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Are we all being too nice ?


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5 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

Sorry but if we all need to somehow assess everyone's mental state or capacity to interact on the forums, I'll pass.

Well let me just make up an example to hopefully clarify.

Say your partner always comes home from work in a grouchy emotional state, but that's when you want to connect with them emotionally more than any other time.

Now you can insist your partner connect with you at that particular time in the way you want them to, or can realize you really can't keep them from being a grouch when they arrive home from work, and so stop trying to make them be someone they aren't.

In a similar way (in this particular aspect only) we simply can't make certain people on the forum with particular 'quirks' respond or express themselves in our preferred way.

It's not about who's right, it's about what works. If you see someone is not being the way you think they should be, best to just ignore them if it bothers you so much.

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12 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

I did add that I have apologized but only after those people messaged me.  We discussed what was said, I understood their position and have tried not to engage them in the same way again.

But, I only knew because they told me why.  Just the mere fact that someone doesn't like my confused reaction is not a reason for me to change how I react.  

This would be a very dull place if we all agreed on everything.

It's good to talk in IM's.  That's great.  

But, other things I've said in prior posts is that I think it's over-done.  There are times I can see it being useful but I feel it's become habit-like for the forum now and I've said I think there are times to just be silent about a particular post if it's not a harmful post.  I can see medical misinformation posts being reacted too but there is no appropriate reaction for certain things though.  Plus, I don't think medical information should be given out on a message board at all period.  It can be dangerous.  People need to see their own doctor period.

I also think some discussions are being stifled and I agree with a poster who said well then why not find another topic you are interested in and let others discuss?

Edited by FairreLilette
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9 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

Well let me just make up an example to hopefully clarify.

Say your partner always comes home from work in a grouchy emotional state, but that's when you want to connect with them emotionally more than any other time.

Now you can insist your partner connect with you at that particular time in the way you want them to, or can realize you really can't keep them from being a grouch when they arrive home from work, and so stop trying to make them be someone they aren't.

In a similar way (in this particular aspect only) we simply can't make certain people on the forum with particular 'quirks' respond or express themselves in our preferred way.

It's not about who's right, it's about what works. If you see someone is not being the way you think they should be, best to just ignore them if it bothers you so much.

But I know my partner.  I have no idea who gets triggered by what, who is in a bad mood, who can't handle any criticism.  That's not how forums work.  That's how RL works.

I'm not asking anyone to respond or express themselves in any way.  They also can not expect me to change how I respond or express myself.

 

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1 minute ago, Rowan Amore said:

But I know my partner.  I have no idea who gets triggered by what, who is in a bad mood, who can't handle any criticism.  That's not how forums work.  That's how RL works.

I'm not asking anyone to respond or express themselves in any way.  They also can not expect me to change how I respond or express myself.

 

Something that was overlooked. Asking your partner to connect with you at a time that works for you best is not an effort to change that person. It's an effort to connect at what may be the only time of day one partner has to connect with the other. It's actually the partner refusing to connect simply because they are grouchy that is the one trying to force the other to change. By being grouchy at that time of day every day or most days and refusing to set aside that feeling for a few moments they are forcing the other to give up something they need instead of putting some work into the relationship.

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3 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

But I know my partner.  I have no idea who gets triggered by what, who is in a bad mood, who can't handle any criticism.  That's not how forums work.  That's how RL works.

I'm not asking anyone to respond or express themselves in any way.  They also can not expect me to change how I respond or express myself.

I think, at least with forum regulars, we do begin to know them to a degree.

I'm not advocating that people tip-toe around, afraid to offend  someone or be super careful about how they react. I'm only saying that there's often a point when we can realize another is not willing or able to change, and so tailor our displeasured responses accordingly so that there's less friction.

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1 minute ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

Something that was overlooked. Asking your partner to connect with you at a time that works for you best is not an effort to change that person. It's an effort to connect at what may be the only time of day one partner has to connect with the other. It's actually the partner refusing to connect simply because they are grouchy that is the one trying to force the other to change. By being grouchy at that time of day every day or most days and refusing to set aside that feeling for a few moments they are forcing the other to give up something they need instead of putting some work into the relationship.

It's not about who is right or wrong.

It's about what works.  We can insist over and over that we're right and the other is wrong, but if the other can't change then best to just drop it.

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1 minute ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

Something that was overlooked. Asking your partner to connect with you at a time that works for you best is not an effort to change that person. It's an effort to connect at what may be the only time of day one partner has to connect with the other. It's actually the partner refusing to connect simply because they are grouchy that is the one trying to force the other to change. By being grouchy at that time of day every day or most days and refusing to set aside that feeling for a few moments they are forcing the other to give up something they need instead of putting some work into the relationship.

I totally agree.  Still, that's a RL situation.  But as it applies to SL, the triggered, upset, emotionally fragile person (who I have no idea is that way) expects us all to change to accommodate them?

1 minute ago, Luna Bliss said:

It's not about who is right or wrong.

It's about what works.  We can insist over and over that we're right and the other is wrong, but if the other can't change then best to just drop it.

I'm still discussing reactions to posts mostly.  No one can tell me or you or anyone that our reaction to any post is right or wrong.  

Specific posts that ARE wrong should be addressed.  However, sometimes people decide that's the hill they're going to fight for whether they are right or wrong.  That's why we need the eye roll reaction.

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2 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

I totally agree.  Still, that's a RL situation.  But as it applies to SL, the triggered, upset, emotionally fragile person (who I have no idea is that way) expects us all to change to accommodate them?

I'm still discussing reactions to posts mostly.  No one can tell me or you or anyone that our reaction to any post is right or wrong.  

Specific posts that ARE wrong should be addressed.  However, sometimes people decide that's the hill they're going to fight for whether they are right or wrong.  That's why we need the eye roll reaction.

If one can say that a post is right or wrong then someone can also say a reaction is right or wrong as it is in effect a pictorial of how one feels about another's viewpoint. Same if the reaction was verbalized.

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1 minute ago, Arielle Popstar said:

If one can say that a post is right or wrong then someone can also say a reaction is right or wrong as it is in effect a pictorial of how one feels about another's viewpoint. Same if the reaction was verbalized.

Not the same at all, Arielle.  Disinformation is NOT the same as me being confused as to why you post some things.  Things people post, YouTube videos, conspiracy theories, unproven charts...those things can be disproved so are generally considered wrong.

But I'd assume people understood the difference.

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17 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

I totally agree.  Still, that's a RL situation.  But as it applies to SL, the triggered, upset, emotionally fragile person (who I have no idea is that way) expects us all to change to accommodate them?

I think I would have to answer that with a yes.

 

Edited by Silent Mistwalker
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21 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

I think, at least with forum regulars, we do begin to know them to a degree.

I'm not advocating that people tip-toe around, afraid to offend  someone or be super careful about how they react. I'm only saying that there's often a point when we can realize another is not willing or able to change, and so tailor our displeasured responses accordingly so that there's less friction.

I'm not saying to not do altogether either and never did.  My previous posts said I think it's over-done and I gave reasons further wherein it could cause harm, not to mention I've further added it's habit-like now.  However, if one does not care how another might respond to their reaction, they don't care I'm gathering from this discussion.  Yet all the while we preach inworld our avatars and the person behind the keyboard has feelings.  Here, on the forum, I'm feeling that person behind the keyboard doesn't matter the same as they do inworld.  

But, I still feel it's over-done and becoming habit-like, this doesn't mean never do it.  You gotta be you.  Overall, I have been feeling it could be toned down a bit as it's disrupting other convos wherein people in that thread may not know what was going on in another thread and then we are drawn into some kind of drama instead of a discussion because people carry stuff over from another thread or situation that some of us were not involved in.

Edited by FairreLilette
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3 minutes ago, Rowan Amore said:

Not the same at all, Arielle.  Disinformation is NOT the same as me being confused as to why you post some things.  Things people post, YouTube videos, conspiracy theories, unproven charts...those things can be disproved so are generally considered wrong.

But I'd assume people understood the difference.

Question I have is whether you understand the difference. As an example I would start with the difference between Disinformation and Misinformation.

https://www.dictionary.com/e/misinformation-vs-disinformation-get-informed-on-the-difference/

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1 minute ago, Solar Legion said:

That is how fora work - threads are not isolated little realms outside of the topics each was created for.

Threads tend to get closed though when they do get too far off topic so it is supposed to work that way.

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  1. My response had nothing whatsoever to do with your post
  2. No, it is not how they work - at all

Threads are not isolated little islands and people do have post and general histories. You know all of this already - stop it.

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5 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Question I have is whether you understand the difference. As an example I would start with the difference between Disinformation and Misinformation.

https://www.dictionary.com/e/misinformation-vs-disinformation-get-informed-on-the-difference/

Yep, I know the difference and I'll stand by my statement.  A lot of posts ARE disinformation. 

deliberately misleading or biased information; manipulated narrative or facts; propaganda.”

When someone continues to post from questionable sources, I would consider that disinformation especially when most if not all of those websites and videos have been debunked.  It's a willful act intended to deceive.

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2 minutes ago, Solar Legion said:
  1. My response had nothing whatsoever to do with your post
  2. No, it is not how they work - at all

Threads are not isolated little islands and people do have post and general histories. You know all of this already - stop it.

Every time you post, it so reminds me of the lectures from my dad!

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1 minute ago, Rowan Amore said:

Yep, I know the difference and I'll stand by my statement.  A lot of posts ARE disinformation. 

deliberately misleading or biased information; manipulated narrative or facts; propaganda.”

When someone continues to post from questionable sources, I would consider that disinformation especially when most if not all of those websites and videos have been debunked.  It's a willful act intended to deceive.

Maybe then one should consider whether it only appears deliberately misleading or biased information; manipulated narrative or facts; propaganda.” because it disagrees with one's narrative. 

What I see is that the sites I get information from tend to be ahead of their time but the information from them is eventually accepted as mainstream. Some sooner, some later.

 

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