Ideas for Compliments in Second Life (Bonus if Back-handed!)

[Love Zhaoying]

2 hours ago, ValKalAstra said:

No and. Youch. The quintessential you tried reply.

Your "Youch" reference reminds me of something I learned about communication in a class. 

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When speaking about someone else, one may inadvertently - and unintentionally - say something hurtful and / offensive.  An appropriate reaction may be, "Ouch". The lesson was, if you say "Ouch" then the speaker is given a "cue" that perhaps they spoke without thinking, or without taking your feelings into consideration, etc.

==============

Example in context of this discussion - complimenting an Avatar:

Person A to Person B: "I really like hanging out with you, because I don't find you attractive."

Person B: "Ouch."  (Meaning: "Hey! You may not have intended it, but that statement was not very nice!", etc.)

Then, Person A has a chance to think about what they said, learn from it, and perhaps re-phrase what they said, for instance:

Person A to Person B: "I only meant, that I think of you like a sister and not some sexual object."

Person B: "Thanks..?"

 

[Love Zhaoying]

1 hour ago, Robberinthemuseum said:

"I feel drawn to you, I don't know why but your douchey face is doing it for me. I don't know whether to punch it or kiss it 😍"

This sounds like something one would hear in RL!

[Lindal Kidd]

9 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

the stereotype is things like ponytails, too much makeup, too-short skirts.

But...but...

...bursts into tears, her mascara running in streaks, as she runs out of the room while showing an awful lot of leg, her ponytail flying.

[Robberinthemuseum]

1 hour ago, Love Zhaoying said:

This sounds like something one would hear in RL!

How dare you! My douchey face is adorable 

[Silent Mistwalker]

5 hours ago, Jaylinbridges said:

But most of my friends are boomers, and my business depends on them.  So you give them a false compliment and they never know the difference.  Note that I got four positive upvotes, while you got one laugh, from a boomer.

 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Generation_Jones

😝

[Bree Giffen]

How about’ “Is that an attachment or are you just happy to see me?”

[Jennifer Boyle]

5 hours ago, Nalates Urriah said:

If I say, "Wow! You are really WOKE!" is that a compliment,  insult, or a backhanded compliment?

I won't know how the speaker means it, and they may mean it as an insult, but it is definitely a compliment.

 

[Love Zhaoying]

"You're not nearly as stuck up as I thought you'd be from your avatar's appearance!"

 

[rasterscan]

"Wow. That's a classic look hunneh"

[Love Zhaoying]

About the best positive compliment I can think of is, "I like you."

[Sid Nagy]

9 hours ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

Only once? Since when? There's nothing complicated about saying a simple phrase to help a fellow human feel better about themselves. Seems like your environment was composed of an awful lot of snobs at some point.

If you say everyday the same compliment, it get's empty and meaningless IMHO, a standard mumbling like "how are you", "have a nice day" etc.

[Sid Nagy]

10 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Oh come on, Sid. That's nonsense. Women respond to normal compliments that don't have obvious subtexts in exactly the same way that men do. Stop with the Henny Youngman impersonation!

Just read a bit back in this thread how compliments are read in a way to become negative. 
One has to weigh ones words like they are made of gold dust: very carefully, when trying to give a compliment.

There is no joke that hasn't some truth in it, otherwise people would not recognize the joke.

Edited July 12, 2023 by Sid Nagy

[Love Zhaoying]

46 minutes ago, Sid Nagy said:

If you say everyday the same compliment, it get's empty and meaningless IMHO, a standard mumbling like "how are you", "have a nice day" etc.

I assume "I love you" gets old too?

[Love Zhaoying]

Sincere compliment: "You are just as beautiful as the day we met."

[InnerCity Elf]

"Neat, you're wearing your 2nd best outfit because it's 2nd life, right? That's genius, I only do that on weekdays in 1st life, to not get coffee and stuff on my Sunday clothes."

Theoretical backhanded compliment to make someone ponder if they should dress a little bit better. Just for the sake of the thread, though, I'd never do that, SL or RL. Advice or opinion regarding someone's outfit only if it's a not backhanded but honest compliment or if I was explicitly asked, in which case, polite but honest, not backhanded. Jokingly, maybe, but only if I know the person well enough to know they'll understand and take it in the right spirit. People can be quite insecure about even the weirdest things, things you can't imagine why they would be, and it can inadvertently hurt a lot, depending, so I'm careful. 

It's a fun intellectual game, though, the thread : )

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 hour ago, Sid Nagy said:

There is no joke that hasn't some truth in it, otherwise people would not recognize the joke.

Oh pish posh.

No.

Homophobic, racist, or sexist jokes aren't "funny" because they're "true," or say something that has "some truth in it." They're funny because they reinforce prevailing homophobic, racist, or sexist attitudes and stereotypes. And they perpetuate those attitudes through shared, and generally rather unpleasant, laughter.

A joke about women not taking compliments well tells one nothing about women.

But it can tell me a great deal about the joker-teller, or their intended audience.

[Love Zhaoying]

18 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

A joke about women not taking compliments well tells one nothing about women.

There's an old joke along the lines of, "My girlfriend hates when I compliment her mustache". I think this is an example of:

19 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

But it can tell me a great deal about the joker-teller, or their intended audience.

 

[Ceka Cianci]

In rl it's much easier tell how something is being delivered. More senses are involved on the receiving end.  Text leaves a lot more  room for the imagination on how something was meant. 

If I'm on the fence and not sure what someone is meaning, I'll just ask them, rather than let them play games with me. 

Because honestly, if someone has a problem with me, I much rather have it out in the open, than play middle school game.

 

[BelindaN]

It really highlights the SL overall dynamic. I talk about this ENDLESSLY, because that's how relationships rise and fall. Its a continuum. At one end is no contact. At the other end are those rare convos which kick off spontaneously during a totally random encounter and burn hot.  Admittedly these are super rare, but very occasionally a meeting of minds produces an unexpected stream of consciousness both ways. In between are all those other convos. Like a tray of seedlings, some wither quickly. Some take hold and grow slowly. In an adult world, you would think this would be a sorta predictable path. But then factor in agendas, self interest, economy of truths, clumsy compliments, socially awkward individuals, and so on, and most encounters won't last. The ones which do are special. Old SL friends don't need a daily IM chat. The dynamic sets an understanding. Old friends don't have an agenda. Old friends can give compliments, and backhanders and that's OK because we both "get it". But for every Old friend there are many more who just didn't click. No problem with that. SL is for fun and relaxation. Sometimes drama us unavoidable, but can be minimised. Give me drama and we're done. From The Queen Elizabeth I playbook. Ask me about RL and you're on the cliff edge. Example. "How old are you?"...me "Over 30"......them..."That's not acceptable" .....me "I think we're done".

[Love Zhaoying]

Despite some of the predictions and early judgements as to my intent for this thread, I think it has gone pretty well so far!

Here is a classic compliment in the "sincere category":

"You seem pretty cool, would you like to explore Second Life with me?" (Meant: to literally "explore", not "dating" or anything like that.)

 

[Silent Mistwalker]

8 hours ago, Sid Nagy said:

If you say everyday the same compliment, it get's empty and meaningless IMHO, a standard mumbling like "how are you", "have a nice day" etc.

I didn't say the SAME phrase EVERY day. I said "a simple phrase". Why would anyone pay another person the SAME compliment EVERY day? Are they that lazy, unimaginative and uncaring? Not the kind of person anyone would really want to hang out with.

How are you and have a nice day are not compliments. No comparison. 

[Sid Nagy]

37 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

I didn't say the SAME phrase EVERY day. I said "a simple phrase". Why would anyone pay another person the SAME compliment EVERY day? Are they that lazy, unimaginative and uncaring? Not the kind of person anyone would really want to hang out with.

That's why I wrote you can only use that only once in one of my former posts.

I do occasionally make a compliment, but only if I think something is worthy to compliment about, not because the other one expects a compliment. In the latter case it has the same value as "how are you today", "have a nice day" or "gesundheid" IMHO. (and no they are no compliments, but exactly as empty as a compliment given because one is expected to be given).

I really think it is a pretty tricky business to give compliments to women, especially about looks. Much harder than complimenting about achievements.

Edited July 12, 2023 by Sid Nagy

[Arielle Popstar]

15 hours ago, Nalates Urriah said:

If I say, "Wow! You are really WOKE!" is that a compliment,  insult, or a backhanded compliment?

Oh that wasn't a comment that I had drank too much coffee??? Who knew!!!

Back in the days when I was super insecure and paranoid, I would always try to look for how a compliment was some sort of back handed putdown but through the help of a mentor, I started to thank a person for a compliment without trying to analyze how they meant it. Helped me get over feeling awkward when getting one and helped me to become more open to offering them.

 

[Love Zhaoying]

11 minutes ago, Sid Nagy said:

"how are you today"

I was taught that "Hi so-and-so, how are you today?" is an excellent way to greet someone - including someone you may be intereted in:

- It gives you something to say besides, "hello"

- It shows you are interested in how they are doing

- It provides an "opening" for them to talk about themselves

- It shows that you are friendly, and not hostile

etc. etc. etc.

You just have to follow-up and be a good listener to whatever they reply with.  

..I should be a dating couch! I mean coach!

 

[Sid Nagy]

12 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

I was taught that "Hi so-and-so, how are you today?" is an excellent way to greet someone - including someone you may be intereted in:

- It gives you something to say besides, "hello"

- It shows you are interested in how they are doing

- It provides an "opening" for them to talk about themselves

- It shows that you are friendly, and not hostile

etc. etc. etc.

You just have to follow-up and be a good listener to whatever they reply with.  

..I should be a dating couch! I mean coach!

 

But the moment one starts answering the question even half way serious, one finds out how empty it all is.
Nobody expects a serious answer, most of the time are even a bit disturbed because the answer is different than the supposed opening script\ritual one expects to unfold.

Compliments as part of that ritual, I hate them, because meaningless and empty just like the rest of the script.

How about this one: "You are the sunshine of my life, but today there is overcast".

 

Edited July 12, 2023 by Sid Nagy