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Getting that feeling again :(


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I'm sorry you're having to deal with those RL problems.  Perhaps you can just do something for fun - you're very welcome to come out with the Tiny Explorers on Sunday 24th at noon SLT for an hour, if you're up to it.  We're going to visit a zoo.  It costs nothing.  You don't have to change your shape or anything, or even join the group, just send me an IM and I'll make sure you get to us. :)

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12 minutes ago, CaitlinParker said:

Psst... I think it is.

   I can't understand why, though. I thought my disguise was bulletproof!

5546297e5f6b636892bf7eb6dc09e3ca.png

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2 hours ago, Luna Bliss said:

Orwar prefers black background with dripping blood color red text    :)   He's a vampire, after all.

No! Only vampire wannabees use blood red text on a dark background. That is not only evil, but also foolish. They wouldn't survive a decade with such stupidity.

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There's one thing that I've picked up in therapy that has helped me throughout my troubles. It's the idea of emotional momentum, based on a simple rule for myself: Do one step a day. It doesn't matter how big or small that step was. Just do one step. There were days when I was bedridden with apathy as my head was trying to kind of not be my best friend - times when I thought even just getting up was impossible.

And yet I did, then I opened a word document and typed out the first line of a letter. Nothing else. Just the first line. I closed it. Saved it. Went back to bed that day. But I had done one step. The next morning, I was still broken but I got up, added another line. Got back to bed. By the third day I knew I had it in me to do the one thing because I had just proven I could do it two days in a row, so I got up, finished the letter, hit save and it wasn't until I leaned back, that I realised I had let momentum carry me forward.

That's why it doesn't matter how big or small that step is, because as long as you do one step per day, it's progress. Because with that one step, you're moving.

I couldn't possibly understand what you go through but I try to empathise and seeing that Blog made me a smile. You made the first step and it's a lovely one too. The blog is cool and so are the pictures. You did well.

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For those wanting to feel better despite the difficult conditions we inevitably encounter in life, Gentle Heron of Virtual Ability is hosting this conference tomorrow (Wednesday, the 20th):

~~~~~

      Positivity Matters in Second Life

We are a hosting an event in a virtual world, Second Life, to celebrate the U.N. International Day of Happiness on Wednesday, March 20th 2024 beginning at 4pm Central (2pm Second Life Time (SLT))

Virtual location: https://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Mindful%20Cove/37/170/25

Schedule:

  • 2-2:30pm SLT Gentle Heron on Ability and Wellbeing
  • 2:30-3pm SLT medi Martian on Positive Computing
  • 3pm SLT Lady Tigress (Pet Karu) on Relationships and Wellbeing
  • 4pm SLT Max Kleene dual-steaming with Edward Lowell (accompanying on mandolin)
  • 5pm SLT Faust – Generosity builds the HAPPY LIFE
  • 5:45pm SLT Shyla the Super Gecko with a portion of positive poetry
  • 6:15pm SLT Eyeclectic on The Beauty of LIFE
  • 6:45pm SLT Lyr Lobo on Strengths and Wellbeing
  • 7:15pm SLT Oceane Madrigal, Musician

We also host a weekly conversation:

The Generativity* Generator
*Generativity is the drive to build up/draw out the positive potential we find in others in ways that are aligned with their strengths and values.

Saturdays at 9am SLT
Virtual location: https://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Inspiration%20Island/77/195/701

~~~

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Posted (edited)

A little something that I didn't want to mention at first was that it was almost a year ago that my SL relationship ended.  I was with someone in SL longer than most would imagine a normal SL relationship would be.

Maybe that was also adding to what I'm going through and perhaps I'm just starting to either heal... or feel dull from it.

Edited by CaitlinParker
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Just a little update, I did start a blog (sort of).  I know I'm just starting and it's not all that, but I am trying.

I do feel like I've got more of a dull feeling from everything that's happened... including what I last wrote on Wednesday, so perhaps healing will probably take longer than usual.

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On 3/16/2024 at 7:16 PM, CaitlinParker said:

I'm starting to get that feeling once again.

You know, that feeling of depression when you feel that you're still that square peg, or left out because you're not creative... you know what I mean.

I've tried to play SL Games, but I just suck at them.  Clubbing... I got bored of it really quickly.  I swear that everyone gets more out of this than I ever will 😢.  I'll be honest, I just don't know what to do anymore.  My SL family has more fun than I do... I suck at Blender... I don't know.  I just... I just don't know anymore 😢

It is funny - I am creative, and know all kinds of people in SL, but I often feel isolated. I can be on for hours and never get a single IM. Most of the time these days I just collect more and more backdrops to take pictures with. I find myself spending less and less time in SL these days. I hope it passes, but right now, SL is not really clicking for me.

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5 hours ago, Cristiano Midnight said:

It is funny - I am creative, and know all kinds of people in SL, but I often feel isolated. I can be on for hours and never get a single IM. Most of the time these days I just collect more and more backdrops to take pictures with. I find myself spending less and less time in SL these days. I hope it passes, but right now, SL is not really clicking for me.

I should poke you, We could go sailing, crash planes, or blow up a sandbox.

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On 3/17/2024 at 12:07 AM, CaitlinParker said:

It's not that I don't like to create stuff... it's that I just suck at it.  I tried Blender and ultimately ended up uninstalling it as I couldn't understand it.  Writing... yeah... forget that.  I always had issues with writing (or explaining) anything.  Photos... I don't have the money and seeing the photos from others... yeah.  Scripting... too complicated for me.  Decorating and interior design... I end up taking long breaks from it or I just end up not finishing anything.

sometimes you gotta make the bad stuff to get to the good stuff. no one starts out good, we all have to crawl before walking. And even then, you can't always expect to create bangers either.

tbf I feel you about blender tho, i don't care to learn it past a few simple things. i sculpt irl and blender just over complicates it. so i stick to creating bom stuff, it took awhile for me to understand how to read the uv maps but i got better with practice. Also for SL photography (if that's what you mean by photos) you can try to get decent pics within sl without needing to heavily edit later with software. makes it easier. recommend skell's tips for fashion photos https://virtualbloke.com/archives/2954.

maybe try joining a building or creative group within sl or on a SL discord/sm? getting advice and encouragement from others can make a difference when pursuing creative skill mastery. I'm in a writing/art discord and the encourage and help ppl give there makes it more fun.

tho from your other comments it kinda seems you may need a break from sl. spend time away doing things you enjoy irl. no point in logging to sl if it feels boring atm.

 

 

Edited by Devilgrey
sl doesnt like the poop curse word
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On 3/17/2024 at 6:05 PM, CaitlinParker said:

YouTube account I have.  However, I don't think I have the components to record on there.  PC if you're wondering.

maybe bandicam? (https://www.bandicam.com/) i use it for no-commentary game playthroughs, and screen recordings (don't care to do voice overs). i bought the full version, trail only lets you do 10 min videos. you can always test it out.

Edited by Devilgrey
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On 3/18/2024 at 6:53 AM, CaitlinParker said:

I did try to follow the videos that focused mainly on Blender, but even then I got lost.  The keyboard shortcut infographic definitely didn't make it any easier.

You've made a contract with yourself over it and left it hanging over your head. It remains in your profile as a goal. I think it might do you some good to resolve it one way or the other.

Personally I'd suggest reinstalling blender and giving yourself a decent chance. A real patient chance. The hardest part will be trying to not expect too much of yourself. If you need help getting used to shortcuts, or finding how to enable the search menu - I am sure there are plenty of people capable of giving you a pointer in the right direction.

If you struggle with generalistic modelling exercises. Perhaps succeeding with implementing a replica of the basic cube prim with all its functions correctly replicated would feel good for simply succeeding*.

*with the caveat that you'd be excluding any of the torture features. Only the material features, orientation, and physics counts.

Edited by NaomiLocket
Adjustment on replica expectations to be realistic.
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On 3/19/2024 at 3:28 PM, ValKalAstra said:

There's one thing that I've picked up in therapy that has helped me throughout my troubles. It's the idea of emotional momentum, based on a simple rule for myself: Do one step a day. It doesn't matter how big or small that step was. Just do one step. There were days when I was bedridden with apathy as my head was trying to kind of not be my best friend - times when I thought even just getting up was impossible.

This post really spoke to me, thank you.

That momentum is powerful. I was actually just thinking about getting back into making music, and the road ahead to getting to where I was.

It was overwhelming, thinking about how long it would take me to get it back. And just before I read your post, I thought, "And if you don't play today, you are still no closer than you were yesterday."

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7 hours ago, NaomiLocket said:

You've made a contract with yourself over it and left it hanging over your head. It remains in your profile as a goal. I think it might do you some good to resolve it one way or the other.

Personally I'd suggest reinstalling blender and giving yourself a decent chance. A real patient chance. The hardest part will be trying to not expect too much of yourself. If you need help getting used to shortcuts, or finding how to enable the search menu - I am sure there are plenty of people capable of giving you a pointer in the right direction.

If you struggle with generalistic modelling exercises. Perhaps succeeding with implementing a replica of the basic cube prim with all its functions correctly replicated would feel good for simply succeeding*.

*with the caveat that you'd be excluding any of the torture features. Only the material features, orientation, and physics counts.

I did update that part, finally.  Thanks for that reminder.

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Log out and focus on other things. Do you like books? read or listen to audible. Watch tv, work on your goals in RL, learn recipes, learn a skill, redecorate, get into shape (if you're not), plant a garden, take a trip somewhere. Do you like cooking? look up recipes on youtube and cook or bake. I did all of this on my SL break. It was refreshing!

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On 3/17/2024 at 12:20 AM, CaitlinParker said:

*just sighs sadly while listening to it*

Don't try to do what others are doing. Find what would make you feel complete or at least entertained. I don't build, create, work, blog, vlog, manage nothing in SL. I just shop when I have lindens, go to coffee shops while I listen to audiobooks, sit at home and watch tv while I am watching tv in RL. I visit flower shops, go on nature events with the nature groups, go to Muddy's which is a PG club for adults and ride my bike. It's a simple life.. but I'm content even when alone. I'm not trying to measure up or meet anyone's expectations, but my own.

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On 3/17/2024 at 12:58 PM, CaitlinParker said:

That's the thing.  I don't know what's enjoyable or what I'd like to do in-world anymore.

With Builder's Brewery, I can't make the vast majority or any of the classes that are scheduled.  I tried to follow along with the basic videos on youtube, but I just continually got confused and lost, so I just uninstalled it completely.  I'd like to, but they're at times when I have to go out and do stuff, or my monthly stuff.  By the time the late classes start there, I'm usually tired, on my nightly cycler for dialysis and headed to bed as I'm EST.

The one time I go to a dance or club... of course I got hit on by a guy wanting me to do "yoga poses".  It happens every time I try to go to a dance or a club.  Granted, this is what I've experienced, and I know everyone else's experience with dancing or clubbing is different so I know it doesn't happen to everyone.

See, I suck at even explaining anything.  It just gets too garbled up into one big mess 😢

And my suggestion to that - put an AUTORESPONSE TO NONFRIENDS...So as soon as a man IM's you he gets the message that you are NOT INTERESTED IN SEX, RELATIONSHIPS or whatever. And if he approaches you with it it's considered sexual harassment and he will be reported to Linden labs and instantly muted. Trust me.. this weeds out MANY PERVS hehehhe.

My autoresponse directs men to my profile picks where I state I am not going to be intimate with someone in the first few weeks of meeting them.. also ONLY if I trust them and feel comfortable with them. These simple words have done wonders for my SL. :)

Once I implemented this my daily pervert harassment went from about 10 to O. They get as far as "hi how r u?" and they see my message and scram. The men who do continue talking to me just want conversation or are trying for something long-term.

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i get bored with sl at times too but theres so much to do other then clubbing or playing inworld games.
flying, driving, sailing, railroading all on the mainlands.
learn to play with prims or learn the inworld scripting language called LSL.
Find a roleplay community, theres tons out there both private and mainlands.
Firefighting is fun, so is driving a taxi for people.

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I definitely get it! I am forever in search of a place I can belong on SL. I created my avatar so she would be more accepted than I am IRL but so far no luck. I take long breaks, and every time I sign on again I am here for about a half hour and grow bored and leave again. People say to use the groups which is all well and good, but I am looking to fully interact with other avatars, not just type in a group. You are not the only one. 

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I spent two years only logging in to shop, sort my inventory, taking pics to keep up with blogging, logging out.  I couldn't handle how SL made me feel for the longest time.  Then I thought I was ready to put myself out there again and started venturing into clubs, trying to be more sociable...but that bit me on the butt so stopped doing that.  Tried the relationship track - BIG mistake.  I'm back to where I was not wanting to be in SL again.  Thank goodness for Netflix!

I hope we both manage to pull ourselves out of this funk!

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