It's time for Uncle Gopi to make yet another controversial topic. ("IM bait")

[Gabriele Graves]

 

[Gopi Passiflora]

9 minutes ago, Gabriele Graves said:

 

Well yeah, but now that you mention it I'll just simply report my own topic if the other participants (save for one) in it desire for it to be closed.

I need a good consensus here.

[Katherine Heartsong]

On 10/28/2022 at 5:07 AM, Lewis Luminos said:

I see exactly the same when I'm logged in as Indra or Tammi, some guy gets interested and when I tell them I'm male in RL their interest immediately disappears.

95 times out of 100, exactly this. (And of these, 50% are polite about it, the other 50%, for whatever reason, think making some sort of scene is the way to handle it, up to and including outting/insulting me in Nearby chats.)

4 of the remaining 5 are all cited and want to get me in bed right now cause "hawt redhead".

That last one tends to be a decent guy.

Edited November 4, 2022 by Katherine Heartsong

[Love Zhaoying]

43 minutes ago, Katherine Heartsong said:

95 times out of 100, exactly this. (And of these, 50% are polite about it, the other 50%, for whatever reason, think making some sort of scene is the way to handle it, up to and including outting/insulting me in Nearby chats.)

4 of the remaining 5 are all cited and want to get me in bed right now cause "hawt redhead".

That last one tends to be a decent guy.

I am bad at the maths, but that guy is one-in-a-hundred!

[Quartz Mole]

Since things are getting out of hand, I've removed several posts in the hope this will get the thread back on topic.   

If that doesn't work, then we will close it.

In the meantime, if you think a particular poster is consistently annoying or just trolling, please consider using the "block" feature, so you don't have to see their posts any more.  (Unfortunately, moderators don't really have that option).

[Kathlen Onyx]

36 minutes ago, Katherine Heartsong said:

95 times out of 100, exactly this. (And of these, 50% are polite about it, the other 50%, for whatever reason, think making some sort of scene is the way to handle it, up to and including outting/insulting me in Nearby chats.)

4 of the remaining 5 are all cited and want to get me in bed right now cause "hawt redhead".

That last one tends to be a decent guy.

I can see where men might have an issue with this. Yes, you do have that you are a male in RL however, it is very well hidden in your profile. If you put that as your first line in the front you might get less of those interactions.  

Of course making a scene in local or calling you out in public is never a cool thing to do. 

I read in three places on your profile where you write that honesty is important and that you are always 100% honest and honesty is a turn on but your whole profile is dishonest from the get go.

The last thing I noticed is that I see a lot of posts from you here complaining how you have such trouble with men not accepting that you are female in SL but male in RL, yet you also have an entire pick of things that other people do that are such a turn off and so judgmental that you have to have a whole pick about it. 

Lastly, men want to get you in bed because you are a Hawt redhead because that is exactly what your profile presents that you want. 

I just don't see how you can have all these contradictory things in your profile and then complain when people get upset.

 

 

[Blaise Glendevon]

22 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

I can see where men might have an issue with this. Yes, you do have that you are a male in RL however, it is very well hidden in your profile. If you put that as your first line in the front you might get less of those interactions.  

It's not their responsibility to put the least interesting or important fact about themselves right up front, just so creeps and bigots don't have to read a paragraph or two.

[Kathlen Onyx]

26 minutes ago, Blaise Glendevon said:

It's not their responsibility to put the least interesting or important fact about themselves right up front, just so creeps and bigots don't have to read a paragraph or two.

Not wanting to dance with a RL male that's pretending to be a female does not make you a creep nor a bigot.

[Blaise Glendevon]

3 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

Not wanting to dance with a RL male that's pretending to be a female does not make you a creep nor a bigot.

Dance. Not engage in ERP. Not try out sexy animations. Dance. As in, make casual conversation and animate your avatars doing a perfectly acceptable in public activity. 

If a person can't treat any social interaction in SL as anything but a pick-up opportunity or a sexual approach, that's a them problem. Not a problem with the person with the feminine-coded avatar. 

And, yes. If that hypothetical creep can't deal with possibly engaging in light social interplay with a person whose gender identity in-world, for whatever reason, does not conform to their IRL biological sex, that's also not the problem of the person with the feminine-coded avatar.

Edited November 4, 2022 by Blaise Glendevon

[Rowan Amore]

Some men consider slow dancing foreplay and why I stopped engaging in it several years ago.  YMMV but it's been this way for pretty much my entire SL.  This is almost always true if it's a random person asking you to dance.   

[Love Zhaoying]

34 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

Some men consider slow dancing foreplay and why I stopped engaging in it several years ago.  YMMV but it's been this way for pretty much my entire SL.  This is almost always true if it's a random person asking you to dance.   

I'm reminded of the song, "Da' Dip" (by Freak Nasty).

[Kathlen Onyx]

1 hour ago, Blaise Glendevon said:

Dance. Not engage in ERP. Not try out sexy animations. Dance. As in, make casual conversation and animate your avatars doing a perfectly acceptable in public activity. 

If a person can't treat any social interaction in SL as anything but a pick-up opportunity or a sexual approach, that's a them problem. Not a problem with the person with the feminine-coded avatar. 

And, yes. If that hypothetical creep can't deal with possibly engaging in light social interplay with a person whose gender identity in-world, for whatever reason, does not conform to their IRL biological sex, that's also not the problem of the person with the feminine-coded avatar.

If your profile literally drips of sexual inuendo can you hardly blame the person reading it?

[Scylla Rhiadra]

34 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

If your profile literally drips of sexual inuendo can you hardly blame the person reading it?

I'm sorry, but this is a wee bit too close to the "Well, look how's she's dressed!" justification for me, Sam.

You consent to what you explicitly consent to. If you agree to a dance, that is all you've agreed to. Everything and anything else is an unwarranted presumption.

[Istelathis]

*pops in to thread*

Narrator in my head:

"Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives"

I wonder what will happen in today's episode of Days of our SL forum lives.

 

[Kathlen Onyx]

29 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I'm sorry, but this is a wee bit too close to the "Well, look how's she's dressed!" justification for me, Sam.

You consent to what you explicitly consent to. If you agree to a dance, that is all you've agreed to. Everything and anything else is an unwarranted presumption.

Except that it isn't someone looking at how someone is dressed and assuming. The author has written these things into their profile themselves. When you say you are a little ginger vixen sometimes isn't that meant to be suggestive? That sounds like a suggestion to me, written by the profile person themselves.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

29 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

Except that it isn't someone looking at how someone is dressed and assuming. The author has written these things into their profile themselves. When you say you are a little ginger vixen sometimes isn't that meant to be suggestive? That sounds like a suggestion to me, written by the profile person themselves.

Being a "little ginger vixen" does not equal, except in the minds of the ultra entitled, "ready for sex with anyone."

I can signal, in any number of possible ways, including in my profile, that I am sexually "available." It does not follow that I am "available" to anyone and everyone. And, most importantly, it does not mean that my consent is no longer required or can be "assumed."

I'm honestly not sure what you are getting at here. Yes, Katherine's profile suggests she is interested in sex. What it does not suggest is that the onus is therefore not on the person dancing with her to 1) seek her consent, and 2) do a bit of basic research into who she is. You can assume whatever you want about a person, but you have zero right to get mad if your assumptions prove to be unfounded because you didn't actually communicate with (or read the profile of) your target.

This is Consent 101, Sam. You don't need to be told this stuff.

Edited November 4, 2022 by Scylla Rhiadra
Missing word

[Blaise Glendevon]

16 minutes ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

Except that it isn't someone looking at how someone is dressed and assuming. The author has written these things into their profile themselves. When you say you are a little ginger vixen sometimes isn't that meant to be suggestive? That sounds like a suggestion to me, written by the profile person themselves.

Please wrap around to the part where you have a point.

[Dafadilia Wayfarer]

I think descriptions are open to interpretation by the reader. It doesn't make it correct or right. It just means people will draw different conclusions. Only the person who describes themselves as that can know what they are seeing in themselves when describing themselves as such.

At the end of the day a dance is just that in either world...a dance. No one has the right to assume a person owes them more than that just because of wording they may find questionable in a person's profile.

 

[Amina Sopwith]

I dropped in the other day for the first time in ages. Two creeps messaged me out of the blue from finding me in groups (I really need to go through those and leave about two thirds of them). They weren't in my vicinity. One kept asking what I liked to do in SL and when I failed to proposition him, told me that he was sorry but he didn't think we had enough common ground. For what?? I didn't ask for anything! I didn't approach you!

The kicker is, I was really bored and actually a bit lonely, and had no plans. I was just standing in a forest. When he messaged, I knew exactly what he was hoping for (obviously) and if he had put an iota of effort into it, he could have got lucky. All it would have taken was an invitation to wherever he was, so we could actually see each other and a bit of time talking to me so we can attempt to strike up some sort of dynamic. Sorry mate, but if you're not going to put any effort at all into making me feel like I might enjoy this, you're not going to get anywhere. 

[Kathlen Onyx]

1 hour ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Being a "little ginger vixen" does not equal, except in the minds of the ultra entitled, "ready for sex with anyone."

I can signal, in any number of possible ways, including in my profile, that I am sexually "available." It does not follow that I am "available" to anyone and everyone. And, most importantly, it does not mean that my consent is no longer required or can be "assumed."

I'm honestly not sure what you are getting at here. Yes, Katherine's profile suggests she is interested in sex. What it does not suggest is that the onus is therefore not on the person dancing with her to 1) seek her consent, and 2) do a bit of basic research into who she is. You can assume whatever you want a person, but you have zero right to get mad if your assumptions prove to be unfounded because you didn't actually communicate with (or read the profile of) your target.

This Consent 101, Sam. You don't need to be told this stuff.

My post had nothing to do with consent at all.

[Rowan Amore]

1 hour ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

It does not follow that I am "available" to anyone and everyone. And, most importantly, it does not mean that my consent is no longer required or can be "assumed."

No, it doesn't suggest you're available to anyone and everyone but in my mind, it does suggest you have that interest in SL.  If someone then makes a pass or suggestive comment, is it really unreasonable?   We don't have profiles for people to read in RL so any comparison is moot.

I've recently amended my profile so as not to include anything sexually suggestive in any way.  I'm sure that won't stop ALL the unwanted advances but then, nothing will TBH.

[Ceka Cianci]

I just see SL as a grid with a bunch of different worlds and societies in them.. Not as one big world with one big society.

There is a lot of adapting to do with each one..

A sand box and a night club are gonna have two different results if I'm wearing a bikini to either one of them.. One is made for hooking up and one isn't.. People are going to be attracted to those places for what they are there for..

one you have a good chance of getting hit on and the other is probably a lot less..

If I walk into a cage filled with hungry lions wearing a steak suit, They probably gonna smell me out and want a bite vs walking into a cage of ant eaters.. hehehehe

😝

Gotta bring them survival instincts to the game, because they work just as good in here as the real world.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Edited November 4, 2022 by Ceka Cianci

[Scylla Rhiadra]

8 hours ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

My post had nothing to do with consent at all.

No, it didn't. Mine did, because I think there's a pretty close parallel between men who say "She's dressed like a w***e, so she obviously wants to put out," and a man who simply assumes that a "little ginger vixen" is equally sexually available to them.

9 hours ago, Sam1 Bellisserian said:

When you say you are a little ginger vixen sometimes isn't that meant to be suggestive? That sounds like a suggestion to me, written by the profile person themselves.

It's about consent because these assumptions do an end-run around asking the woman whether or not she's interested: they assume consent.

But I'm not going to belabour this. If you think that an assertion by a woman that she is sexually active and maybe available is justification for sexually aggressive behaviour from any and all men she meets, then that's your prerogative I suppose.

[Rilee Dallas]

It's so odd how some post like they are their avatars. 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 hour ago, Rilee Dallas said:

It's so odd how some post like they are their avatars. 

People here identify with the avatars to differing degrees. Some, I'm sure, view them as one might one's character in a video game, or a chess piece. Others, almost certainly most, identify to a greater degree than that with their virtual selves. There is no "right" or "wrong" way to relate to one's avatar -- just different approaches that suit each of us for individual reasons.

As for our activities here, it's really important to remember that SL is inhabited not by AI-driven NPCs, but by real people, and our interactions with those people, even where they involve simulated "virtual" activities, are very real too. SL sex is obviously not the same thing as RL sex, but it very clearly produces emotional and even physiological effects that are evidently very strongly felt, or people wouldn't do it. To greater or less degrees, the same can be said of roleplay, kink, or even something as simple as dancing: they all produce emotional and/or physiological effects on the real drivers of these avatars.

And if we concede that such activities and virtual experiences can have enjoyable and pleasant effects in RL, it would be illogical to argue that unpleasant experiences don't also have their impacts -- negative ones.

It's obviously vital that one not erase the difference between real and virtual activities, relationships, and so forth. But to argue that what happens to our avatars -- good, or bad -- has no impact on the real people behind them is belied by the experience of hundreds of thousands of real people here.

Edited December 4, 2022 by Scylla Rhiadra
Missing word