Starting a conversation with someone new

[Lindal Kidd]

On 10/30/2019 at 1:37 PM, Lureo said:

Women do you start conversations or are you waiting for someone to say something then decide if it is interesting to continue or not ?

FIFY again.

Here is the problem with your system:

You:  Hello
Them:  Hi
You: How are you?
Them: Fine
You: So what's up?
Them: Not much
You: I'm bored
Them: Me too

You can see that it is possible to waste endless amounts of two people's time while nobody actually SAYS anything.  This drives me straight up a wall.  If you initiate a conversation, it is up to YOU to get the ball rolling.  Don't try to shove it off onto the other party.  For example, last night I was really busy, in the middle of teaching a class, when a friend IM'd me.

Them: Hi, Lindal, do you have a minute to answer a scripting question?
Me:  (I could have just said "no", or "I'll call you back after my class", but I was intrigued...) I'm awful at scripting!  Try calling my friend Rolig.
Them: Thanks!
(At the next point where I had twenty seconds) Me:  Uh...what's the scripting problem?  I'm curious!

See?  I was engaged.  Even though I was busy, I wanted to find out more.  This is the reaction you want to elicit from your conversational partner.

Edited October 31, 2019 by Lindal Kidd

[Pussycat Catnap]

On 10/29/2019 at 12:15 AM, Lindal Kidd said:

I could care less about a person's RL profile section.  Most people don't fill that out anyway, or say something like "I don't bring Real Life to Second Life.  Don't ask."

I do... the character limit is too short sometimes in the other section, so I just keep going. Plus it's a spot to put another pic of my avatar.

 

********************************

My problem with "hi" extends to RL as well. Even at work.

I'm like... if you want to start a conversation - start it.

Give me a topic, tell me what's up, or down, or sideways...

If you want to ask me something... ask it...

 

In RL work messages, I have co-workers who will just message "hello" at some random point during the day and I'm like... ok... what's going on...?

Give a person something to work with...

 

[unknownmelody]

mmmm....well....depends how to approach I think. A simple Hi is a dead end if there is nothing interesting following somehow. If someone wants to get to know someone then there is some intention or simple interest. so why not simply talk about this interest? I mean...wasnt there some reason to say Hi? Aside from that. When someone tries to talk to me, actually I check this person's profile. If there is nothing inside mmm...well...hopefully the "greeting" has something that keeps the conversation going. On the other hand I try to keep it up as well but I'm nobody who will do all she can to simply keep it going at all cost when it's feeling like "mmm....boring". Sure I also talk to people first but this heavily depends on their profile. The only places when it's not that important is at clubs or crowded places in general, because people talk in public and one can simply participate and thus get to know the people and maybe IM if it's personal interest or just enjoy the public talking. Depends, depends. Yeah, the character-limit is very annoying with regard to profiles but there are ways to solve that. One doesnt have to write an essay. Though one can use the picks as well. Some of my friends do so and so do I. So...every taste is different and sure every response can be different as well. Though if one feels like talking to a bot....mmm...bad bad.....When I'm at crowded places people usually are already talking about something in public so participating is easy. If one prefers IMs, well...use that public topic or come up with something similar or anything else....just add a topic. Sometimes people talk about something that contrasts their profile or is some opposite. One should be careful about that if you fill it with something interesting. People like me will raise an eyebrow e.g. when you say you love yellow in your profile but then stress you love green. Hope you get what I mean. Or if you just copy some of those catch-phrases. Ok, many people dont care about profiles. But I'd say also many do. Did I already say every taste is different? *giggles*.

BTW, when you talk to someone you're often at some place. You can grab the topic of that place for example (park = scenery, club = music, event and soo ooon)

[Selene Gregoire]

3 hours ago, Pussycat Catnap said:

Give a person something to work with...

This is it in a nutshell. By not giving the person you (general) are trying to start a conversation with something to work with, you've got nothing. You have to give to get.

[Alyona Su]

13 hours ago, Pussycat Catnap said:

I'm like... if you want to start a conversation - start it.

This. Whenever someone starts with "Can I ask you a question?" I always respond (in SL and RL): "You just did." Then they usually laugh then ask. Then I often tell them if they had asked their real question first, they'd already have the answer. I know what you're likely thinking: "That Alyona is a [female canine]!" No... I do it to try to set a spark to a kindling of conversation. It works more often than not.

The worst are the ones who just start out with something like a smily emoticon : ) or an emote that is impossible to react to, like "/me looks at the girl and smiles". If I'm in.a playful mode then I'll usually respond with "/me was looking the other way and didn't see a thing and still doesn't know you exist."

Ugh.

Edited November 1, 2019 by Alyona Su

[Syo Emerald]

29 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

"Can I ask you a question?"

This question is usually perfect forshadowing for something inappropiate or uncomfortable to follow. Its never something innocent, at least not in my experiance. 

[Zzevir]

19 minutes ago, Syo Emerald said:

This question is usually perfect forshadowing for something inappropiate or uncomfortable to follow. Its never something innocent, at least not in my experiance. 

Can I ask a question? 

Let's make it two. 

[Alyona Su]

1 hour ago, Syo Emerald said:

This question is usually perfect forshadowing for something inappropiate or uncomfortable to follow. Its never something innocent, at least not in my experiance. 

"Can I ask you a personal question?" is different from "Can I ask you a question?"

For laughs, I sometimes will ask: "Can I ask you a personal question?" and no matter the answer, I always end it with "Thanks!" It often leaves them dumfounded. LOL

Edited November 1, 2019 by Alyona Su

[Maitimo]

2 hours ago, Alyona Su said:

This. Whenever someone starts with "Can I ask you a question?" I always respond (in SL and RL): "You just did." Then they usually laugh then ask. Then I often tell them if they had asked their real question first, they'd already have the answer.

That's just basic politeness though. You might be busy,  deeply involved in something that you don't want interrupted. "Can I ask you a question?" is really asking permission to engage in a conversation with you, and giving you the opportunity to say no, if it's not convenient. You might even be AFK, and getting no response from that initial reachout would tell me that it's not worth pursuing at this time.

Sometimes I think that the initial "Hi" is really just the equivalent of dialling someone's number to check if they're home.

Edited November 1, 2019 by Matty Luminos

[BraveHot]

Valid enough questions. Hi or /me waves (as in gesture) is just fine with me. How else are you supposed to approach someone? Just don't stop talking if I answer. Silence is a major turnoff. Have something more to say. Compliments are old school, but still work.

If you have an RL pic or RL info in your profile I'll politetly respond to you and move on. No matter how you look or your age etc. It's not about that. RL stuff sometimes happens in SL, and can be very nice. It's even happened to me. But it takes time of time, a lot of time. It's supposed to, the way I see it.

Live your SL for a while first. It's SL, not a dating service.

 

[Rolig Loon]

8 minutes ago, Matty Luminos said:

Sometimes I think that the initial "Hi" is really just the equivalent of dialling someone's number to check if they're home.

Do people do that?  Other than burglars, I mean? That would never have occurred to me, even back in the day when people had land lines and actually had their phones at home.

If someone has a question and doesn't want to impose on me unnecessarily, the way to open the conversation is to say, "I know this might sound forward, but may I ask where you bought that hat?"  That's polite, straightforward, and less awkward than "May I ask a question? .... pause, pause, pause ... Where did you buy that hat?"

[Alyona Su]

21 minutes ago, Matty Luminos said:

That's just basic politeness though. You might be busy,  deeply involved in something that you don't want interrupted. "Can I ask you a question?" is really asking permission to engage in a conversation with you, and giving you the opportunity to say no, if it's not convenient. You might even be AFK, and getting no response from that initial reachout would tell me that it's not worth pursuing at this time.

Sometimes I think that the initial "Hi" is really just the equivalent of dialling someone's number to check if they're home.

"Hi"

"Hi"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure"

"It's a personal question"

Go ahead"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes"

...

4 minutes ago, Rolig Loon said:

Do people do that?  Other than burglars, I mean? That would never have occurred to me, even back in the day when people had land lines and actually had their phones at home.

If someone has a question and doesn't want to impose on me unnecessarily, the way to open the conversation is to say, "I know this might sound forward, but may I ask where you bought that hat?"  That's polite, straightforward, and less awkward than "May I ask a question? .... pause, pause, pause ... Where did you buy that hat?"

Precisely THIS. Hahahaha!

[BraveHot]

1 hour ago, BraveHot said:

 

 

 

Edited November 1, 2019 by BraveHot

[Zzevir]

2 hours ago, Alyona Su said:

"Hi"

"Hi"

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Sure"

"It's a personal question"

"

 

" Yes I did murdered my husband. 

Just joking technically it's classified as an accident. "

[Seicher Rae]

One thing this thread has brought to light for me is to try to be less impatient with just a "hi." One of the things I love about SL is how diverse it is, and that there are all kinds of people from all kinds of places. Reading this (and there was another thread, somewhere else, a while back (how's that for specificity?) which touched upon the cultural thing of "hello") has reminded me of the diversity. That doesn't mean I'm going to hang out for a half hour while someone stumbles around saying nothing, either literally or figuratively. I hope it means I don't automatically reach for the "oh ffs" internal dialogue when those random hellos appear.

[Erwin Solo]

On 10/31/2019 at 4:48 PM, Lindal Kidd said:

You can see that it is possible to waste endless amounts of two people's time while nobody actually SAYS anything.  This drives me straight up a wall.  If you initiate a conversation, it is up to YOU to get the ball rolling.  Don't try to shove it off onto the other party. 

It's even worse now than it used to be, because people will log on with their cellphones to try to catch me when I'm on, and their cellphone typing is slow and terse.  They want me to take their three-word utterance and feed it back full text for confirmation.  I have to type ten words to their one.

I have programmed several text-replacement strings in Firestorm to help.

I type "idu<space>" and Firestorm replaces with "I don't understand.  Perhaps you can say it another way?"

I type "pgt<space> and Firestorm replaces with "Is it possible for you to please get to the point, please?"  This one is for the "Hi" people. 

It's mainly why I give everything away for free now.  I used to sell things that I made, but I make what I like for fun.  I used to rent homes on my Region; now I give them for free.

I still help people with my free stuff, but only if they are nice and interesting, as they usually are.  Back when I charged a pittance, people thought they should own my soul, and that I should redesign my Region around their L$50/week rental.  

I realize that many people come here because they are lonely.  There has to be some way to telegraph that you are busy, so they move on from you to find lonely compatriots. 

I find that setting Firestorms' Auto Response helps too.

[Maitimo]

On 10/31/2019 at 10:53 PM, Pussycat Catnap said:

I do... the character limit is too short sometimes in the other section, so I just keep going. Plus it's a spot to put another pic of my avatar.

Same for me. I have used all ten of my Picks and only three of them are for places I like.

[Talligurl]

When people ask me if they can ask a question I always tell them to ask anything they want. Of course that does not mean I will.actually answer any question, but they can certainly ask.

[Erwin Solo]

12 minutes ago, Talligurl said:

When people ask me if they can ask a question I always tell them to ask anything they want. Of course that does not mean I will.actually answer any question, but they can certainly ask.

Old version - Typical exchange

Them: Hi

Me: Hello!

Them: question?

Me: You want to ask a question?

Them: Yes

Me: What is it? 

Them: Question.

Me: And your question is ... ?

Them: no. bye.

 

New version - Typical exchange

Them: Hi

Me: [automatic reply via Firestorm] I'm scripting something in another window, but will respond if you have something more to say beyond just "hi."  (The user you have contacted is using Firestorms auto response mode.)

Them: question?

Me: [type "pgt<space> and Firestorm replaces with] "Is it possible for you to please get to the point, please?

Them: just hi.

Me:  : / 

Them: bye

[Erwin Solo]

I remember a prank some of my friends used to play by calling a department store and seeing how long they could keep the person-who-answered tied up on the line. 

When the callee either hung-up on them, or more frequently put the caller on-hold, that marked the end-time (start time being when the callee said "hello").  

Do kids still do that?  Or, have they all grown up and come to Second Life to carry on the prank in text?

[Adamburp Adamczyk]

I prefer a touch of humour to initiate a conversation

 

1) "Happy Birthday"

 

2) "/me chucks a snowball"

 

random stuff

[Pussycat Catnap]

4 hours ago, Erwin Solo said:

Them: Hi

Me: [automatic reply via Firestorm] I'm scripting something in another window, but will respond if you have something more to say beyond just "hi."  (The user you have contacted is using Firestorms auto response mode.)

Them: question?

Me: [type "pgt<space> and Firestorm replaces with] "Is it possible for you to please get to the point, please?

Them: just hi.

Me:  : / 

Them: bye

[type "pgt<space> and Firestorm replaces with] "Is it possible for you to please get to the point, please?

- Is that something you can configure into Firestorm?

 

[Erwin Solo]

14 minutes ago, Pussycat Catnap said:

[type "pgt<space> and Firestorm replaces with] "Is it possible for you to please get to the point, please?

- Is that something you can configure into Firestorm?

 

 

Yes.  Wiki link: https://wiki.firestormviewer.org/autoreplace_settings

Official video below. 

 

 

[Lindal Kidd]

6 hours ago, Erwin Solo said:

I remember a prank some of my friends used to play by calling a department store and seeing how long they could keep the person-who-answered tied up on the line. 

When the callee either hung-up on them, or more frequently put the caller on-hold, that marked the end-time (start time being when the callee said "hello").  

Do kids still do that?  Or, have they all grown up and come to Second Life to carry on the prank in text?

It's called "Facebook"

[Selene Gregoire]

On 11/1/2019 at 8:25 AM, Rolig Loon said:

Do people do that?  Other than burglars, I mean? That would never have occurred to me, even back in the day when people had land lines and actually had their phones at home.

If someone has a question and doesn't want to impose on me unnecessarily, the way to open the conversation is to say, "I know this might sound forward, but may I ask where you bought that hat?"  That's polite, straightforward, and less awkward than "May I ask a question? .... pause, pause, pause ... Where did you buy that hat?"

I'm more likely to be a bit more direct and say "May I ask where you bought the hat you are wearing? It reminds me of my mother. I'd like to see more of that creators work. "