It's time for Uncle Gopi to make yet another controversial topic. ("IM bait")

[Persephone Emerald]

9 minutes ago, Charolotte Caxton said:

But what about the guy he did this to? Was he in on the experiment or a hapless test subject? 

Telling the subject that they're being tested would likely invalidate the results.

[SeattleChris]

2 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Telling the subject that they're being tested would likely invalidate the results.

on that note, attempting to "teach" said subject "a lesson" would likely invalidate the methodology entirely.

Edited October 27, 2022 by SeattleChris

[Charolotte Caxton]

9 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Telling the subject that they're being tested would likely invalidate the results.

Mhm, said every global villain ever, lol. Not attacking you Per, just thought it sounded funny. And accurate.

[Gopi Passiflora]

Yeah, I confess I was trying to troll him. But like Persephone said, it was also somewhat of an experiment too.

I guess I'm just too vindictive, I admit....

[Lewis Luminos]

13 hours ago, Persephone Emerald said:

Looks like you both had a conversation. Too bad he was so uninteresting. 

He was uninterested - because Gopi's avatar was no longer female and therefore no longer likely to lead him to what he was really looking for.

I see exactly the same when I'm logged in as Indra or Tammi, some guy gets interested and when I tell them I'm male in RL their interest immediately disappears.

[Persephone Emerald]

57 minutes ago, Lewis Luminos said:

He was uninterested - because Gopi's avatar was no longer female and therefore no longer likely to lead him to what he was really looking for.

I see exactly the same when I'm logged in as Indra or Tammi, some guy gets interested and when I tell them I'm male in RL their interest immediately disappears.

Yes, he was uninterested and uninteresting because his interest was so focused on chatting up some woman and he didn't seem to have any other interesting interests himself.

[Love Zhaoying]

2 hours ago, Persephone Emerald said:

and he didn't seem to have any other interesting interests himself.

"Hit me up when you have a redeeming quality!"

[PheebyKatz]

He wanted a private conversation with a woman. Not an open conversation with a person.

I've had people do the same thing to me before, and I play a child. I ask them to speak in local with me so I don't have to keep opening the chat window while I build (it takes up screen space), and then the conversation just peters out, because they didn't want a conversation that others might potentially hear.

The desire for intimacy with an object of attraction is a pretty transparent motive, usually. If it's not the driving force behind an IM, then they'll happily speak in local chat, and even speak to others who are present, as in a social situation. The exception of course is when they need help with a private matter, and choose to seek help from you. Not everything is everyone's business, after all.

Imagine being at a party, and someone gets your number somehow and texts you that they're over by the punch bowl, and wants to talk with you. You go to the punch bowl and start talking to them, and they turn away, then text you again, saying they want a conversation. How would you feel? Would you prioritize their feelings and do whatever they wanted for fear of offending them, or would you stop texting them and walk away?

It's not ignoring another's feelings to refuse to play their game. Not when their game makes you feel icky. If they can't have a normal conversation, but insist it must be private, then they obviously want to conceal something.

A guy IM'd "hi" to me on a helper sim once. I said "hi" back, let him know I could help with any number of things, just ask, by the way, I'm over here working on this thing if you wanna come by and just hang out and chat, and etc.

A few sentences in, he starts asking me about sex. I explained to him that I was there to build, and help others learn how to build, and not to have sex. Mind you, I looked like a child at the time, and had just walked past the guy on my way to the sandbox area; I hadn't done anything to invite his IM save for simply being there.

His angry reply was, "then why are you chatting with me, you f***ing b***h?"

I'm sure his feelings were just as important as mine, but like anyone else, I tend to put my feelings first in situations like this. So I shot him in the face with a toilet and went back to building after blocking/muting/derendering him.

I hope he didn't take it the wrong way, or anything.

Edited October 29, 2022 by PheebyKatz

[Sasy Scarborough]

I might get two IM's a year from unknown to me people if I am out and about...it is usually a compliment in some manner that suggests a pick up line perhaps (not sure as I am partnered in my profile) so when they say I look good, whether Male or Female I reply with a "you can look like this too' with a list of what I have on, what body I am wearing and so on...that usually ends it. My friend Whimsy gets very annoyed that people do not IM her lol but she has decided that it is because she is too good looking and it scares people. Which is I guess possible in SL as much as RL can be. It does kind of make me wonder if people do hit on people that have less going on, sort of like the good old - ' What do you mean you do not have Xcite' TPs you to a store and loads you up expecting an outcome in their favour. - I wonder if that is still the case with add ons now? I wonder if there are people that sit at the new hubs and drag new residents off to get sexified. I remember back in the olden days helping a girl that was so distressed because she had been 'collared' her first day and did not know what to do now that she realised it was not something she wanted. 

People were definitely more into approaching anyone and everyone years back, more so than now. A lot of friendships were started at camping spots, lucky chairs, fishing sites etc. We seem to have lost a lot of that over the years.

[PheebyKatz]

5 hours ago, Sasy Scarborough said:

I wonder if there are people that sit at the new hubs and drag new residents off to get sexified.

Yes there are. And most of them are simply looking to take advantage of newbies who come looking for slex. I've heard far more tales of people sending TPs and stuff and going straight to the "let's use this bed" thing than I have of people saying "hey, let's get you a Maitreya and some hair and shoes and stuff", though.

To counter all of this, I have been known on occasion to find a newbie and make them go shopping with me, buy them a Maitreya and a Catwa, gift them enough L$ to get the clothes and stuff they want, direct them to the docs and tutorials required to assist them in getting it all together, help them myself if I can and they need it, and then wish them a happy SL and poof away, leaving them to it.

I like how I can hear a jaw drop from across the world when they realize I just dropped like 10k on them and expect nothing in return, ever.

What's even more fun is when I start dropping stuff on them and someone else notices and decides we're having too much fun and they want in on it, too. It turns into a little party of sorts, with us showing them things and buying stuff for them.

I don't do it all the time, and certainly not lately (LOL, I have like, 11L$ right now), but it sure does feel nice being able to help someone that way.

Edited October 29, 2022 by PheebyKatz

[Edohandsome]

On 10/25/2022 at 2:20 AM, Scylla Rhiadra said:

But I also have the sense that there is a tendency to read, correctly or not, a first contact with someone of a different gender identity, as an attempt to "hook up." And I tend to think (rightly or wrongly) that if I approach a man out of the blue, he is going to assume that my interest is romantic or sexual.

I'm probably wrong in that assumption? Maybe? And it's also true that a lot depends on context: approaching someone at a gallery opening is different from doing so in a club.

But I'd be interested to hear from men, or those who represent as men -- what are your assumptions if a woman you don't know cold IMs you?

(I'd also be fascinated to know why men don't seem very often to socialize with other men in SL, given that this is not the case in RL. It's a subject I've broached here before, and I still don't really understand it.)

you are 90 ℅ correct.

as guy, I believe 90 ℅ guy here come for hookup.

I am the 10 ℅.

tbh I make friend to everyone.

but I do not want waste my friendship with fake people.

[Sasy Scarborough]

5 minutes ago, PheebyKatz said:

Yes there are. And most of them are simply looking to take advantage of newbies who come looking for slex. I've heard far more tales of people sending TPs and stuff and going straight to the "let's use this bed" thing than I have of people saying "hey, let's get you a Maitreya and some hair and shoes and stuff", though.

To counter all of this, I have been known on occasion to find a newbie and make them go shopping with me, buy them a Maitreya and a Catwa, gift them enough L$ to get the clothes and stuff they want, direct them to the docs and tutorials required to assist them in getting it all together, help them myself if I can and they need it, and then wish them a happy SL and poof away, leaving them to it.

I like how I can hear a jaw drop from across the world when they realize I just dropped like 10k on them and expect nothing in return, ever.

What's even more fun is when I start dropping stuff on them and someone else notices and decides we're having too much fun and they want in on it, too. It turns into a little party of sorts, with us showing them things and buying stuff for them.

I don't do it all the time, and certainly not lately (LOL, I have like, 11L$ right now), but it sure does feel nice being able to help someone that way.

I used to do that years ago, take people to ETD, Gurl 6 and anywhere that did free for new people stuff, then friends would log in and it would end up a movie montage makeover party. I was sitting down doing some work outdoors years later and a girl came up to me and thanked me for her first day, never been so happy to have been a part of that for someone.

[PheebyKatz]

2 minutes ago, Sasy Scarborough said:

I was sitting down doing some work outdoors years later and a girl came up to me and thanked me for her first day, never been so happy to have been a part of that for someone.

Knowing you made a huge difference in someone's SL is great. Having them TELL you so later is freakin AWESOME.

[Paul Hexem]

On 10/27/2022 at 3:52 PM, Persephone Emerald said:

I don't think it's sick. I saw it as an experiment, to see if the guy reacts differently to a male vs. a female avatar. Seems like he did.

On 10/28/2022 at 5:07 AM, Lewis Luminos said:

He was uninterested - because Gopi's avatar was no longer female and therefore no longer likely to lead him to what he was really looking for.

I see exactly the same when I'm logged in as Indra or Tammi, some guy gets interested and when I tell them I'm male in RL their interest immediately disappears.

Playing devil's advocate, do you remember that thread a while back asking if there were things that genders could talk about more readily with other genders that they couldn't or wouldn't talk to their own gender about?

It could very well be relevant.

[PheebyKatz]

1 hour ago, Paul Hexem said:

Playing devil's advocate, do you remember that thread a while back asking if there were things that genders could talk about more readily with other genders that they couldn't or wouldn't talk to their own gender about?

It could very well be relevant.

Just remember that if you are a girl and a guy asks you to help him pick out a weener, it just might be a come-on. If he asks you to help him edit it, it's definitely a come-on.

[Paul Hexem]

24 minutes ago, PheebyKatz said:

Just remember that if you are a girl and a guy asks you to help him pick out a weener, it just might be a come-on. If he asks you to help him edit it, it's definitely a come-on.

Well, typically women do enjoy shopping more than men do?

[Rowan Amore]

I just wanted to make on more comment on IM vs local chat.

Personally, regardless of intent, I prefer IM especially in clubs.  Someone made a comment comparing a person texting at a RL party then moving closer and continuing to text.  Yeah, that would be weird.  It's a different than IM in SL.  At the party in RL, if I stand next to someone and chat, the people 20 meters away probably won't hear us.  In SL, everything everyone says in local is broadcast to everyone else.  I wouldn't want that.  People in the club don't want to hear that I find your outfit interesting or I found something in your profile amusing.  I don't want to hear their random chat with anyone either.

If I'm with a small group of people, sure I'll use local chat.  Otherwise, I'd prefer to have one on one conversations remain just that...one on one.  Without other people butting into it if I conversed in local.

[PheebyKatz]

On 10/29/2022 at 8:30 PM, Rowan Amore said:

If I'm with a small group of people, sure I'll use local chat.  Otherwise, I'd prefer to have one on one conversations remain just that...one on one.  Without other people butting into it if I conversed in local.

Nothing wrong with wanting to have a private conversation. And nothing wrong with chatting in IMs at a party. I sometimes will be in IMs with the person right next to me, though it does tend to make for parties where nobody's really chatting in local, and then it feels like nobody's really there.

But when someone you don't know furtively desires a private conversation in the "casual-yet-furtive hope" it will lead to something sexual, and you find it creepy and ask them to chat with you in local instead, and they refuse, well, sure, they're right and I'm wrong, I guess. I should let them IM me all the creepy questions they want to, and never bat an eyelash.

I feel like people pick things to discuss via free association, and seeing someone mention IMs and something negative about an aspect of them is then the cue for anyone who likes IMs to play the polar opposites game and try to uphold whatever it is that they think is being cast down. So people say they don't like getting creepy IMs from people and others will declare that local chat is crap and they prefer IMs. The medium of communication isn't the problem though, it's the content of the communication and the intent of it.

I'm pretty sure everyone agrees that IMs are useful, enjoyable, and good, at least when they're from someone one wishes to actually talk to about the things that are being talked about. It's having someone creep on me that I don't like, and when they're trying to hide it from everyone else, it feels extra creepy.

Every person here who was born female knows a truth that most people born male do not, and probably never even see, but never seeing it doesn't make it less real. From childhood, every woman has experienced men being one way around everyone as a group, and different in private. Your uncle gets you alone, and starts acting funny (asking if you like boys yet, etc.), friends' husbands start talking about how they'd go with you if they weren't married, or hey, marriage is just a thing, but I like you better, etc.

Even the nicest guys can say the creepiest things when they think it's just you and them. The sudden awkwardness is disturbing. THIS is why I don't like random IMs from unknown guys when I'm trying to talk to everyone around me. If they refuse to talk in local, it's a huge red flag for me. Especially when the IM begins with, "hey u prty gurl".

And no, I'm not disagreeing with Rowan's post. Also no dislike for her or what she says. She makes thought-provoking posts. I just felt I'd failed in getting the actual point of my comment across and needed to clarify, if it was so easy to take it as simply negging on IMs in general. They're useful, and when used for good things, they are good. I just don't like being creeped on in private in front of my friends (or anywhere else). Especially when I find out it was happening to all of them at the same time, and not even just me.

When my toddler friends get creeped on, it makes me rage even worse.

I don't go to the library to get dates. I don't go shopping to find a boyfriend. I don't chill in mountain solitude in the hopes that Mister Right will suddenly appear and take me to the Land of Furniture. And I don't wear pretty things and do my hair and find just the right shoes in order to attract people to myself who joined SL to look at pretty girls while touching themselves. I just like being pretty, and shopping for hairstyles, and collecting thousands of pairs of shoes.

To quote a song, "you think I'm dressed up for your messed-up predatory games, but I assure you, this isn't for you, I always look this way."

Edited November 1, 2022 by PheebyKatz

[Edohandsome]

@PheebyKatz

what requirement to be mr right for you ?

[Scylla Rhiadra]

44 minutes ago, Edohandsome said:

@PheebyKatz

what requirement to be mr right for you ?

Pheeby can and should answer this for herself, but . . .

. . . why must you assume that this is a question that many of us even ask ourselves? I have a great many men friends whom I like a lot, and they would probably be excellent boyfriends.

But I, and a great many others, don't want a boyfriend. I don't just mean we aren't actively looking: I really mean we don't want one. Ever.

And no set of qualities in a man, however fine and attractive, is going to change that.

[PheebyKatz]

1 hour ago, Edohandsome said:

@PheebyKatz

what requirement to be mr right for you ?

There is no Mr. Right for me. It's a moot point. Because:

A. I don't think anyone with an avatar as short and flat as mine, who masquerades as a child (even as an RP character trait unrelated to said character's true, monstrous nature) pretty much full-time should be pursuing romantic interests in SL, so I don't pursue said interests. I didn't spend 300k on all of this to bump pixels with anyone, and besides, that's freakin' gross. Dude, I look like a 9-year-old. True, I'm completely and totally beautiful enough to make angels cry, but I'm not... sexy. Not all beauty is intended to attract romance; some of us just like being un-ugly in our SL. I was an ugly poor kid the first time, this time I'm the rich, pretty girl who has everything. I do it for ME.

B. When I have bothered with going around in an adult avi and ended up meeting someone I kinda liked that way (yes, I'm human and have been this weak sometimes), they either lost interest when they realized they'd met someone who maybe felt like being all kissypoo about once or twice a year, or they tried to convince me it was okay to go to the Land of Furniture AS a child (thereby getting blocked and defriended, if not immediately reported).

C. My romantic preferences (on the rare occasions I've actually felt that way) are for tall ladies with big soft mommy boobies, excellent taste in fashion,  and high IQs, nevermind the fact that said persons are never interested in me that way, and are probably guys IRL, anyway. I've pretty much retired my adult avatar and given up, contenting myself with having such persons as sisters and friends. Protip: Anyone I've ever wanted to be with has ended up on my blocklist, so I don't even bother now. I value friendship too much to throw it away for "love". I'll hang out with anyone, but attraction ruins everything, so I just keep it turned off now.

D. You can really stop now, because it's verging on making passes at me, and we already had this talk, and if you try sidling up like this again, everyone will pretty much decide you're perving at me, and you will cease to have anywhere near the amount of support from this community as you have so far, especially from me.

I know a lot about people, relationships, etc., and I feel my opinions are valid. Regardless, I play a child in SL, so questions about what it would take to get me to date you could be seen as creepy attempts to groom a child. Ask me how to get with me again, and you'll never get another reply from me. I'll block you in this world, inworld, and the next world.

As kind and friendly as I can be when I'm comfortable and happy, well, that's how far I can go in the opposite direction when uncomfortable and unhappy. Please don't make me go there.

Comprende? I'm not looking for Mister Right. I think I've made that pretty clear by now. So stop trying to groom me, already. I get enough of that when I'm just trying to go buy cat food. Kay? Thanks~!

TL;DR: Strike Two~! One to go before you summon the OTHER Pheeby~!

Edited November 4, 2022 by PheebyKatz

[PheebyKatz]

It's too late to turn back noooow~ I believe, I believe, I believe, I've already blooocked youuuu~

[Love Zhaoying]

I highly recommend that if someone is writing posts against the Community Guidelines, that you report their post.

[Charolotte Caxton]

15 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I highly recommend that if someone is writing posts against the Community Guidelines, that you report their post.

As an experienced forumite, they are skirting the rules. Hopefully the accumulation of their postings wake someone up. 

[Gopi Passiflora]

Should I have the mods close the topic? I see that it is getting out of hand.