harassed verbally by owner of a public spot

[Cerulean Piek]

I was tp'd in by my date to a place for dancing---i was contacted by someone i did not know and believe now it was the owner of the public spot.

She/he was verbally abusive, called me names and so on.

They banned me and then I was contacted by a second person from the same spot who did the same thing.  The first person also continued.  I saved the entire conversation.  I reported to Lindens under abuse filing for all the good it can do.

I have been here over 12 years and not ever treated that badly by supposed owners.

 

Thoughts on what I can do??  I believe not only was this abusive--it was biased and horribly inappropriate

 

Thanks!

 

Edited July 15, 2018 by Cerulean Piek

[ChinRey]

1 minute ago, Cerulean Piek said:

Thoughts on what I can do??

Find a friendlier place to hang out. Whether we like it or not, the landowner is the sovereign ruler and can essentially do whatever he/she pleases. Fortunately there is no shortage of dance clubs in SL so it's no big loss.

[Rhonda Huntress]

If it is owned then it is not public.  It is privately owned by the, well ... the owner.

6 minutes ago, Cerulean Piek said:

I have been here over 12 years and not ever treated that badly by supposed owners.

Mute them and move on with your Second Life.  These type of people are thankfully few and far between.  So few that it has only happened once in 12 years!  You do not need people like that in your life anyway.  It is always a plus when people let you know right away that they will never have anything to say that you need to hear.

[Phorumities]

 

41 minutes ago, Cerulean Piek said:

Thoughts on what I can do??  I believe not only was this abusive--it was biased and horribly inappropriate

 

Thanks!

 

Biased? That sounds like you might have a case for the Second Life Pixel Rights Commission.

If they investigate and find that you were in fact a victim of bias,  you'll be entitled to:

1) a public apology

2) a large cash settlement

3) the offending person will be put on notice their behavour wil not be tolerated in the future.

Submit your case with the Second Life Pixel Rights Commission today, because  they anticipate the backlog will get horrendous very quickly.

Edited July 16, 2018 by Phorumities
double word

[Klytyna]

1 hour ago, Cerulean Piek said:

Thoughts on what I can do?

You could...

A) Grow thicker skin or...

B) Grow up, or...

C) Both of the above...

1 hour ago, Cerulean Piek said:

I have been here over 12 years and not ever treated that badly by supposed owners.

How long you have been here is irrelevant, that you even bother to mention your account age is in it's self indicative of an attitude problem.

1 hour ago, Cerulean Piek said:

I saved the entire conversation.

Why? Any attempt on your part to use that conversation log is a violation of the ToS, after 12 years you should know this.

1 hour ago, Cerulean Piek said:

I believe not only was this abusive--it was biased and horribly inappropriate

Oh Noe! Somebody's online cartoon called your online cartoon a bad word, call the FBI, call the CIA, call the NSA, send out the Disproportionate Response teams to hunt them down for the Federal Cyber Crime of "being rude to you".

Their land their rules, they can ban you because it's their mothers birthday, or because "cheese" or for having an offensive haircut. and it's all good. After the 12 years you boast of, you should already know this..

...

Frankly, if 12 years in SL has convinced you that you are exempt from being banned from privately owned parcels, and lgaly protected from "rudeness", and this is the FIRST time you've been insulted and banned, then you've been damn lucky, and probably need to leave the house more often, to catch up with reality.

...

Grow thicker skin, grow up, move on, dance someplace else.

You might also want to remove the "dont go to [place name] they were rude to ME! Ask me to whine in your im box about it for an hour" thing from your profile, it makes you seem a petty and childish drama llama...

 

[Lindal Kidd]

Hi Cerulean!

Ignore Kly...we all do.

I'm sorry this happened to you.  It sounds like a horrible way to treat anyone.  But there's really nothing to do about it except mute the offenders and simply get on with your life.

Now...having been all sympathetic, I'm going to also say that when I hear stories like this, it's usually not the WHOLE story.  Had you ever been to that place before?  Did you, by any chance, behave in a way that might cause someone to look for payback?  I'm not saying I think you did, or accusing  you.  I'm only saying that in a whole lot of cases like this, there are two sides to the story.  I'm not asking for details, and there's no need to reply to me and defend yourself.  Just, if any of the fault might be laid at your own door, think about it and consider how you might act in the future to keep anything like this from happening again.  After all, you can't change anybody's behavior but your own!

[Callum Meriman]

3 hours ago, Cerulean Piek said:

Thoughts on what I can do?? 

I know it always stings when you are banned from some place, especially if the group managers are mean and abusive about it. As much as it hurts your heart it is quite important to try and not take it personally. You need to show the sort of person you truely are and move on with style and good grace. How you accept these setbacks really shows a lot about you, the heart inside.

My strongest advice is that you should re-consider writing what you did in your profile, as much as that can help the sting of banning it only serves to make you look bad, not them. You need to be far better then the sort of people who want to "kick back" at places they were banned. Those people who use petty profile statements are normally drama magnets, and you are above that.

Put your profile back to how it normally looks, then place that club on your blacklist as a place that isn't so friendly. Say to yourself "They are missing out on my charm and goodness" and choose not to go back. Take my word as a fact Cerulean, I know the place, and have had similar arguments when I took one of my subs in, it's no great loss on your part.

There are, truthfully, more then enough clubs to choose from, and clubs that are far better.

[Cerulean Piek]

3 hours ago, Klytyna said:

You could...

A) Grow thicker skin or...

B) Grow up, or...

C) Both of the above...

How long you have been here is irrelevant, that you even bother to mention your account age is in it's self indicative of an attitude problem.

Why? Any attempt on your part to use that conversation log is a violation of the ToS, after 12 years you should know this.

Oh Noe! Somebody's online cartoon called your online cartoon a bad word, call the FBI, call the CIA, call the NSA, send out the Disproportionate Response teams to hunt them down for the Federal Cyber Crime of "being rude to you".

Their land their rules, they can ban you because it's their mothers birthday, or because "cheese" or for having an offensive haircut. and it's all good. After the 12 years you boast of, you should already know this..

...

Frankly, if 12 years in SL has convinced you that you are exempt from being banned from privately owned parcels, and lgaly protected from "rudeness", and this is the FIRST time you've been insulted and banned, then you've been damn lucky, and probably need to leave the house more often, to catch up with reality.

...

Grow thicker skin, grow up, move on, dance someplace else.

You might also want to remove the "dont go to [place name] they were rude to ME! Ask me to whine in your im box about it for an hour" thing from your profile, it makes you seem a petty and childish drama llama...

 

wow reminds me why i take breaks---thanks for the advice--the profile post is removed--yet know its not about a thick skin as i have a very thick one or would not have been here as long as i have--yet to allow harassment, even in a game, maybe, just maybe, should not be tolerated--we all have achilles heels---take care!

 

Edited July 16, 2018 by Cerulean Piek

[Cerulean Piek]

4 hours ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

If it is owned then it is not public.  It is privately owned by the, well ... the owner.

Mute them and move on with your Second Life.  These type of people are thankfully few and far between.  So few that it has only happened once in 12 years!  You do not need people like that in your life anyway.  It is always a plus when people let you know right away that they will never have anything to say that you need to hear.

thank you for your reply---

[Cerulean Piek]

2 hours ago, Lindal Kidd said:

Hi Cerulean!

Ignore Kly...we all do.

I'm sorry this happened to you.  It sounds like a horrible way to treat anyone.  But there's really nothing to do about it except mute the offenders and simply get on with your life.

Now...having been all sympathetic, I'm going to also say that when I hear stories like this, it's usually not the WHOLE story.  Had you ever been to that place before?  Did you, by any chance, behave in a way that might cause someone to look for payback?  I'm not saying I think you did, or accusing  you.  I'm only saying that in a whole lot of cases like this, there are two sides to the story.  I'm not asking for details, and there's no need to reply to me and defend yourself.  Just, if any of the fault might be laid at your own door, think about it and consider how you might act in the future to keep anything like this from happening again.  After all, you can't change anybody's behavior but your own!

agreed my mistake was somehow missing their rules and inquiring who the person was talking to me---live and learn--and no i had not been there before nor will i go again--thank you for your thoughtful reply

[Cerulean Piek]

4 hours ago, Phorumities said:

 

Biased? That sounds like you might have a case for the Second Life Pixel Rights Commission.

If they investigate and find that you were in fact a victim of bias,  you'll be entitled to:

1) a public apology

2) a large cash settlement

3) the offending person will be put on notice their behavour wil not be tolerated in the future.

Submit your case with the Second Life Pixel Rights Commission today, because  they anticipate the backlog will get horrendous very quickly.

truly i know this is a game--and can laugh at your reply---yet the ability to call people names freely here and in rl still is  painful so thanks for the laugh

[Cerulean Piek]

Lots of thinking here--some helpful, some that made me laugh....I will always speak out about personal harassment no matter whether sl or rl.  I removed the info from my profile....and am reminded sadly that even in game--people can be cruel when hidden behind an avatar or social medial  Thank you all--wish you well!

[Candice LittleBoots]

14 minutes ago, Cerulean Piek said:

wow reminds me why i take breaks---thanks for the advice--the profile post is removed--yet know its not about a thick skin as i have a very thick one or would not have been here as long as i have--yet to allow harassment, even in a game, maybe, just maybe, should not be tolerated--we all have achilles heels---take care!

 

I really wish people wouldn't quote that person.

It's like looking at soiled toilet tissue. I know what's on it, I just have no wish to look at it.

[Alwin Alcott]

30 minutes ago, Candice LittleBoots said:

I really wish people wouldn't quote that person.

Would perhaps be a good reason to go sit near a campfire, have hot choco, a marshmellow and a talk?.. might get friends for life

33 minutes ago, Candice LittleBoots said:

I know what's on it, I just have no wish to look at it.

there's very often quite some truth in it, the way it's wrapped might not be the way you like it, can understand that.
Think i'm allso at a "few" block/ignore lists here, but we all contribute, in our own style and words, for me it adds really something to see all those different ways to approach a post.

 

[Syo Emerald]

7 hours ago, Cerulean Piek said:

Thoughts on what I can do??  I believe not only was this abusive--it was biased and horribly inappropriate

Well... you already did everything you can do and should do. You reported them (now its up to the Lindens to deciede) and probably already made the decision to not come back to that place in any shape or form...or time. Behond that, there really isn't anything you should do. You said you have been in SL for 12 years. Thats 12 years you perfectly survived without that place. Time to just keep it that way for the next 12 years, SL is big enough.

We here can't really do much for you, we are just residents and I personally stay away from picking sides, when I don't know the details myself.

And don't feel particularly attacked by Klytynas post. She is on the "rougher" end of forum replies. Sometimes thats needed, sometimes its not. Recently, we had quite many posts from people in a short time, who all complained about personal disputes with other residents or who went straight to "everyone is an a-hole but me". And more often than not the thread starting person had to be educated about the real circumstances of their situation, some of which were very basic. So it could be, that your thread is read by some with the notion of "oh another one of those...".

[Tari Landar]

Biased how?

Given that you've now clarified and admitted you broke the place's rules by ignoring them...and changed your profile...I doubt you need anyone else to tell you what to do. So, I'm going to share a really long winded story instead and derail your thread...sorta...it kinda pertains to people that ignore rules, and the other side of that coin..especially when someone pulls the "behind every avatar is a person" line, which is correct, and that includes the land owners being human behind their avatars too and expecting the same kind of respect visitors expect from them, unlike me, it goes both ways.  

Ftr, this particular incident got me called biased too , among a lot of other nasty things, and a blurb in someone's profile for a bit (how long, I don't know, I wasn't losing sleep over it). The only difference is, I freely admit my bias plays a role here..  

I once booted a gal and the guy holding her leash from one of my lands. I had it (mostly) open to the public, as I tend to do when I have land in sl. I welcomed just about everyone, but there were some rules...pretty basic ones at that, some of which my own moral compass dictates, while others are merely common sense/common decency for fellow visitors. The vast majority of which were often there to earn lindens, so, most have NO issue at all with rules, reading them, not ignoring them, and not arguing about them, or with me for that matter, lol. 

But these two...oy....It wasn't until she started trying to go off on me in local, after I politely asked her (in IM) to go back to the landing zone(separated parcel) get dressed, get back off of all fours, take the leash off, and for both of them to put their damn pixel lego bits away, that she got the boot. Then she wanted to argue with me about it, and about how she was dressed when she finally did get up off the ground-which also broke my rules. It was quite stupid of her, I can argue til the cows come home-and we don't own any cows,  not that I DID argue with her, but I could have, and had I not been busy at that moment, it's entirely possible I might have. She was out of line from word go, *including questioning who I was, on my own land, lmao. 

Had she complied when asked, or just followed the POSTED rules from the get go, we would've had no problem at all.  She wasn't the first to not follow the rules, and I'm pretty darn forgiving, really. I mean if you don't see them on landing, even though they're in your face(or were, I no longer have that land, lol) then fine, I'l give ya a few minutes to get your bearings, and then I'll  IM you. Come in dressed or acting in a manner (including your profile!) I find wholely offensive, ignore my IM, or leave the landing area without ensuring you're compliant...and you're getting the boot,  and I don't care how "fair" it is-you can come back when you're ready to follow the rules. Act like a child and try to argue with me about it, question the rules, question *me*, or generally be a pain in the butt in all the wrong ways and you're just going to get a ban, and you ain't coming back this time. I can count on one hand the number of people I have ever had to permaban from my lands. The about landmark page, the about land page and the rules are(again, were) very carefully worded, very precise and stipulated everything you needed to know. Not my fault, or any land owner's fault really, that people fail to pay attention to what they're doing. 

So, yeah....maybe some folks aren't as innocent in these "I've been harassed" posts as they claim. Sure, some are, but..come on now, we all know there's more than one side to a story. More times than not people contribute to their own problems, in some fashion. While I know some folks are just asshats of epic proportion, most folks don't generally come out the gate swinging, they need to be provoked in some manner first    

[Resi Pfeffer]

5 hours ago, Lindal Kidd said:

Ignore Kly...we all do.

Klytyna might not have the most lovely way to say what she wants to say, but a slap to the face is more likely to wake up someone (if he/she survives that slap ).

[Pamela Galli]

1 minute ago, Resi Pfeffer said:

Klytyna might not have the most lovely way to say what she wants to say, but a slap to the face is more likely to wake up someone (if he/she survives that slap ).

Vitriol is most effective when used judiciously.  When it is all vitriol all the time, it loses its impact. 

[Qie Niangao]

8 hours ago, Cerulean Piek said:

She/he was verbally abusive, called me names and so on.

I've paid good money for that kind of treatment, and here they're just giving it away! 

8 hours ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

If it is owned then it is not public.  It is privately owned by the, well ... the owner.

This is absolutely true, and yet... I wonder if SL would be a friendlier place if there were some special obligations incurred when land is listed in Search. I guess it would be hopelessly impractical to enforce any social constraints - we can't expect the parcel owner to be present at all times to handle disputes - but it seems different from a "private" parcel that may be open for exploration but not officially soliciting the public with a Search listing.

It would be practical to automatically constrain some land settings based on listing a parcel in Search. For example, all searchable parcels might also enable open access, not limited to individuals or a group. (If that's ever the intended outcome for a Search-listed parcel, it's gotta be a million times less likely than  confusion about the meanings of access settings. And if ever intentional, can that intent be anything other than willful trolling?)

The Destination Guide is kind of a manageable scale, curated subset of Search listings, and maybe only those destinations should be expected to be consistently visitor-friendly. I'm not sure even that is practical to enforce, but social platforms succeed or fail based on which interactions they foster and which they discourage, by whatever means. So it matters.

[Phil Deakins]

1 hour ago, Tari Landar said:

But these two...oy....It wasn't until she started trying to go off on me in local, after I politely asked her (in IM) to go back to the landing zone(separated parcel) get dressed, [...]

[...] Come in dressed .... and you're getting the boot,  [...]

No wonder there was friction between you. They could hardly come in dressed and naked, could they? Some rules can be just too confusing for the rest of us

Edited July 16, 2018 by Phil Deakins

[Resi Pfeffer]

1 hour ago, Pamela Galli said:

Vitriol is most effective when used judiciously.  When it is all vitriol all the time, it loses its impact. 

Every day new patients walk into the doctors office...

[Mardy Slade]

hmmm interesting read  

[panatropica]

I think others have already said this, the person that pays for the sim basically makes their own rules. hey i know that stinks, been banned from places in SL myself, but usually for a reason tho. If you were just innocently there enjoying yourself, there are hundreds of other sims that have that, mute that avatar and move on. Abuse report may be useful in this case, im not sure if thats a dispute between residents or not.

Hey i have even been not so innocently enjoying myself and co-incidently another avatar and didn't even get banned, but i got told politely enough that i was being umm.. you know.

Edited July 16, 2018 by panatropica
carnt spel propa lol

[Callum Meriman]

1 hour ago, Qie Niangao said:

This is absolutely true, and yet... I wonder if SL would be a friendlier place if there were some special obligations incurred when land is listed in Search. I guess it would be hopelessly impractical to enforce any social constraints - we can't expect the parcel owner to be present at all times to handle disputes - but it seems different from a "private" parcel that may be open for exploration but not officially soliciting the public with a Search listing.

Won't work, for the very reason I highlighted. I list my club in search, I'm not going to be online 24 hours a day to be sweet and wonderful towards people who break my rules. No Qie. This time you are talking nonsense, and you are talking nonsense as it's the miscreant who is mostly in the wrong.

If people break the rules of my club they have a chance to rectify it, if they ignore me, or talk back and give lip.... they can accept the ban.

 

Quote

No ma'am I run an M rated club advertised in search as being for Gay Males and their friends, and while I don't normally make a point of booting 9 foot Glamazons with 100 hips and bling, this doesn't mean you can rez a sex bed on the landing zone and shout out sexual encouragement to your husband of the day as he learns to control his L$1 boybits and operate the poses at the same time.

^ that has happened. Worst part... she abused me in IM until I muted her size 100 aircraft carrier hips.

[Paul Hexem]

There is no public land in SL. Even protected Linden land is owned by Lindens, not some sort of tax paid community thing.

If you're on someone's sim, they call you a noodlehead and ban you so they can hit on your girlfriend, you have 0 recourse except to leave and never give them more traffic.

Also, I love how these stories are always told like the ban was for no reason, out of the blue, and never what happened to get there. 

Like if you say a rat started chewing on your face, there would be questions. Rats don't just fall out of the sky and start eating us. Something's gotta lead up to it!