A Discussion: Being "Kind" when Responding in Second Life (and Forums)

[Love Zhaoying]

12 minutes ago, LittleMe Jewell said:

Otherwise, I'll call it like I see it, and I will typically be quite blunt about it.

There are a couple people who I like that are "blunt" and not shy about it, but are also polite. You and another. (I cannot remember their name at the minute.)

ETA: It was @Solar Legion.

Edited May 3 by Love Zhaoying

[Zalificent Corvinus]

6 minutes ago, Luna Bliss said:

I hope you responded to the poster with all the kindness and love residing in the deepest recesses of your heart.

No, about page 20, after them repeating their insane demands multiple times AND constantly claiming it was "a fairr and reasonable compromise", I said "[anglo saxon word starting with F] it" and went and installed a Slaughter & Carnage Inc "Destroy All Enemies" zero second punt and ban the trash SecuriMax Orb, and manually added the posters name to the ban list, pre-emptively.

 

[Ceka Cianci]

Honestly, Who doesn't like a thread where everyone is trying to be the smartest person in the room?

Those are the best!! \o/

hehehe

Lesson one - how to piss off everyone in a forum at the same time..

Edited May 3 by Ceka Cianci

[Love Zhaoying]

25 minutes ago, Ceka Cianci said:

Lesson one - how to piss off everyone in a forum at the same time..

Thought I discovered it with this thread, totally by accident! 

[Ineffable Mote]

I'll just say here that many people tend to react far more often than they respond, and that there can be a whole world of differences between the two. With reactions especially, people tend to stay caught up in cycles.

Tandems aren't all that common but unicycles would seem far more rare, they're all somewhat different machineries.

[Stephanie Misfit]

15 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Ok, since discussion is mostly about "Forum" behavior (and *gasp* my own LOL), I'll give an example from Second Life.

This follows example #2 in the OP.

Someone who seemed nice enough, kept asking various questions about RL,  including:

What church do you go to?

Why do you go to church?

..things like that.

By that point, they had already been asking about / talking about RL stuff for awhile.

How did I respond? I believe that I said something like, "I am not comfortable talking about that" - then they asked "Why?".   In the end, I blocked them.

Where they "innocent"? Probably.

Did I need to "block them"? No.

What could I have done differently?  I could have answered their "why?" and just been persistent in not discussing RL things.  I think they would have taken the "direct statement" that I did not want to discuss it.

In this example, the hard part - to ME - is answering that first "why?" with kindness, instead of feeling "put upon" and just being "mad".

 

Pro tip for when people are asking you questions that are none of their business. Respond with "Why do you ask?". 9 times out 10 it will shut them up, because they don't have a good reason for asking except to pry.

[Jordyn McGregor]

Disclaimer - not read replies.

Personally I don't think its possible to be kind in responses here on the boards to certain people cos...

1 - I end up getting reported and sent into time out because people can't just suck it up and move on, they HAVE to tattle cos their "widdle internet feelings got hurt cos someone disagrees with them".

2 - It ends up wandering into "not on topic" territory and is therefore deleted.

3 - Some people just don't deserve kindness.

That being said, my biggest kindness here on the boards is just to block you or just ignore your posts altogether!

As for inworld - I simply say "thank you" if complimented on my avatar.  All other kindnesses from me include just ignoring, stopping replying or just logging out.  Cos if you ain't got anything nice to say...

[Kalegthepsionicist]

 

[Orwar]

30 minutes ago, Jordyn McGregor said:

3 - Some people just don't deserve kindness.

[Love Zhaoying]

1 hour ago, Stephanie Misfit said:

Pro tip for when people are asking you questions that are none of their business. Respond with "Why do you ask?". 9 times out 10 it will shut them up, because they don't have a good reason for asking except to pry.

Yeah, for some reason, asking "why?" is hard for me! Probably because I don't like being asked "why?". I need to get over that.

Thanks!

[BilliJo Aldrin]

41 minutes ago, Jordyn McGregor said:

Disclaimer - not read replies.

Personally I don't think its possible to be kind in responses here on the boards to certain people cos...

1 - I end up getting reported and sent into time out because people can't just suck it up and move on, they HAVE to tattle cos their "widdle internet feelings got hurt cos someone disagrees with them".

2 - It ends up wandering into "not on topic" territory and is therefore deleted.

3 - Some people just don't deserve kindness.

That being said, my biggest kindness here on the boards is just to block you or just ignore your posts altogether!

As for inworld - I simply say "thank you" if complimented on my avatar.  All other kindnesses from me include just ignoring, stopping replying or just logging out.  Cos if you ain't got anything nice to say...

yea, call thewhaaambulance... boo hoo hoo, that person was soooo mean to me, it ruined my whole day.

Like as not they are laughing the whole time they are reporting the post, because they "got" another forum member.

 

[Robberinthemuseum]

18 hours ago, Zalificent Corvinus said:

If so, it needs work, as it reeks of the insincere.

You are 100% right with this. "I'm sorry you feel that way" is incredibly offensive and I have never seen an argument end with a good solution when one person will not acknowledge their past behavior. "I'm sorry you feel that way" reeks of contempt. 

[Robberinthemuseum]

16 hours ago, Arielle Popstar said:

The first and foremost kindness is to acknowledge another person/avatar, especially when spoken to. Blocking people automatically forfeits that ability and makes any other acts of kindness moot. 

I'm pretty sure I'm still blocked too 🤣. I'll say something provocative....em.... Lions look stupid when shaved! 

Edited May 3 by Robberinthemuseum

[Robberinthemuseum]

Anyway, enough with this airing of grievances. I enjoy @Love Zhaoying's posts mostly. And if he suddenly stopped posting, you all would feel guilty af. I'm glad you have this space Love. You do you 😘

[Zalificent Corvinus]

19 minutes ago, Robberinthemuseum said:

you all would feel guilty af.

No, I really wouldn't.

[Robberinthemuseum]

2 minutes ago, Zalificent Corvinus said:

No, I really wouldn't.

Throws a 0 second security orb at you.

[Alwin Alcott]

1 hour ago, Robberinthemuseum said:

if he suddenly stopped posting, you all would feel guilty af.

Nope, and not because it's him but for anyone.. if posting it's ok, if not it's too.

It's also not about liking a person, or not, we mostly don't know eachother on the forums, when there's dislike it's about behaviour in the way of wording or posting.

And often forgotten ;  pretended kindness is aggressivity in disguise

 

Edited May 3 by Alwin Alcott

[Love Zhaoying]

1 hour ago, Alwin Alcott said:

3 hours ago, Robberinthemuseum said:

if he suddenly stopped posting, you all would feel guilty af.

Nope, and not because it's him but for anyone.. if posting it's ok, if not it's too.

It's also not about liking a person, or not, we mostly don't know eachother on the forums, when there's dislike it's about behaviour in the way of wording or posting.

And often forgotten ;  pretended kindness is aggressivity in disguise

Wise words!

Plus, anyone who doesn't like my posts can of course ignore them.  

I find it confusing that there are people in this thread who apparently read my posts, dislike them (as evidenced by their comments), and continue to read them anyway.   I do know that some people, according to what has been posted in the past, prefer not to block/ignore anyone.

 

 

[Luna Bliss]

2 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

anyone who doesn't like my posts can of course ignore them.  

I find it confusing that there are people in this thread who apparently read my posts, dislike them (as evidenced by their comments), and continue to read them anyway.   I do know that some people, according to what has been posted in the past, prefer not to block/ignore anyone.

Likely you'll be less confused if you examine why you were compelled to repeatedly leave negative comments on my posts and/or challenge them, even stalking me over to the last 4 of my Events listings to comment with pretend kindness (which in your case is indeed a form of aggressiveness).  I would definitely prefer that you ignore/block me from here on out.

[Garnet Psaltery]

Pfffffft.

Edited May 3 by Garnet Psaltery
Not worth the effort.

[Madelaine McMasters]

24 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

Pfffffft.

You're cute when you "Pfffffft".

[Love Zhaoying]

26 minutes ago, Garnet Psaltery said:

Pfffffft.

I'm afraid to go back and see what you're "Pffft-ing" about!

(It's probably not worth the effort!)

[Love Zhaoying]

As promised, here is another aspect of the topic brought up in the "OP":  Sincerity.

You can't "make" people believe you are "sincere".  

You CAN choose your words carefully, and try to say / write things which are hard to misconstrue. 

Unfortunately, there is a somewhat common trend where sincerity is often mistaken for sarcasm.  You really cannot help if other people interpret your words as sarcasm, if you have done your best to choose your words carefully so that they are difficult to understand.  (As with everything, this is just my opinion.) 

However, if you find that others interpret your sincerely intended words as sarcasm, it could indeed be due to past things you have said.  It is possible that in time, if you focus on writing sincerely, that others will come to see your words as you intended.

Here are some "points to think about" regarding writing a "sincere response" to someone in a potentially "difficult" situation (keeping in mind that the original  intention of this thread is RESPONSES to others):

1. Don't send a "mixed message".

- Avoid "..but..". If you are making a point in your response where you acknowledge the other person's point of view, thank them for their opinion, etc. it is "cancelled out" if you add on "but.." and something negative.

- Avoid "too many points".  If you are writing a "sincere" message, but you write too much, it will come across as "lecturing".

2. Avoid being "defensive".

- If the point of your reply is to "apologize", leave it at that. Don't attempt to "explain" or "justify" your previous position, that will "water down" any apology and distract from it.

3. Avoid "correcting" the other person.

- Any "sincerity" you intended may be lost, as the other can easily focus on the "correction".

4. Avoid citing experts, websites, religious figures, historical figures, poets, etc.

- Almost ANYTHING you quote like this can be misconstrued as "lecturing" and will be dismissed.  Most anything you could quote or cite, can be misinterpreted as some kind of "political", "religious", "academic" other "opinion" (even if it is "well established" in your own life experience, education, etc.).

- Others can easily see these as "elitist".

5. Don't cite your own professional or educational experience.

- Others can see this as "bragging".

..There's lots more, but next I will add additional points for another section of the information in the OP!

 

[BilliJo Aldrin]

12 hours ago, Robberinthemuseum said:

Anyway, enough with this airing of grievances. I enjoy @Love Zhaoying's posts mostly. And if he suddenly stopped posting, you all would feel guilty af. I'm glad you have this space Love. You do you 😘

I wouldn't 😂

[Luna Bliss]

40 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

As promised, here is another aspect of the topic brought up in the "OP":  Sincerity.

You can't "make" people believe you are "sincere".  

You CAN choose your words carefully, and try to say / write things which are hard to misconstrue. 

Unfortunately, there is a somewhat common trend where sincerity is often mistaken for sarcasm.  You really cannot help if other people interpret your words as sarcasm, if you have done your best to choose your words carefully so that they are difficult to understand. 

If one has been going after another repeatedly, criticizing them frequently, and/or attempting to undermine most anything they say -- this is not the time to "tease" them innocently (or pretend it's teasing when in fact it's veiled hostility). It will be taken as further criticism.

However if you have a fairly good forum relationship with someone without a whole lot of conflict it's okay to tease then, as the teasing/sarcasm will likely be seen as such.