Women's expectations: Unrealistic

[Maitimo]

 

On 9/16/2023 at 6:56 PM, Paul Hexem said:

What is it that makes men like that so prevalent that we see it mentioned time and time again, and the men that do it right, so to speak, so rare?

Because the men that are prevalent, the ones doing it wrong, are the only ones we see at all.

The ones that are doing it right have done it right are either already partnered or don't want to be. They're not necessarily rare, they're just not noticed by anyone else.

 

2 hours ago, CaerolleClaudel said:

When I was in SL, the very first word in my profile was 'Lesbian' followed by (IIRC) 'not interesting in men,' and yet I would have men propositioning me. I would ask them if they read my profile but of course not. And of course they almost always got really angry at me, as is no one using a female avatar in SL should be allowed to refuse a man.

Of course they don't read profiles.

Before I switched to a female avatar I had a male one; slim with long hair. I got endless come-ons from men who thought I was a woman. Even when I had a beard. They weren't even looking at my face either. And they totally failed to notice the lack of boobs. It got so frequent that I put "I am not a girl!" as the very first thing in my profile, and I even had it as a tag over my head most of the time (spoiler - they didn't read that either). Honestly I think the only thing they actually looked at was my hair.

[CaerolleClaudel]

5 minutes ago, Maitimo said:

Of course they don't read profiles.

Before I switched to a female avatar I had a male one; slim with long hair. I got endless come-ons from men who thought I was a woman. Even when I had a beard. They weren't even looking at my face either. And they totally failed to notice the lack of boobs. It got so frequent that I put "I am not a girl!" as the very first thing in my profile, and I even had it as a tag over my head most of the time (spoiler - they didn't read that either). Honestly I think the only thing they actually looked at was my hair.

I'm sorry. Very frustrating.

I guess the only way to get around it would be to put one of those old school tags over your head stating your gender and sexual orientation; for me: LESBIAN!! NOT INTERESTED IN GUYS!!!

Probably a lot of them would take that as a challenge though. Ugh

[Arielle Popstar]

15 minutes ago, Maitimo said:

Of course they don't read profiles.

Before I switched to a female avatar I had a male one; slim with long hair. I got endless come-ons from men who thought I was a woman. Even when I had a beard. They weren't even looking at my face either. And they totally failed to notice the lack of boobs. It got so frequent that I put "I am not a girl!" as the very first thing in my profile, and I even had it as a tag over my head most of the time (spoiler - they didn't read that either). Honestly I think the only thing they actually looked at was my hair.

From what I have seen, I wouldn't assume these men weren't aware that one is actually male. I have run into quite a few apparently straight males who prefer to accidently on purpose have a pixel bump with a feminized male. I have even had a few men ask me to wear something extra when we had a fling, saying it heightened their RL excitement. Traps are quite popular in some of the clubs I have been to, so that in those places especially, it is easier to hook up if one is a virtual trans than if one is a real woman.

[Ingrid Ingersoll]

Yes, Online Dating Is Harder For Men, But It’s Not For The Reasons You Might Think

https://medium.com/heart-affairs/yes-online-dating-is-harder-for-men-but-its-not-for-the-reasons-you-might-think-ae4269ecd3d1

Concerning the gender ratio:

Tinder has the worst with 21.9% women and 78.1% men. While Badoo has 35% women and 65% men. Bumble seems to have the most balanced ratio out of the three at around 43% women and 57% men.

Bear in mind most dating apps are not forthright with their usage
statistics. So dating experts have to resort to fancy web analytics and
data sampling techniques to extrapolate dating app figures and
statistics. It’s common to see conflicting data depending on where you
look. Even so, most of the information readily available all points
toward men outnumbering women on all the top dating apps.

Here is why the gender ratio matters

Assuming everyone partners up one to one, having too few women means there are always going to be men who remain matchless no matter how hard they try.

And even if a perfectly balanced app existed, men would continue to struggle because both genders use dating apps for different purposes.

Research on swiping habits shows men use dating apps to search for
sex or short-term relationships, while for women, it’s more about
validation and affirmation of their attractiveness.

But all this is not to say people are not going on dating apps looking for
relationships, it’s just that those that seek commitment in its various
forms are muddled up with everyone else, making it harder for like-
minded people to match with each other.

When you factor in the small pool of women who are actually on these
apps to date, most men are left with no choice but to be more aggressive — mass swiping, making first contact, and pushing for a quick meetup if they happen to get a match.

This aggressive nature in how men approach dating apps inadvertently
leads to women becoming selective because most of their “yes” swipes
end up matching.

I’m sure for people struggling to get matches, the thought of having
an abundance of them probably feels like the best thing ever. But, having too many options often leads to a paradox of choice — when you face too many choices, you are less likely to pick one and feel good about it.

Edited September 18, 2023 by Ingrid Ingersoll

[Kalegthepsionicist]

6 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

It's tough being a dude in SL. That's why most men in SL present themselves as women.

make sense  bro that is why I assume all SL women are dude untill it proven.

if you treat all SL women equal with dude is nt hard to make friend with them.

problem is if you want relation for me must mix real

[Orwar]

1 hour ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

What I like about him is not his muscles -- I like "fit" rather than "ripped"

   That, and I'm not sure why that in particular, did get me thinking about an unrealistic expectation that women seemingly have, to some extent, anyway.

   It wasn't even about Momoa, but Chris Hemsworth. He was put forth to be the 'sexiest man alive' by People Magazine at some point, which .. Is no different from putting <insert semi-anorectic butt-lifted abomination here> as the 'sexiest woman alive', in that Chris Hemsworth is 'roided through the teeth. What precedent does that set for boys and young men (or indeed confused middle-aged men who haven't solved the 'woman puzzle' yet)? PED yourself up to meet their expectations? 

   It also makes me think of that funny drunken review of Tarzan wherein whichever-Skarsgård-it-was and his amazing CGI abs making her all hot and bothered. That's barely any different from guys watching over-sexualised hentai/cartoon characters (or indeed SL avies, I guess) and getting all screwed up in their heads about what women 'should look like'. The article itself was chuckle-inducing, but seeing all the comments from all around the place where women agree with how hot he was? That means the silliness is present in a number which may be described as 'several' - and that starts to whiff of trouble. 

   .. Then again, finding large numbers of morons on the Interwebs that agree with extremely silly things isn't particularly difficult, so perhaps I over-worry. Shrugs.

[Kalegthepsionicist]

3 hours ago, CaerolleClaudel said:

When I was in SL, the very first word in my profile was 'Lesbian' followed by (IIRC) 'not interesting in men,' and yet I would have men propositioning me. I would ask them if they read my profile but of course not. And of course they almost always got really angry at me, as is no one using a female avatar in SL should be allowed to refuse a man.

if someone angry for that simple matter tgey may have some personality issue.

[Kalegthepsionicist]

6 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

..like an escort, prostitute, etc. Since SL is "all RolePlay", it's "all acting" but still a big turnoff - I am not looking for a relationship in SL with someone who escorts for "fun", as a hobby, as their fetish, etc. 

Or if you prefer being literal, Minnie Pearl always acted like she was "for sale", going around with a price tag on her hat. The trollop!

 

people can enjoy one particular rp because tgat is what they want  do, but they cant irl.

in sl most become themself because they are save , hidden behind keyboard, their true nature comes out

 

Edited September 18, 2023 by Kalegthepsionicist

[Randall Ahren]

1 hour ago, CaerolleClaudel said:

1 hour ago, Maitimo said:

Honestly I think the only thing they actually looked at was my hair.

I'm sorry. Very frustrating.

Must have been really awesome hair.

[Ingrid Ingersoll]

On 9/15/2023 at 9:26 AM, Paul Hexem said:

We have stats that show that in other forms of online social interactions, women's expectations and standards are completely unrealistic. It makes the entire process of meeting women a totally skewed, uphill battle for most men. Does that carry over to SL or is it less prevalent here?

No its easy for men to meet women in sl because most women in sl are men. It's like a dragon chasing its own tail. And getting it. Men do a great job of entertaining each other in sl. 

[Silent Mistwalker]

24 minutes ago, Ingrid Ingersoll said:

No its easy for men to meet women in sl because most women in sl are men. It's like a dragon chasing its own tail. And getting it. Men do a great job of entertaining each other in sl. 

I ought to smack you with one of your own prefabs!

Why? Because I am a woman! That's why! 😝

[Love Zhaoying]

1 hour ago, Randall Ahren said:

Must have been really awesome hair.

Peeve: In RL, it's hard to find guys who like long hair on other guys.

[BillFletcher]

On 9/16/2023 at 1:56 PM, Paul Hexem said:

What is it that makes men like that so prevalent that we see it mentioned time and time again, and the men that do it right, so to speak, so rare?

Of course a lot of women assume that any guy who tries to talk to them is a jerk, after a while a nice guy might just give up and stop trying.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

2 hours ago, Orwar said:

That, and I'm not sure why that in particular, did get me thinking about an unrealistic expectation that women seemingly have, to some extent, anyway.

Totally. These kinds of "expectations" are not even "natural": they're pumped out by the media, and we're meant to soak them up without question because . . . well, you can be sure that money is involved somehow. Proof, in part, is the fact that preferences about body types change every decade or so.

Women are every bit as much prone to buying into this garbage as men. In fact, maybe more: I think women are more likely to feel inadequate because they've been told that their butt is too small, their boobs not perky enough, etc. I am sure men are prone to such pressures as well, but there's a ton of evidence to suggest that women's views of their own bodies, as well as their response to men's, has caused immense damage and suffering. Instagram even did an internal research study that determined that the platform's algorithms, which favoured particular kinds of women's self-presentation, was harming young women. (And of course they quietly shelved the research, because money.)

But if you're a man who is being told that you are somehow "not up to scratch" because you don't look like Hemsworth, then you're every bit as much a victim of popular culture as a woman who is rejected because she doesn't look like Rihanna or Scarlett Johansson.

It's all crap, and the sooner we all see it, the better.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

On 9/16/2023 at 1:56 PM, Paul Hexem said:

What is it that makes men like that so prevalent that we see it mentioned time and time again, and the men that do it right, so to speak, so rare?

Have the good ones given up because of various (clearly debatable) stats? Do they not exist? Or is the expectation of "the correct time and place" unrealistic?

Again, this is all anecdotal, and every one's experience is going to be different.

But I, personally, have NOT found "good ones" to be rare at all. On the contrary, I have probably 10 men friends in SL, some of them pretty close, who are really just . . . wonderful. They are respectful, kind, and generous.

At least two of them that I can think of offhand I met at clubs where they IMed me out of the blue. And what followed were lovely, interesting, and pressure-free conversations that led, eventually, to my befriending them.

Now, none of them are sexual or romantic partners. But that's sort of the point. They could be, and I think they'd still be respectful, kind, and intelligent, because that's pretty clearly  who they are as people.

I'm not going to tell other women that they are "wrong" because their experiences have been different. And I've certainly also met my share of jerks. But I don't think that nice men are rare at all, because I run across them all the time.

[auntiemisha]

On 9/15/2023 at 6:33 PM, Silent Mistwalker said:

PRobably working better for us than it does for the Maldives.

https://www.australianfamilylawyers.com.au/information-centre/divorce-rates-by-country-highest-lowest#:~:text=Not only did the Maldives,10.97 divorces per 1000 Maldivians.

I recently found out the Maldives is being swallowed by the sea, could become uninhabitable by 2050.

No specific reason known but perhaps realizing that if you have any land property there, you won't be able to split any proceeds from land property when it is under water might be an influencing factor.

[Akane Nacht]

8 hours ago, Randall Ahren said:

You are role playing when you are at a music club in SL. It's not actually a music club and you are not physcally present. It's a chat room that has an appearance of a club and you are behind a computer screen somewhere in RL in your pajamas and probably not wearing high heels. You're just playing the role of a visitor at a music club. What usually happens at music clubs? What do the people there typically want? That's the role play.

So... if I'm not physically present it's roleplaying? like if i am in a zoom meeting then I am roleplaying work? neat!

Akane is my avatar and chat handle and I go to virtual music clubs. 

Akane the Witch of the Woods doesn't go to clubs. She goes to taverns, gets roaring drunk with the woodsman and makes fun of elves. 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Just now, Akane Nacht said:

So... if I'm not physically present it's roleplaying? like if i am in a zoom meeting then I am roleplaying work? neat!

Akane is my avatar and chat handle and I go to virtual music clubs. 

Akane the Witch of the Woods doesn't go to clubs. She goes to taverns, gets roaring drunk with the woodsman and makes fun of elves. 

Yeah.

Beware of people who believe that all self-representation in SL is "role play."

It tells you an awful lot about their own approach to personal interactions here.

[Randall Ahren]

1 hour ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I have probably 10 men friends in SL, some of them pretty close, who are really just . . . wonderful. They are respectful, kind, and generous...

Now, none of them are sexual or romantic partners. But that's sort of the point. They could be...

Sounds like hell for your men friends. That's like applying for a position with a company, and told you're the perfect candidate. You have all the qualifications we are looking for. The position, though, is filled with someone else less qualified than you and probably an alcohol and drug abuser. Nevertheless, we will never hire you even if the position becomes vacant. We will, however, IM you from time to time and complain about the guy currently occupying the position.

[Randall Ahren]

51 minutes ago, Akane Nacht said:

So... if I'm not physically present it's roleplaying? like if i am in a zoom meeting then I am roleplaying work? neat!

Depends. Do you dance during zoom meetings and wear a cocktail dress?

[Scylla Rhiadra]

14 minutes ago, Randall Ahren said:

Sounds like hell for your men friends. That's like applying for a position with a company, and told you're the perfect candidate.

Um . . . why? Because men and women can't enjoy nonsexual relationships?

They haven't "applied" for a position because I haven't advertised an opening.

I'm not available, they know that, and they're fine with it because *gasp* they might actually value my friendship for reasons that have nothing to do with sex?

[Love Zhaoying]

2 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

19 minutes ago, Randall Ahren said:

Sounds like hell for your men friends. That's like applying for a position with a company, and told you're the perfect candidate.

Um . . . why? Because men and women can't enjoy nonsexual relationships?

They haven't "applied" for a position because I haven't advertised an opening.

I'm not available, they know that, and they're fine with it because *gasp* they might actually value my friendship for reasons that have nothing to do with sex?

Sometimes it's "ok" to be in the "Friend Zone".

 

[Scylla Rhiadra]

Just now, Love Zhaoying said:

Sometimes it's "ok" to be in the "Friend Zone".

 

Well, by default, all friends are in the "Friend Zone," right?

In this instance, it doesn't make any sense, really, to even use that term because there is no one among my friends in SL who isn't in the "Friend Zone." There isn't any other zone into which my acquaintances might belong!

[Persephone Emerald]

22 minutes ago, Randall Ahren said:

Sounds like hell for your men friends. That's like applying for a position with a company, and told you're the perfect candidate. You have all the qualifications we are looking for. The position, though, is filled with someone else less qualified than you and probably an alcohol and drug abuser. Nevertheless, we will never hire you even if the position becomes vacant. We will, however, IM you from time to time and complain about the guy currently occupying the position.

This tired idea that all men want to have sex with any woman who isn't physically related to them and that if those women don't want to have sex with them, we're somehow stringing them along has to end. This is getting into serious incel territory.

[Randall Ahren]

7 minutes ago, Persephone Emerald said:

This is getting into serious incel territory.

That's what a nice guy is.