It's time for Uncle Gopi to make yet another controversial topic. ("IM bait")

[Gopi Passiflora]

Yes, it's me again, with the topics that everyone hates. But try to forgive me, because it came to my mind again after recent experiences that happen time and time again. And I just want to vent, is all.

I will just say this: Woman avatars are basically "IM bait". If you have a woman avatar, you'll get way more IMs from strangers than other kinds of avatars will.

I'm not saying this to disparage anyone who has a woman avatar; I have one too and I like them. But this is just an observation I see time and time again while I'm playing as those avatars.

[Blaise Glendevon]

No more than existing in a feminine-presenting body makes one "catcalling bait." It has nothing to do with our bodies, real or virtual, and everything to do with the expectations placed on those bodies from external forces. 

(When I get an unsolicited IM, and then the invariable disgruntled follow-up as I don't reply, then the denial from the person saying "I just want to make friends!" or whatever, I ask them how many of the man-presenting avatars they've messaged with "hi.")

Edited October 22, 2022 by Blaise Glendevon

[Gopi Passiflora]

3 minutes ago, Blaise Glendevon said:

No more than existing in a feminine-presenting body makes one "catcalling bait." It has nothing to do with our bodies, real or virtual, and everything to do with the expectations placed on those bodies from external forces. 

(When I get an unsolicited IM, and then the invariable disgruntled follow-up as I don't reply, then the denial from the person saying "I just want to make friends!" or whatever, I ask them how many of the man-presenting avatars they've messaged with "hi.")

Yeah, I totally agree. I'm not placing any fault on the woman avis, I apologize if my OP seems like that.

Your second part is a good answer!

[Ayashe Ninetails]

This hasn't been my recent experience. My IMs are delightfully silent these days.

Even when I'm not green or purple. 😄

[Love Zhaoying]

21 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Yes, it's me again, with the topics that everyone hates. But try to forgive me, because it came to my mind again after recent experiences that happen time and time again. And I just want to vent, is all.

I will just say this: Woman avatars are basically "IM bait". If you have a woman avatar, you'll get way more IMs from strangers than other kinds of avatars will.

I'm not saying this to disparage anyone who has a woman avatar; I have one too and I like them. But this is just an observation I see time and time again while I'm playing as those avatars.

I thought you were female. Gopis = Krishna's Milkmaids!  (Where the blue little tyke got his ghee.)

 

[Blaise Glendevon]

12 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Yeah, I totally agree. I'm not placing any fault on the woman avis, I apologize if my OP seems like that.

Your second part is a good answer!

The kicker is, I engage in casual conversation all the time when I'm out.

Just not with people whose only opening salvo is, "hi."

[Rowan Amore]

20 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

This hasn't been my recent experience. My IMs are delightfully silent these days.

Even when I'm not green or purple. 😄

This has been my experience recently, too.  If I want to chat, I have to initiate.

Edited October 22, 2022 by Rowan Amore

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Actually, now you mention it . . . me too.

I get more random IMs from women these days than men.

Edited October 22, 2022 by Scylla Rhiadra
Autocorrect

[Charalyne Blackwood]

49 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Yes, it's me again, with the topics that everyone hates. But try to forgive me, because it came to my mind again after recent experiences that happen time and time again. And I just want to vent, is all.

I will just say this: Woman avatars are basically "IM bait". If you have a woman avatar, you'll get way more IMs from strangers than other kinds of avatars will.

I'm not saying this to disparage anyone who has a woman avatar; I have one too and I like them. But this is just an observation I see time and time again while I'm playing as those avatars.

I get very few random IMs from strangers. I see no such thing happening to other female avatars, especially since I can't see other their IMs. You're generalizing based on personal experience and no real data.

[Gopi Passiflora]

2 hours ago, Charalyne Blackwood said:

I get very few random IMs from strangers. I see no such thing happening to other female avatars, especially since I can't see other their IMs. You're generalizing based on personal experience and no real data.

I guess I am, based on your and others' responses . I apologize.

I guess when I get frustrated I can say stuff impulsively....

[Scylla Rhiadra]

4 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

I guess I am, based on your and others' responses . I apologize.

I guess when I get frustrated I can say stuff impulsively....

Gopi, there is no reason to apologize! Charalyne is querying the veracity and applicability of your observation, not slapping your wrists!

Just go on being you, please, without apologies. You're doing just fine!

[Charalyne Blackwood]

1 minute ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Gopi, there is no reason to apologize! Charalyne is querying the veracity and applicability of your observation, not slapping your wrists!

Just go on being you, please, without apologies. You're doing just fine!

I did what? *scratches ma head*

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Just now, Charalyne Blackwood said:

I did what? *scratches ma head*

Oh stop that! 🙂

[PheebyKatz]

Best advice for anyone who can't stand lots of random IMs from dodgy people who may or may not be utterly creepy and unfriendable is...

...never play a little girl.

And if you do, don't be staff on any sim, because then you'll have to let people IM you and pretend it's about the sim and not about creeping at you.

Learn from my sufferings, it's too late for me to do it any differently, but you still have hope. For your own sake, play a potato, and not a little girl.

 

EDIT: For the sake of not seeming to overgeneralize, let me just say that it's not every person whom you'll encounter who does this and makes it this way. Only about one in six. The rest of the world would rather see children and not hear them, or not even have to see them, lol. But then, that rare person who simply wishes to be a friend or ask for help or advice, or even wants to adopt and raise a virtual kid for wholesome, emotionally-fulfilling and socialy acceptable reasons is just all the more priceless for being so rare. ^-^

Edited October 22, 2022 by PheebyKatz

[Anna Nova]

I find in SL that I get IMs just AFTER I have decided to tp somewhere else.

In RL I get RCs (Real Conversations (tm)) all the time though.  I guess my RL avi is just more sexy than the SL one

[PheebyKatz]

9 minutes ago, Anna Nova said:

I find in SL that I get IMs just AFTER I have decided to tp somewhere else.

I often get them from people who aren't even on the sim, but were there and left, then holed up somewhere to IM me. Kinda like the opposite thing, just similarly eerie.

It's really super annoying, not even being able to see the person who's trying to get my attention and talk.

Edited October 22, 2022 by PheebyKatz

[Akane Nacht]

5 hours ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

Yes, it's me again, with the topics that everyone hates. But try to forgive me, because it came to my mind again after recent experiences that happen time and time again. And I just want to vent, is all.

I will just say this: Woman avatars are basically "IM bait". If you have a woman avatar, you'll get way more IMs from strangers than other kinds of avatars will.

I'm not saying this to disparage anyone who has a woman avatar; I have one too and I like them. But this is just an observation I see time and time again while I'm playing as those avatars.

I don't hate your topics 🙂

I can't really give a fair assessment on this one though as I primarily go about as a female avie, sometimes as a demon or mermaid (also female) and occasionally as a small black cat. I have only noticed that I get less random IMs the longer I am in SL. A friend once hypothesized that this is because old avatars are intimidating. Perhaps because we know too much? 😱

[Lindal Kidd]

12 hours ago, Charalyne Blackwood said:

I get very few random IMs from strangers. I see no such thing happening to other female avatars, especially since I can't see other their IMs. You're generalizing based on personal experience and no real data.

Personal experiences are data, although generalizing from them is very iffy. On the other hand, you are making an unwarranted assumption: "I see no such thing happening to other female avatars". You yourself admit that you can't see their IMs, so you don't know...none of us do!

I get a fair amount of unsolicited "Hi theres". I suspect that I would not get them if I was using a male avatar (But I have no data. Heh.) But, isn't that the standard male/female dynamic? The man is supposed to be the assertive one, make the first move, introduce himself, ask the girl out, whatever. The girl is supposed to sit and wait for that approach, not be the aggressor. I'm not saying this is right, mind you. I'm saying that it's the traditional Way Things Have Always Been Done.

[Ceka Cianci]

I can really only come at this from one perspective and not from a male avatar side..

I think it takes more than just having a female avatar to have your IM's go off the rails..  Groups can be a factor, what you write can be a factor, your pics you put in there can also be a factor.. How you dress, how you act, pretty much a lot of things other than just having a female avatar..

I used to have written in my profile just to be silly,

"My husband say's I shop way too much.
That's from the things he knows about.

What he doesn't know won't hurt him hehehehe"

A lot of people took that as meaning, just about everything but shopping.. So, I took the last part out and those IM's kind of stopped now..Now I'm much more careful with what can be mistaken as something else.

I took out any kind of groups other than the beaches and shopping and things like that, because those seemed to trigger IM's too..

I'll still get some from the pics, but I just say, they are just pictures and nothing more..I like taking pictures sometimes.. I dress pretty relaxed and casual most of the time anyways unless I'm at the beach and think that helps also..

I think profiles are the biggest reason for random IM's though, because I would get those and be on my land with nobody else around in the sim..

Besides just things I refuse to change. I think these were the most common random  type IM's.

I see we are in the same group..

So what he doesn't know won't hurt him huh?

Just those two changes really knocked them down.

[Arduenn Schwartzman]

Experimental setup to research Gopi's hypothesis ('female avatars are IM bait'): Make two avatars, one male, one female. Send them to noobie places. Count the spontaneous IMs. To make the measurements statistically relevant, visit many places, and/or use more avatars. Record the IM count, calculate the p-value,  reject or accept the null hypothesis (which is 'no, female avatars are not IM bait'), Quod erat demonstrandum.

[Edit] The word 'bait' implies that female avatars deliberately invoke IMs from strangers though their female-ness. 'Female avatars receive more IMs from strangers than male avatars', would be a more neutrally-worded hypothesis.

Edited October 22, 2022 by Arduenn Schwartzman

[Love Zhaoying]

I'm missing something, if / since 40-70% of Female avatars are RL males, why would they want all those IM's?

[Gopi Passiflora]

2 hours ago, Ceka Cianci said:

I can really only come at this from one perspective and not from a male avatar side..

I think it takes more than just having a female avatar to have your IM's go off the rails..  Groups can be a factor, what you write can be a factor, your pics you put in there can also be a factor.. How you dress, how you act, pretty much a lot of things other than just having a female avatar..

I used to have written in my profile just to be silly,

"My husband say's I shop way too much.
That's from the things he knows about.

What he doesn't know won't hurt him hehehehe"

A lot of people took that as meaning, just about everything but shopping.. So, I took the last part out and those IM's kind of stopped now..Now I'm much more careful with what can be mistaken as something else.

I took out any kind of groups other than the beaches and shopping and things like that, because those seemed to trigger IM's too..

I'll still get some from the pics, but I just say, they are just pictures and nothing more..I like taking pictures sometimes.. I dress pretty relaxed and casual most of the time anyways unless I'm at the beach and think that helps also..

I think profiles are the biggest reason for random IM's though, because I would get those and be on my land with nobody else around in the sim..

Besides just things I refuse to change. I think these were the most common random  type IM's.

I see we are in the same group..

So what he doesn't know won't hurt him huh?

Just those two changes really knocked them down.

I totally agree. I guess it's not just a matter of being a woman avatar. there are indeed other factors.

1 hour ago, Arduenn Schwartzman said:

Experimental setup to research Gopi's hypothesis ('female avatars are IM bait'): Make two avatars, one male, one female. Send them to noobie places. Count the spontaneous IMs. To make the measurements statistically relevant, visit many places, and/or use more avatars. Record the IM count, calculate the p-value,  reject or accept the null hypothesis (which is 'no, female avatars are not IM bait'), Quod erat demonstrandum.

[Edit] The word 'bait' implies that female avatars deliberately invoke IMs from strangers though their female-ness. 'Female avatars receive more IMs from strangers than male avatars', would be a more neutrally-worded hypothesis.

That is quite a thorough way to test it! And you're right about the second part, I shouldn't have labeled it as "bait". Again, I said it impulsively.

[Rowan Amore]

57 minutes ago, Gopi Passiflora said:

I totally agree. I guess it's not just a matter of being a woman avatar. there are indeed other factors.

That is quite a thorough way to test it! And you're right about the second part, I shouldn't have labeled it as "bait". Again, I said it impulsively.

Or IM magnets.

[belindacarson]

Personally, I love to get "im bait".

 

guys pouring out their heartsto me, their undying love for me, and the whole boring rubbish.

I really need to start an external blog where I can share the rubbish they send me, and the stupid stuff from people who post or message me without checking stuff first.

I'm a dude in RL

[Love Zhaoying]

18 hours ago, Blaise Glendevon said:

The kicker is, I engage in casual conversation all the time when I'm out.

Just not with people whose only opening salvo is, "hi."

You gave me a great idea for an opening line. "Hallo! Ich bin eine Banane!"

And no, I do not speak German.