Pearl Worried

[Silent Mistwalker]

2 hours ago, Bagnu said:

I was being more forward to get my point across more poignantly.

That makes sense. Thank you.

[Rowan Amore]

44 minutes ago, Silent Mistwalker said:

LOL I know the difference. I posted in the thread Pearl started that discussed it that escorts and prostitutes are not the same thing. That is why I was asking her since she had been insisting she is an escort vs prostitute in that thread (and elsewhere) and in this thread she called herself a prostitute. I'd just like to see her stick with one or the other so it's less confusing for everyone else.

I assumed you knew the difference and I'm not sure I remember that previous thread so my bad.  My only point being that you can dress it up however you want but it's the same thing in SL since most men aren't going to pay an escort to accompany them to dinner or a show here.  Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck........

[Silent Mistwalker]

10 minutes ago, RowanMinx said:

I assumed you knew the difference and I'm not sure I remember that previous thread so my bad.  My only point being that you can dress it up however you want but it's the same thing in SL since most men aren't going to pay an escort to accompany them to dinner or a show here.  Walks like a duck, quacks like a duck........

Yeah, I don't give a flying fig what most men in SL think. I'm one of the ones that didn't join SL (over 15 years ago) for the sexxors. I came here for the creativity, fun and hoping to find friends. Two out of three isn't bad.

[Bagnu]

1 hour ago, DeidraHarlon said:

And before your edit to another post claiming your OP was purely about friendship: https://gyazo.com/f96df735a909e97815e637a46ed5cd49

I can not for the life of me believe you don't know that you're indeed the one that brought adult in with your OP.

Where does that show I brought adult issues into this thread??? I will of course reply to adult issues as adult issues, so that's when it becomes...adult. Please reread my starting question.

Edited August 31, 2020 by Bagnu

[Bagnu]

I have to laugh a bit now. I was being protective of my friends, and I incited a hurricane...with absolutely no desire to have done so. All I did was show I care about my friends. 

And good. Let me be the target, not them!!! !!! Our friendships here are real, even if nothing else is!!!

And make no mistake anyone....I care about my friends very much!!! They support me....and I support them!!!

Edited August 31, 2020 by Bagnu

[AdminGirl]

23 hours ago, Bagnu said:

I have made some very dear friends from the Forum, and even an SL sister. Because I'm such a controversial figure I worry about them being judged for the company they keep.Eventually it becomes obvious. I can take care of myself quite nicely, but I don't want my friends to have to do the same. just because of me!!! Thoughts anyone?

 

4 hours ago, Bagnu said:

I still believe though that people are indeed judged by the company they keep. Even if it is subconsciously. I don't want my friends looked down upon because they "hang out" with someone who is an SL prostitute.

Ok now I'm a bit confused. Was this what your thread was about all along? By "controversial figure" in your OP, were you actually referring to your sl profession?

[Bagnu]

9 minutes ago, AdminGirl said:

Ok now I'm a bit confused. Was this what your thread was about all along? By "controversial figure" in your OP, were you actually referring to your sl profession?

A combination of my personality and that. Most likely my personality. This thread really was about how much I care for my friends!!! Let me be the one judged. Not any one of you!!!

Edited August 31, 2020 by Bagnu

[Lindal Kidd]

Some people, including Lindal, thought that this thread was a daring venture into new viewpoints and modes of expression.  She, and they, were obviously mistaken.

Carry on bashing each other, she said, as she gracefully exited.

[Seicher Rae]

6 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

A combination of my personality and that. Most likely my personality. This thread really was about how much I care for my friends!!! Let me be the one judged. Not any one of you!!!

Here's your logic, restated for you (taking you at face value, which I don't):

• This thread is really about how much you care for your friends!
• No one knew who your friends were, really, before this post!
• So you make a post drawing attention to them!
• So, if your premise is that by being friends with you your friends are targeted: You just made it that much easier for your friends to be targeted!
• Good job!

When I said you were "clever" in outing your friends, that was something called sarcasm.

 

[Bagnu]

5 minutes ago, Seicher Rae said:

Here's your logic, restated for you (taking you at face value, which I don't):

• This thread is really about how much you care for your friends!
• No one knew who your friends were, really, before this post!
• So you make a post drawing attention to them!
• So, if your premise is that by being friends with you your friends are targeted: You just made it that much easier for your friends to be targeted!
• Good job!

When I said you were "clever" in outing your friends, that was something called sarcasm.

 

You are very correct that I outed my friends. It wasn't my intention, and it was my error. A very poor error actually. Fortunately, they are very capable of taking care of themselves. And very intelligent as well. And I will be right there supporting them if they falter.

[Rowan Amore]

These are my final words of wisdom to you Pearl.  The next time you feel the need to post a question or are having a moment of doubt as to what is right or wrong, stop and think.  Is it a question you already know the answer to and are just looking for validation?  I don't hate you or care about what you do in SL.  I have come to dislike you, however.  Your question about posting pics without consent was the last straw.  You ask the question and then in subsequent posts say you would never post one if it would hurt someone.  Why did you feel the need to ask the question here?  You already knew the answer.  I just don't understand your constant need for validation.  I'm sure this thread won't be your last but next time, stop and think first.

[Jordyn McGregor]

Before I do the singling out quotes and elaborating as to why I agree or disagree with them, or add my little spin, lemme just point something out that happened to me and at least one other person I know of on these boards.

We had a "friend" of yours harass and attack us for no other reason than the fact that we disagreed with you on these boards.  So the knife can cut both ways.

[Bagnu]

1 minute ago, RowanMinx said:

These are my final words of wisdom to you Pearl.  The next time you feel the need to post a question or are having a moment of doubt as to what is right or wrong, stop and think.  Is it a question you already know the answer to and are just looking for validation?  I don't hate you or care about what you do in SL.  I have come to dislike you, however.  Your question about posting pics without consent was the last straw.  You ask the question and then in subsequent posts say you would never post one if it would hurt someone.  Why did you feel the need to ask the question here?  You already knew the answer.  I just don't understand your constant need for validation.  I'm sure this thread won't be your last but next time, stop and think first.

I didn't know the answer to my question. And it's fair if you have come to dislike me. 

To explain better, I was the girl in college who pestered the professor, and everyone laughed at my questions. Somehow afterward it turned out that I was the one who got a 90%, and everyone else got a 60%.

[AdminGirl]

1 hour ago, Bagnu said:

A combination of my personality and that. Most likely my personality. This thread really was about how much I care for my friends!!! Let me be the one judged. Not any one of you!!!

Oh right right. You have nothing to about, really!

Honestly though, the issue you think people have with your sl profession is all in your head. No one has made it an issue except yourself, so maybe (and I say maybe) if you can get that idea out of your head then you won't be projecting that onto everyone else.

Edited August 31, 2020 by AdminGirl

[Rowan Amore]

4 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

I didn't know the answer to my question. And it's fair if you have come to dislike me. 

To explain better, I was the girl in college who pestered the professor, and everyone laughed at my questions. Somehow afterward it turned out that I was the one who got a 90%, and everyone else got a 60%.

But these questions are ethical questions and since you're at least a college educated adult, you should know the answer. Right and wrong, basic stuff not quantum physics.

[Bagnu]

6 minutes ago, RowanMinx said:

But these questions are ethical questions and since you're at least a college educated adult, you should know the answer. Right and wrong, basic stuff not quantum physics.

I ask questions when I don't know the answers. SL IS different than RL, so I ask questions to understand.

Edited August 31, 2020 by Bagnu

[Scylla Rhiadra]

I'm both amused and bemused by the reaction to this thread.

No, this isn't a "Poor Pearl, leave her alone!" post. Yes, most of this she has brought upon herself. But Pearl's a grownup: she knows what she's doing, or she is in the process of learning about it, and she is more than capable of handling the consequences. In fact, I'm impressed by her ability to remain reasonably genial and positive in the face of this.

But, I've got to admit, I don't get it. One thing Pearl has said that is true, at least so far as I can discern -- she has not attacked anyone. She's been a bit defensive in places, sure, but unlike the vast majority of posters, new or old, who come under this kind of fire, she's remained pretty good humoured.

And, really, this is why I don't get the hostility here. Pearl is completely inoffensive. Annoying? Maybe, but that's subjective. She's not attacked anyone, either as an individual or a class.

So, why the onslaught of criticism? Some of it has been gently put, and I think actually provides some guidance, but a lot of it has seemed to me all out of proportion to what she's being criticized for. Finding someone annoying, or even disliking them, is not in itself grounds for ridicule, scorn, or castigation? Do we think that this will make her a "better person"? Are we taking it upon ourselves to be hall monitors here? Or forum etiquette coaches?

If she's annoying, or you dislike her, fine: that's certainly your prerogative. But that's why we have the "ignore" feature on this forum. This little tempest in a teapot over her OPs isn't, surely, doing anything to make this a nicer place to be.

Pearl -- there is some good advice in this thread, even from people who have admitted they don't like you.

To begin with, forget the concern that your status as an escort has anything to do with people's response here. It doesn't: that's not why you are "controversial," if indeed that is the right word (which it really isn't). They are responding negatively to how you post. When I started here more than a decade ago (/me gets a faraway look in her eyes . . .), I spent at least my first half year dodging bullets, and being treated as a troll -- and that was at least partly my fault, because I had yet to learn how to work with the community here, what the unspoken rules of posting were, and so forth. So, focus on that. Really, just stop talking as though people care about your in-world activities: with very few exceptions, they just don't.

And the second thing is to reiterate what Rowan said above. Before you hit "submit," stop a second and think about what you've said, and how it might be read by others. I do this too, and have for a long time. I literally am rereading this twice before submitting it. It doesn't guarantee that it will go down well, but it reduces the chance of saying something you come to regret afterwards.

And my third bit of advice: keep up the good humour. You are a genuinely nice person. You don't lash out. People will recognize that, once you've figured out how to stop annoying them.

[Rowan Amore]

15 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

I ask questions when I don't know the answers.

Well, if you don't know the difference between what is right and what is wrong at your age, good luck.  Right and wrong ethically, doesn't change much between sl and rl.

Edited August 31, 2020 by RowanMinx

[Silent Mistwalker]

14 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

I didn't know the answer to my question. And it's fair if you have come to dislike me. 

To explain better, I was the girl in college who pestered the professor, and everyone laughed at my questions. Somehow afterward it turned out that I was the one who got a 90%, and everyone else got a 60%.

Because you asked questions and they didn't. Or you asked more questions. You were requesting clarity when everyone else were too embarrassed/ashamed/whatever to ask questions. 

[Jordyn McGregor]

5 hours ago, Bagnu said:

I still believe though that people are indeed judged by the company they keep. Even if it is subconsciously. I don't want my friends looked down upon because they "hang out" with someone who is an SL prostitute.

I am gonna raise my hand and be honest here.  I do judge people by the company they keep.  However, it's not because of a "job" or because they choose to spend their SL being a ho (paid or unpaid). 

I have been in SL for donkey's years and have seen and experienced some pretty heinous stuff done by some people, and I don't forgive easily.  So if I knew someone who was hanging out with or friendly with someone I have had a bad experience with, yes I'll most likely judge them for it, maybe distance myself from them because of it, but at the end of the day, I know it's my drama to act in, not theirs.  

Do I warn them?  Not really.  I may say something like "Yeah I don't get on with *insert name here* so I would rather keep my distance and not be involved with anything they are."  Other times I am a bit more blunt and say something like "*insert name here* is a 'see you next tuesday' and fudged me over bigtime but hopefully treats you better, so be careful." 

Just because I had a bad experience with them doesn't mean everyone else will after all.  It does however make me less inclined to stay around to watch and question how they cannot see someone for who they are.  

[Bagnu]

7 minutes ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I'm both amused and bemused by the reaction to this thread.

No, this isn't a "Poor Pearl, leave her alone!" post. Yes, most of this she has brought upon herself. But Pearl's a grownup: she knows what she's doing, or she is in the process of learning about it, and she is more than capable of handling the consequences. In fact, I'm impressed by her ability to remain reasonably genial and positive in the face of this.

But, I've got to admit, I don't get it. One thing Pearl has said that is true, at least so far as I can discern -- she has not attacked anyone. She's been a bit defensive in places, sure, but unlike the vast majority of posters, new or old, who come under this kind of fire, she's remained pretty good humoured.

And, really, this is why I don't get the hostility here. Pearl is completely inoffensive. Annoying? Maybe, but that's subjective. She's not attacked anyone, either as an individual or a class.

So, why the onslaught of criticism? Some of it has been gently put, and I think actually provides some guidance, but a lot of it has seemed to me all out of proportion to what she's being criticized for. Finding someone annoying, or even disliking them, is not in itself grounds for ridicule, scorn, or castigation? Do we think that this will make her a "better person"? Are we taking it upon ourselves to be hall monitors here? Or forum etiquette coaches?

If she's annoying, or you dislike her, fine: that's certainly your prerogative. But that's why we have the "ignore" feature on this forum. This little tempest in a teapot over her OPs isn't, surely, doing anything to make this a nicer place to be.

Pearl -- there is some good advice in this thread, even from people who have admitted they don't like you.

To begin with, forget the concern that your status as an escort has anything to do with people's response here. It doesn't: that's not why you are "controversial," if indeed that is the right word (which it really isn't). They are responding negatively to how you post. When I started here more than a decade ago (/me gets a faraway look in her eyes . . .), I spent at least my first half year dodging bullets, and being treated as a troll -- and that was at least partly my fault, because I had yet to learn how to work with the community here, what the unspoken rules of posting were, and so forth. So, focus on that. Really, just stop talking as though people care about your in-world activities: with very few exceptions, they just don't.

And the second thing is to reiterate what Rowan said above. Before you hit "submit," stop a second and think about what you've said, and how it might be read by others. I do this too, and have for a long time. I literally am rereading this twice before submitting it. It doesn't guarantee that it will go down well, but it reduces the chance of saying something you come to regret afterwards.

And my third bit of advice: keep up the good humour. You are a genuinely nice person. You don't lash out. People will recognize that, once you've figured out how to stop annoying them.

This is why you are one of my best friends.. I likely will never figure out how to stop annoying people though. That's just me.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 minute ago, Bagnu said:

I likely will never figure out how to stop annoying people though. That's just me.

I foresee a very long and bumpy autumn . . .

😏

[Bagnu]

8 minutes ago, Jordan Whitt said:

I am gonna raise my hand and be honest here.  I do judge people by the company they keep.  However, it's not because of a "job" or because they choose to spend their SL being a ho (paid or unpaid). 

I have been in SL for donkey's years and have seen and experienced some pretty heinous stuff done by some people, and I don't forgive easily.  So if I knew someone who was hanging out with or friendly with someone I have had a bad experience with, yes I'll most likely judge them for it, maybe distance myself from them because of it, but at the end of the day, I know it's my drama to act in, not theirs.  

Do I warn them?  Not really.  I may say something like "Yeah I don't get on with *insert name here* so I would rather keep my distance and not be involved with anything they are."  Other times I am a bit more blunt and say something like "*insert name here* is a 'see you next tuesday' and fudged me over bigtime but hopefully treats you better, so be careful." 

Just because I had a bad experience with them doesn't mean everyone else will after all.  It does however make me less inclined to stay around to watch and question how they cannot see someone for who they are.  

I don't think you would dislike any of my close friends. You already don't here in the forums. One person inworld perhaps....but I still have to make some judgements on that.....

BTW, I was was channel surfing a bit and saw Xena come on. Your AV very much reminds me of Lucy Lawless!!! All I could see was you on the TV lol!! I mean that in a positive way!!!

[Jordyn McGregor]

1 minute ago, Bagnu said:

BTW, I was was channel surfing a bit and saw Xena come on. Your AV very much reminds me of Lucy Lawless!!! All I could see was you on the TV lol!! I mean that in a positive way!!!

I know her younger sister and actually met her once at a party.

[Jordyn McGregor]

I have to say that I am confused by the exchange where @Amina Sopwith says you don't try to understand us, and you reply that you are trying to.  My example is coming from the recent thread about posting pictures with recognisable people.  You got very mixed responses in that thread.  Some comical and fun, but most were indignant that you even had to ask that.  Your replies flip flopped all over the place and you seemed to contradict yourself several times and to not really care about the moral issues brought up.  Then when things weren't going your way, you appeared to throw your toys out of the crib and left the thread after saying "I got my answer"...to a question even a child would know was a huge "yeah...no!"

And from the encounters I have had and seen you have with others, I (again) have to agree with @Amina Sopwith that I honestly don't think you are taking in what we're saying...as so eloquently vocalised by @Seicher Rae.  

24 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

I don't think you would dislike any of my close friends. You already don't here in the forums. 

As I said previously, there is only one person on these boards I would say that I hate.  There are several I may even dislike.  I try not to attach emotions to my postings or I would be a bigger basket case than I already am.

Edited August 31, 2020 by Jordan Whitt
I typo'd!!!!