superpeeve Oh my Gawd! - Totally unOfficial Pet Peeve Thread.

[Garnet Psaltery]

2 hours ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

When did a pet peeve thread become a lecture room?  

2 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

These are all demonstrably peeves, and we are, as one does on a forum, discussing them. There are means at hand should you wish to avoid seeing them, Garnet.

Well, arguably I could now feel free to post a sermon and have that discussed, but it would be laughable to think I'd escape some sort of punishment for it, given the nature of this platform.  Perhaps you could be kind and let me know when this discussion ends?

[Love Zhaoying]

4 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

Well, arguably I could now feel free to post a sermon and have that discussed, but it would be laughable to think I'd escape some sort of punishment for it, given the nature of this platform.  Perhaps you could be kind and let me know when this discussion ends?

I'm done on my end..we'll see how long it takes for the others. I think someone bringing up the N-word was more than I can stomach. 

[Coffee Pancake]

1 hour ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

As a Caucasian person I have never, ever used this word. It has always been offensive to me. Who decided that this word was acceptable for people of color to use? I don't care who is using it, I still find it offensive.  How black do you have to be for it to be "ok" to use? What if you look white but are 50% African American? If a word is offensive it's offensive, I don't care who is using it.

 

To my mother's generation "Queer" is deeply offensive, she used it continually when I was growing up with hatred and malice to other people and single them out for special negative attention.

I proudly identify as Queer,  because I like the word, how it sounds, how it ties my belonging to a community and partially, how much my using it offends my mother.

Multiply that by millions upon millions of slaves, and the generational ongoing fight for civil rights and equal treatment in a country that is still systemically and institutionally pitted against them, maybe PoC get to do whatever they want with that one word white people can't say anymore, maybe white people being offended by its use is a good thing.

[Love Zhaoying]

10 minutes ago, Coffee Pancake said:

 

To my mother's generation "Queer" is deeply offensive, she used it continually when I was growing up with hatred and malice to other people and single them out for special negative attention.

I proudly identify as Queer,  because I like the word, how it sounds, how it ties my belonging to a community and partially, how much my using it offends my mother.

Multiply that by millions upon millions of slaves, and the generational ongoing fight for civil rights and equal treatment in a country that is still systemically and institutionally pitted against them, maybe PoC get to do whatever they want with that one word white people can't say anymore, maybe white people being offended by its use is a good thing.

My own penchant to reclaim "queer" is from a now-passed dear friend, who was a Trans man and pastor/reverend. Someone with his creds, who was part of a generation much more abused by the word, was deeply inspiring. 

I agree, who are we to tell others what words they can reclaim? It's a little late to be offended!

[Robin Kiyori]

To me,  Queer is a beautiful word that sums up my multiple lgbt+ indenities in one, comfortable phrase that saves me from having to do a gender and sexuality 101 just to explain a big part of my exiperiance. Cis and  Neurotypical are also as neutral as Neurodivergeant and Trans. They just describe a type of person or neurotype.

"normie" however just always rubbed me the wrong way.  - Raven

[Quartz Mole]

I think this discussion is drifting away from pet peeves and, while the discussion is very interesting and important, it's not really on topic for this thread, I fear.

Since this is a very popular thread that survives only because it was started before the new rules came into force, I'm very anxious that we keep it on topic.    

[Love Zhaoying]

Peeve: Was too burned out today for scripting, on the last day before returning to work! (Yesterday was very scriptful.)

On the plus side, on the 4th dog walk of the day, the solution to 2 of my scripting issues came to me!

Peeve Yelp review: Script burnout, 3.5 stars. Would do again.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Peeve! A relatively minor one, because it's not entirely unexpected, and I don't really care all that much.

My image of a woman breastfeeding a child on steps beneath a shining star has been "rejected" by SL's "Official" Flickr page. Interestingly, it was permitted here, on the forums.

The image shows a woman in a jacket and jeans, one breast entirely covered and the "important bits" of the other hidden behind the baby's head. And it's not a close-up. The image was part of my Christmas series, and references (among other things) iconic images of the Virgin Mary breastfeeding the baby Jesus.

Meanwhile, in the same batch of new pics that have been approved for the SL Official Flickr, is a pic of a literally topless woman, her nipples and maybe a third of her breasts covered by her arms. There is far more of her breasts visible than of mine.

Sooo . . . it's apparently not about the "nudity."

It seems that images of a woman nurturing a child are a no-go, but ones of topless women asking us to use our "imagination" about what she really means by "smoking" (she has a cigarette in her mouth) are fine.

As I recall, even Facebook, that paragon of middle class and middle brow virtues and mores, was compelled to permit images of (real women) breastfeeding. But not SL?

I'm not sure who is responsible for vetting pics for the Official Flickr page? @Strawberry Linden maybe? Or people under her supervision? As I say, I don't care all that much -- but I'd be interested to hear a justification.

ETA: Just on the off chance Strawberry or a Linden does see this, I want to make it clear that I'm not looking for a justification for rejecting my particular image. I totally understand why LL can't defend every decision it makes like this. Nor am I looking to have the decision reversed: it doesn't matter to me that much.

What I am hoping for is essentially a statement on policy. Are images of breastfeeding permitted? And if not, why not, especially given that so many images that sexualize breasts are permitted?

Edited January 2, 2023 by Scylla Rhiadra

[JetReigns]

Because I can never complain about it enough, my favorite pet peeve is that when I finally find somewhere with people, it's dead silent and/or everyone there is a bot.

Social mmo my butt T~T

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

26 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Peeve! A relatively minor one, because it's not entirely unexpected, and I don't really care all that much.

My image of a woman breastfeeding a child on steps beneath a shining star has been "rejected" by SL's "Official" Flickr page. Interestingly, it was permitted here, on the forums.

The image shows a woman in a jacket and jeans, one breast entirely covered and the "important bits" of the other hidden behind the baby's head. And it's not a close-up. The image was part of my Christmas series, and references (among other things) iconic images of the Virgin Mary breastfeeding the baby Jesus.

Meanwhile, in the same batch of new pics that have been approved for the SL Official Flickr, is a pic of a literally topless woman, her nipples and maybe a third of her breasts covered by her arms. There is far more of her breasts visible than of mine.

Sooo . . . it's apparently not about the "nudity."

It seems that images of a woman nurturing a child are a no-go, but ones of topless women asking us to use our "imagination" about what she really means by "smoking" (she has a cigarette in her mouth) are fine.

As I recall, even Facebook, that paragon of middle class and middle brow virtues and mores, was compelled to permit images of (real women) breastfeeding. But not SL?

I'm not sure who is responsible for vetting pics for the Official Flickr page? @Strawberry Linden maybe? Or people under her supervision? As I say, I don't care all that much -- but I'd be interested to hear a justification.

I really like that image.  Maybe they saw it as political or religious?  You know they only seem to want superficial fun and not thought-provoking real life issues.

Peeve: realizing we may not get an answer.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

19 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

I really like that image.  Maybe they saw it as political or religious?  You know they only seem to want superficial fun and not thought-provoking real life issues.

Peeve: realizing we may not get an answer.

I don't know! (And thank you!)

My suspicion is that they merely took the "easy route" -- if in doubt, nuke it.

I find these sorts of things interesting because they really do reflect our culture at one level or another. I think that this is less about LL or SL than it is about the perception of what is "acceptable" in media today. Sex has been used to sell goods forever: a gorgeous woman tantalizing the viewer with semi-exposed breasts barely registers these days.

Breastfeeding on the other hand -- or indeed, nearly anything to do with women's bodies that isn't about sexuality -- is still a bit of a taboo.

ETA: I should probably make it clear that I have zero objection to nudity or "sexy pics." The pic I alluded to is quite a nice one: I don't have any issues with it having been accepted. I'm just perplexed by the apparent double standard.

Edited January 2, 2023 by Scylla Rhiadra

[Coffee Pancake]

22 minutes ago, JetReigns said:

Because I can never complain about it enough, my favorite pet peeve is that when I finally find somewhere with people, it's dead silent and/or everyone there is a bot.

Social mmo my butt T~T

 Assume no one is a bot .. actual free standing bots are rare & fairly easy to spot, they never rez or can look broken, the biggest tell is they never stand in the right place .. humans position themselves with respect to their location deliberately.

If there are  bots they are most likely to be sat on something and they will be sat on the same something every time you visit that location (ro corrects for the lack of deliberate positioning).

People don't tend to like participating in local chat (especially in adult locations), walking in on an exciting conversation isn't something you're going to find very often in SL.

Most people are in IM, or standing about in SL doing something else (social media, reddit, other games) while waiting for someone to IM them.

SL is deeply social, but does not function like a chat room.

[JetReigns]

5 minutes ago, Coffee Pancake said:

People don't tend to like participating in local chat (especially in adult locations), walking in on an exciting conversation isn't something you're going to find very often in SL.

Most people are in IM, or standing about in SL doing something else (social media, reddit, other games) while waiting for someone to IM them.

SL is deeply social, but does not function like a chat room.

Then... I really don't get it, what's the point?

Seriously starting to think I wasted my money.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 minute ago, JetReigns said:

Then... I really don't get it, what's the point?

Seriously starting to think I wasted my money.

There are a great many places in SL where "chat" IS the main function, but it's not the only point of the platform: people do many different things here, sometimes quietly by themselves, and sometimes in large, sociable groups. It's quite like RL in that respect.

If it's social engagement you're looking for, it's out there: you just have to find it. Coffee houses often feature a lot of this, as do some clubs. ALL of the clubs I go to have very active and engaged public chatter -- and all are very welcoming and friendly. (There are other clubs, mostly pick up places, which are quieter because everyone is in private IM.)

Remember too, that like RL, different parts of SL will be busy at some points during the day, and quieter at others: there aren't too many 24/7 hubs of activity (although there are a few).

Start with the Destination guide, perhaps, and see what places are currently buzzing. Visit them: if one suits, then great! If not, try another.

[Polenth Yue]

3 minutes ago, JetReigns said:

Then... I really don't get it, what's the point?

Seriously starting to think I wasted my money.

This thread isn't the best place to get advice. You have a thread in the friend forum and I responded with some groups there, but I can suggest others to make sure you have events all year if that's the sort of thing you were after. Just needs you to go back and reply.

[Coffee Pancake]

3 minutes ago, JetReigns said:

Then... I really don't get it, what's the point?

Seriously starting to think I wasted my money.

A chat room is a superficial social situation, people talk, and then move on .. If you never see a particular speaker again, you wont likely notice so long as there is always a conversation. Even if it transpires they were eaten by an angry bear, the best most will manage is a sad emoji and momentary shrug before moving on.

SL is an intimate social situation. It's harder to meet people, but the people you do connect with stand a good chance of being personally meaningful and important to you. A not inconsiderable number of us have met everything from life partners to close friends here that exist outside of SL, and of those, plenty do cross over to RL.

SL brings emotional bandwidth and self discovery to the table in ways chat rooms or forums can not.

This is why you will see people ring fence their RL in their profile, it's an attempt to defend against the one thing SL does exceptionally well.

 

SL is a powerful mirror, an avatar can become a window to the soul of a sorts, a place we wear our hearts on our sleeves. If you allow it, it can show you more about yourself than you ever dared or dreamed, and maybe find a few people along the way who fall in love with what you show them.

Now .. do you really want to walk in on an inane conversation about _____ with people you wont remember the names of come tomorrow morning ?

[Arielle Popstar]

3 hours ago, JetReigns said:

Then... I really don't get it, what's the point?

Slex

[Scylla Rhiadra]

10 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Slex

🙄

[Solar Legion]

3 hours ago, JetReigns said:

Then... I really don't get it, what's the point?

Seriously starting to think I wasted my money.

The point is ....

To make it your own and find your own reason for being here. That is not easy to do and a great many simply balk once they realize this or are too much into Instant Gratification (or Game style "guidance" among other things) to even begin to make the attempt.

[Orwar]

   Peeve: you know how sometimes when you nip your cheek between your teeth, it gets a little swollen and just very uncomfortable in general .. And then you end up nipping it over and over as the swollen part is even more likely to end up between your teeth .. Well I've had one of those under the corner of my lip for a day or two, and I just got it caught between my rather large and pointy canines as I was biting through a particularly thick and chewy piece of sourdough bread crust (so good). 

   Also, have you ever stopped to reflect on the sensation of blood rushing towards a fleshy trauma, how you can kind of feel how it sloshes in different directions as it zig-zags through the fibre matrix of your flesh? 

   .. Also, also .. Am I supposed to be craving steak right now? 

[Love Zhaoying]

6 hours ago, JetReigns said:

Because I can never complain about it enough, my favorite pet peeve is that when I finally find somewhere with people, it's dead silent and/or everyone there is a bot.

Social mmo my butt T~T

Active music clubs with live DJ's are not hard to find. Some have multiple shifts / shows per day, catering to users from different time zones.

[Love Zhaoying]

6 hours ago, JetReigns said:

Then... I really don't get it, what's the point?

Seriously starting to think I wasted my money.

You can always play Second Life for free.

Did you try the "social hubs" / "welcome areas", where avatars start out and often get "booted to" after region restarts? While chaotic and not for everyone, there's almost always open / public chat in those areas.

One of the biggest problems with public / open chat is, different conversations "step on each other". So, conversation in a "group" (whether friends or strangers) is private often to help the chat from being lost with other chats. 

[Love Zhaoying]

3 hours ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Slex

Ew

[Love Zhaoying]

7 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

My image of a woman breastfeeding a child on steps beneath a shining star has been "rejected" by SL's "Official" Flickr page. Interestingly, it was permitted here, on the forums.

The image shows a woman in a jacket and jeans, one breast entirely covered and the "important bits" of the other hidden behind the baby's head. And it's not a close-up. The image was part of my Christmas series, and references (among other things) iconic images of the Virgin Mary breastfeeding the baby Jesus.

 

There's your problem. Mary obviously wouldn't have breast-fed, but instead have used sheep's milk or a breast pump.

[JetReigns]

6 hours ago, Coffee Pancake said:

A chat room is a superficial social situation, people talk, and then move on .. If you never see a particular speaker again, you wont likely notice so long as there is always a conversation. Even if it transpires they were eaten by an angry bear, the best most will manage is a sad emoji and momentary shrug before moving on.

SL is an intimate social situation. It's harder to meet people, but the people you do connect with stand a good chance of being personally meaningful and important to you. A not inconsiderable number of us have met everything from life partners to close friends here that exist outside of SL, and of those, plenty do cross over to RL.

SL brings emotional bandwidth and self discovery to the table in ways chat rooms or forums can not.

This is why you will see people ring fence their RL in their profile, it's an attempt to defend against the one thing SL does exceptionally well.

 

SL is a powerful mirror, an avatar can become a window to the soul of a sorts, a place we wear our hearts on our sleeves. If you allow it, it can show you more about yourself than you ever dared or dreamed, and maybe find a few people along the way who fall in love with what you show them.

Now .. do you really want to walk in on an inane conversation about _____ with people you wont remember the names of come tomorrow morning ?

Honestly, yes? I'm no stranger to making friends online. It just sounds like we have completely different preferences when it comes to socializing.

I am infinitely more comfortable getting to know people in a group conversation than I am one on one. That "come and go" is exactly what I crave. I'm comforted by the freedom to casually drop out of a conversation if it turns out that I'm not meshing well with the people involved. I want to banter, laugh, and play games with people until I find my people in the mix. That's how I met my best friend. We've had plenty of deep conversations in groups too, even on platforms as ridiculous as Roblox. I think "shallowness" is entirely symptomatic of how people treat a group conversation, not an innate quality of them. Besides, creeps are more likely to be creeps in IMs than in a group conversation.

 

1 hour ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Active music clubs with live DJ's are not hard to find. Some have multiple shifts / shows per day, catering to users from different time zones.

56 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Did you try the "social hubs" / "welcome areas", where avatars start out and often get "booted to" after region restarts? While chaotic and not for everyone, there's almost always open / public chat in those areas.

I tried some clubs, those are the dead silent places I was talking about lol. I guess everyone is in IMs...

I'm not sure if the hubs I'm thinking of are the same ones you're talking about. I've been to the Firestorm one? It's not very lively.