Should I put my real-life gender in my woman avatars' profiles?

[QuietEventide]

I made a more age-appropriate avatar (profile pic) for all in-world travels.
Feels strange. I guess I'll get used to it.

At least this latest avi is somewhat closer to reality.
Not enough - but closer. When in Rome...

I have enjoyed this forum discussion, believe it or not.
I find it very enlightening. Filed under "Life long learning".

 

1 hour ago, Seicher Rae said:

I prefer to interact with the avatar, with no nefarious agenda on my part

Yes, me too.

Edited August 24, 2023 by QuietEventide

[Arielle Popstar]

1 hour ago, Seicher Rae said:

  When I have had a human photo on my 1st Life, it has been a tongue-in-cheek one of a very cheesecake Scarlett Johansson (and I'd still get the "omg! Is that YOU???" IMs... smh).(And of course I'd answer, "Yes, yes it is!" because I can't always not be an a-hole. )
 

Personally I am leery of those who insist on putting up a R/L picture, especially males as it usually will turns into a session of "Look at Me!" with their *ick pictures. I'm here for the cartoons tyvm! If I want RL, I'll step out my door.

[Seicher Rae]

13 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Personally I am leery of those who insist on putting up a R/L picture, especially males as it usually will turns into a session of "Look at Me!" with their *ick pictures. I'm here for the cartoons tyvm! If I want RL, I'll step out my door.

Hm. I've not noticed a correlation between 1st life pics and *ick pics. I'm not saying it isn't there, I just haven't noticed it. And since I mentioned Da5id specifically having a 1st life pic on his profile, let me hasten to add that the *ick pic wasn't a bonus feature.   (Trust me, if he had led with that we wouldn't be closing in on our 1-year anniversary. )

eta: "allegedly"

Edited August 24, 2023 by Seicher Rae

[Arielle Popstar]

1 minute ago, Seicher Rae said:

Hm. I've not noticed a correlation between 1st life pics and *ick pics. I'm not saying it isn't there, I just haven't noticed it. And since I mentioned Da5id specifically having a 1st life pic on his profile, let me hasten to add that the *ick pic wasn't a bonus feature.   (Trust me, if he had led with that we wouldn't be closing in on our 1-year anniversary. )

Yah I wasn't implying you or Da5id were that way but it is something I have noticed in past with others in some of the clubs I have visited. As a result I shy away from those who either show RL pictures in their profile or mention RL there or start with A/S/L. 

[Seicher Rae]

5 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Yah I wasn't implying you or Da5id were that way but it is something I have noticed in past with others in some of the clubs I have visited. As a result I shy away from those who either show RL pictures in their profile or mention RL there or start with A/S/L. 

It is amazing in 2023 ASL is still a thing. It was obnoxious and stupid when I first started SL. It seems to have tapered of in other areas of the Net (not that I'm an expert on that) but it is still going strong in SL, which is one reason I address it, tongue-in-cheek (as per most things) on my 1st Life tab. And for the amateur hall monitors, yes, this is still mostly on topic.  First life tabs, baby!

eta: omg, I typed the wrong year in!!! ffs

 

Edited August 24, 2023 by Seicher Rae

[ValuedAndSelective]

There's no hard and fast rule, because everything depends on context.

 

Even in cases where someone might be upset that your views on things don't match theirs, you aren't obligated to expose things about yourself for their sake. More importantly than those facts, though, is the nature of social engagement. If you want to get to know someone in a certain way, you act in accordance with what seems suitable for that. If someone wants to get to know you in a way that you don't want to be known, you act in accordance with that.

If someone wants to prioritize defense against any anger or backlash (e.g. by blocking them) that's valid. If someone wants to try trusting a person to let things go by simply saying "I don't want to" (provide certain information, go to a certain venue, or any other normal social thing that people can have differences or disagreements about), that's also valid.

In every situation, choices come down to how concerned one is about self-protection/privacy and how concerned they are about how someone else feels about them. And those feelings might change from day to day or experience to experience.

 

Social interaction is always a process of each person deciding the if, the what, the how, and the when of things they could communicate.

There's no answer that anyone can prescribe, because every situation is different and the outcomes are impossible to predict with certainty.

 

If someone doesn't want to interact with other people who don't share their views, or they don't want to interact with someone in a  certain way, that's for them to state. Mindreading isn't a skill anyone has, and attempting to do it causes a lot of needless headaches for everyone. The same goes for trying to adapt oneself to the potential desires of every person or group before the group or person voices any relevant desires or views.

[Orwar]

2 hours ago, Seicher Rae said:

Am I the only one who HATES seeing RL photos of people on First Life pages?

   Yes. So stop looking at the 1st life pages! Scoffs. 

   A picture can tell you more than a thousand words (my 1st life page is quite the horror story!), and as someone who has zero interest in making connections with make-belief characters, I'm much more likely to reach out to someone who shows they don't put up a wall between their SL and RL identities (and almost totally unlikely to reach out to anyone who has anything to the effect of 'RL is RL and SL is SL' in their profiles).

   Doesn't mean everyone I befriend must be a potential romantic interest (I expect my partner wouldn't approve of that!), and it doesn't much matter how a person looks as I'm not as superficial as to pick my friends based on appearances, but having a face in my head (or on my monitor) of whom I'm speaking to just makes me feel it easier to connect with them. 

[BilliJo Aldrin]

7 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

What I quoted means the exact opposite of how you're interpreting it. Please read it again.

 

I read it correctly, and that IS the current state of "discussion" in today's world.

What you want under the guise of"discusion" is to enlighten those of us that are not as woke as you are, to make us see the error of our ways, and repent the darkness that envelopes us, and step into the light of whatever you are selling this week.

Left is right, and right is wrong.

That about sums it up doesn't it?

Edited August 24, 2023 by BilliJo Aldrin
fixed a word

[BilliJo Aldrin]

2 hours ago, ValuedAndSelective said:

There's no hard and fast rule, because everything depends on context.

 

Even in cases where someone might be upset that your views on things don't match theirs, you aren't obligated to expose things about yourself for their sake. More importantly than those facts, though, is the nature of social engagement. If you want to get to know someone in a certain way, you act in accordance with what seems suitable for that. If someone wants to get to know you in a way that you don't want to be known, you act in accordance with that.

If someone wants to prioritize defense against any anger or backlash (e.g. by blocking them) that's valid. If someone wants to try trusting a person to let things go by simply saying "I don't want to" (provide certain information, go to a certain venue, or any other normal social thing that people can have differences or disagreements about), that's also valid.

In every situation, choices come down to how concerned one is about self-protection/privacy and how concerned they are about how someone else feels about them. And those feelings might change from day to day or experience to experience.

 

Social interaction is always a process of each person deciding the if, the what, the how, and the when of things they could communicate.

There's no answer that anyone can prescribe, because every situation is different and the outcomes are impossible to predict with certainty.

 

If someone doesn't want to interact with other people who don't share their views, or they don't want to interact with someone in a  certain way, that's for them to state. Mindreading isn't a skill anyone has, and attempting to do it causes a lot of needless headaches for everyone. The same goes for trying to adapt oneself to the potential desires of every person or group before the group or person voices any relevant desires or views.

I have my rl political views in some of my picks. I can only hope it discourages people that don't share my views from iming me.

Sometimes they do anyway, but just to call me names. 😂

[Luna Bliss]

59 minutes ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

8 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

What I quoted means the exact opposite of how you're interpreting it. Please read it again.

 

I read it correctly, and that IS the current state of "discussion" in today's world.

What you want under the guise of"discusion" is to enlighten those of us that are not as woke as you are, to make us see the error of our ways, and repent the darkness that envelopes us, and step into the light of whatever you are selling this week.

Left is right, and right is wrong.

That about sums it up doesn't it?

I don't recall anyone trying to debate/discuss politics on this thread, although politics is one area people do debate in 1st life (we can't do so here anymore).

What I've seen being debated on this thread is:

~ Should Gopi put his actual gender in his profile as he presents the opposite gender inworld?
~ Where would it be safest for Gopi to visit (either disclosing or not disclosing his actual gender)?
~ One of my topics I was attempting to debate is "what IS intimacy exactly and what are the possibilities for it in a virtual world"?
~ Should we make a distinction between males & females according to a topic we'd wish to discuss?
~ How much homophobia and transphobia exists in 2nd life?
~ Is 2nd life a total fantasy world or is it one where we can be 'real' (or can it be both)?
~ What does 'truth' mean? Is it absolute or ephemeral?
~ and much much more....like...how similar are we to a fruit fly? lol

Through our examination here everybody is free to determine their own truth about all these matters, regarding how they believe they should currently guide their 2nd life lives, or how they think others should be doing so.
Gopi is free to consider all of it or none of it as he makes his decision.

 

Edited August 24, 2023 by Luna Bliss

[PheebyKatz]

22 hours ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

I still wonder sometimes if that would have worked in The Secret Garden, too.

EDIT: Yes, I am old.

For anyone who doesn't get the references:

A: Little House on the Prairie, the quoted gif - Laura pushed Nellie into the river, and Nellie jumped and stood up, thus exposing her fraud (pretending to have broken legs).

B: The Secret Garden, the boy's family is keeping him bedridden by treating him like an invalid. If the protagonist had hurled him into a pond, he might have recovered faster.

Both are probably relevant on some deeper level, but still sort of off-topic. I know, I know, we all try to do better than that. Sorry.

/nerding

Edited August 25, 2023 by PheebyKatz

[BilliJo Aldrin]

9 hours ago, Daphne Dench said:

You all had this Second World to make something more beautiful out of it than the first one is, you all had new people from around the world to interact with, and read here above what many of you have done with these wonderful opportunities.

Exactly, that's why one shouldn't comply with anyone's attempt to drag you back to real life by demanding information about your real life.

Some people can't imagine a second life separate from real life, and they get offended that some can.

Edited August 25, 2023 by BilliJo Aldrin
changed a couple of words

[Arielle Popstar]

3 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

~ Should Gopi put his actual gender in his profile as he presents the opposite gender inworld?
~ Where would it be safest for Gopi to visit (either disclosing or not disclosing his actual gender)?
~ One of my topics I was attempting to debate is "what IS intimacy exactly and what are the possibilities for it in a virtual world"?
~ Should we make a distinction between males & females according to a topic we'd wish to discuss?
~ How much homophobia and transphobia exists in 2nd life?
~ Is 2nd life a total fantasy world or is it one where we can be 'real' (or can it be both)?
~ What does 'truth' mean? Is it absolute or ephemeral?
~ and much much more....like...how similar are we to a fruit fly? lol

Would be interesting after 33 pages on the topic to see what @Gopi Passiflora blow by blow reactions are to your summary.

[Kathlen Onyx]

39 minutes ago, BilliJo Aldrin said:

Exactly, that's why one shouldn't comply with anyone's attempt to drag you back to real life by demanding information about your real life.

Some people can't imagine a second life separate from real life, and they get offended that some can.

I am a person that wants to know the person behind the avatar. I haven't ever "demanded" it or tried to drag anyone back to RL.  I am myself here. I have other avatars that I RP with.  

I think people are getting the fact that some want to discuss RL, which you can do without revealing private information with others that demand it. Those people should be muted and derendered. 

[Persephone Emerald]

30 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

Don't do it Charlie Brown Gopi!

 

First someone moves the goal post, then someone else moves the football. 😟

[Silent Mistwalker]

1 hour ago, PheebyKatz said:

B: The Secret Garden, the boy's family is keeping him bedridden by treating him like an invalid. If the protagonist had hurled him into a pond, he might have recovered faster.

He'd never walked in his life in the version I've seen. He had to build leg muscle before he could walk. Tossing him into the pond wouldn't have done anything other than maybe drown him. Besides, Mary Lennox liked him and needed the company. He was family after all.

[Gabriele Graves]

1 hour ago, Persephone Emerald said:

First someone moves the goal post, then someone else moves the football. 😟

It could be worse.  After that someone could also queer the pitch.

 

EDIT: In case anyone doesn't know what the phrase means: https://www.theidioms.com/queer-pitch/

Edited August 25, 2023 by Gabriele Graves

[Luna Bliss]

Deprived of Sex, Jilted Flies Drink More Alcohol

UCSF Research Identifies Neuropeptide F as the Molecular Trigger that Connects Sexual Rejection to Excessive Drinking

https://www.ucsf.edu/news/2012/03/98555/deprived-sex-jilted-flies-drink-more-alcohol

[Quartz Mole]

I think this thread has now wandered so far into the woods and off topic that it seems an appropriate time to call it a day.

[Arielle Popstar]

There is a "What are you listening to" thread for those who seem to be confused as to the topic.

[Istelathis]

1 minute ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

Why is this topic still open?  What did you lot do to Quartz? 

I didn't do it, it was all @Love Zhaoying

He stole the keys and ran off with them.

[Marigold Devin]

3 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

Why is this topic still open?  What did you lot do to Quartz? 

I think she either went off for lunch, or ...

 

[Love Zhaoying]

17 minutes ago, Istelathis said:

21 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

Why is this topic still open?  What did you lot do to Quartz? 

I didn't do it, it was all @Love Zhaoying

He stole the keys and ran off with them.

Since Quartz said "call it a day", I assume they are in a later time zone, and possibly fell asleep. 

Because we are so very interesting. 

[Gabriele Graves]

10 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Since Quartz said "call it a day", I assume they are in a later time zone, and possibly fell asleep. 

Because we are so very interesting. 

[Seicher Rae]

18 hours ago, Orwar said:

   Yes. So stop looking at the 1st life pages! Scoffs. 

   A picture can tell you more than a thousand words (my 1st life page is quite the horror story!), and as someone who has zero interest in making connections with make-belief characters, I'm much more likely to reach out to someone who shows they don't put up a wall between their SL and RL identities (and almost totally unlikely to reach out to anyone who has anything to the effect of 'RL is RL and SL is SL' in their profiles).

   Doesn't mean everyone I befriend must be a potential romantic interest (I expect my partner wouldn't approve of that!), and it doesn't much matter how a person looks as I'm not as superficial as to pick my friends based on appearances, but having a face in my head (or on my monitor) of whom I'm speaking to just makes me feel it easier to connect with them. 

Funny how that "RL is RL" stuff can be so annoying. While (as mentioned) I don't want to see a RL photo ever, unless it is an obvious role play situation I much prefer to talk to the real person behind the monitor, regardless of whether the avatar matches the human (allegedly). My theory is even in role play it is hard to take the "real life" out of the equation because there's only one operator behind the screen (allegedly). But I disagree that a real life photo tells you "more than a thousand words." First impressions (visual) are usually wrong impressions, from my experience. Not entirely, but mostly. Too many assumptions are made by the viewer. "Too old/young, fat/skinny, pretty/ugly, male/female, black/white... to "get me." " Some of that may be true but you can't tell from a photo (unless you are looking for a RL hookup and the physical items matter). I'm now babbling: Need coffee.