Do you find it harder to talk to "perfect" avis?

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

I will answer now that I'm home.  I was the one who commented that on the other thread.  We all judge people every day in RL and SL.  It is human nature.  When I go to a club, and I look around to see who is alone and might be open to a dance partner I do not generally choose the guy in the 3-piece suit, impeccable hair, perfect flawless face, and matching shoes.  My first thought is that we have nothing in common. Whether I judge that guy fairly is open to interpretation, but I wouldn't choose to strike up a conversation with him if I saw him in real life either.  I am not into stroking egos.

I will IM the guy in the jeans and t-shirt whose hair is not fitted quite right and forgot to alpha his feet so his toes poke through his shoes.  Or maybe that other guy with the mismatched eyes, a few scars and using a robot arm. Maybe he has something interesting in his profile to get started with.  He is immensely more approachable.  I judge him to be casual, not focused purely on looks, and more interesting than Mr. Perfect Outfit Guy.  My judgement of Mr. Casual may not be fair either, but it is my judgement based on my experiences.

All of those physical judgements go right out the window when conversation starts.  If I had conversations with the person in local chat or here on the forums, then my view is no longer based solely on appearance.  I have a fuller picture of the driver behind the avatar.  Some of my longest SL friends (even the perfectly-put-together ones) started here on the forums where conversation comes first.

I can certainly enjoy looking at those perfect avatars.  Those women and men avatars are just amazingly stunning and catch my eye.  I appreciate the time that went into finding the perfect skin, perfecting a shape, and finding an outfit that just adds to the beauty.  I like spending some time on my own avatar and making her pretty to my personal standards.  My own main avatar is usually in jeans and a t-shirt or similar conservative clothing, but I will dress for the occasion if I go to a themed region.

Don't believe anyone who say they don't judge others.  We all do, and we all have our ideas of what someone may be like based on how they look.  You could ask those same people who say looks don't matter when striking up a conversation if they also IM oldbies who refused to upgrade to mesh and still use the classic SL body at the same rate they IM beautiful avies.  You may not get an honest response because that would require some soul searching, but I have my own judgements of them.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

28 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

Don't believe anyone who say they don't judge others.  We all do, and we all have our ideas of what someone may be like based on how they look.

Agreed.

But there's a difference between "judging" others, and acting upon that judgment which you yourself lay out here: if their conversation suggests they are interesting, you'll overlook the perfection or imperfection.

I see looks all the time that I judge. But I'm sufficiently aware of how really shallow such judgments are that I work hard not to let them sway how I interact with people, even as I recognize my own biases.

It's kind of like most human reactions. Occasionally, someone will say or do something that makes me want to plough them. I recognize and acknowledge that response: I'm only human, after all. But I am capable of resisting the need to act on it, or articulate my disapproval. And I do try hard (sometimes even successfully!) to resist such impulses.

It's easy to be virtuous if you're never tempted to do something nasty. Fortunately, or unfortunately, we pretty much all are tempted, all the time, so we all get lots of practice exercising our virtue. Similarly, it's easy to be unbiased if one has no biases. The key to being a nice person is recognizing that one does, and not allowing them to rule your actual responses.

From your description, that's pretty much what you do: you acknowledge but don't let them control you.

Edited March 17, 2022 by Scylla Rhiadra

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

Thanks, @Scylla Rhiadra.  I think this is the conversation the OP was after.

[Kalegthepsionicist]

6 hours ago, purrrkitten said:

In another thread I saw someone mention that they find it harder to talk to "perfect" avis and they preferred avis with some flaws or something along those lines.

Do you feel this way?

I never thought about this before seeing that comment. I realized for me, I'm more likely to talk to interesting looking avis. The meaning of interesting varies. It's just an avi that catches my attention and makes me go "oooo." I don't really notice the ones who look like everyone else.

I find it difficult to communicate with people with different interests.
it has nothing to do with how perfect their avatar looks.
After all, Avatar perfection means nothing to me.
it just shows that the user has passion and spends a lot of time with the game, completely unrelated to their personality

 

[Risk Nebula]

I will say I'm less likely to be drawn to people who seem to fit a few specific molds - shirtless ultra-tall men with short cropped hair, women with all the asset sliders cranked to the max, etc. It's not a judgment so much as that I have nothing really to bring up to them.

If they have something quirky or interesting or out of the mold, that provides a conversational jumping off piece. I worked with a dude who always carried around a teddy bear, for example. Nonhuman traits, interesting dress choices, brightly colored hair - all of those give me something I can note beyond "wow, you sure have blonde hair and a very small dress".

And I've noticed the same in turn! I've definitely gotten a lot more positive commentary since I started regularly wearing an unusual tail, and people have noted that I have a "style" for hairs I wear and will send me recs for appropriate options. I like making my avatars visually distinct, and even if specifics vary you could probably always spot me in a crowd as "the one with red short hair, giant boots, and piercings".

So I don't think it's so much an issue of perfection vs not as it is uniqueness vs not. It's easier to approach someone who's signalling something about themselves that they clearly want to be noticed, and that often looks "imperfect".

[blissfulbreeze]

9 hours ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

I find it irritating that people will IM me about how pretty or sexy my avatar is and get STUCK on that.  For some reason they think my avatar is ME.  The whole conversation surrounds my avatars looks. "wow, you are beautiful" "wow, you have a nice butt" "wow that dress is so hot on you" Even if the conversation gets sidetracked and we actually have a bit of conversation about our likes/dislikes, where we are from, etc it comes back to. "can I just say again how sexy you are. I'd love to take you out" and then every other sentence goes like that. It's then that I just start saying some bizarre things in the hopes they will leave me alone. lol

Yes, I have the same problem. They could be horny, unable to carry a conversation well, obsessed with looks, or a super people pleaser. 

It's boring and tedious. I prefer a good conversation versus someone over praising.

[blissfulbreeze]

I may not reach out to a perfect looking avatar for any of these reasons: they're probably getting many IMs, their looks may intimidate me, or they may possibly be vain and shallow.

On the opposite side, I've asked people why I don't get quality IMs much. They've said the above reasons. So, I think that I need to work on looking more approachable. 

[Jordyn McGregor]

Nope.  But then again....I don't talk to anyone.

[Robberinthemuseum]

5 hours ago, sailorcipher said:

shirtless ultra-tall men with short cropped hair

This literally perfectly describes me most of the time 🤣🤣🤣

[Risk Nebula]

7 minutes ago, Robberinthemuseum said:

This literally perfectly describes me most of the time 🤣🤣🤣

Well, have you considered carrying around a teddy bear?

[Robberinthemuseum]

4 minutes ago, sailorcipher said:

Well, have you considered carrying around a teddy bear?

I'm going to the marketplace right now! Thanks for the tip. Maybe a puppy gacha too?

[Robberinthemuseum]

7 hours ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

I will answer now that I'm home.  I was the one who commented that on the other thread.  We all judge people every day in RL and SL.  It is human nature.  When I go to a club, and I look around to see who is alone and might be open to a dance partner I do not generally choose the guy in the 3-piece suit, impeccable hair, perfect flawless face, and matching shoes.  My first thought is that we have nothing in common. Whether I judge that guy fairly is open to interpretation, but I wouldn't choose to strike up a conversation with him if I saw him in real life either.  I am not into stroking egos.

I will IM the guy in the jeans and t-shirt whose hair is not fitted quite right and forgot to alpha his feet so his toes poke through his shoes.  Or maybe that other guy with the mismatched eyes, a few scars and using a robot arm. Maybe he has something interesting in his profile to get started with.  He is immensely more approachable.  I judge him to be casual, not focused purely on looks, and more interesting than Mr. Perfect Outfit Guy.  My judgement of Mr. Casual may not be fair either, but it is my judgement based on my experiences.

All of those physical judgements go right out the window when conversation starts.  If I had conversations with the person in local chat or here on the forums, then my view is no longer based solely on appearance.  I have a fuller picture of the driver behind the avatar.  Some of my longest SL friends (even the perfectly-put-together ones) started here on the forums where conversation comes first.

I can certainly enjoy looking at those perfect avatars.  Those women and men avatars are just amazingly stunning and catch my eye.  I appreciate the time that went into finding the perfect skin, perfecting a shape, and finding an outfit that just adds to the beauty.  I like spending some time on my own avatar and making her pretty to my personal standards.  My own main avatar is usually in jeans and a t-shirt or similar conservative clothing, but I will dress for the occasion if I go to a themed region.

Don't believe anyone who say they don't judge others.  We all do, and we all have our ideas of what someone may be like based on how they look.  You could ask those same people who say looks don't matter when striking up a conversation if they also IM oldbies who refused to upgrade to mesh and still use the classic SL body at the same rate they IM beautiful avies.  You may not get an honest response because that would require some soul searching, but I have my own judgements of them.

I haven't read the whole comment. But I like it because you wrote it 😜

[Robberinthemuseum]

13 hours ago, Solo Alpha said:

Yes.

Solo, your gf is 100% perfect. How do you cope!

[Solo Alpha]

42 minutes ago, Robberinthemuseum said:

Solo, your gf is 100% perfect. How do you cope!

She was not my girlfriend to begin with.

Like I stated before : it's personal.

 

 

 

😞

Edited March 17, 2022 by Solo Alpha

[Krystina Ferraris]

Never, no I talk to myself all the time. 
oh wait 👸

[Robberinthemuseum]

1 hour ago, Solo Alpha said:

She was not my girlfriend to begin with.

Like I stated before : it's personal.

 

 

 

😞

Oh jeez sorry man

[kali Wylder]

Some people are more talented than others.  Some have more money. Some are smarter. How perfect their avatar looks is a combination of these things. When I see an avatar that I admire, I don't know exactly how they managed it until I talk to them.  So no, it's not harder to talk to them. 

If appearance is the only thing they want to talk about, I'll soon be bored and won't really want to talk to them anymore but that's not quite what the OP is asking about. 

 

 

[Gopi Passiflora]

Regarding the "quality" of the avi, I don't think I have a particularly harder time talking to one with more "quality" than one with less.

I do find it harder to talk to female human avis as compared to other types of avis because there's some sort of thing in the back of my mind that you don't wanna offend them - that you wanna leave a good impression. I think real life carries over to Second Life in that sense. Also as someone who uses such as avis myself I can see how they can get harassed or trolled more compared to other avis, so I empathize with them.

[Kathlen Onyx]

37 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Regarding the "quality" of the avi, I don't think I have a particularly harder time talking to one with more "quality" than one with less.

I do find it harder to talk to female human avis as compared to other types of avis because there's some sort of thing in the back of my mind that you don't wanna offend them - that you wanna leave a good impression. I think real life carries over to Second Life in that sense. Also as someone who uses such as avis myself I can see how they can get harassed or trolled more compared to other avis, so I empathize with them.

Well, if you keep in mind that 50% of the female avatars are male it might make it easier.

[Orwar]

1 hour ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

Well, if you keep in mind that 50% of the female avatars are male it might make it easier.

   I doubt it's anywhere near 50%. But yeah, let's perpetuate the old 'womenz on the Internets are a lie'-paranoia. 

[Ina Fairport]

I found it hard to talk to an avatar with an empty profile
Yes, found.....as I am rarely inworld nowadays  🤪
 

[Kathlen Onyx]

14 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   I doubt it's anywhere near 50%. But yeah, let's perpetuate the old 'womenz on the Internets are a lie'-paranoia. 

You are naïve then.

[TT120]

17 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   I doubt it's anywhere near 50%. But yeah, let's perpetuate the old 'womenz on the Internets are a lie'-paranoia. 

It actually is very close to %50.  Depending on the sim, it could be lower or as high as %100 but on average, %50 is about right.  There is a reason for that "wimmenz on the internetz is a lie" thing.....

[Orwar]

Just now, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

You are naïve then.

   I've interacted with hundreds of people in Second Life over the past decade, most of them presenting as women, most of them proving to be women - there's been a handful people in all that time that were men, who admitted openly to being men, and a small minority who never voiced. The two unconfirmed parties combined is still <10% for me, but that's just my experience.

   But please, show me how you attained the data on what type of genitalia people behind the avatars around you have, I'm quite curious.

[MirandaBowers]

17 hours ago, purrrkitten said:

I'm also seeing an interesting pattern where it seems like people don't consider their own avi perfect even though they made it?

Eh, I'll be honest, I'm not really in love with the appearance of my avi. I don't like the process of hunting for skins/heads so I just kinda gave up and it is what it is haha