Starting a conversation with someone new

[Rolig Loon]

There are times, though, when less information is better. Some women will not be flattered by hearing that a hat reminds you of your mother.  I will certainly take a mental step backwards if someone says, "My great aunt Gertrude wore a hat like yours to the county fair in 1987. Where did you buy it?"  It's almost safer to say "Hi." 🙄

Edited November 2, 2019 by Rolig Loon

[Selene Gregoire]

6 hours ago, Rolig Loon said:

There are times, though, when less information is better. Some women will not be flattered by hearing that a hat reminds you of your mother.  I will certainly take a mental step backwards if someone says, "My great aunt Gertrude wore a hat like yours to the county fair in 1987. Where did you buy it?"  It's almost safer to say "Hi." 🙄

Who said anything about how long ago? Some hat fashions never go out of style. 

No wonder I've pretty much lost all interest in meeting people. It's pretty sad when a conversation starter as innocuous as a hat is cause for ridicule.

[Alyona Su]

9 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Who said anything about how long ago? Some hat fashions never go out of style. 

No wonder I've pretty much lost all interest in meeting people. It's pretty sad when a conversation starter as innocuous as a hat is cause for ridicule.

Let's be fair, Selene, @Rolig Loon never said it was a peeve, or an insult, or anything other than being "caught off-guard" by such a phrase, which I admit I would feel the same way. It wouldn't be a conversation ender or deal-breaker, but it's certainly an awkward comment and I believe "awkward" is, more or less, all that Rolig was communicating there, not ridicule.

You are more cynical than I thought if you read "ridicule" in any part of the statement. This is your right, of course, and nothing wrong with it, generally-speaking, I suppose.  Just saying.

[Rolig Loon]

Quite true, Alyona. I would certainly never ridicule such a conversation opener, but it would not encourage me to continue the conversation either.  Especially if I were a young woman in her 20s, I would feel put off by the thought that my hat made me look like someone's great aunt.  At this point in my life, my own great aunts have been in the grave for at least a half century, so it's probably not as odd a comparison as it might have been in 1975.  Still, I like to think of myself as looking younger and more appealing than a great aunt.  That's why I buy the hats that I do.

[Selene Gregoire]

7 hours ago, Rolig Loon said:

Quite true, Alyona. I would certainly never ridicule such a conversation opener, but it would not encourage me to continue the conversation either.  Especially if I were a young woman in her 20s, I would feel put off by the thought that my hat made me look like someone's great aunt.  At this point in my life, my own great aunts have been in the grave for at least a half century, so it's probably not as odd a comparison as it might have been in 1975.  Still, I like to think of myself as looking younger and more appealing than a great aunt.  That's why I buy the hats that I do.

Your great aunts have nothing to do with my mother and the new hats that she was wearing in 2005. Modern hats that even 20 somethings wear in public. 

But hey you know, if talking about wearing a modern hat scares the piss out of some 20 something, that's their problem not mine.

 

[Waiomao]

Aloha autonug. I'm all for people saying hi, in whatever words or languages they like. Starting a conversation is awkward, and I don't expect everyone to be an expert at it. I'm not immediately offended by the phrase "how are you" or similar, because people can be nervous and completely genuine and maybe speaking English as a second language. BUT... there are a lot of run and gun predators out there, so when a stranger approaches I always look at their profile, specifically their groups and their picks. If there's a bunch of sexual content on there, buh bye.

[Ionlorder]

Normally I look at the profile of the person to know more about it and know how to start the conversation, an example of that was that in my profile I said I did not like chocolate very much and a boy asked me why and so we started a conversation.

What does age matter? I really consider it not important, what matters is that there is respect between the two parties. Now, some messages that seek to hack your account may arrive, so you should avoid it. He also avoids asking questions about his Rl, many people in SL do not like it and also because there are certain types of questions that should only be asked and answered when there is enough confidence (by this I do not mean something sexual).

 

[Velk Kerang]

On 10/29/2019 at 10:02 AM, Alyona Su said:

I couldn't care less about profiles, myself, as they tend to influence your judgement of people (and more often than not, they aren't great at communicating what they really want to communicate.

I think the best communication-starters are whatever attracted your attention to them to begin with. Is it because they did an awesome job on their look? Then start with that. "Wow, you did great on your look, what's your secret?"

Or is it something they're wearing or maybe their AO, or just about anything else. If you do read their profile, then ask them about what they are saying in it. The important part of any conversation start is to ask a question (but keep it inside SL.) That's what gets things going, because a conversation is simply, more or less, a ping-pong game.

Just... stop asking "How are you?" Because my answer will likely throw you off-guard: "How am I? Well, I have Ebola, so my diarrhea is runnier than usual and really bloody, and my nose won't stop running and I have blood dripping from my eyes, my knees and elbows ache like crazy and I'm constantly throwing up every time I eat or drink anything, including water. How are you?" 

Seriously, people: "How are you" is a real eye-roller.

How I love this answer. lol I actually had to laugh though at this because I am probably in the low 1% of people that this really would not have worked on. lol I would be like, "Whaaaattttt???? Your poo is runny too? OMG and I thought it was just me. Mines not bleeding yet, but there is definitely some weird shade of green in it that makes you think of toxic waste. And speaking of green my nose is running too. I really hate when I try to pull a booger out of my nose though and the end stays attached to my nose causing it to become long and stringy. It's like it is holding on for dear life and doesn't wanna leave my nose because it is happy and comfortable there. And speaking of boogers I woke up with some real crusty eye boogers today. I swear I almost could not open my eyes because it was like they were sowed shut by the crusty critters crew of eye booger land or something. When I pulled them off I ended up bleeding because now I have no more eye lids which really sucks and I got so nauseated I started to vomit all over the place. I saw corn and beef chunks in my vomit and it was the color of some strawberry ice cream which made me even more sick. Plus I think I might have pooed my pants a little, but I am to lazy to check right now. There is definitely a smell coming from down there though. I am fine thanks for asking.". Lmao!!!!

P.S. *Does the I'll be right back voice from the first Scream movie, making funny faces, and then exits the room.* How are yoouu????!!!! Lmao!!!!😜

Edited November 5, 2019 by Velk Kerang
Corrections.

[Alyona Su]

46 minutes ago, Velk Kerang said:

[...] I am fine thanks for asking.". Lmao!!!!

See, we'd end up talking for hours on end. Because we'd already both be laughing. THAT makes a great conversation and the conversation will just grow more, and exponentially, from there. I keep a tightly-pruned friend list, but in such a case where I and another hit it off that well, it would not only make it onto that list, but likely avoid the weekly pruning saw.

[Raspberry Crystal]

22 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

likely avoid the weekly pruning saw.

Might succumb on a slow week? The saw must be fed

[Velk Kerang]

9 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

See, we'd end up talking for hours on end. Because we'd already both be laughing. THAT makes a great conversation and the conversation will just grow more, and exponentially, from there. I keep a tightly-pruned friend list, but in such a case where I and another hit it off that well, it would not only make it onto that list, but likely avoid the weekly pruning saw.

See right there that'd probably be one of the very few if not the only distinct difference in how we roll because I don't have a saw myself personally. Everyone that's ever made it to my list is on their for life unless they remove themselves. lol I won't even say how large my friends list has gotten over the last decade. lol I be feeling bad. I am like awww man that's my little buddy from 2009 I can't delete him. lol He needs a friend if he ever comes back. lol 😁

I agree though. We'd end up having a blast hands down. I admit after seeing your conversation on here for a while I have thought to myself I bet she'd be a blast to hang out with at parties. lol I mean if you were a temperature you'd be just at the right setting. lol Not to hot, not to cold, perfect amount of wit and sarcasm and you bat 1,000 in the intelligence  dept. which makes for a nice and deadly combo when dealing with the people that like to go round and round on here. So by the time all is said and done you can be like ah you mad? You need a time out or a hug even? Have a candy bar and a coke and a smile. Ima leave you with these tissues for your issues ad go find someone who can hang on my level. Lmao!!!!

[Alyona Su]

13 minutes ago, Velk Kerang said:

I be feeling bad. I am like awww man that's my little buddy from 2009

I *do* have every calling card since early 2006. Sometimes I go through them and reminisce, sometimes thinking "Who's THAT!?" LOL

 

13 minutes ago, Velk Kerang said:

So by the time all is said and done you can be like ah you mad? You need a time out or a hug even? Have a candy bar and a coke and a smile. Ima leave you with these tissues for your issues ad go find someone who can hang on my level.

So True! Except I never leave anyone behind. Ever. When I step forward I always will hold out my hand. But if you don't take, I'm not going to stand around waiting on your butt, either.

The fact is people are complicated. I find many people either love me or hate my guts, rarely much in between. Those who get to actually know me a bit tend to fall into the former category. Those knee-jerk react at my words by injecting their own word-definitions or lack of contextual cognizance will often fall into the latter. LOL It sounds like you've actually gotten to understand my odd personality (and feeble attempt at wry humor). 

As for parties and things... I am sad to say I spend a lot of my in-world time solo, mostly because my schedule is usually during the leaner SL hours (like 6 AM-ish to around 2 or 3 PM-sh SL time and even then, only Fridays through Mondays) - so I leave before the throngs appear and it's awkward, even difficult crashing any parties full of people I don't know (and clubs feel very cliquish to me).

BUT, I'm not afraid to go find or make my own fun!

I often sim-hop a lot. Though if I get into a great conversation, I can stand in one place for hours. 

Edited November 5, 2019 by Alyona Su

[Velk Kerang]

36 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

I *do* have every calling card since early 2006. Sometimes I go through them and reminisce, sometimes thinking "Who's THAT!?" LOL

I think we can all relate to that. It is also exactly why I love chat logs. lol

38 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

So True! Except I never leave anyone behind. Ever. When I step forward I always will hold out my hand. But if you don't take, I'm not going to stand around waiting on your butt, either.

See and I am the type I'd be like well fine Miss Meaniebutt. No Doritos for you and do not expect the privilege of getting any of my Scooby Snacks as well either. lol And I have a cute butt too. I'm just saying. lol I'd be like you see it? Do you see it? This is my booty. And this is my booty walking in the other direction. Enjoy the view while it lasts. Let me stop for ya for a moment. Ya gotta savor the moment. Ok that's enough savoring for now. Moving on. Exit stage left. Lmao!!!!😜

43 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

The fact is people are complicated. I find many people either love me or hate my guts, rarely much in between. Those who get to actually know me a bit tend to fall into the former category. Those knee-jerk react at my words by injecting their own word-definitions or lack of contextual cognizance will often fall into the latter. LOL It sounds like you've actually gotten to understand my odd personality (and feeble attempt at wry humor).

I actually get you better then you think. We are a lot a like you and I. So much so it's kind of scary even. lol I recently had a conversation where no matter what I said or how I said it the other person kept coming out of left field with their own meanings and interpretations. I thought that only happened to me. lol And ya most people either love me or hate me and only the select few actually have managed to navigate back and forth if not both at the same exact time. It's like your the one they love to hate. lol

52 minutes ago, Alyona Su said:

As for parties and things... I am sad to say I spend a lot of my in-world time solo, mostly because my schedule is usually during the leaner SL hours (like 6 AM-ish to around 2 or 3 PM-sh SL time and even then, only Fridays through Mondays) - so I leave before the throngs appear and it's awkward, even difficult crashing any parties full of people I don't know (and clubs feel very cliquish to me).

 

BUT, I'm not afraid to go find or make my own fun!

I often sim-hop a lot. Though if I get into a great conversation, I can stand in one place for hours. 

Ya being honest I don't go to them anymore like that either or at least very often. When I do it's because a friend asked me to tag along. Like you I pretty much make my own fun.I will usually either chill on my build platform chillaxing as I call it where friends may sometimes come visit me to either talk about their issues or they are just really that bored on that day if they are coming to see me. lol A lot of times I sim hop. I am not sure if your familiar with the old tv show Sliders, but I actually have a timer which opens up a portal and randomly drops me at different places and I pretend I am exploring other worlds in different dimensions. Lmao!!!!😁😎

[Maitimo]

10 hours ago, Alyona Su said:

As for parties and things... I am sad to say I spend a lot of my in-world time solo, mostly because my schedule is usually during the leaner SL hours (like 6 AM-ish to around 2 or 3 PM-sh SL time and even then, only Fridays through Mondays) - so I leave before the throngs appear and it's awkward, even difficult crashing any parties full of people I don't know (and clubs feel very cliquish to me).

I am around before 1 PM most days, and on one (not quite random, but may as well be) weekday per week I'm around from as early as 1 AM so if you get bored and I'm around, maybe we can go horse-riding or something.

Also I thought you said "...before the thongs appear..." and I was like, "wait, what?"

[Talligurl]

On November 2, 2019 at 5:09 PM, Rolig Loon said:

"My great aunt Gertrude wore a hat like yours to the county fair in 1987. Where did you buy it?"  It's almost safer to say "Hi." 🙄

I would be thinking, " Do they really want to talk about my fashion choices, or are they looking for an opportunity to discuss genealogy?"

[clone00345]

I am just wondering.... those people who hate to be asked "how are you?" are not Americans? I live in usa, so I am not surprised or irritated when someone asks me how are you. I know this very common greeting is drilled into their heads almost since the day they are born. And since there are a lot of americans in SL then why are people so annoyed by this phrase?

[Alyona Su]

14 hours ago, Velk Kerang said:

See and I am the type I'd be like well fine Miss Meaniebutt. No Doritos for you and do not expect the privilege of getting any of my Scooby Snacks as well either. lol And I have a cute butt too. I'm just saying. lol I'd be like you see it? Do you see it? This is my booty. And this is my booty walking in the other direction. Enjoy the view while it lasts. Let me stop for ya for a moment. Ya gotta savor the moment. Ok that's enough savoring for now. Moving on. Exit stage left. Lmao!!!!😜

Conceit: The mosquito floating down the river on its back with an erection screaming at the top of his lungs "Raise the drawbridge!"

/me points to her booty, "Belleza Butt. Can't touch this." Wiggles to show it actually uses SL physics, unlike the "cheap" mesh bodies.

[Alyona Su]

4 hours ago, Matty Luminos said:

Also I thought you said "...before the thongs appear..." and I was like, "wait, what?"

Bahaha! Freudian slip? Throngs for thongs? Hahahaha! I'll keep an eye out for you, too! Also, you may not have realized it's me, but the other "Alyona" is me, too LOL (Alyona Chernov) No jokes about lack of creativity in naming conventions! LOL 

[Velk Kerang]

13 hours ago, Alyona Su said:

Conceit: The mosquito floating down the river on its back with an erection screaming at the top of his lungs "Raise the drawbridge!"

/me points to her booty, "Belleza Butt. Can't touch this." Wiggles to show it actually uses SL physics, unlike the "cheap" mesh bodies.

I literally got nothing for that. lol I can not think of a good enough witty come back for that right now because I keep having this hilarious mental image of a mosquito having a tug and a wank at your bouncy behind. Thank you so much for that. Lmao!!!! 🤣

12 hours ago, Alyona Su said:

Bahaha! Freudian slip? Throngs for thongs? Hahahaha! I'll keep an eye out for you, too! Also, you may not have realized it's me, but the other "Alyona" is me, too LOL (Alyona Chernov) No jokes about lack of creativity in naming conventions! LOL 

This song goes out for you. Had to be done. Lmao!!!!😜

 

[Velk Kerang]

13 hours ago, clone00345 said:

I am just wondering.... those people who hate to be asked "how are you?" are not Americans? I live in usa, so I am not surprised or irritated when someone asks me how are you. I know this very common greeting is drilled into their heads almost since the day they are born. And since there are a lot of americans in SL then why are people so annoyed by this phrase?

I honestly couldn't tell you mate. It doesn't bother me any. It's usually what they say next after the how are you part that would be the determining factor for me personally. For example if a chick Im's me and says, "How are you?", then I may say, "Fine thanks and yourself mate?", and with out missing a beat I'll either get the sob story of how her boyfriend is blah blah this thing or blah blah that thing or how she can't find a man or nobody loves her and blah blah blah. Now don't get me wrong I don't mind when friends vent, but not every single bloody day and especially not when I first meet you. Lmao!!!!😂

[Alyona Su]

On 11/6/2019 at 5:39 AM, clone00345 said:

I live in usa, so I am not surprised or irritated when someone asks me how are you.

Not an irritation, but rather an awkwardness. If an acquaintance you haven't seen in a while asks "how are you?" - makes perfect sense, a genuine inquiry, no?. A complete stranger you've never seen before in your life and unknown to anyone else you know comes out of the blue asking "How are you?" - Why would they care upon not even meeting you, yet? LOL Maybe it's a cultural thing where you are that strangers ask such questions of you on the street or another public venue as the very first words out of their mouth.

Even a simple "So, what brings you here?" would be a lot less disingenuous fakery. LOL

And isn't U.S.A., not "usa"? Just asking.

Edited November 7, 2019 by Alyona Su

[Selene Gregoire]

On 11/6/2019 at 5:39 AM, clone00345 said:

I am just wondering.... those people who hate to be asked "how are you?" are not Americans? I live in usa, so I am not surprised or irritated when someone asks me how are you. I know this very common greeting is drilled into their heads almost since the day they are born. And since there are a lot of americans in SL then why are people so annoyed by this phrase?

Many First Nations people don't consider themselves to be American or Canadian.

[BraveHot]

On 11/6/2019 at 2:39 PM, clone00345 said:

I am just wondering.... those people who hate to be asked "how are you?" are not Americans? I live in usa, so I am not surprised or irritated when someone asks me how are you. I know this very common greeting is drilled into their heads almost since the day they are born. And since there are a lot of americans in SL then why are people so annoyed by this phrase?

The  first time an American asked me how I was (RL) I must admit I was a little baffled. Felt like a very direct question. I think I just said hi other something like that. But I was very young then, and I am not from the U.S. 

I thought a lot of the world had moved beyond that by now, however, and would just reply with a "nice to meet you" or something. I most certainly have, long ago.

But seems like it stil persists. Folks, there is no fakery involved. Most of the time it's just polite conversation. But I guess Americans need to wrap their minds around that it can still be perceived as rather weird too.

[Alyona Su]

58 minutes ago, BraveHot said:

Folks, there is no fakery involved. Most of the time it's just polite conversation

If you are asking me how I am and really don't care about my answer, polite conversation or not, it's still fakery on your part. LOL There are a lot of ways to create polite conversation, but that phrase is just intellectual laziness, or simple-mindedness. As in my example above, if you ask me how I am, I'll answer it literally with as much truthful sincerity as I perceive the asking party is putting into it. ~winks~

[Velk Kerang]

6 hours ago, Alyona Su said:

And isn't U.S.A., not "usa"? Just asking.

Why, yes. Yes it is. Must you always be so technical? lol 😜