do when you already don't like someone -- you choose the slant that paints them in a negative light.

Where do you get the idea I don't like someone? 

[Luna Bliss]

5 minutes ago, Tari Landar said:

15 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Calling someone who is genuine a troll is extremely offensive -- there's no greater insult really.

Calling people fuddy duddy, or other names, for being offended when someone has blatantly offended them is also insulting.

That said, I can think of a lot of greater insults, most of which I'd never dare utter. 

I call people fuddy duddies when they tend to get stuck in their ways...try to force people into certain formats lest they don't accept them.  The name has nothing to do with anyone who is offended by another -- you've misinterpreted this.   Yes, there are more than a few fuddy duddies on this forum.

Edited August 31, 2020 by Luna Bliss

[Amina Sopwith]

Just now, Scylla Rhiadra said:

You didn't!!!

Of course I did. That's what I always do when I see something that's overtly, clearly, unquestionably abusive and against the rules. Besides, how dare anyone insult my Queen!

 

1 minute ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

But I do think, again, that the response here -- 11 pages and counting? -- is disproportionate to the "sin."

Yes, you're probably right. I guess we felt that the admission that it was a desire for attention was a bit of a carte blanche. I told myself yesterday that I'd leave it there but obviously I didn't. I've made a lot of toilet roll animals today (penguins are really good) and my resolve is weak.

[Luna Bliss]

3 minutes ago, Cindy Evanier said:

4 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

You misinterpreted what she said. It could have been taken 2 ways, but you chose to take it as an insult. That's easy to do when you already don't like someone -- you choose the slant that paints them in a negative light.

Where do you get the idea I don't like someone?

I've never seen you make a positive comment toward Pearl, but I've always seen you agree with those who make negative comments toward her.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 minute ago, Amina Sopwith said:

I've made a lot of toilet roll animals today (penguins are really good) and my resolve is weak.

Dear god, you poor thing.

In the circs, you have clearly earned a great deal of leeway.

[Dafadilia Wayfarer]

9 minutes ago, Cindy Evanier said:

Tell that to the disabled people she insulted by inferring they didn't feel human

Yep! I second that thank you!

[Luna Bliss]

6 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

18 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Calling someone who is genuine a troll is extremely offensive -- there's no greater insult really.

/me shakes tiny pixel fist at the being able to see quoted stuff

I have to admit, this was the first real laugh I've had this morning. "there's no greater insult"... LOL. I mean, really, did you just write that? Sigh. Normally I would accept that challenge to offer samples of far greater insults, but just no.

I value honesty, being genuine. So yes, calling someone a troll who is uncommonly sincere especially, is a great insult.

[Rowan Amore]

9 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

 

Lots of what you say here is true, to one degree or another, although I'm still on the fence about Pearl's motivation here. It might help that I've interacted with her in-world as well, so I'm not seeing just this face of her.

 

There should only be one face IMHO.  This is the point I was trying to make.  WHO you are shouldn't depend on whether you've logged in or not.  I'm me, here and inworld.  I'll admit I'm not a fan of most people but that's on me.  That doesn't mean I dislike people.  It just means I've been inworld long enough to know that people TRY to project themselves one way but in time, who they really are comes out.  Personally, I think we probably see more of the real Pearl here than you're going to see inworld since she has said time and again, things? are totally different in SL as opposed to RL/forums.

[Alwin Alcott]

9 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

blah blah ..

some people are so far to the left they don't realize how right they are

[Cindy Evanier]

Just now, Luna Bliss said:

I've never seen you make a positive comment toward Pearl, but I've always seen you agree with those who make negative comments toward her.

I actually stood up for Pearl against someone in this thread who came in with their first visit to the forums just to berate her but I guess you missed that while counting my reactions to posts.   Liking someones comments does not mean I dislike someone.  

[Seicher Rae]

5 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

This is a good point.

I've never been a fan of the "I gotta be true to who I am, even if who I am is destructive, makes people uncomfortable, etc." thing.

I really value community, and connection, and the only way to integrate into the one, and make the second work properly, is to adapt. Being adaptable (within limits, of course) is an act of generosity, and demonstrates that you value other people and their perspectives.

I want to see Pearl adapt herself to this community. Not "betray" who she is, but be generous and, as you very rightly say, avoid causing discomfort. If the people in this community are worth engaging with, and I certainly think they are, they are worth making an effort for.

Pearl? Does this not make sense to you?

Yes, it is a fine line (sometimes) between being true to oneself and being an asshat. There's a :::cough::: few of us, who over the years, have blurred, and perhaps even (gasp) crossed that line.

There is a give and take in a community, and that can appear in various ways. When a lot of people are mumbling or shouting "foul" then... the balance is probably off, no? 

You don't have to betray yourself to not be a troll. You don't have to be abusive to be true to yourself.

You can be genuine and still peeve people off, all while not being a troll.

I'm pretty sure there are any number of posters, current and past, who were very true to themselves, who are/were not universally beloved, who still did not garner this kind of attention.

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Cindy Evanier said:

5 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

I've never seen you make a positive comment toward Pearl, but I've always seen you agree with those who make negative comments toward her.

I actually stood up for Pearl against someone in this thread who came in with their first visit to the forums just to berate her but I guess you missed that while counting my reactions to posts.   Liking someones comments does not mean I dislike someone.  

Well good. I'm glad you don't hate her.

But you didn't answer my question....why do you hold an incident over someone's head when they've apologized for it? Why bring it up again unless your motivation is to trash them?