Feelings, part 2.

[Madelaine McMasters]

Well, she just couldn't wait.

Mom escaped under cover of darkness, passing away last night shortly after our FaceTime call. I know chatting with me can drain the life out of a body, but she didn't have to make such a literal display of it. Hospice staff was surprised. Though tired, she was chipper when they tucked her in for the night. They discovered her passing at shift change, less than two hours later.

Nearly two years ago, I sent Mom on an unwelcome journey by instructing the neurosurgeon to remove from her neck the blood clot that was threatening her life, against her express wish for "no extraordinary measures" to be taken on her behalf. She recovered well enough to continue living on her own, but she'd have been happy to take the exit quickly that day. There was no guarantee the clot would kill her. There was a chance she'd be left alive, but massively damaged. By picking the lesser of two evils, you're still forced to pick evil.

This time it went as hoped. She left quickly, painlessly, and in her sleep.

When I was young, Dad introduced me to the idea of "connectedness" by telling the story of Socrates Last Breath. Since then I've read that there's a possibility that molecules we exhale will be swept out into space by the solar wind. When Dad passed, I shot a bit of him into the sky in the nosecone of a model rocket we'd started building together when I was young. I had to finish it on my own to send him off. Now I've got to hunt down a weather balloon and a tank of helium. I've been waiting patiently to commingle Mom and Dad's ashes, spoon them into a balloon, and set them adrift on the prevailing westerlies where they'll start a journey of an after-lifetime.

The waiting is over.

Take care of each other, Kids.

Edited April 9, 2020 by Madelaine McMasters

[LittleMe Jewell]

I'm so sorry to hear that, Maddie.

*BIG HUG*

[Luna Bliss]

3 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Mom

I'm sorry for your loss, Madelaine.

[Selene Gregoire]

Oh Maddy. That is beautiful. I'm sorry she is gone and glad she was happy and lived a full life.

Send them off with our love and best wishes. 

From stardust to stardust. The circle is complete.

Her daughter is just as wonderful as she was.

[Beth Macbain]

Maddy, I am so, so, so sorry. Words aren't adequate, but I know that no matter how well prepared you think you are, when the moment actually comes it's still a punch in the gut. My heart goes out to you. Your mother sounds like an extraordinary woman, and she raised a simply marvelous daughter. 

We're here for you in whatever way you need.

❤️big huge giant hugs❤️

[Cindy Evanier]

20 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

She left quickly, painlessly, and in her sleep.

I am so sorry to hear this Maddy.  I don't know what to say other than huge firey hot hugs  

[Cindy Evanier]

31 minutes ago, Selene Gregoire said:

Even so, I like your version better.

I think it kind of has to be in a place where there isn't an obvious explanation.  There were tons in the back garden the other day after I filled the bird feeders, they don't count.  

[SatanTM]

I manage a best buy and still have to come in daily to do intake... on an empty store. My boss decided to email me a pdf list of 28 employees and told me 'fire them, effective immediately' that's it.

Leaves me to fire 28 people who have families and bills; yesterday was the worst day ever lol. Hearing the sadness over the phones killed me.

Needless to say, mental health is going downhill for me.

[Ivanova Shostakovich]

33 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Well, she just couldn't wait.

Mom escaped under cover of darkness, passing away last night shortly after our FaceTime call. I know chatting with me can drain the life out of a body, but she didn't have to make such a literal display of it. Hospice staff was surprised. Though tired, she was chipper when they tucked in in for the night. They discovered her passing at shift change, less than two hours later.

Nearly two years ago, I sent Mom on an unwelcome journey by instructing the neurosurgeon to remove from her neck the blood clot that was threatening her life, against her express wish for "no extraordinary measures" to be taken on her behalf. She recovered well enough to continue living on her own, but she'd have been happy to take the exit quickly that day. There was no guarantee the clot would kill her. There was a chance she'd be left alive, but massively damaged. By picking the lesser of two evils, you're still forced to pick evil.

This time it went as hoped. She left quickly, painlessly, and in her sleep.

When I was young, Dad introduced me to the idea of "connectedness" by telling the story of Socrates Last Breath. Since then I've read that there's a possibility that molecules we exhale will be swept out into space by the solar wind. When Dad passed, I shot a bit of him into the sky in the nosecone of a model rocket we'd started building together when I was young. I had to finish it on my own to send him off. Now I've got to hunt down a weather balloon and a tank of helium. I've been waiting patiently to commingle Mom and Dad's ashes, spoon them into a balloon, and set them adrift on the prevailing westerlies where they'll start a journey of an after-lifetime.

The waiting is over.

Take care of each other, Kids.

   Many hugs Maddy. You continue to be in my thoughts.

[sirhc DeSantis]

@Madelaine McMasters"Mom escaped under cover of darkness". That is quite beautiful.

[Marigold Devin]

1 hour ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

Well, she just couldn't wait.

Mom escaped under cover of darkness, passing away last night shortly after our FaceTime call. I know chatting with me can drain the life out of a body, but she didn't have to make such a literal display of it. Hospice staff was surprised. Though tired, she was chipper when they tucked in in for the night. They discovered her passing at shift change, less than two hours later.

Nearly two years ago, I sent Mom on an unwelcome journey by instructing the neurosurgeon to remove from her neck the blood clot that was threatening her life, against her express wish for "no extraordinary measures" to be taken on her behalf. She recovered well enough to continue living on her own, but she'd have been happy to take the exit quickly that day. There was no guarantee the clot would kill her. There was a chance she'd be left alive, but massively damaged. By picking the lesser of two evils, you're still forced to pick evil.

This time it went as hoped. She left quickly, painlessly, and in her sleep.

When I was young, Dad introduced me to the idea of "connectedness" by telling the story of Socrates Last Breath. Since then I've read that there's a possibility that molecules we exhale will be swept out into space by the solar wind. When Dad passed, I shot a bit of him into the sky in the nosecone of a model rocket we'd started building together when I was young. I had to finish it on my own to send him off. Now I've got to hunt down a weather balloon and a tank of helium. I've been waiting patiently to commingle Mom and Dad's ashes, spoon them into a balloon, and set them adrift on the prevailing westerlies where they'll start a journey of an after-lifetime.

The waiting is over.

Take care of each other, Kids.

So sad and sorry to read all of this, Maddie. I can't find appropriate words, of comfort or otherwise. I know you are practical and sensible and all of that, and I know her send off will be absolutely amazing, with dignity, and with humour too. 

[Bitsy Buccaneer]

enormous hugs as big as your heart is maddy x x

[Madelaine McMasters]

A few days ago, Mom expressed impatience for the arrival of warm weather. Nature responded by delivering a 70F breeze on Monday, which she enjoyed from the balcony of her hospice room while waving to me in the parking lot below.

"I don't think I'll see another snow, and that's just fine with me."

She's got good timing. I'm looking out the window right this moment, at... snow.

;-).

[kali Wylder]

38 minutes ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

A few days ago, Mom expressed impatience for the arrival of warm weather. Nature responded by delivering a 70F breeze on Monday, which she enjoyed from the balcony of her hospice room while waving to me in the parking lot below.

"I don't think I'll see another snow, and that's just fine with me."

She's got good timing. I'm looking out the window right this moment, at... snow.

;-).

I have no words that could possibly convey how I feel about you, your mom, death, life, the universe and everything.  Love you Maddy.

[Lindal Kidd]

4 hours ago, Selene Gregoire said:

...since cats and dogs are related...

You have just mortally offended every cat in the world.

[Selene Gregoire]

3 minutes ago, Lindal Kidd said:

You have just mortally offended every cat in the world.

[Beth Macbain]

[Lindal Kidd]

4 hours ago, SatanTM said:

I manage a best buy and still have to come in daily to do intake... on an empty store. My boss decided to email me a pdf list of 28 employees and told me 'fire them, effective immediately' that's it.

Leaves me to fire 28 people who have families and bills; yesterday was the worst day ever lol. Hearing the sadness over the phones killed me.

Needless to say, mental health is going downhill for me.

Send an email to HIS boss describing this cowardice.  Maybe he'll get added to the list.

[SatanTM]

8 minutes ago, Lindal Kidd said:

Send an email to HIS boss describing this cowardice.  Maybe he'll get added to the list.

Oh yes, I definitely CC'd our franchise owner already and he's being spoken to/fired, who knows at this time.

[BelindaN]

Really sorry for you @Madelaine McMasters

My mum has had three ambulance rides to hospital since 14th Feb. First caused by high blood sugar, plus a water infection, then a chest infection, then out of control blood sugar and a recurring water infection. Despite high blood pressure and dementia, and spending two nights on the floor in an unheated room, she's hanging on. 

She's now in a rehab centre, but they've just admitted that she needs 24 hour care. Her brain has gone, she's deaf, and partially sighted,  but is a tough old boot, and is hanging on, despite telling me she wants to due every day.

I feel your pain. I also wish her suffering will end soon. It's been stressful for months, but super stressful since February. We can't visit either due to lockdown.

[Lindal Kidd]

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum, Belinda!  This is one time when you REALLY don't want to have to go to the hospital...or indeed, to deal with the medical establishment at all.

[BelindaN]

19 minutes ago, Lindal Kidd said:

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum, Belinda!  This is one time when you REALLY don't want to have to go to the hospital...or indeed, to deal with the medical establishment at all.

Thanks Lindal. @Lindal Kidd Until two weeks ago I was exposed to a string of paramedics, district nurses, carers, pharmacists, and extra shopping, in addition to visiting hospital, with a stressful drive both ways, so it hasn't been easy at all. Even without Covid it would have been challenging. I'm resilient anyway, but this has pushed me right to the edge, and I'm just thankful that she's currently got 24 hour care. Since she's been in decline over several months, much quicker since Feb, this can only go one way. As I said above, it will be a blessing, and an end to her suffering. But even then, funerals right now in the UK are basic, without flowers and strict limits on mourners. So she's unlikely to get the send off we expected.

Tomorrow is my birthday.............

Edited April 9, 2020 by BelindaN

[CheriColette]

7 hours ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

A few days ago, Mom expressed impatience for the arrival of warm weather. Nature responded by delivering a 70F breeze on Monday, which she enjoyed from the balcony of her hospice room while waving to me in the parking lot below.

"I don't think I'll see another snow, and that's just fine with me."

She's got good timing. I'm looking out the window right this moment, at... snow.

;-).

Sorry for your loss Maddi. Thanks for sharing your personal story, I feel your mum chose her moment when she wanted to go and left with out any fuss. Her story lives on.

[Storm Clarence]

It isn't easy at any age to lose a parent.  I miss my parents very much.  You have written of your mom (and dad) so much through the years I feel like I will miss her as well. My condolences.    

[Ajay McDowwll]

I'm so sorry for your loss, @Madelaine McMasters.  I both laughed and teared up reading your retelling of your mother's passing.  I hope my children will have a similar response when I leave ❤️