Does it say something about me if I feel more "vulnerable" as a woman avi?

[BillFletcher]

On 5/3/2023 at 6:19 PM, Gopi Passiflora said:

I'm a man in real life but I still enjoy using woman avatars. But for some reason, when I'm a woman in a place with other avatars, I have more of this feeling of "vulnerability"

I would say if anything I feel that less with a female avi, Probably because as a female that is not "me" out there, and so whatever happens isn't going to hurt me. 

[Rat Luv]

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Edited May 4, 2023 by Rat Luv

[cirleen]

The reason you feel vulnerable is because you're curious what other people will say. If you didn't care about anyone else or what they say, you wouldn't feel vulnerable. We only learn when we're curious. Be curious but don't let yourself be abused by anyone who feels they are entitled and that everyone else should serve them.

[Istelathis]

I think you may just be expressing yourself in a way you may be unfamiliar with, perhaps opening a side of you that few others have seen and that might put you in a vulnerable state regardless what you are projecting into the world.  I think by comparison, perhaps putting out your own art on display, or creating a thread on second life could help others relate as it would make them feel vulnerable 😋  Putting oneself out there in any form, can be scary, and make one feel vulnerable.  Having a desire or feeling of belonging might be important, and for lack of a better word in my mind at this time, exposing a portion of your own identity, personality, or whatever it may be would place you into feeling vulnerable.

I can't say it says very much about you as a person, my own views as to what it says about you, are just a projection of my thoughts on the matter which say more about myself... well at least this is what I think in this inebriated state I am currently in 🍻😅

Edited May 5, 2023 by Istelathis

[Katherine Heartsong]

Not vulnerable at all. Treated differently as Kat, oh yes. Felt anger and have been upset as Kat, yes. But never vulnerable in a way a genuine woman can be made to feel in many RL situations. As Katherine I can go anywhere in SL and simply leave if I feel out of place or block idiots. Oh so many ...

SL isn't some pure haven free from misogyny and overt sexism, in fact, if anything, the anonymity of the space allows for people to amplify their existing RL behaviours without fear of (much) consequence.

But not vulnerable, for me anyway, almost the opposite, given how many guys seem to be angrily weirded out by knowing that many female avatars in SL are men in RL. "Have you read my profile, sweetie?" is the easiest question I ask to drive those guys away.

Edited May 5, 2023 by Katherine Heartsong

[Gopi Passiflora]

@cirleen, @Istelathis, you may have hit the nail on the head. It could be I feel vulnerable (or susceptible) because when I'm a woman avi I'm curious as to what people may say about my avatar. It could be because of the act of presenting a different side myself. I think your analyses make sense!

[Lewis Luminos]

Rather than just jumping onto the "No I don't feel vulnerable on my female alts" bandwaggon, I'm going to try and tackle @Gopi Passiflora's actual question... Does it say something about me...

I think a big part of it is likely to be unfamiliarity. Things that are familiar will always feel safer, more comfortable, than things that are novel. Some people thrive on the excitement of the new thing but to others it's a source of anxiety, and that anxiety in itself will cause a feeling of internal vulnerability.  I'm in the "thrive on the new thing" camp, but then again I have ADHD so thats my brain getting the dopamine it craves.  (Maybe that's one of the reasons I've long had a case of alt-oholism.  Bored with the old accounts, let's make someone new.).  You've never lived as a woman in RL, never experienced first-hand what it's really like, so of course it's going to feel unfamiliar. 

Whereas I was stuck with it against my will for 42 years. When I first made Indra, it was very early in my transition journey (from female to male). I hadn't even started any kind of medical transition yet, and had only recently gone full time with social transition. And I found it... very uncomfortable. In the same way that I hated looking in a mirror and seeing a face that felt like it didn't belong to me,  having a female avatar also felt wrong, like I didn't belong in her either. It was only a few years later, when my transition was complete, that I logged her in again and that feeling of wrongness was gone. I suspect part of the reason for that was impostor syndrome - "am I trans enough to be really trans, if I want to have an avatar that matches my assigned gender instead of my affirmed one?"  Now I've emerged from the other side, I know I'm trans enough and that feeling doesn't occur any more.

So... maybe could be some of the impostor syndrome going on with that vulnerability feeling too. A feeling that you might not act "right" for a female avatar and a worry that others might catch you out - and how they might react if they do.

 

[Liaa Nova]

On 5/4/2023 at 11:35 AM, Maitimo said:

In the years since I switched to a feminine avatar in SL... no I can't say that I ever felt particularly vulnerable. But then again my avatar is not typical of feminine women and I'm open about my RL gender so maybe that gets me a free pass out of situations that might make cis-women feel vulnerable? 

 

We're women, no prefix needed. If you've been anywhere online you will know literally thousands of women are saying please do not call us this, we are women. (Yes, I know where it comes from and I don't care). This term is highly offensive to the majority of women who understands it. I'm sure you didn't mean to be offensive, but I couldn't just let it go as it's just as bad as many other things said vice versa

 

 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

3 minutes ago, Liaa Nova said:

We're women, no prefix needed. If you've been anywhere online you will know literally thousands of women are saying please do not call us this, we are women. (Yes, I know where it comes from and I don't care). This term is highly offensive to the majority of women who understands it. I'm sure you didn't mean to be offensive, but I couldn't just let it go as it's just as bad as many other things said vice versa

🙄

[Luna Bliss]

On 5/4/2023 at 10:20 AM, Caeruleiae said:

I also suspect it will eventually make me stop posting here too-but that hasn't happened yet. 

 

[Luna Bliss]

I don't know how I missed one of Gopi's interesting threads 

I don't know about feeling more vulnerable as a woman (am a fish in water I guess), but one time I took a male face for a profile pic, on a forum long ago and far away, and I felt much more defined, more decisive, more assertive.  It was quite strange to me.

*oh...and I don't mind if anybody calls me cis woman or whatever the term is.

Edited July 21, 2023 by Luna Bliss

[Scylla Rhiadra]

6 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

*oh...and I don't mind if anybody calls me cis woman or whatever the term is.

indeed not. It's a descriptive adjective, not an insult.

I also don't mind being called a "brunette woman," a "tall woman" or a "middle-aged woman."

(Ok, I DO mind the latter, but it's still just accurately descriptive, and not an insult.)

[Rowan Amore]

21 minutes ago, Liaa Nova said:

This term is highly offensive to the majority of women who understands it.

Have any stats on that?  Personally, in a family full of cis, straight women, I can say none of us are offended by it in the least.  

[Paul Hexem]

I gotta be that person and point out that while the word "cis" isn't an insult, it's often used as one.

Luckily we don't see too much of that sort of thing in SL. 

[belindacarson]

how can you claim to be "vulnerable" in a virtual world?

 

mute them

teleport out

etc.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

13 minutes ago, Paul Hexem said:

I gotta be that person and point out that while the word "cis" isn't an insult, it's often used as one.

Nonsense.

[Luna Bliss]

7 minutes ago, belindacarson said:

how can you claim to be "vulnerable" in a virtual world?

 

mute them

teleport out

etc.

The definition of 'vulnerable' is to be susceptible  (influenced or harmed) to either a physical OR emotional attack.

You better believe that if one of my close friends in SL attacked me emotionally, saying nasty things, that I would feel quite hurt by it!

[Luna Bliss]

23 minutes ago, Paul Hexem said:

I gotta be that person and point out that while the word "cis" isn't an insult, it's often used as one.

Luckily we don't see too much of that sort of thing in SL. 

How can someone insult another for being born a certain gender?

Can you provide an example of this?

*nvm...seems off-topic for this thread, even though someone brought it up earlier and felt horribly offended by the term (cis-women).

Edited July 21, 2023 by Luna Bliss

[belindacarson]

15 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

The definition of 'vulnerable' is to be susceptible  (influenced or harmed) to either a physical OR emotional attack.

You better believe that if one of my close friends in SL attacked me emotionally, saying nasty things, that I would feel quite hurt by it!

then you need to man up.

 

as the old saying goes: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me"

Edited July 21, 2023 by belindacarson

[Luna Bliss]

2 minutes ago, belindacarson said:

then you need to man up.

 

as the old saying goes: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names can never hurt me"

I'm getting a lot of feedback from the forum all at once.

On one thread I'm discussing how we need to respond in more emotional ways to each other, and that we'd get along better if we did.

And on another thread MusicHero sent me to a YouTube vidoe of HAL the computer speaking, and the focus is a couple of guys wondering if HAL has emotions, and MusicHero saying it's the emotions that makes a person sentient (my interpretation of his comment).

And now you are saying "man up" if feeling hurt by another person.

What am I to make of all this?  Perhaps that you think we should be like computers, like men are supposed to be, without emotion?

[Paul Hexem]

18 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Nonsense.

You gonna tell me you've never heard "middle aged woman" used in a derogatory manner? I'll take that as a challenge if necessary!

12 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

How can someone insult another for being born a certain gender?

Can you provide an example of this?

*nvm...seems off-topic for this thread, even though someone brought it up earlier and felt horribly offended by the term (cis-women).

Same way lots of identifiers can be used as insults. There's always going to be people that look down on others for who or what they are. Even in SL. Male, female, straight, gay, furry, tiny, and so on.

Although like I said, we don't see much of it in SL, and some even less than others. But it does happen.

[Silent Mistwalker]

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 minute ago, Paul Hexem said:

You gonna tell me you've never heard "middle aged woman" used in a derogatory manner? I'll take that as a challenge if necessary!

You're a goof.

[Paul Hexem]

3 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

You're a goof.

Absolutely. Doesn't make me entirely incorrect, though. 

[Love Zhaoying]

I'm surprised this thread was resurrected!