Women's expectations: Unrealistic

[Arielle Popstar]

17 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

It's just a fact....anyone can look it up ....compared to women there are more men who are aggressive (and violent). This carries into 2nd life.

Not so much the forums though where the opposite seems true, at least looking at a vocal minority.

[Luna Bliss]

6 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

25 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

It's just a fact....anyone can look it up ....compared to women there are more men who are aggressive (and violent). This carries into 2nd life.

Not so much the forums though where the opposite seems true, at least looking at a vocal minority.

We've primarily been discussing dating behavior in 2nd life, and so this doesn't apply much to interactions between individuals on the forum.

[ValKalAstra]

There's an interesting cultural dynamic at work. Swipe Culture (Tindr and such) has given some awful people, more precisely - some women, the power to be absolute jackasses on the internet. Friends have shown me the kind of replies they sometimes get and they're just plain abusive. There's no denying that it happens.

That perception, along with cherry-picked screenshots, in turn feeds into a culture that has got some very... peculiar views on women. They ain't exactly new. When I was a wee lass, I've heard grumbling from some men about how we only want the bad boys. The reality of the situation was that once teenage hormones had run their course, it wasn't the bad boys that walked away the winners. With none of my friends.

However, looping back to Tindr and Social Media in general, you've now got people that get stuck in that idea from their teenage years. Heck, I'm willing to bet a lot of them still are teenagers. They start building their prejudice, "women want this, women want that, that's unrealistic and unreasonable!" and then along comes some despicable goblin like Tate and feeds into it, along come social media echo chambers and keep feeding cherrypicked screenshots from Tindr, showing precisely how awful some people can be. This makes isolated incidents out to be a global societal problem instead of the isolated angst bull***** it is.

Thus, when I see these talking points brought up, they become a red flag. The deeper and more vehemently they are argued and presented as fact, the deeper the crimson of the flag.

There is a very simple dating advice wrapped up in this - my seemingly unreasonable and unrealistic expectation as a woman brought down to a simple summary:

• Treat me like an individual - not a prescribed identity.

That's the funny thing, all that's needed is to do less. Don't assume what the expectations are! Talk and figure them out. If some girl gives you hell for that, be thankful they self-flagged early. If they play some hard to get game, tell them "thanks, no thanks" and walk away. Saves time, saves you trouble and skips the teenage angst spiel. No seriously, they're doing you a service by showing their colors early. Also if they feel the need to put you down, block and move on.

Likewise, holding certain very strong opinions on women works like a self-flag too - just the other way around. I don't find many incels - I try to give everyone a fair chance. I don't think my standards are unreasonable:

• Don't be an ass.
• Don't put others down.
• Don't tell me how I am.

/edit: Obviously this is still linked to SL for me since the same applies to dating and flirting in SL. To translate:

• Don't be an ass (insult me in the third sentence)
• Don't put others down (if your opener is abuot some other girl using Kupra and your distaste for it - thanks for the self-flag!)
• Don't tell me how I am (if you tell me that as a woman I have got this or that expectation, I'm out)

Edited September 18, 2023 by ValKalAstra

[Arielle Popstar]

2 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

We've primarily been discussing dating behavior in 2nd life, and so this doesn't apply much to interactions between individuals on the forum.

Most of the individuals in the forums are also residents inworld. A number of posters in the thread and others like it, have pointed out that there is more female aggression then male inworld which equals my own view and experience.

[Cinnamon Mistwood]

25 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

By defending the behavior as only belonging to a minority I think you're missing the main point

I'm sorry you took it that way.  I did not miss the point.   

[Luna Bliss]

2 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

11 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

We've primarily been discussing dating behavior in 2nd life, and so this doesn't apply much to interactions between individuals on the forum.

Most of the individuals in the forums are also residents inworld. A number of posters in the thread and others like it, have pointed out that there is more female aggression then male inworld which equals my own view and experience.

It seems you missed the crucial words "dating behavior".  People are not attempting to date each other on the forum.

Edited September 18, 2023 by Luna Bliss

[Luna Bliss]

2 minutes ago, Cinnamon Mistwood said:

28 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

By defending the behavior as only belonging to a minority I think you're missing the main point

I'm sorry you took it that way.  I did not miss the point. 

Ok then...what is Paul's main point of this thread, as this is the main point I was referring to.

[Love Zhaoying]

29 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

By defending the behavior as only belonging to a minority I think you're missing the main point

You're saying > 50% are like that?!

 

[Arielle Popstar]

4 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

It seems you missed the crucial words "dating behavior".  People are not attempting to date each other on the forum.

Guess you missed Phil and Akane making a date

 

 

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Arielle Popstar said:

6 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

It seems you missed the crucial words "dating behavior".  People are not attempting to date each other on the forum.

Guess you missed Phil and Akane making a date

Having tea is not the kind of dating we're talking about here.

[Rowan Amore]

6 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Most of the individuals in the forums are also residents inworld. A number of posters in the thread and others like it, have pointed out that there is more female aggression then male inworld which equals my own view and experience.

I, personally, haven't encountered much aggression on either side.  I think the difference between when men encounter the aggressive behavior from women, they pretty much laugh it off, they are amused by it.  I have taken this stance that when men IM with blatant disrespectful propositions (and let me be clear, it's a rarity either way), I laughingly set them straight.  It's SL.  They can't hurt me so whether they get butt hurt or not, I couldn't care less.  They usually earn a block as well.  

As far as women using past incidents in RL as a basis for feeling threatened in SL...perhaps this is a subject for all those support groups on how to overcome an irrational fear IN SL.  

[Katherine Heartsong]

20 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Her: Standing there in all her glory.

Her man: Have ye gone daft, lass? You're dripping all over the clean carpet!

Wait, you have carpet in your bathroom? Ewww, so so wrong. I need to start a thread about that.

[diamond Marchant]

Going back to the OP...

On 9/15/2023 at 6:26 AM, Paul Hexem said:

We have stats that show that in other forms of online social interactions, women's expectations and standards are completely unrealistic. It makes the entire process of meeting women a totally skewed, uphill battle for most men. Does that carry over to SL or is it less prevalent here?

I have only my own experience on this topic... no study or research. I google it a bit and found two items that align with my thoughts. For the record, I have zero experience on any online dating platform.

Reasonable expectations...

Quote

What are women's expectations in dating?

Key Takeaways. Women want love, affection, and admiration from their partners. Women want their partners to miss them, give them attention, be understanding, and display forgiveness. They seek a friend in their partner with whom they can share their thoughts and speak their minds.

Unreasonable expectations...

Quote

Unrealistic expectations include things like wanting your partner to change their values, be the source of all your happiness or go against their natural masculine or feminine polarity. Don't expect your partner to react or feel the same way you do. And never expect perfection.

 

[Dyna Mole]

Whoa!

Things are teetering very close to the edge.  Please step back.  Spirited discussion and constructive disagreement are welcome, but name-calling and airing of grievances are not appropriate in our discussion areas. Residents who have personal differences have other channels of communication available to them.

[Quartz Mole]

Dyna has had to go to attend to First Life for a bit and has left me minding the store.

To reiterate what she said, this thread really is teetering on the brink.

If people really must pursue arguments about whether particular terms are justified or not, they should do it in personal messages or IMs in world or somewhere other than this forum.

 

 

 

[Love Zhaoying]

16 minutes ago, Quartz Mole said:

Dyna has had to go to attend to First Life for a bit and has left me minding the store.

To reiterate what she said, this thread really is teetering on the brink.

If people really must pursue arguments about whether particular terms are justified or not, they should do it in personal messages or IMs in world or somewhere other than this forum.

 

 

 

Thank you! It's good to be told, in no uncertain terms, what the terms are for discussing terms! Not to mention the TOS!

Edited September 18, 2023 by Love Zhaoying
TOS not TOC.

[Marigold Devin]

55 minutes ago, Quartz Mole said:

Dyna has had to go to attend to First Life for a bit and has left me minding the store.

To reiterate what she said, this thread really is teetering on the brink.

If people really must pursue arguments about whether particular terms are justified or not, they should do it in personal messages or IMs in world or somewhere other than this forum.

 

 

 

/me chants

LOCK IT ... LOCK IT ... LOCK IT ... LOCK IT ... LOCK IT 🙃

[Sid Nagy]

1 minute ago, Marigold Devin said:

/me chants

LOCK IT ... LOCK IT ... LOCK IT ... LOCK IT ... LOCK IT 🙃

I agree, this thread has outlived its usefulness pages ago already.

[Luna Bliss]

I Concur!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LOCK ER UP, LOCK ER UP, LOCK ER UP!!!!!

Pweeese

[Love Zhaoying]

I suppose for someone to know if women's expectations are unrealistic, they may have to actually TALK to a woman. Even if just in chat.

I mean, instead of just wondering, supposing, guessing, presupposing, etc.

(Talking to one in the thread does not count!)

 

[Rowan Amore]

1 hour ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I suppose for someone to know if women's expectations are unrealistic, they may have to actually TALK to a woman. Even if just in chat.

I mean, instead of just wondering, supposing, guessing, presupposing, etc.

(Talking to one in the thread does not count!)

 

As I said in my first post, don't assume anything.  To add to that, try not to let past experiences color every single future interaction.  

The last friend I added was a gentleman I met at a questionable adult club.  I love places like that.  I'm usually left alone.  He messaged me with something like, "Smokin'!".   I messaged back something about grabbing a fire extinguisher and looking around frantically.  He laughed.  I laughed.  We chatted for over an hour.  Not once did he suggest any other activity and hasn't to this day.

Now, I could have assumed he was just another creepy guy with a bad come on line but I used humor.  Instead of jumping to conclusions, I gained a dear friend.

[Rat Luv]

.

Edited September 19, 2023 by Rat Luv
totally wrong thread : (

[Arwyn Quandry]

I was right, this thread should have been locked before page five.

Edited September 19, 2023 by Arwyn Quandry
oh no not the giant emoji. plz go away.

[Luna Bliss]

1 minute ago, Arwyn Quandry said:

I was right, this thread should have been locked before page five.

you had it right on page 1 !!

[Katherine Heartsong]

The only reason it wasn't locked back on page one is after writing an essay in response to the very title of the thread, I deleted it, and kept my mouth shut (yes, yes, for once). See, redheads do know when to behave, if just barely.

Now, stop squirming @Love Zhaoying I'm wasting a lot of whipped cream here ... wait, wrong thread.