I decided to make my Second Life a tad bit easier. I disabled incoming IMs from "non-friends" for some of my accounts.

[Gopi Passiflora]

As stated in the title, today I've decided to disable incoming IMs from people who aren't in my accounts' friendlists. I'm not doing this for every account of mine, just the ones that present as women. IMs from strangers were just too annoying so I eventually had to do this.

I realize there may drawbacks to this - I (as my woman accounts) may not see communications from kind, genuine people who have no hidden intentions but just simply prefer IM over local chat for example, but I understand that it's a sacrifice I have to make.

Once I disabled IMs, when using one of my woman accounts in social area I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulder. I no longer felt at edge anticipating yet another annoying IM from a thirsty man. I felt more free I guess; it was liberating.

[Evil Littlepaws]

I used to get so many as a man, so i simply became a cat. But then again thinking about your decision seems to be a simpler solution.

[Rat Luv]

I think I'd feel like I was cutting myself off too much...I made some good friendships that started as IMs from strangers, and you never know where a random IM might take you  I guess missing out on things like that would bother me more than the occasional horny IM...but if you feel better already, it was probably the right move! 👍

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

The account I log in determines whether I am open to IMs, but not because of randy guys.

Sometimes my sole purpose of logging in is to strike up a conversation with someone new. 

Sometimes my sole purpose is to do my own thing without interruption.

Maybe I should turn on that "only friends" option.  My alts aren't friend collectors, so privacy and solitude!

[Love Zhaoying]

15 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

As stated in the title, today I've decided to disable incoming IMs from people who aren't in my accounts' friendlists. I'm not doing this for every account of mine, just the ones that present as women. IMs from strangers were just too annoying so I eventually had to do this.

I realize there may drawbacks to this - I (as my woman accounts) may not see communications from kind, genuine people who have no hidden intentions but just simply prefer IM over local chat for example, but I understand that it's a sacrifice I have to make.

Once I disabled IMs, when using one of my woman accounts in social area I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulder. I no longer felt at edge anticipating yet another annoying IM from a thirsty man. I felt more free I guess; it was liberating.

Did you have a particular question? Or are you just inviting discussion on your decision?

You can always "turn IMs back on" for everyone when you're not in "thirsty areas", of course.

 

[Luna Bliss]

15 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Once I disabled IMs, when using one of my woman accounts in social area I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulder. I no longer felt at edge anticipating yet another annoying IM from a thirsty man. I felt more free I guess; it was liberating.

I'm glad you discovered how to make your experience in SL work better for you...

[Zambe Boo]

I can understand someone doing this, but I wouldn't personally be able to do so. I've never had the "my woman accounts" situation, it's just a blanket experience across the entirety of SL when your avatar is a woman. I use Voice Chat and Stream Music also, so even if I did change my avatar to a man, I'd be easily found out. After dealing with it for so long (in any video game, really) you get used to it and figure out how to handle those types of messages.

[Janet Voxel]

I think disabling IMs is a little extreme. I have incoming friend requests disabled though.

The rationale behind this is that I get far more random, unwanted friend requests than unwanted IMs. I’m willing to have a conversation with anybody. The friend requests I get tend to be me minding my own business and BAM friend request nothing else. I can always send a friend request to someone if we had a nice conversation. 
 

 

[Pearl Trueheart]

51 minutes ago, Janet Voxel said:

 I have incoming friend requests disabled though.

You can do that?  Where do I find that setting?

[Ayashe Ninetails]

Yeah, that seems a bit extreme to me, too. I typically welcome random IMs, though funny enough, I never get any anymore. The last time someone jumped into my IMs was like a year ago and I was a deer at the time. He just wanted to compliment me on being cute, which I didn't mind one bit. That avie IS damn cute. 😂

My human female avatars are never approached these days, so this isn't something I have to worry about anymore. Back in the day, I'd get some obnoxious IMs here and there, but once I started wearing more piercings and tattoos and shaved hairstyles, men are no longer interested. Well, maybe it's the jacked up eyes and skull tattoo on half of my face. Whatever. It works. I'm happy.

The fastest way off the random IM radar - head/face tats. 

[Gopi Passiflora]

2 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Did you have a particular question? Or are you just inviting discussion on your decision?

You can always "turn IMs back on" for everyone when you're not in "thirsty areas", of course.

 

I just wanted a discussion I guess. I suppose its extreme, but I just feel better when I'm a woman.

[Bree Giffen]

You must have a really nice avatar Gopi! Do tongues wag out when you pass by or maybe sudden nosebleeds? But seriously, I haven't had too many problems with random IMs. Mostly people ask about something I am wearing. Everyone has a different experience in SL so people should be free to do things that bring them peace. 

Edited April 10 by Bree Giffen

[Hymn Celestia]

17 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Once I disabled IMs, when using one of my woman accounts in social area I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulder. I no longer felt at edge anticipating yet another annoying IM from a thirsty man. I felt more free I guess; it was liberating.

I know what you mean.  It IS liberating.

It's been my experience that my female persona used to get more random solicitation than my male persona (and now no solicitation at all YAY) but the kind of solicitation has always without exception been about photography.   Whether just photography or "photography nudge nudge" I have no idea; I didn't entertain any offers either way.

 

[Sid Nagy]

Social platform.... eh....

[Marianne Little]

Well, I have to be a -1 out of 10, since I do not have a problem with strangers pestering me with IM's. Maybe I am smelly, or have greasy hair.

[Arielle Popstar]

18 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

As stated in the title, today I've decided to disable incoming IMs from people who aren't in my accounts' friendlists. I'm not doing this for every account of mine, just the ones that present as women. IMs from strangers were just too annoying so I eventually had to do this.

I find for me that the only time I get IM's from random strangers is when I am at club where it is to be expected. Learning how to deal with them appropriately was and is a part of a goal I set for myself in SL. When I am not it in the mood, I either don't go clubbing or hang out on my Opensim grid where I have more privacy and only hear from friends.

I do get bothered with the almost constant barrage of group notices though. I find that harder to deal with then random strange men IM's. I don't want to shut those off because there is always that 1 in 10 item I might go gaga over but slogging through the ones I don't want,  can be a chore.

[Paul Hexem]

19 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

As stated in the title, today I've decided to disable incoming IMs from people who aren't in my accounts' friendlists. I'm not doing this for every account of mine, just the ones that present as women. IMs from strangers were just too annoying so I eventually had to do this.

I realize there may drawbacks to this - I (as my woman accounts) may not see communications from kind, genuine people who have no hidden intentions but just simply prefer IM over local chat for example, but I understand that it's a sacrifice I have to make.

Once I disabled IMs, when using one of my woman accounts in social area I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulder. I no longer felt at edge anticipating yet another annoying IM from a thirsty man. I felt more free I guess; it was liberating.

This seems... Hyperbolic.

Now, granted anecdotal evidence is anecdotal and not science, but my lady friends never seem to have this problem with men sending them messages. As a matter of fact, one who has a very... we'll call it an "attention getting" avatar, our running joke now is that she gets hit on as rarely as I do these days.

[Ezbeharra]

8 minutes ago, Paul Hexem said:

This seems... Hyperbolic.

It really can be a nuisance but it depends on where you go and how you look. I've just become comfortable with ignoring people I don't want to talk to.

2 hours ago, Sid Nagy said:

Social platform.... eh....

That doesn't mean you have to make yourself available to talk to just anyone, especially when there are some people who take any reply as encouragement.

[Rowan Amore]

23 minutes ago, Paul Hexem said:

This seems... Hyperbolic.

Now, granted anecdotal evidence is anecdotal and not science, but my lady friends never seem to have this problem with men sending them messages. As a matter of fact, one who has a very... we'll call it an "attention getting" avatar, our running joke now is that she gets hit on as rarely as I do these days.

That's been my experience in the past few years as well.  I don't care where I go, I almost never get unwanted IMs.  The ones  I do get are generally respectful and usually lead to a.pleasant conversation.  Even the occasional one hinting at slex aren't bad.  A simple "no thanks" is enough.  No one has gotten upset or rude.  

[Jaylinbridges]

My IM's are open to everyone on all my accounts, male, female, cat, or rat.  But I usually have autoresponse checked for non-friends and sometimes friends too, if I don't want to be bothered.  That is more effective, and I don't miss IM's I want to answer.

You can also add a clever autoresponse message, such as "I am busy having sex with my pet goat right now, but I'll try to get back to you when we are finished."   That can sort out a few...

[Ayashe Ninetails]

14 minutes ago, Paul Hexem said:

This seems... Hyperbolic.

Now, granted anecdotal evidence is anecdotal and not science, but my lady friends never seem to have this problem with men sending them messages. As a matter of fact, one who has a very... we'll call it an "attention getting" avatar, our running joke now is that she gets hit on as rarely as I do these days.

Yeah, BUT, a lot of it comes down to a combination of avatar appearance and sometimes profile. Some looks tend to get hit on more than others, too.

If I go out somewhere with my friend in a human avatar, she'll get hit on once or twice (or more), but I will not. Her avatar is more traditionally attractive and definitely more on-trend (shape wise) than I am.  Look at Flickr or the weekend sale ads - yeah, like that. I'm tall in Maitreya with natural curves, a small chest, tomboyish, and very alternative. She's shorter, very curvy/thick (GenX Curvy I think, or Reborn, I dunno one of those), long hair, and very classically pretty. She's just more inviting, methinks, than the chick with full body tats and a dozen rings in her face. 😂

Prior to changing my human look, back when I was just mildly alternative and a bit more feminine, we'd both get hit on - often by the same dude simultaneously (lol). I eventually made the decision to do a makeover because the IMs in general were just too gross past a certain point AND they were starting to come in when I was at home on my own private parcel, so guys were definitely fishing through groups looking for random women to message.

I also noticed a sharp drop-off just by adding "genderfluid" to my profile for a bit, before the makeover. I was curious if that'd make a difference and yeah - IMs died entirely, so I could have technically just stopped there, but yolo, shaved mah head anyway. 😏

I'll also say you can be TOO pretty for IMs, too, if guys feel you're intimidating in some way. Avatar type can matter somewhat, too, depending. Very pretty fantasy avatars may or may not get hit on. Furries do (can confirm, lol). Anything a bit too extreme, though, like the weird stuff I tend to run around in - not a chaaaaaaaance!

[VaelFaye]

56 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

Yeah, BUT, a lot of it comes down to a combination of avatar appearance and sometimes profile. Some looks tend to get hit on more than others, too.

@Ayashe Ninetails I’ve been hit on in my centaur form more times than I can count these days, which is both amusing and a tad bit alarming! 😳

[Ayashe Ninetails]

1 minute ago, VaelFaye said:

@Ayashe Ninetails I’ve been hit on in my centaur form more times than I can count these days, which is both amusing and a tad bit alarming! 😳

Yes! THIS is a whole THING! I'm not surprised whatsoever about the centaurs. I've heard that before, definitely! 🤣

Also, male werewolves seem to be a fan favorite, as well, from what I've heard, lol. Minotaurs, too, I think.

People are just silly, sometimes. I even got hit on (teasingly, doubt it was serious) on my frog, and the puns were sooooo stupid, lmaoooo.

[Ezbeharra]

37 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

Also, male werewolves seem to be a fan favorite, as well, from what I've heard, lol. Minotaurs, too, I think.

The people who like them, like them, but I'd say there's a bit of a surplus population of large monsters. Goblins, on the other hand, are few and far between but never seem to lack for company.

[Ayashe Ninetails]

3 minutes ago, Ezbeharra said:

The people who like them, like them, but I'd say there's a bit of a surplus population of large monsters. Goblins, on the other hand, are few and far between but never seem to lack for company.

Lol, too right. There are plenty of fearsome creatures roaming around.

Now that you mention it, though, I rarely see goblins at all. I think I've come across one.