Things dads say

[Madelaine McMasters]

Though Dad could curse a blue streak, he preferred more roundabout methods. Instead of calling someone a SOB, he'd say...

"I hope, when you get home, your mother comes out from under the porch and bites you on the leg."

[Rhonda Huntress]

4 minutes ago, BelindaN said:

Mine was, and is, a shocker.

Mine was just an abusive ***** with a short temper.

He gave me plenty of encouragement to move out on my own as soon as I could.

 

I do have what I think of as a fond memory.  When I was 18 and had been living on my own for about a year ...
OK, a bit of back story first ... I quit going home about 6 months before I turned 18.  Less than a week after my birthday, my parents sold the trailer house and moved out of the country ...

Now, picture this.  I'm 18 years old in my apartment with my roommate and my boyfriend, all nursing hangovers, buck naked, sitting on the floor passing a bong around.  Actually I think my roomie had her panties on but, whatever.  Suddenly the door opened and my dad (who I thought was in Venezuela) walked in the door.  He just said "your mother's in the car and wants to take you out for lunch" and walked out.

Well, you could have pushed me over with a feather.  I threw on some clothes and ran outside to the car, had a pleasent lunch with the parents which in and of itself was different, and they never said a word about what he saw.  Ever.  Not then; not 20 years later.

Needless to say he always knocked from that time on.

[Sassy Kenin]

 

Get in there and clean your bedroom!

You're not going to burn the house down with that easybake oven are you?

Be back by 6pm! theirs alot of weirdos out there today.

You do know? as part of your allowance the dish's are not going to clean themselves.

strawberry shortcake & rainbow brite? what house on this street do they live in?

I couldn't sleep last night, no more wild birds in the house.

 

 

 

Edited April 12, 2020 by Shansi Kenin

[Caitlin Tobias]

'can you repair my iPad, someone has deleted the internet'

[Lindal Kidd]

"Hike your ass out to starboard, we're losing ground."

Dad loved sailing small craft.

[FairreLilette]

Oh my goodness...I didn't remember this one until just now.

My Dad would say "You can't get married unless you finish your homework."

[Pixie Kobichenko]

6 hours ago, Lindal Kidd said:

What's the punchline?

His butt....

[ballparkdogg]

If he wanted to tell me something secret my dad would say ..”between me, you and the wall...”

[ballparkdogg]

3 hours ago, Shansi Kenin said:

 

Be back by 6pm! theirs alot of weirdos out there today

I love this one..  sounded like my grandpap..lol

[Mollymews]

my Dad hardly ever talks. He just does mostly. He will be doing something and I just go beside him and start doing as well. Like I watch what he is doing and then work out what I can do and start doing it. Has always been this way.  Like for example he will be holding a horse by its mane and brushing it down. And I will get a brush and start on areas that he can't reach. He never says anything but at the end he does that eyebrow nod thing and thats it. Same after there has been a gathering, my Dad will just start cleaning up. He never says anything, and me and most everyone else present just start doing it as well

when I was little and I did something I shouldn't my Mum used to say: Wait til your father gets home

then one day Mum stopped saying it. Some years later Mum told me that she used to say that because her Mum used to say it to her, because in those days discipline was seen as the familial duty of the father

Dad had a chat to Mum about it and told Mum that he is not ever going to be the bogeyman for me. Which worked out because it raised Mum to the same status as Dad in our home for all things both right and wrong. When Mum spoke then her words carried, because her words were never after ever overridden or second guessed at some later time by Dad

[Ceka Cianci]

4 hours ago, BelindaN said:

Mine was, and is, a shocker.

Having sex with my mothers teenage cousin was a great way to start. I was two then. She was 16/17.

He still lives nearby, although I haven't seen him for years, but his neighbours all hate him, for his arrogance and conceit. We live in a small place so news travels.

Sounds like he would be a good match for my first mother..

 

Oh this reminds me of something my father would say to me and my sister just to get our reactions, because it kind of became a thing for us to joke about.. Kind of like our own version  of a knock knock joke

Me and my sister would be talking and laughing about something and out of the blue he would say to us.. Girls,whatever you do,Don't grow up to be like your mother..

My sister would say something like, Eww,Daaaaaad!  Sssssstop..

I would always say something a little more in depth like, I doubt there are that many more 80's bands out there today doing reunion tours to even find a job being a professional groupie for anyways..

I think it was something that kind of comforted him and got him through rough patches over the years..after awhile it just kind of became our thing between the three of us..

hehehe

 

[BelindaN]

13 hours ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

Mine was just an abusive ***** with a short temper.

He gave me plenty of encouragement to move out on my own as soon as I could.

So Rhonda.....did his behaviour forge you character? Or would you still have become the person you are anyway?  Obviously I've had to carry my situation right through childhood, and beyond actually. But growing up, my only experiences with guys were bad ones. My mother had a string of manfriends, and I didn't like any of them. They were all so sure of themselves...……...

And when I started work, I never liked guys in charge telling me what to do, I always worked better with a woman boss...………..and I never shy away from a fight if I believe I'm right...….

I used to attribute all of that to my father's absence. But as the years have passed, I'm realising that who I am was not forged in his absence. Who I am is who I am, and I now realise that had he stayed, and thrown his weight around as he did when I was little......we would have had constant conflict. So him not being there has actually had a positive influence on me, but I don't think it has affected much of how I think. But it did make me want what I never had as a child.....a decent living and a traditional family...…...so it's complicated I guess.

[Maryanne Solo]

Extremely complicated Belinda.
I can't recall mine saying anything particularly noteworthy.
Typically it would be something like "you sit in the car love while I just pop in here and see a man about some business - wont be long!".
Of course the car was parked outside a pub wasn't it.
I didn't know what a pub or alcohol was. I do recall feeling lost, scared, lonely and anxious. We're talking HOURS of waiting.
Probably why I have avoided pubs like the plague for most of my adult life.
Nightclubs were a different story lol.
I distinctly remember finding a box of matches in the glove-box and thinking "if I set the car on fire he'll come out"
I didn't though cause I was good, not evil. (as schooled relentlessly).
This was just one more of many disgraceful incidents and I assure you, nowhere near the worst of them.
He requested I visit him on his deathbed some years ago so I allowed myself one tiny bit of evil and sent the message:
"Rot in hell bastard"

and that was that.

Edited April 13, 2020 by Maryanne Solo

[Rhonda Huntress]

1 minute ago, BelindaN said:

So Rhonda.....did his behaviour forge you character? Or would you still have become the person you are anyway?

Some of both.  I learned very early that life was a lot less painful the more I was not around my family.  Every time this comes up with a therapist (and there have been a few) they always ask if he struck me with his hand.  Oh hell no.  He always used a weapon.  Depending on how angry he was, once he started passing out a whipping, everyone got one.  Well, all the children.  He never touched mom in front of us, I know that much.  He and my mother were instrumental in my late teen and early twenties self loathing and self destructive behavior, no doubt about it.  But that was so long ago.  I have raised myself since then.  Still ... I don't keep up with family like I want to.  My oldest brother turned out a perfect blend of dad's violence and mom's religious fanaticism.  I don't ever care to ever see him again.  My middle brother and I were close tho and we both struggled with the same demons.  I love him; I know he loves me.  However we haven't spoken in years.  I'm the youngest.  I'm the girl.  I was the "favorite" among the aunts and I know I had it easier than my brothers.  Still, I was pretty *****ed up and was the only one who rebelled as I did.

Anyway ...

I can get along with just about everybody but when faced with men that are hiding insecurities behind arrogance and claiming it is confidence (LOL) I have zero patience.   About bosses: my favorite ever boss was a man who other people called intimidating.  I knew how much that bothered him.  He was strong willed and expected the best from you but he was also very protective of his people. 

I am much more comfortable around women but I still adore a gentleman.  Intelligence, a sense of humor and the ability to laugh at ourselves is key to what I find attractive.  Everything I lacked in childhood.  The hardest thing to learn through my down years was that is OK to want those things and to have those things in my life.

 

Well, that was a topic ...

TL;DR:  I like boobies.

[ballparkdogg]

My dad was always there for us.  My dad worked and my mom was a homemaker/housewife.  She cooked all the time.  Boy i miss that.  My parents were married for 50 years.  

[Charles Blackwood]

1 hour ago, Rhonda Huntress said:

Some of both.  I learned very early that life was a lot less painful the more I was not around my family.  Every time this comes up with a therapist (and there have been a few) they always ask if he struck me with his hand.  Oh hell no.  He always used a weapon.  Depending on how angry he was, once he started passing out a whipping, everyone got one.  Well, all the children.  He never touched mom in front of us, I know that much.  He and my mother were instrumental in my late teen and early twenties self loathing and self destructive behavior, no doubt about it.  But that was so long ago.  I have raised myself since then.  Still ... I don't keep up with family like I want to.  My oldest brother turned out a perfect blend of dad's violence and mom's religious fanaticism.  I don't ever care to ever see him again.  My middle brother and I were close tho and we both struggled with the same demons.  I love him; I know he loves me.  However we haven't spoken in years.  I'm the youngest.  I'm the girl.  I was the "favorite" among the aunts and I know I had it easier than my brothers.  Still, I was pretty *****ed up and was the only one who rebelled as I did.

Anyway ...

I can get along with just about everybody but when faced with men that are hiding insecurities behind arrogance and claiming it is confidence (LOL) I have zero patience.   About bosses: my favorite ever boss was a man who other people called intimidating.  I knew how much that bothered him.  He was strong willed and expected the best from you but he was also very protective of his people. 

I am much more comfortable around women but I still adore a gentleman.  Intelligence, a sense of humor and the ability to laugh at ourselves is key to what I find attractive.  Everything I lacked in childhood.  The hardest thing to learn through my down years was that is OK to want those things and to have those things in my life.

 

Well, that was a topic ...

TL;DR:  I like boobies.

I like boobies too, but that’s for another time. 
 

I have been very moved by your exchange with Belinda. Although I have not a similar experience, on one level I can relate. 
 

My dad was a great man. Very loving. Very kind but he was an alcoholic and as a kid I hated him for it. I hated him for the bruises he gave my mother and for the broken dry eggs I had to scrape off the floor As a kid because my mom would fight back. 
 

My mom tried to reach him a lesson and got drunk for 2 straight weeks. He sobered up and take care of me. I was torn. I had a dad but lost a mom. 
 

To make a long story short, in my 20’s I read a novel by Dostoevsky called Crime and Punishment. In it, the character Marmalodov reminded me of my dad. He was a drunk but a likeable one. Slowly over the years I grew more accepting and as my dad got older he quit altogether. My memories are of him getting up each morning as early as possible so he can be there with my mom in the hospital as she lay dying for three months. 
 

I’m not saying anything by this. It’s my story. I just decided to share a little bit of it. 
 

he had many sayings. The one that always comes back to me is IF ITS GOING TOO HARD YOU'RE NOT DOING IT RIGHT. 
 

Now back to boobies! I have a reputation to protect. 

Edited April 13, 2020 by Marut72

[Amina Sopwith]

1 hour ago, Marut72 said:

My dad was a great man. Very loving. Very kind but he was an alcoholic and as a kid I hated him for it. I hated him for the bruises he gave my mother and for the broken dry eggs I had to scrape off the floor As a kid because my mom would fight back. 

I'm sorry, Marut, but I have to say a few things. Please know that I mean them gently, with kindness, and when I speak to you, I'm thinking of that little boy who saw his mother covered in bruises and scraped food off the floor. A little boy like my own son.

 

Those are not the signs of a great or loving man. It's violent and abusive and the fact that it was once more culturally/societally acceptable than it is now does not make it any less so.

I understand the contradiction because I also had a father who was capable of being all hearts and flowers and loving gestures when things went his way, but the fists, and kitchen implements, and death threats, would fly when they didn't. Generally at me, but not solely. I also had a family that would explain it away and minimise it and castigate me for being damaged by it; don't know if that's been your experience too, but it's very very common.

There is a reason they are called abusive relationships; there is a "relationship" in there, and it's complicated, and there's good stuff (cycle of abuse is pretty standard), and there are intense feelings, but it's still abusive. Women tend not to leave abusive relationships; the reasons for this are many and complex, but to a huge extent, a lot of it is bound up in the "when it's good, it's good". They think that if only they can do the right thing, they will be able to get back to the bliss they once had or can get on occasion. Abuse also has a way of contrasting the good stuff. If you're used to being punched in the face, a hug probably feels even better, plus you're probably high on gladness that you've got it right this time. If I pistol whip you for 20 hours a day, the four hours when I don't probably feel pretty damn good. Abusers don't start relationships off by being complete arseholes from the start; nobody would develop a bond and stick around if they did.

Do you have kids, Marut? You don't have to answer that, it's just something to think about, because I did not realise just how bad and unacceptable my father's abuse was until I became a parent. What do you really think of a child being forced to witness his mother being beaten black and blue by his father? Having to clean up literal mess after his parents' fights? Having to witness his parents blind drunk when he wasn't old enough to look after himself? Don't think of it as you having to experience it, think of it as any little boy that you know, any small child. Just those little children. Your nieces/nephews, if you have them. What does that mean? If my son had to experience that, what sort of parent should I consider myself to be?

I'm absolutely not attacking you for your perceptions and feelings; they are what they are, he was your dad, I understand he wasn't just one thing and he's the only father you've got. It's even harder when he's dead. But I'm sorry, violent and abusive men being narrated as flawed heroes is a hot button issue for me and that's why I'm responding ( @Rhonda Huntressand @BelindaN, I was thinking of IMing you; I didn't initially intend to participate on this thread at all).* 

I know I'm not supposed to be judgemental and people have different circumstances and all that, but I'm a parent and it really doesn't matter that my father took swings at me, threatened to kill me, or the best time of all when he ran at me screaming that he was going to f***ing murder me and my brother got between us and lamped him one. Wow, that was a day. None of that is my son's problem and he's never even going to know it happened, it's not his damn burden to bear. It's just NOT. My father was always going on about his own admittedly awful childhood, and why it gave him a right to treat the rest of us the way he did. It took having my own child to realise what utter crap that is. I am the grown up, I am the parent, and it's not my son's responsibility to manage my moods and make excuses for me. 

Have to stop here, sorry, because I'm actually shaking a bit at my keyboard, and when I get like this, it's definitely time to step away. Suffice to say, I understand what you feel and why, and it's real and valid, and you love your father, of course you do. But I really do mean it kindly when I say that is what abuse usually looks like, and that is why it is insidious, and that is why victims tend not to talk about it, or leave the relationship...and why it continues to happen.

I will probably open an enormous can of worms with this. I hope people understand if I don't stick around to engage with it. Apologies to all if this is the wrong call. 

 

 

 

* Of course there are violent, abusive women too, but in my experience, they don't generally get this "humanly flawed heroine" narrative. In much the same way Gordon Ramsay can storm around a kitchen screaming and swearing at everyone and have it lauded as a sign of his genius and passion, but Nigella Lawson and Julia Child probably couldn't get away with it. 

[Charles Blackwood]

@Amina Sopwith You are absolutely right and I am not making any excuses for my dad. All I’m going to say is that over his lifetime he changed. He redeemed himself and my mother loved him deeply. It’s hard to sum up a persons life in a few characters. But I totally take your words with much gratitude. 

[Amina Sopwith]

1 minute ago, Marut72 said:

He redeemed himself and my mother loved him deeply. It’s hard to sum up a persons life in a few characters. 

Yes, that's generally how it perpetuates and why people don't leave.

I don't mean that unkindly. I'm saying this is textbook. 

And now I should probably say no more. 

[Ted McGregor]

"I know, son :  It' s bad."

*dad tapping my head on his shoulder affirming my silent sadness for his health

 

[Charles Blackwood]

26 minutes ago, Amina Sopwith said:

Yes, that's generally how it perpetuates and why people don't leave.

I don't mean that unkindly. I'm saying this is textbook. 

And now I should probably say no more. 

Hi Amina. I agree to disagree with you. My dad left the country he loved, left his profession, didn’t speak the language and cleaned other people’s garbage for 25 years so that me and my mother would have a life in Canada. Again, I’m not disagreeing with you. I think you are right but my dad is my dad. I have not hit my children. I have never hit anyone in my life. But that said. There is too many men who abuse women and I am grateful that you can speak up and wish more women did so. 
 

I too am going to be silent after this. I prefer boobie conversations much more 🙂

[Amina Sopwith]

7 minutes ago, Marut72 said:

Hi Amina. I agree to disagree with you. My dad left the country he loved, left his profession, didn’t speak the language and cleaned other people’s garbage for 25 years so that me and my mother would have a life in Canada.  

There is always a hardship story. That's part of how it works. It doesn't redeem anything. My father had one too. You now have one of your own and so have I, and as you can see, we have managed not to use it as an excuse to abuse our families. And parents are supposed to look after their kids. It's not a mark of great heroism. 

I understand he wasn't only one thing, or an evil person. People are complex. That's why abusive relationships are complex. They're still abusive. Romanticising and minimising them is generally how they get disguised and continue.

This is complicated, I know. It's not one dimensional. But abuse never is. 

[Luna Bliss]

Under what conditions should anybody be forgiven?

 

[ballparkdogg]

I do remember Uncle Leo said you cant put lipstick on a pig

[ItHadToComeToThis]

Oh this is easy. Mines an idiot that I can’t wait to shuffle off the mortal coil...lets see

”Hitler had the right idea”

Followed by “We should do that to *insert ethnic/religious group here*”

”Women are evil and belong in the kitchen”

”Women are just always our to get you, just evil bitter creatures”

”Jews are bad because they only buy toilet roll from other Jews”

”Feminists are just angry twisted man haters”

”You are going to London next week...look...watch out for the blacks...they hang round in gangs and mug people”

As I said idiot...being his daughter was a truly world class experience.