Am I adding people to my list too quickly?

[MelodicRain]

If I have a nice chat with someone I meet, I usually add them to my list at the end of the conversation (assuming it lasted at least an hour or so) so I don't have to write down their name, search their profile, and IM them (hoping they're online) if I want to talk to them again. Am I being too hasty? I noticed 90% of people I have a nice chat with, never add me, even after like 5 conversations, not exactly sure why. Are they just shy or don't really care about being friends with me despite having spent like 10 hours chatting with me? I guess different people have different perspectives on what a "friends list" is... to me it's not a "reserved for besties only" list... anyone I acquaint with can go on there cause it's simply convenient to double click on someone to start a chat.

[Rowan Amore]

23 minutes ago, MelodicRain said:

If I have a nice chat with someone I meet, I usually add them to my list at the end of the conversation (assuming it lasted at least an hour or so) so I don't have to write down their name, search their profile, and IM them (hoping they're online) if I want to talk to them again. Am I being too hasty? I noticed 90% of people I have a nice chat with, never add me, even after like 5 conversations, not exactly sure why. Are they just shy or don't really care about being friends with me despite having spent like 10 hours chatting with me? I guess different people have different perspectives on what a "friends list" is... to me it's not a "reserved for besties only" list... anyone I acquaint with can go on there cause it's simply convenient to double click on someone to start a chat.

Speaking as someone who rarely adds people, when I do, it's because I've seen them around and talked to them several times.  Mostly though, that's a rare occurrence.  I have like 5 people on my friend list.  The rest are people who I consider acquaintances and talk to them when I see them.   No need to add them to my list.

[Coffee Pancake]

Add people and don't worry about it.

There is a reluctance these days, maybe we're all just getting older, maybe the people who treat friends as a quick hookup list have put us all off.

[Rowan Amore]

20 minutes ago, CoffeeDujour said:

Add people and don't worry about it.

There is a reluctance these days, maybe we're all just getting older, maybe the people who treat friends as a quick hookup list have put us all off.

For me, it was too many people pouncing in my IM the moment I log in with "So, what are you up to?"  as if they were waiting for someone to entertain them or want to be the first to try and monopolize my time.  Like, if I'm not doing anything, I should hang out with them since they're bored.  I like to log in, read whatever notices and notecards I've received, change clothes, maybe wander to some sale or whatever.  I don't need nor want people hovering, waiting on me to log in.  But that's just me.

[Wulfie Reanimator]

It's hard to say. I can talk to someone multiple times because we hang around the same place, but not be interested in having them contact me when I'm not there.

That's the same attitude I have IRL, with me being super sociable with everyone at work/school, but have no interest in bringing that outside of those circles. (I have work friends, school friends, SL friends, etc. with little overlap.)

Besides, it's literally called a "contact list" so being on it doesn't make us friends. The distinction is that I have a lot of people on my list who I have no interest in having a casual conversation with, not because I don't like them, but because they're there for other reasons like business/collab or whatever else.

Edited October 16, 2020 by Wulfie Reanimator

[MaxMare]

I never ask to be added, mostly cause it doesn`t come to mind but  I also don`t want to be pushy or presumptuous...however, I usually add those who ask, I mean it`s not like you`re tattooing their name on your forehead lol, adding someone can be undone easily if they become a nuisance,  or the vibe is off..

Setting clear boundaries and explaining in short how you do SL (i.e. I am not very social, I enjoy exploring alone, I work here, my RL is busy, I`m often afk etc) can be more beneficial than just not adding people until they meet some special criteria ..

Anyways, the answer is no, you aren`t doing anything wrong and it is quite possible they are shy or insecure or simply forget about it.....as Wulfie said, the fact someone is on your list does not make them instant friends, it`s more so a convenient way of storing contacts, at least that`s how I see it..

[Resi Pfeffer]

4 hours ago, MelodicRain said:

If I have a nice chat with someone I meet, I usually add them to my list at the end of the conversation

When analyzing myself i find out, that im often adding people, too. All the ones im having entertaining convos with.
But a couple of hours or days later, when i think about the convo in retrospect, i often feel there was something substantial missing, leading me to not saying "Hiiiiii, how are you?"
So, that person stays in my friend list for a while, while none of us ever says hi again, and after a few weeks ill do a little cleanup.

[Horus Salubrius]

16 hours ago, MelodicRain said:

If I have a nice chat with someone I meet, I usually add them to my list at the end of the conversation (assuming it lasted at least an hour or so) so I don't have to write down their name, search their profile, and IM them (hoping they're online) if I want to talk to them again. Am I being too hasty?

You do you, it doesn't matter.  

I have asked a few people from the forum because they have gone out of their way to help me & I well appreciate that.  Inworld ... well I'm kinda shy & will wait until asked.    Like @Resi Pfeffer says, do a little clean up now & then.

 

 

Seriously ??  Can someone please tell me what the rules are here - I have hardly spammed anything... & I can't ask this question anywhere because I am locked out.  

@Nick0678 - thanks, cannot find anywhere on how to contact a forum moderator or any info in appropriate topics here .. oh well, imma go do something useful then !  

Edited October 16, 2020 by Horus Salubrius
:-/

[Jordyn McGregor]

I'm like @RowanMinx.  I don't like to add people because they end up just being names on my list...we rarely talk again.  And like Rowan, I like to log in, go through my offlines and notecards, bounce through Flickr and blogs seeing if there is something I need to go buy, take pictures and get blogging.  I get twitchy when I get IMs the second I log in.   I also get really twitchy when I bounce through this topic and see people replying "Add me!" when people are looking for friends.  I'm happy in my anti-social hermithood!

But as others have said, there is nothing wrong adding people if it is what you want to do.  You do you boo-boo!

[Nick0678]

33 minutes ago, Horus Salubrius said:

Seriously ??  Can someone please tell me what the rules are here - I have hardly spammed anything... & I can't ask this question anywhere because I am locked out.  

The forums did have some issues for a while yesterday so maybe it has to do with that. Send a message to one of the moderators, they probably know the limits and can help you more.

[Wulfie Reanimator]

4 hours ago, Horus Salubrius said:

Seriously ??  Can someone please tell me what the rules are here - I have hardly spammed anything... & I can't ask this question anywhere because I am locked out. 

New users on the forum have limited post counts. We recently had a really big problem with spammers, so this is implemented. There's a little hand icon under the profile picture in your post. Once that goes away, you won't be limited.

[Horus Salubrius]

49 minutes ago, Wulfie Reanimator said:

New users on the forum have limited post counts. We recently had a really big problem with spammers, so this is implemented. There's a little hand icon under the profile picture in your post. Once that goes away, you won't be limited.

I already went through that a few weeks ago & now again ?  

[Adamburp Adamczyk]

On 10/15/2020 at 6:09 PM, MelodicRain said:

If I have a nice chat with someone I meet, I usually add them to my list at the end of the conversation (assuming it lasted at least an hour or so) so I don't have to write down their name, search their profile, and IM them (hoping they're online) if I want to talk to them again. Am I being too hasty? I noticed 90% of people I have a nice chat with, never add me, even after like 5 conversations, not exactly sure why. Are they just shy or don't really care about being friends with me despite having spent like 10 hours chatting with me? I guess different people have different perspectives on what a "friends list" is... to me it's not a "reserved for besties only" list... anyone I acquaint with can go on there cause it's simply convenient to double click on someone to start a chat.

depends how you define a "nice chat".

 

is it

1) the "nice noob" looking for the sex clubs? add - na

2) someone else asking me for the timetable for the no 37 bus to runcorn? add - yes

3) discussing transwarp theorem whilst riding a unicycle and juggling toilets? add - more than likely

 

Joking aside: I can have conversations with random people for days at a time, but not feel a connection to them, just like in RL you might have a brief chat to that with that person also waiting for the no 37 bus to Runcornm, but never click.  Never think the problem is you, it's not. 

 

Or you could just inspire yourself and imagine everyone on a unicycle playing the paper and comb harmonica.

 

small addition, more an observation: your profile is completely blank.  Adding stuff to it is also a good idea, I tend to read profiles when deciding on an approach.  If I see a blank profile I'd usually just carry on riding.

Edited October 16, 2020 by Adamburp Adamczyk
I'm tired after night shift, and I'm sober :(

[Talligurl]

On 10/15/2020 at 1:09 PM, MelodicRain said:

Am I being too hasty?

Remember, there are no rules, do what you want. I basically do the same thing you do. 

[Doc Carling]

Too hasty? In RL we meet daily new people, have random often nice talks in the bus, at the bank, in the supermarket and numerous of other place. But none of us would say at the end of the talk, hey, let's be friend. And if the talk partner would do that, we would consider that as pretty weird. I wonder why that is different in SL. Some people react even offended, when one refuses to add them just because they said nicely hello. Why is that? Is it because the more names on the list the more prestige?

[Gabriele Graves]

It's worse.  What if at the end of the conversation the other person said, "Please give me your number so I can text you and please take this item, it will enable me to see when you go to bed and get up again so that I know when to text you".

[Eloenne]

I just ask for calling cards. So it's easy to find people again without adding them.

I've been in SL a while and learned how this friend's list can be "weaponized".  People will unfriend you spitefully  if you do anything they don't like.. especially in relationship break ups. lol. I'd rather just be very careful who I add on there.

[Doc Carling]

Or the smart ones which see communication as a one way road. Like "What? Haven't heart from him since a month? Such boring people don't belong on my list!" Actually they neither made any attempt to communicate with the particular person, but that doesn't count of course.

[Velk Kerang]

I don't think your being excessive at all. Your just being yourself. Some people are just weird about their friends list on here. Maybe it because I played Star Wars Galaxies and had a different out look with the whole friends list thing, but I look at the friends list like a phone book and calling cards are the piece of paper you scribble someones number on. So personally I don't have an issue if people want to friend me. They don't even have to be obligated talk to me like that. If they made the list they obviously made it for a reason. I personally only ever offer friendship once. If it's refused I don't ask twice. That's just how I roll. lol