making friends 1 2 3s of Making friends on SL

[J4ckyJ7]

These are 3 steps that a new or old player can use make friends on SL:

1. INTRODUCE YOURSELF

When introducing yourself start off not with a hi or hello, from my experience those greetings are common and may be an indication of wanting something perverted. Also it's just simple or too common. Instead try starting with a full sentence saying hello, stating your Second Life name and making conversation. For example:

Hello my name is Jacky and I hope you are having a wonderful day.

2. MAKE CONVERSATION

When making conversation try not to ask too much about the persons real life as soon as you meet them. Most times this comes off as strange and person will take necessary precautions to keep their personal info safe (remember Second Life can be dangerous and people must always be cautious in giving out personal information). When meeting people for the first time try and talk about topics that everyone can relate too such as: weather, clothes, world events, sports etc. Try to stay way controversial topic such as politics, religion, etc. before getting to know the person. 

3. ADD THEM AS FRIENDS

After steps 1 and 2 were successful, you may now become come friends. Before adding anyone, please remember to ask them if it is ok to add them as a friend, or ask them if they wanna be friends. This is common courtesy, also sometimes having a good conversation doesn't means that the person wants to be your friend.

If all these 3 steps worked you have successfully made a friend in Second Life and I hope this these steps helped 🙂. 

😊STAY WONDERFUL😊

Note: these steps will not guarantee that you will make friends right away. If starting a conversation with someone and you feel uncomfortable, you have all rights to walk away from that person. Protect your personal information as much as possible, and if anyone harasses you or makes any sexual advancement towards you that makes you feel uncomfortable, report them to Linden Labs, block them and walk away from that person.

[Jordyn McGregor]

Adding for point 2....ask open ended questions, ie questions with more than a "yes/no" answer.  

And remember, there is nothing worse than receiving an IM that goes like this...

Them : Hi.
Me : Hello there.
Them : How are you?
Me : Fine thanks.  How are you today?
Them : Fine too.
Me : Great to hear.
*Crickets*

Don't expect me to carry the conversation if you approached me first.

[Orwar]

1 hour ago, J4ckyJ7 said:

1. INTRODUCE YOURSELF

   The first introduction is important, they say you only have about half a minute the first time you meet someone for them to make up their mind about how to perceive you; in SL it works a bit differently, as time flows at a different pace. Your first message is those 30 seconds - unless you make it so long that it takes more than 30 seconds to read, which I really wouldn't consider a good start. 

   What to include depends on context, but if you're at a club and see someone who you think is attractive, 'Hi' isn't going to cut it, it invites to no other response than 'Um, hi?'. Express your reason for contacting them, although not as in 'I think you're attractive, I want to chat you up'; make an informed approach by using the resources available. Check their profile, see whether they're talking in local and if so what they're saying and what kind of mood they appear to be in. It's much better to approach with 'Hello there, I read in your profile that you're interested in sailing, I'd love to try that sometime - have you got any tips for a beginner?'.

   This is also why I keep telling people that writing 'I like shopping and walking on the beach' on your profile makes you appear like a one-dimensional bore. 

1 hour ago, J4ckyJ7 said:

2. MAKE CONVERSATION

   I'd change that to 'Make interesting conversation'. That doesn't mean that 'if you aren't interesting, you shouldn't speak', but rather avoid the generic chitchat that people tend to resort to, to speak for the sake of speaking. Whilst discussing the weather can be a little bit interesting if you're talking with someone who lives in a very different climate, it's hardly a constructive topic for building friendships. Take chances, don't be afraid of going out of your comfort zone - talk about things that actually interest you; being passionate about just about anything is an attractive conversationalist trait. The worst that can happen is that the other party finds you boring or tells you off, at which point the decent thing to do is to apologise and back off; don't push yourself on people who don't want to talk. There are plenty of other people who might! 

1 hour ago, J4ckyJ7 said:

3. ADD THEM AS FRIENDS

   Or just, you know, pixelbump them and be on your way.

   Jokes aside, a friendship is a commitment, and whilst there's no harm done in adding people and later finding out that you either don't find them as interesting as you thought, having a person on your contacts list adds a level of expectation - what that expectation is, is very much individual. I've got people on my list that I haven't spoken to for years, or who I will exchange a few lines with over the course of a year; but if a new person wants to add me and then make no effort whatsoever, I'm likely to remove them quite quickly. Some people thinks that this means 'I never want to talk to you again'; it doesn't, you're free to try again down the line, if I absolutely wanted to never hear from you again, I'd block you. You have my calling card by default after having added me, so I'm not difficult to find.

   Whilst a person on your contact list can be someone you actively talk to on a daily basis, or a friend that you only speak to once in a while, it's important that both parties are comfortable with it, and know both what expectations to have and what expectations they're held to. This is why 'make conversation' isn't sufficient, you must also actually communicate. 

[monykony]

2 hours ago, Jordan Whitt said:

Don't expect me to carry the conversation if you approached me first.

totally agree

i had this other thing sometimes:
 

p1- hello, what are you doing?

me- hii, well actually i'm [blablablabla](put activity here)... and you?
p1- nothing
me- okay, but what do you like to do?

p1- i don't know
variant p1- nothing
me- 
p1-


so yeah  funny moments in the chat

[Adamburp Adamczyk]

I've made some good friends on here by doing stuff to stand out as opposed to sound boring.

 

silly things like "scuse me, bot inspector, if you're a bot you need to jump into that river"

 

or "/me sneaks up and yells "happy birthday".

 

I'd always suggest break the mold, make yourself stand out from the crowd.  Of course it doesn't always work, yesterday some grumpy person suggested I (cleaning up the language) "move along".

[Drakonadrgora Darkfold]

6 hours ago, J4ckyJ7 said:

These are 3 steps that a new or old player can use make friends on SL:

1. INTRODUCE YOURSELF

When introducing yourself start off not with a hi or hello, from my experience those greetings are common and may be an indication of wanting something perverted. Also it's just simple or too common. Instead try starting with a full sentence saying hello, stating your Second Life name and making conversation. For example:

Hello my name is Jacky and I hope you are having a wonderful day.

2. MAKE CONVERSATION

When making conversation try not to ask too much about the persons real life as soon as you meet them. Most times this comes off as strange and person will take necessary precautions to keep their personal info safe (remember Second Life can be dangerous and people must always be cautious in giving out personal information). When meeting people for the first time try and talk about topics that everyone can relate too such as: weather, clothes, world events, sports etc. Try to stay way controversial topic such as politics, religion, etc. before getting to know the person. 

3. ADD THEM AS FRIENDS

After steps 1 and 2 were successful, you may now become come friends. Before adding anyone, please remember to ask them if it is ok to add them as a friend, or ask them if they wanna be friends. This is common courtesy, also sometimes having a good conversation doesn't means that the person wants to be your friend.

If all these 3 steps worked you have successfully made a friend in Second Life and I hope this these steps helped 🙂. 

These work to some degree with some people, but dont expect them to work with everyone.

it really depends if the person you spoke to is in a friend wanting mood or not. Not everyone is all the time. So even with the best introduction/gretting you may get shut down on the spot.

making conversation helps but that will not guarantee a friendship with everyone you encounter. some people are willing to talk to strangers and keep it just as that.. strangers with no desire to be friends at all.

so even after doing both of those first.. you may not have been as successful as first believed and then trying to add them may get you rejected, or ignored or blocked.

key to surviving in sl is not to take anything to serious or personal. dont get upset if someone doesn't want to be your friend.

[MelodicRain]

Maybe I'm in the minority but I don't even bother responding to single word greetings like "hi" or "/waves", especially if their avatar looks like someone created in 2007 and never updated again. If the person can't even come up with a way to get my attention in the beginning why should I waste time carrying a conversation? If you want to make friends, actually spend some effort at making the other person interested in you and write more than one frickin word. You're the person who's wanting to make friends, not the other way around. As an added bonus it's also nice if your avatar's appearance doesn't make the other person have a gag reflex.

4 hours ago, Adamburp Adamczyk said:

I've made some good friends on here by doing stuff to stand out as opposed to sound boring.

 

silly things like "scuse me, bot inspector, if you're a bot you need to jump into that river"

 

or "/me sneaks up and yells "happy birthday".

 

I'd always suggest break the mold, make yourself stand out from the crowd.  Of course it doesn't always work, yesterday some grumpy person suggested I (cleaning up the language) "move along".

Highly agree. Being funny, cute, or just complimenting the other person's looks or profile is an easy way to start a conversation and break the ice, and works 95%+ of the time unless the other person is simply an aloof jerk.

Edited June 7, 2020 by MelodicRain

[Talligurl]

13 hours ago, J4ckyJ7 said:

Hello my name is Jacky and I hope you are having a wonderful day.

I would recommend a comment that shows you have read their profile, Like if the say in their profile that they like riding horses in SL, then say something about SL horses in that opening remark. If the profile offers nothing to comment on, then don't bother.

[rushingaround]

Majority of the friends on my list are friends I have bumped pixels with In SL. I have been the side girl to some, met in roleplay areas or on beaches.   Then we continued on with the friendship.    

 

Edited June 8, 2020 by rushingaround
Additional

[Maitimo]

On 6/7/2020 at 8:06 AM, J4ckyJ7 said:

These are 3 steps that a new or old player can use make friends on SL:

1. INTRODUCE YOURSELF

When introducing yourself start off not with a hi or hello, from my experience those greetings are common and may be an indication of wanting something perverted. Also it's just simple or too common. Instead try starting with a full sentence saying hello, stating your Second Life name and making conversation. For example:

Hello my name is Jacky and I hope you are having a wonderful day.

2. MAKE CONVERSATION

When making conversation try not to ask too much about the persons real life as soon as you meet them. Most times this comes off as strange and person will take necessary precautions to keep their personal info safe (remember Second Life can be dangerous and people must always be cautious in giving out personal information). When meeting people for the first time try and talk about topics that everyone can relate too such as: weather, clothes, world events, sports etc. Try to stay way controversial topic such as politics, religion, etc. before getting to know the person. 

3. ADD THEM AS FRIENDS

After steps 1 and 2 were successful, you may now become come friends. Before adding anyone, please remember to ask them if it is ok to add them as a friend, or ask them if they wanna be friends. This is common courtesy, also sometimes having a good conversation doesn't means that the person wants to be your friend.

If all these 3 steps worked you have successfully made a friend in Second Life and I hope this these steps helped 🙂. 

😊STAY WONDERFUL😊

Note: these steps will not guarantee that you will make friends right away. If starting a conversation with someone and you feel uncomfortable, you have all rights to walk away from that person. Protect your personal information as much as possible, and if anyone harasses you or makes any sexual advancement towards you that makes you feel uncomfortable, report them to Linden Labs, block them and walk away from that person.

 

1 - No. I can already see your name, it's the first word in your local chat or IM. No need to repeat it.  And the "Hope you're having a nice day" is just a longer version of the "Hi" followed by silence.  It's going to need a followup sentence explaining the reason for the IM before expecting a response, otherwise there is literally nothing for the other person to go on. For example, something like "I read your profile and I particularly like [thing], can you tell me more about that?"

2. Good advice, except for the topics you chose. Instead of talking about real world things like weather (in which country?), world events (too depressing and too much linked with politics), or sport (not everyone is interested), try talking about SL instead. What you like about the place you're visiting. What else you like to do in-world. What you think about BOM, or EEP or whatever new thing is recently out.

3. You make it sound like this follows immediately from 2. It doesn't.  Step 2 usually needs to be repeated many times, and be interesting and new each time. One conversation isn't enough for me to know whether another person is the sort I'd like to be friends with.

[clone00345]

4 hours ago, Maitimo said:

 

1 - No. I can already see your name, it's the first word in your local chat or IM. No need to repeat it.  And the "Hope you're having a nice day" is just a longer version of the "Hi" followed by silence.  It's going to need a followup sentence explaining the reason for the IM before expecting a response, otherwise there is literally nothing for the other person to go on. For example, something like "I read your profile and I particularly like [thing], can you tell me more about that?"

2. Good advice, except for the topics you chose. Instead of talking about real world things like weather (in which country?), world events (too depressing and too much linked with politics), or sport (not everyone is interested), try talking about SL instead. What you like about the place you're visiting. What else you like to do in-world. What you think about BOM, or EEP or whatever new thing is recently out.

3. You make it sound like this follows immediately from 2. It doesn't.  Step 2 usually needs to be repeated many times, and be interesting and new each time. One conversation isn't enough for me to know whether another person is the sort I'd like to be friends with.

Shall I make water into wine in addition to all the things you listed there to impress you? Seriously people, you kind of have to play it by ear. There is nothing wrong with getting a "Hi, how is your doing going?". The person is already making an effort by sending you an IM first. It is how it goes afterwards that's what matters. I would usually reply a couple of sentences and then see if it goes somewhere or nowhere. There are ton of people in SL that are awkward at communicating. 

[PixieGirrrrl]

2 hours ago, clone00345 said:

Shall I make water into wine in addition to all the things you listed there to impress you?

Anyone who can turn water into wine please IM me. I have urgent need for your services. 

[Adamburp Adamczyk]

15 hours ago, clone00345 said:

Shall I make water into wine in addition to all the things you listed there to impress you? Seriously people, you kind of have to play it by ear. There is nothing wrong with getting a "Hi, how is your doing going?". The person is already making an effort by sending you an IM first. It is how it goes afterwards that's what matters. I would usually reply a couple of sentences and then see if it goes somewhere or nowhere. There are ton of people in SL that are awkward at communicating. 

Personally, I'm more likely to engage in conversation if the other person has made some effort.  But, when you're sat there and out of 100 messages you get, 99 just say "hi hru", that 1 person who who says "excuse me, but do you have the timetable for the number 37 bus to runcorn" is more than likely going to wind up being a new friend. 

Edited June 9, 2020 by Adamburp Adamczyk
Reworded to sound better.

[Orwar]

3 hours ago, PixieGirrrrl said:

Anyone who can turn water into wine please IM me. I have urgent need for your services. 

   Will turning water into blood suffice?

[Lillith Hapmouche]

Absolutely. 

Anything to dip in? Cheese? Bread? Certain body parts?

[Polenth Yue]

Most times when I've had someone randomly IM with the drawn out "hi how r u" conversation, they've been customers who need help and need to be asked directly "Do you need help with something?" before they'll say it. The few who don't fit that have wanted sex and not noticed that I'm a small fungus. So in general, this might not be the best way to do things if you want friends, because the motivation for such contact is rarely friendship.

It's different if it's in local at an event, because it's expected that people will be chatting about the event. This also gives you a topic to talk about. That said, I can't say I've made that many friends this way. The chances of me seeing that person again are small and friendship isn't one five minute conversation.

The biggest thing for me is group chat at events. It starts out with everyone talking, so you get a feel for who you're most like over some days and many conversations. Then maybe you'll run into each other at the event or you'll IM because you know they were looking for a purple giraffe and you found one for sale. This is how I met most of my friends.

[Talligurl]

4 hours ago, PixieGirrrrl said:

Anyone who can turn water into wine please IM me. I have urgent need for your services. 

I can turn wine into water, well maybe not water you would actually want.

[LittleMe Jewell]

4 hours ago, PixieGirrrrl said:

Anyone who can turn water into wine please IM me. I have urgent need for your services. 

^^ This - please.

 

 

1 hour ago, Orwar said:

   Will turning water into blood suffice?

Ugh, no.   Blood just doesn't taste as good as wine and most definitely does not give the same after-effects.

 

 

32 minutes ago, Talligurl said:

I can turn wine into water, well maybe not water you would actually want.

I have turned many a bottles of wine into really bad grape juice before.

 

[LittleMe Jewell]

6 hours ago, clone00345 said:

There is nothing wrong with getting a "Hi, how is your doing going?". The person is already making an effort by sending you an IM first.

If that is all they manage in that first IM, then they are not making much effort at all.  If they can't come up with something to add to that, I probably won't respond.

I've had people IM me with things like "Hi, are you here doing the hunt also?" or "Hi, I see you are from Colorado. Have you ever visited (some attraction)?".  Those are 2 approaches that stuck in my memory and that actually resulted in conversations.

 

[Drakonadrgora Darkfold]

2 hours ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

If that is all they manage in that first IM, then they are not making much effort at all.  If they can't come up with something to add to that, I probably won't respond.

I've had people IM me with things like "Hi, are you here doing the hunt also?" or "Hi, I see you are from Colorado. Have you ever visited (some attraction)?".  Those are 2 approaches that stuck in my memory and that actually resulted in conversations.

 

Everyone has different preferences towards conversation starters. No one way is best for all possible people. 

Those same two types may be creepy to others.  It may feel like being stalked to some.

[LittleMe Jewell]

2 hours ago, Drakonadrgora Darkfold said:

Everyone has different preferences towards conversation starters. No one way is best for all possible people. 

Those same two types may be creepy to others.  It may feel like being stalked to some.

My profile says that I enjoy doing hunts and that I am from Colorado - so not exactly "out of the blue" conversation if one expects people to read their profile.  

The examples I gave are specifically examples of "conversation starters based on the profile", which is quite often what most folks tell people to do.

If someone starts a conversation by commenting on something in the person's profile and they feel like it is stalkerish behavior, they should probably clear everything out of their profile and not engage in conversations at all.

Edited June 9, 2020 by LittleMe Jewell

[Stephanie Misfit]

On 6/7/2020 at 7:51 PM, monykony said:

totally agree

i had this other thing sometimes:
 

p1- hello, what are you doing?

me- hii, well actually i'm [blablablabla](put activity here)... and you?
p1- nothing
me- okay, but what do you like to do?

p1- i don't know
variant p1- nothing
me- 
p1-


so yeah  funny moments in the chat

I had that person on my land the other day. I swear, that exact person. They were new to SL, my land is near an infohub and I'm generally willing to chat and help new people. But all I could get from them in the conversation was "I don't know" and "Nothing". I would have been willing to take them places, show them around SL, chat and have fun. I'm friendly and wasn't doing anything at the time. You know what I did instead? Left them standing on my land while I went somewhere else.

[TT120]

I would also add to make sure your own profile has some interesting things in it too.  If you're reading their profile, chances are good that they're reading yours and if it's empty or otherwise boring, you may not get too far.  

Some profiles have a long list of prerequisites you must fulfill before you can say "HI".  I skip right over those people.  I'm here to have fun and while I understand why you have such a long list, I don't care to jump through your hoops just to say hi.

I've only been active the last month or so and I have had great success making friends and even friends with benefits.  

[Reese Wicken]

I always try to introduce myself.. Well.. If they are across the club and I'm just camming them the IM would look like this

Hi, Sorry to perv you.  If you'd look riiiight across this place, I'm standing next to an over-muscular deer.. I'm the little chonky white bat in the silks.  But yes'm.  Hello! How are you, (their name)? Are you enjoying your time here and may I have some of it?

Usually something like that.. And depending on the response if any, I will either make a harmless snarky comment to something in their profile or if they have any interests listed just start with that...

It's almost always snark as long as their profile comes off like they could handle it, sometimes I make friends, sometimes people threaten to skin me and turn me into a new fuzzy coat.

[EleanorsRigby]

On 6/11/2020 at 6:00 PM, Eseme Nova said:

I always try to introduce myself.. Well.. If they are across the club and I'm just camming them the IM would look like this

Hi, Sorry to perv you.  If you'd look riiiight across this place, I'm standing next to an over-muscular deer.. I'm the little chonky white bat in the silks.  But yes'm.  Hello! How are you, (their name)? Are you enjoying your time here and may I have some of it?

Usually something like that.. And depending on the response if any, I will either make a harmless snarky comment to something in their profile or if they have any interests listed just start with that...

It's almost always snark as long as their profile comes off like they could handle it, sometimes I make friends, sometimes people threaten to skin me and turn me into a new fuzzy coat.

I would totally want to be your friend! Weird works on me.