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Man, I sure do miss our thread that Beth made at the start of the winter holidays to get us through the tough times.  Cuz, you know, the times are still pretty tough and so I'm gonna be pro-active and start us up again.  The rules are, there are no rules.  This is a place to dump your bad feelings and get support from the rest of us who know what it's like to have bad feelings. It's also a place to rejoice when there is something to be glad about cuz we like to share that too. 

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  • Physically I feel ok-ish.  Been having massive headaches and not sleeping well but it could be (and has been) worse.
  • Mentally I am still hopeful even if worried.  Yeah, the world is in a bad place but the economy will recover.  The dead will not.
  • Emotionally on lock down. 
  • Spiritually folded and left the game long ago.

So that's how I'm feeling.  I'm coping.

I am still healthy and the diabetes is well controlled.  My children are still employed and staying healthy.  They each work with very few people but still have to go in to an office at times.  My grand children are missing me but even at their young age they understand.  So all in all, I am in a good place.

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It was a nice day today - mid 60s - so most of the neighbors had their kids out for a bit.  I sure wouldn't want to be a parent with really young kids right now, trying to explain why that cannot go across the street and play with their friend.  

Anyway, it was really nice to just hear the kids outside, laughing and playing.  I ignored work for a short bit and just sat and watched them out my office window.  That seemed to relax me quite a bit - when I hadn't even realized I was tense before that.

I need to force myself to get up more often - maybe I'll set a calendar reminder.

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Worried, anxious.  It's not an easy time right now with so many unknowns.  I don't like being kept in a building too much.  I miss my RL best friend most of all, as well as family and other friends, and my SL inworld friends.   But, my best friend I miss her the most and I can't wait to see her again.   I told my SL friends "my heart is just not in SL right now, give it some time."   Thankful had a good dinner and been sleeping okay.

Edited by FairreLilette
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We don't know exactly what happened to Mom late last week, but she moved a step closer to the end and wound up in the hospital. They stabilized her and I took her back home where she crashed a few hours later, forcing me to return her to the hospital at three in the morning. She was moved to hospice care Monday.

Though still suffering the effects of her 2018 stroke, she's doing pretty well cognitively. She struggles for words, but the ones she finds are fantastic. Last night, I asked her if she missed me.

"Nope, nope, not at all."

Sometime during her sleepless night, staff have her a "magic bean" (some kind of sleep aid) that produced a wonderful hallucination at breakfast. Her French toast, delivered on a plate in pre-cut quarters, was apparently created from human body parts. The first piece tasted like bones. She set it aside. The second piece was made entirely of legs and wiggled too much. She set it aside. The remaining two pieces were just right. She ate them. She recounted all of this to me just a few minutes ago, during our goodnight FaceTime chat.

At the end of the chat, the nurse gave me an update on Mom's day. Apparently, after hearing Mom sputtering on about the horrific French toast, the morning nurse apologized profusely and offered to take it all away.

"No no no! My daughter will love the wiggly legs!"

In addition, Mom's been telling everybody of my relentless offers to run her over with my car, ensuring a speedy death. Now they all want to meet me.

She's been declared good enough to return home tomorrow. They said that last week too, but I'm hoping they won't be wrong again. I'll get to see her for the 20 minutes it'll take me to drive her from the locked-down hospital to her locked-down retirement complex.

I hope she saved the French toast for me.

Edited by Madelaine McMasters
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1 minute ago, CheriColette said:

Now I know where you get your wicked sense of humour from. HUGS Maddi. 

It actually goes the other way, Cheri. I inherited that deeply disturbing sense of humor from Dad. Mom was first exposed to it (and him) 23 years before I was born, but was thoroughly immune right up until he died 61 years later. It wasn't until his passing that she became infected. It's been a slow process of succumbing that blossomed after her stroke.

Though I'll miss Mom when she goes, I'll still have my emergency backup kid, who was infected by Dad shortly after being "adopted" by him. Mac has already offered to save me (read him) the cost of a funeral by rolling my corpse down the bluff into the lake when I die.

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1 hour ago, Beth Macbain said:

They closed it because I got in a snit the other night and requested it be closed for veering off into politics and some little fights, so please don't blame LL for it. 

I've asked them to reverse the lock. 

It's all my fault! 😭😭😭

Stop that! Don't make me come after you again! 🤪

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I'm kinda glad now that my dad passed away in December, before the plague struck.  He was a worrier and he would have been so very worried about us all, and we'd be all worried for him too. But damn, I just want to call him and talk.

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1 hour ago, kali Wylder said:

I'm kinda glad now that my dad passed away in December, before the plague struck.  He was a worrier and he would have been so very worried about us all, and we'd be all worried for him too. But damn, I just want to call him and talk.

Hugs to you.

It's 7 weeks today since Ki died and for a while now I have been wondering if there was a link with the virus.  The signs are; he went in for his last radiotherapy session.  Then suddenly he texted me to say he had been taken back to hospital with mild pneumonia on 7th Feb.  That was the last I heard from him until I found out he had passed. Then there was a 3 week wait before the funeral.  I will never know if the virus, the cancer or the pneumonia was what killed him.

I just want to talk to him too.  11 years of spending upwards of 8 hours a day online chatting and its snatched away.  I do talk to him in my head all the time.  When I turn the laptop on in the morning and as I turn it off at night, I open his picture and repeat our good morning or goodnight routine in my head as if he was there.  I had a white feather appear on a sweatshirt that was drying on a radiator.  It gives me comfort to think it was a sign from him.  (he scoffed at it but knew I believed in white feathers meaning you had been visited by an angel)  The other day I was silently saying to him I just want a sign you are ok and watching me.  At that exact moment I got a text regarding my food delivery which said "Your delivery driver [insert Ki's real first name] will be with you between 9 and 10.  I am taking that as another sign.  

Looks like its going to be another warm and sunny day here.  Last year one time we cashed out money from his store in SL, he made me take an extra cut with my share and told me to put it towards my garden renovating.  I bought some of his favorite plants with it and take pleasure watching the honeysuckle and jasmine starting to grow up the trellis and the lillies looking stronger than I expected.  I am feeling very reflective today.

I hope we get our thread back and they merge this one into it but Beth stop beating yourself up about it.  xx

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I have that little itch again, the one at the base of my scalp I discovered back in the 90’s. I thought I’d left it decades and an ocean away - but the scratchy little imp is back.

The last time it popped up I was helping provide “humanitarian assistance” some ostensibly-civilized place where - if they didn’t like your gender, gender-identity, nationality or religion - your lights could be turned off suddenly and permanently.

I’m sure they had reasons that made sense to them; I had my own for wanting to survive the trip. I’m pretty sure the Itch was my subconscious reminding me that even in places that were both beautiful and historic; Bad Things could reach out and touch me. It did its job and I lived to go through therapy about it.

Today, I’m an considered an Essential Worker who has the additional worry that the people I’m responsible for will catch a Dose as the cost of doing their jobs. All of them are much younger than me, most have small children that their jobs force them to self-isolate from. I care for my elderly mother who thinks that I’m loopy for having my sister take that over out of concern that I might bring home something Extra from work.

She thinks her spirituality will protect her, which worries me quite a bit. 

So all of us are working our way through this. People DO need food, medicine and manufactured items -  so staying home would only be selfish. We take precautions, distance and “try to act normal”

Meanwhile, I’m doing my best not to scratch that itch.

The last thing I need is people worrying that I have cooties 🙂

 

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7 hours ago, kali Wylder said:

I'm kinda glad now that my dad passed away in December, before the plague struck.  He was a worrier and he would have been so very worried about us all, and we'd be all worried for him too. But damn, I just want to call him and talk.

I was talking about this very thing with my family yesterday. I'm very happy my father doesn't have to be here for this. He lived in an assisted living place, but I was still his main caretaker for all sorts of things. There is no way I could have stayed away from him - I'd have been climbing through the window of the place in order to change his hearing aid batteries, or untangle his iPod charger, or any number of other things that he was convinced I was the only one who could handle. 

I think it's good that we have this new, fresh thread. Sometimes it's good to just start over. If LL reopens the other thread, I think we should still keep using this one. Thanks for doing this, @kali Wylder!

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I woke up late this morning with a pounding headache. My phone froze up -- it randomly does that sometimes - so the alarm didn't go off.  Luckily I woke on my own only about 15 minutes past the alarm time. However, my head is killing me.  Feels like sinus headache combined with a tension headache.  If the meds don't kick in soon, I might just go back to bed.

Edited by LittleMe Jewell
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8 hours ago, kali Wylder said:

I'm kinda glad now that my dad passed away in December, before the plague struck.  He was a worrier and he would have been so very worried about us all, and we'd be all worried for him too. But damn, I just want to call him and talk.

glomp.gif.168f0df0290fafeb5dd01432cbf3b10d.gif

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6 hours ago, Cindy Evanier said:

I had a white feather appear on a sweatshirt that was drying on a radiator.  It gives me comfort to think it was a sign from him.  (he scoffed at it but knew I believed in white feathers meaning you had been visited by an angel)

Holy! Do you mean to tell me that all these years and all those white feathers... that would mean I've been visited by hundreds of them. That's creepy stalkerish. Or it might mean I sleep with feather pillows. Duck down for the win! but chicken works as well. I still have the duck down pillow I had as a child but it's lost about half of its feathers.

Even so, I like your version better. grouphug.gif.db1f9caaecb5373dfe33e9b8e6755d50.gif

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6 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

I wasn't sure where to put this one -- watch out for your kitties:

https://www.mercurynews.com/2020/04/08/coronavirus-study-finds-cats-not-dogs-can-catch-the-virus/

 

Doesn't make sense to me since cats and dogs are related. We have a cat. He never caught it from us. And he does sleep on the bed with me during the winter so he was close to me while I was sick.

I need to walk away from this one because I know they are testing on animals and that just pisses me off to no end even though I understand it's the only way without using humans. Frankly, I would prefer it if they did test on humans instead of animals. Humans can give consent, animals can't.

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