I think it's funny. I've accused other people of being creepy (particularly in SL)....

[kali Wylder]

I think it's kind of important to realize that there is always more than one perspective.  Unwanted attention can be creepy.  I think that we've all been the creeper and the creeped at one time or another.

 

[Stephanie Misfit]

1 hour ago, Amanda Crisp said:

I save “creepy” for those who can’t take a diplomatic “NO”….

I think there are some kinds of approaches that are always creepy and inappropriate though. Hanging out at landing points and asking every woman who TPs in to voice with you is really creepy and inappropriate, filling up strangers' IM boxes with your copy-pasted fetish fantasies is creepy, and I don't care that I can ignore them or say no. Some things just are not cool and people should know better whatever their backgrounds. These people are playing a numbers game to try to get a certain result, without regard for other people's feelings or comfort. Coming from a highly misogynistic culture as some men in SL do is no excuse either in my opinion, these guys are part of a global online community and know what is expected. As for accepting others' differences, on a related note, I think that "no kink-shaming" sometimes goes too far in that it may not take into account the fact that people should not have to be exposed to kinks that they have not consented to be a part of, and that may make them feel uncomfortable. You fill up my IM box with your fetishes, you can be sure I will put you on blast for it. Maybe kink-shaming is MY kink 😄

[Randall Ahren]

1 hour ago, Stephanie Misfit said:

Maybe kink-shaming is MY kink

Okay, creep.

[Zalificent Corvinus]

1 hour ago, Stephanie Misfit said:

Hanging out at landing points and asking every woman who TPs in to voice with you is really creepy and inappropriate, 

Nah, a friend saw somebody who had that beat, some "creep" who was hanging about in a store that only sells women's lingerie, wearing a scripted "endless loop guitar music" guitar attachment, and IIM'ing every woman who TP'd in.

THAT's "Creepy".

That was at Moon Elixir, and she reported the guy to the store owner.

[Kathlen Onyx]

Ah, the inevitable Friday thread where Gopi posts a thread, Luna takes it over and the thread becomes pages of off topic discussion aimed at other people on the thread. Love steps in to make a light hearted joke and then a number of people actually make good points that are ignored and someone asks for the thread to be locked.

[Istelathis]

28 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

Ah, the inevitable Friday thread where Gopi posts a thread, Luna takes it over and the thread becomes pages of off topic discussion aimed at other people on the thread. Love steps in to make a light hearted joke and then a number of people actually make good points that are ignored and someone asks for the thread to be locked.

Usually, it just becomes a gender war.  Then it becomes a gate keeping thread, followed by shaming one another, and eventually it gets closed down and everyone goes to the peeved thread to complain about how it was shut down.  

 

So instead lets just make it a thread about waffles vs pancakes.  I mean, waffles are superior, and anyone who feel differently are inherently evil for their views.  Slightly less evil than people who like pineapple on their pizza though.

Edited September 2, 2023 by Istelathis

[Luna Bliss]

8 hours ago, Zalificent Corvinus said:

10 hours ago, Stephanie Misfit said:

Hanging out at landing points and asking every woman who TPs in to voice with you is really creepy and inappropriate, 

Nah, a friend saw somebody who had that beat, some "creep" who was hanging about in a store that only sells women's lingerie, wearing a scripted "endless loop guitar music" guitar attachment, and IIM'ing every woman who TP'd in.

haha...the innovation of griefers astounds!

At this self-actualization/spiritual sim the griefers come in as demons/devils/dark angels to disrupt.

At a lesbian/women's sim the griefers come in as 'apparent women' passing nude pics of women to dancers and hitting on them.

[Luna Bliss]

8 hours ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

Luna takes it over and the thread becomes pages of off topic discussion aimed at other people on the thread

Arielle attacked me...you didn't notice?

[UnilWay SpiritWeaver]

On 9/1/2023 at 1:35 PM, Luna Bliss said:

I hope you're not on the way to having a stalker  

Well he did come back late last night so he at least had the spot in mind. It's a way out there, out of the way linden home.

Got my other alt last time. This time my main was on the plot. I'd been in mid outfit change from trying on stuff I'd got at the "Saturday Sale" even and had tabbed out then forgotten I was still logged in to SL...

Come back and find the door to my home is open (I'd been messing with things and turned off the access list) and there's this in an IM:

[2023/09/05 01:13]  F******** V****: you look good!
[2023/09/05 01:15]  F******** V****: would love to give you some kisses
[friend request]
- Instead I blocked him, and banned him from my land. Made sure to repeat that on my alts as well.

12 year old account (his profile pic looks about that old too), and the guy still thinks it's fine to wander into occupied residential homes, especially ones where you can't see the people inside; and randomly hit on the people inside. That's multiple creep flags combined.

[UnilWay SpiritWeaver]

My local chat log isn't being saved anymore. I must have turned that off. But a counter example.

The alt that this guy hit on was in a popular avatar parts store the other day checking out the riptide mermaid tail. I'm sitting there with the demo on and my top half bare. Guy is standing beside me with his avatar seemingly aimed at the same vendor or the one next to it for some other fantasy creature (fairy I think).

He just says in local, if I remember right: "hello sister."
- Not creepy.

His avatar was also modern looking and put together. Not the 'I'm still logging in to 2006" look or the "I have so many muscles even my muscles have alts" look some male mesh bodies give that make guys look like they're trying too hard. So maybe the visual did have something to do with my just not finding it weird. But his comment was perfectly normal also, and in a normal shopping venue that gets all kinds of people (albeit looking for fantasy or roleplay avatars) - not out of place.

People call each other 'brother' or 'sister' all the time where I come from so maybe I judged that one way when others might another - but our avatars did have a similar theme also (she was my elf alt - though I had the mermaid tail on half of me, and he was on an elf).

I did however fail to start a conversation. But that was only because this happened shortly after the first guy had messaged my alt in the post I mentioned a page ago so I was feeling very anti-social in that moment.

[Arielle Popstar]

and we wind up with this:

 

[Luna Bliss]

46 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

and we wind up with this:

This man, and I assume you as well since you're pointing him out as an example, has no concept of context. In other words, there are no absolutes for every situation...it will depend on many variables as to whether it's creepy or harassment.

Edited September 5, 2023 by Luna Bliss

[Luna Bliss]

46 minutes ago, UnilWay SpiritWeaver said:

The alt that this guy hit on was in a popular avatar parts store the other day checking out the riptide mermaid tail.

I had a strange underwater experience a couple days ago. I'm making a near sim-sized underwater environment for a group, and this person swims up fairly close so I checked their profile. They stated they are herm ...not sure why they felt the need to describe their 1st life genitals, but anyway...they said they love the underwater and love to have sex underwater.  Their 1st life pic is them in a scuba-diving outfit.  I do meet some unusual people.

I can't say that was creepy...just weird. I'll have to report them if they harass undersea visitors though, and it's not an A sim so they can't pursue their underwater dreams...

Edited September 5, 2023 by Luna Bliss

[Robberinthemuseum]

@Gopi Passiflora I don't agree with this at all. I have never had a negative reaction in rl or sl for saying hello to someone. The other day I went to Cica ghost's new installation and greeted her. She replied and I complimented her on her work. That's my most recent hello situation 🤷‍♂️. I have met very creepy men and women in sl. This is the main reason my crosshairs are turned off. I don't want to know who's following me with their camera while pretending to be afk.

Edit: I usually say hello to check if someone is afk before saying what I want to say. This is reasonable I think. I would rather not spend time messaging mannequins.

Edited September 5, 2023 by Robberinthemuseum

[Amanda Crisp]

On 9/1/2023 at 11:07 PM, Stephanie Misfit said:

Coming from a highly misogynistic culture as some men in SL do is no excuse either in my opinion, these guys are part of a global online community and know what is expected.

I generally agree, with the following caveat; Expecting people from “polar opposite” social cultures to completely Grok SL until a substantial learning curve has taken place is a bit optimistic (IMO).

New residents are confronted w Terms of Service that are essentially word-salad written by Lawyers, to be read by Lawyers. Someone who comes from a society where male/female roles are defined differently may lack the CONTEXT to associate what that wall of text means to the smooth running of our online society.

Trust me, at one time I Moderated for a major RolePlay sim and had to “splain” (what the receiver viewed as Decadent Western Morals) to people on almost a daily basis. This was all spelled out in the Sim Rules, but even native English speakers tend not to “read the directions”.

Lastly, I can get VERY frustrated when I DJ and encounter Guests who conflate “DJ” w “Prostitute” and act accordingly. That can come from any direction and can set my hair on fire (I need an animation for that). So I totally understand “social frustration” within SL.  I came here to get away from that in RL, and thankfully HERE I can block/DeRender the worst of them.

It’s nice being about to kick people OUT of your world w the click of a button 🙂

 

[QuietEventide]

On 9/2/2023 at 7:14 AM, Sam Bellisserian said:

Ah, the inevitable Friday thread where Gopi posts a thread, Luna takes it over and the thread becomes pages of off topic discussion aimed at other people on the thread. Love steps in to make a light hearted joke and then a number of people actually make good points that are ignored and someone asks for the thread to be locked.

I wrote a post here but then I decided to remove it again. It was kind of silly, so ... never mind.

Edited September 6, 2023 by QuietEventide

[Luna Bliss]

8 hours ago, QuietEventide said:

I wrote a post here but then I decided to remove it again. It was kind of silly, so ... never mind.

Oh, I liked it. You were commenting on other types of drama from something you were reading/watching...as the forum reminded you of it.

If you get into some communities here unbelievably strange dramas can happen that surpass the wildest of imaginations. Like the old saying goes.... "nobody could make this stuff up".

[Paul Hexem]

On 9/5/2023 at 2:59 PM, Luna Bliss said:

This man, and I assume you as well since you're pointing him out as an example, has no concept of context. In other words, there are no absolutes for every situation...it will depend on many variables as to whether it's creepy or harassment.

The point he's making stands up, though. The stats are extremely interesting to consider. The old adage about a broken clock and all that.

[Love Zhaoying]

On 9/2/2023 at 2:14 AM, Sam Bellisserian said:

Ah, the inevitable Friday thread where Gopi posts a thread, Luna takes it over and the thread becomes pages of off topic discussion aimed at other people on the thread. Love steps in to make a light hearted joke and then a number of people actually make good points that are ignored and someone asks for the thread to be locked.

Yesh!

Except for the cookie-cutter gender stuff (which is getting terribly old), it is almost a guilty pleasure!

 

[Luna Bliss]

4 hours ago, Paul Hexem said:

On 9/5/2023 at 1:59 PM, Luna Bliss said:

This man, and I assume you as well since you're pointing him out as an example, has no concept of context. In other words, there are no absolutes for every situation...it will depend on many variables as to whether it's creepy or harassment.

The point he's making stands up, though. The stats are extremely interesting to consider. The old adage about a broken clock and all that.

Regarding the video cited (and I'll get to how it applies to Gopi later)...

We don't know if in fact there is less dating with young people today (from my view it just seems different, utilizing the internet more), but if there is less dating there's nothing factual backing up his claim that the reason is because people are confused about who makes the first move. It's likely a number of dynamics are in play if there is less dating, and confusion over making the first move could be one of them.
(btw...I see stats asserting there is less marriage today, but not less dating).

The problem we're seeing in society is because many men are accustomed to being in charge -- they were socialized to see this as 'manly', and having to let go of this power/being in control advantage is not easy for them. Conversely, it's much easier for many women to just relinquish power and let someone else make decisions, and they are still frequently socialized to prefer this.
Where we see the problem is when either a man or a woman doesn't want to fit into these prescribed roles -- when they're trying to break out of them and base power/agency on authenticity instead of being crammed into a rigid box due to socialization. And many are breaking out of these roles.

But even in olden days where it was more expected that men would make the first move, if he did so out of context he'd be seen as creepy and cause the woman to flee. There's a place and a time for everything, and this varies according to country and even regions within a country. Men without social skills and lacking in empathy (being unable to see situations from another's perspective and how the other person might feel when being approached for sex when at a meditation group or walking alone down a street, for example) are at a disadvantage.

Fortunately, Gopi is wise having existed as a woman in 2nd life, paying attention and actually feeling how much more vulnerable he experienced the opposite gender. He developed some sensitivity to the other side, and even admitted to being creepy himself in earlier days when he didn't know better. He's a very strong man, unlike these men who blame women and fail to understand how their behavior might actually be experienced as creepy by another.

[Theresa Tennyson]

On 8/31/2023 at 11:37 AM, Arielle Popstar said:

I find the word creepy is an overused put down to refer to someone who might be better described as being socially awkward or inept.

Here's the thing... None of us are born with certain skills that we really need to function in modern society. We're expected to learn how to read, do simple mathematics, use toilets, etc.

Being able to operate in society without constantly causing offense should be considered one of those skills. I'm not saying that people need to act aggressively fake and "pleasant" or pretend to enjoy things they would rather not do, but people should at least be taught the level of skills necessary to not actively bother people.

I was watching some TV piece about "gifted" people and they were interviewing one young lady who apparently had spectacular levels of book knowledge. Unfortunately, it was also clear that she was completely incapable of having a conversation without making herself look like an insufferable jerk. Time spent learning that skill may have been more useful than, say, differential equations at her age. And part of that is the responsibility of those responsible for her education growing up.

[Marigold Devin]

5 minutes ago, Theresa Tennyson said:

Here's the thing... None of us are born with certain skills that we really need to function in modern society. We're expected to learn how to read, do simple mathematics, use toilets, etc.

Being able to operate in society without constantly causing offense should be considered one of those skills. I'm not saying that people need to act aggressively fake and "pleasant" or pretend to enjoy things they would rather not do, but people should at least be taught the level of skills necessary to not actively bother people.

I was watching some TV piece about "gifted" people and they were interviewing one young lady who apparently had spectacular levels of book knowledge. Unfortunately, it was also clear that she was completely incapable of having a conversation without making herself look like an insufferable jerk. Time spent learning that skill may have been more useful than, say, differential equations at her age. And part of that is the responsibility of those responsible for her education growing up.

Was there a possibility that the gifted young lady with the spectacular level of book knowledge was on the autism spectrum? 

Struggling with the words I want here, afraid to cause offense. 

[Theresa Tennyson]

Just now, Marigold Devin said:

Was there a possibility that the gifted young lady with the spectacular level of book knowledge was on the autism spectrum? 

Struggling with the words I want here, afraid to cause offense. 

There's a difference between finding it difficult to understand emotions and behaving as if they're not important. Some things are harder to learn for some people than others. But that doesn't mean they can't learn something about them.

[Marigold Devin]

Just now, Theresa Tennyson said:

There's a difference between finding it difficult to understand emotions and behaving as if they're not important. Some things are harder to learn for some people than others. But that doesn't mean they can't learn something about them.

I feel sad because I know of a few people out here in real life who haven't been able to learn boundaries or how to get along and they've ended up on their own because so few people can tolerate their behaviour. My ex-boss is one of them.

[Theresa Tennyson]

7 minutes ago, Marigold Devin said:

I feel sad because I know of a few people out here in real life who haven't been able to learn boundaries or how to get along and they've ended up on their own because so few people can tolerate their behaviour. My ex-boss is one of them.

I understand that, but I'd be more inclined to believe that it's more a case of people not realizing that it's something they need to be taught and their not being taught properly. It's a problem if when people think, "What's wrong with you?," but it's also a problem to assume, "Well, you can't get any better because of this label you've been given."