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1 hour ago, Bagnu said:

I take FULL responsibility for my actions and words.

This is, of course, a good thing. In fact, an absolutely necessary thing.

1 hour ago, Bagnu said:

I am NOT here in the forums to please or displease anyone.

This, on the other hand, I'm not so sure about.

The whole point of a "forum," Pearl, is surely to connect with other people? That's pretty much all there is here -- other people.

So, while I agree that going to extremes to "please" or "displease" others is probably a mistake -- for instance, pretending to be someone you fundamentally are not -- the idea that you don't care what others think of you here at all really makes no sense. It's like going to a party and pretending you're the only one there.

The people here are the place. They are the point. No, you're never going to be able to "please" everyone (God knows, I never have), but if you're not here to connect and engage with others, what are you here for?

I'd like to suggest you're thinking about this the wrong way. It's not about "pleasing" or "displeasing" people. It's about becoming a functional and valuable part of a community. That's what this place is.

So, the question then is, or should be, not "how do I please person X?" but rather, "how can I become a part of this caring and supportive community"?

If the answer to this last question is "I can't," or even "I won't," then you're wasting your time, and that of everyone else. But if this is place you want to be, you need to find that answer. And so far, honestly, it seems to be eluding you.

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9 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

I'm good people and I sincerely want to have friends. Hasn't done me a bit of good. I'm still a pariah and apparently, I always will be. 😞

Well, you're at the heart of this group of people, and have been for as long as I've been back.

You're valued and respected and, yes, loved here. You know that -- or should.

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5 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

This is a good point.

I've never been a fan of the "I gotta be true to who I am, even if who I am is destructive, makes people uncomfortable, etc." thing.

I really value community, and connection, and the only way to integrate into the one, and make the second work properly, is to adapt. Being adaptable (within limits, of course) is an act of generosity, and demonstrates that you value other people and their perspectives.

I want to see Pearl adapt herself to this community. Not "betray" who she is, but be generous and, as you very rightly say, avoid causing discomfort. If the people in this community are worth engaging with, and I certainly think they are, they are worth making an effort for.

Pearl? Does this not make sense to you?

Yes it does. I have absolutely no desire to create discomfort. I truly am lost on how I could have. I prefer to reply to people's posts that I find positive. I've had to defend myself though because I don't back down. easily. I've felt cornered.

I'm learning so much from you, and I very much appreciate it. A few words of advice from a good friend are worth more than 1000 pages from anyone else.

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1 hour ago, Bagnu said:

Lol, that's exactly what happens in RL!!! It's just not said verbally by whomever the person may be!!!

But that's basically what you've said only substitute ass**** with annoying.  

1 hour ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

While I have encountered folks in RL that are "sometimes" being a a$$hole, unless they are drunk/stoned, I can't say any of them expected everyone else to just deal with it.  Well, except for the occasional psychopath that didn't care about anyone except themselves.   

When you continually say things like "I'm annoying, that's just who I am", it tells me that you are so self-centered that you do not care what anyone else thinks of you.  It is not your job to attempt to change any behavior that is off-putting, but rather everyone else should just simply accept any behavior that you throw out there.

 

But we should have to deal with your annoyance?

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23 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

I'm good people and I sincerely want to have friends. Hasn't done me a bit of good. I'm still a pariah and apparently, I always will be. 😞

You are no pariah!!! You are valued member of this community!!! I would miss you if you left!!!

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14 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Well, you're at the heart of this group of people, and have been for as long as I've been back.

You're valued and respected and, yes, loved here. You know that -- or should.

No, I don't know it. Near as I can tell I'm more or less tolerated and that's about it.

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5 minutes ago, RowanMinx said:

But that's basically what you've said only substitute ass**** with annoying.  

But we should have to deal with your annoyance?

You don't. Ignore exists.

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Just now, Silent Mistwalker said:

No, I don't know it. Near as I can tell I'm more or less tolerated and that's about it.

Um, excuse me??? I would miss you if you weren't here!!!

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7 minutes ago, RowanMinx said:

You just don't get it.  SMDH.

I don't. But like I replied before to Scylla, a few words of advice from a good friends mean more than 1000 pages from anyone else. I didn't reread my exact words, but the meaning remains.

This is a very different environment than inworld, and it's taking me time to understand and adjust to it.

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12 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

No, I don't know it. Near as I can tell I'm more or less tolerated and that's about it.

And if you'll accept it, I'll happily be your friend!!!

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7 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

I don't. But like I replied before to Scylla, a few words of advice from a good friends mean more than 1000 pages from anyone else. I didn't reread my exact words, but the meaning remains.

This is a very different environment than inworld, and it's taking me time to understand and adjust to it.

There is only one world.  Or do you save the unannoying Pearl for your 200+ friends in world?

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Just now, RowanMinx said:

There is only one world.  

Inworld, we spend time with our own community and friends. Here there are many different personalities and we all interact. Inworld is the ocean. This is a lake. Inworld we don't interact with each other if we are offended by them, and block them. Here it seems to be the opposite.

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22 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

Yes it does. I have absolutely no desire to create discomfort. I truly am lost on how I could have. I prefer to reply to people's posts that I find positive. I've had to defend myself though because I don't back down. easily. I've felt cornered.

Replying to positive posts, and ignoring the negative ones is often a good idea, at least as a way of avoiding firefights. And, again, I applaud your ability to remain level-headed and generally good humoured. One thing I learned a long time ago (even if, in the heat of the moment, I sometimes forget it) is that snapping back just makes things worse.

BUT . . . not responding to criticism or attacks is not the same as not reading and thinking about them.

What are they saying? Some of them you can surely dismiss as just crankiness or belligerence or name-calling, but there's substance too. Can you see anything in the criticisms being leveled at you that you might concede makes a point? What can you learn from what others are saying?

Again, that's why we're here, most of us. To talk among each other, to share perspectives, and to learn from each other. I've learned a huge amount from people I disagree with here, and sometimes even from people who dislike me.

Can you find anything in what has been said that you might be able to apply, as a way of becoming a "good fit" here?

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2 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Replying to positive posts, and ignoring the negative ones is often a good idea, at least as a way of avoiding firefights. And, again, I applaud your ability to remain level-headed and generally good humoured. One thing I learned a long time ago (even if, in the heat of the moment, I sometimes forget it) is that snapping back just makes things worse.

BUT . . . not responding to criticism or attacks is not the same as not reading and thinking about them.

What are they saying? Some of them you can surely dismiss as just crankiness or belligerence or name-calling, but there's substance too. Can you see anything in the criticisms being leveled at you that you might concede makes a point? What can you learn from what others are saying?

Again, that's why we're here, most of us. To talk among each other, to share perspectives, and to learn from each other. I've learned a huge amount from people I disagree with here, and sometimes even from people who dislike me.

Can you find anything in what has been said that you might be able to apply, as a way of becoming a "good fit" here?

Yes. I can.

Edited by Bagnu
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Just now, Bagnu said:

Inworld, we spend time with our own community and friends. Here there are many different personalities and we all interact. Inworld is the ocean. This is a lake. Inworld we don't interact with each other if we are offended by them, and block them. Here it seems to be the opposite.

It is very true that here there are many different personalities attempting to interact together, however, it is also a community, as Scylla mentioned above, and all of us do work towards being a part of the community to one degree or another (some are more active or outspoken than others, some limit their participation to specific sections of the forum, and so forth). 

Part of being a community is figuring out how to get along somewhat reasonably together, even with those with whom we disagree or may not necessarily like. 

If we all had most everyone blocked, there really wouldn't be much reason for the forums to even exist.  

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1 minute ago, Moira Timmerman said:

It is very true that here there are many different personalities attempting to interact together, however, it is also a community, as Scylla mentioned above, and all of us do work towards being a part of the community to one degree or another (some are more active or outspoken than others, some limit their participation to specific sections of the forum, and so forth). 

Part of being a community is figuring out how to get along somewhat reasonably together, even with those with whom we disagree or may not necessarily like. 

If we all had most everyone blocked, there really wouldn't be much reason for the forums to even exist.  

I'm still learning. And that has actually been what I've been trying to do.

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1 minute ago, Bagnu said:

I don't think I'll ever be a good fit exactly though.

No one's a "perfect fit." I'm not. Communities are too complicated for that.

But, again . . . I think you are a genuinely good person. I think you have interesting ideas and insights that are worth sharing. If I didn't think these things, I wouldn't be bothering with you.

I just think you need to find new and more effective ways of presenting yourself. Because the authentic "you" -- the one who cares about friends, and has interesting questions, will be positively received here.

Stop talking about yourself, maybe, and just be yourself?

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31 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

No, I don't know it. Near as I can tell I'm more or less tolerated and that's about it.

Can I just say you seem a very genuine and kind person Silent? I have so much respect how you express yourself here. I don't know you well, but from what I see you're a pretty great person. I understand what you mean to an extent because I don't make friends easily. It can be difficult and frightening at times. Mine is from shy awkwardness. I'm so sorry you feel this way. :(

I'm sorry to get off topic a bit, but just wanted to say that. *goes back to shyly sit and observe...*

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1 minute ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Sometimes it is less about learning than just accepting and being ok with it.

I'm not automatically accepting and OK with things. I need reasons.

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