Coming to Accept "Different" people in Second Life

[Kathlen Onyx]

46 minutes ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Ok, some food for thought, grist for the mill: does anyone else have stories of people in SL they couldn't understand, and came to accept overtime, realizing they were "different" (whether you put up with them any more or less)?

Quite the opposite after today.

AND

Happy Birthday!

Edited April 14 by Kathlen Onyx

[Robberinthemuseum]

I have no issues accepting people in SL or RL. But one thing that really surprised me in SL is that the people with the most beautiful, expensive and realistic avatars were a hell of a lot stranger than the people who have non-human avatars. When I joined, I accepted people as they presented themselves. I still do, but now that means something different to me. Before, beautiful avatar = attractive person. Now, beautiful avatar = shopaholic, blogger or slex addict 🤣. Mostly shopaholic. My avatar is realistic because I like Flickr and the photos are more aesthetic with a realistic avatar. When it comes to personalities in sl, you never know what someone is going through in rl. I am accepting to a fault, unless that person has targeted me for some kind of abuse or manipulation campaign, and then it's block derender! SL isn't my main social outlet though. 

[Sammy Huntsman]

Um yeah I will accept anyone into the fold until they betray me or hurt me and that acceptance goes out the window. I am weird and different, so I would be a right hypocrite if I didn't accept people like me. Trust me I have been betrayed and all that fun stuff a few times. My acceptance of those people, that went out the window. 

[Arielle Popstar]

I only ever blocked Love himself because I tended to find him spammy and making nonsensical posts in response to all others that I often didn't understand. I do still read his posts lately and have noted an increase in posts with some substance to them that is forcing me to reconsider my block as I find his posts are of increasing contribution to the threads they are posted on. I realize he still blocks me but I am ok with that. The challenge will be his to deal with in coming to accept different people.

[Luna Bliss]

44 minutes ago, Sammy Huntsman said:

Um yeah I will accept anyone into the fold until they betray me or hurt me and that acceptance goes out the window. I am weird and different, so I would be a right hypocrite if I didn't accept people like me. Trust me I have been betrayed and all that fun stuff a few times. My acceptance of those people, that went out the window. 

Agree. I totally don't think it's good to accept abuse  

[Love Zhaoying]

In the OP, I was mostly referring to "small" things such as: people who made you uncomfortable, didn't respect boundaries, etc. "Betrayal" sounds pretty big!

 

[Persephone Emerald]

1 hour ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Ok, some food for thought, grist for the mill: does anyone else have stories of people in SL they couldn't understand, and came to accept overtime, realizing they were "different" (whether you put up with them any more or less)?

No. I don't recall anyone getting better over time. They either stay pretty much the same, I eventually see their bad side, or they actually get worse.

Some people seem neurodivergent. That's fine. I can either communicate effectively with them or not, but I certainly don't hold that against them.

Edited April 14 by Persephone Emerald

[Scylla Rhiadra]

1 hour ago, Robberinthemuseum said:

Before, beautiful avatar = attractive person. Now, beautiful avatar = shopaholic, blogger or slex addict 🤣.

Don't be absurd.

I am utterly GORGEOUS, and I'm none of those things!

(/me quietly tucks her shopping list away under her keyboard.)

[Luna Bliss]

2 hours ago, Robberinthemuseum said:

Now, beautiful avatar = shopaholic, blogger or slex addict

OMG human avatar discrimination!  I'm contacting the authorities!

[Dafadilia Wayfarer]

Happy Birthday!

I'm different so I'm sure there have been people who haven't wanted interaction with me. In fact I have had people send an invite that have seen me post here on the forums only to come back to see they have unfriended me. To each their own. It doesn't bother me.

That experience taught me to simply be more guarded with friend invites from people I don't know. In my own outlook, as long as a person is kind, honest and genuine I've no issue with them being different. We are all different in our own way. Each social interaction is different. Some differences are positive while others no so much.

I'm not a very sociable person, but I have learned to listen to instinct on how I handle people who interact with me. There have been a few times where I have gotten messages from people I don't know that I won't respond to because their profiles gave me the creeps.

[Istelathis]

I think it is fair to say that most of us here are a bit different 🤣 

When you just want to accept people who hold differing views from your own, just find commonalities you share with them and build off of those.  Don't focus on your differences, focus on the traits you share in common, when you see a post here that you disagree with, and it is really obvious that no matter what you say they are not going to change their minds, then just let it go.  Plus, when you get down to it, most people share more in common than they do otherwise, for some reason society in general tends to focus on our differences.  

It doesn't help that people in power, take a magnifying glass to our differences, trying their best to keep everyone from joining together to overthrow them.. then you have all of the grifters out there that profit from it.  Imagine a world where our media focused on our similarities, and grifters started to focus on their hobbies rather than outrage.. yeah they would all go bankrupt, lol.  

Seeing that this is likely the way it has been throughout human history, I still think a zombie outbreak is the best way to handle it all.  Also considering I am incredibly introverted, and do not maintain any strong connections in SL, take it with a grain of salt.  I think I just like hearing the tapping of my keyboard at 1:20 am, it is kind of soothing.

[Clem Marques]

7 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

In honor of my 58th RL birthday tomorrow

Happy Birthday

[Robberinthemuseum]

5 hours ago, Arielle Popstar said:

 I tended to find him spammy and making nonsensical posts in response to all others that I often didn't understand. 

This is true.

3 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Don't be absurd.

I am utterly GORGEOUS, and I'm none of those things!

(/me quietly tucks her shopping list away under her keyboard.)

Well of course you would be in the perfect avatar for photography category, like myself.

(/me shoves my slex addiction under the rug)

4 hours ago, Persephone Emerald said:

No. I don't recall anyone getting better over time.

Well.... yes. Some people walk around in a blanket of their own pain. It's hard to be around this type of person. 

 

[Love Zhaoying]

4 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Don't be absurd.

I am utterly GORGEOUS, and I'm none of those things!

(/me quietly tucks her shopping list away under her keyboard.)

You certainly can't be a slex addict! 
..I would have heard!

[Love Zhaoying]

3 hours ago, Dafadilia Wayfarer said:

I'm not a very sociable person, but I have learned to listen to instinct on how I handle people who interact with me.

Excellent point, I often "listen to my gut", and tell myself it's "common sense".

[Love Zhaoying]

3 hours ago, Istelathis said:

just find commonalities you share with them and build off of those

Until recently, I would often say this was my "greatest joy"!

Great overall post / response!!

[Rat Luv]

Well, I have to accept them, really...everyone in SL and on the forums is completely bananas 🥴 Totally barking mad! I'm the only normal one around here 😇

And...HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 🎉🎇🎁

[Persephone Emerald]

[Raspberry Crystal]

I have found that SL has allowed me to get to know some people who I would have hesitated to approach in real life, and I am glad of that. I do get deterred by certain kinds of avatar though, which does get in my way at times.
When someone is tricked out in all the latest gear and looks too perfect, I find it intimidating.
The other instance are those avatars who wear overtly sexual clothing, or next to no clothing, in neutral spaces, I find it very off-putting.
All the rest, including no-mesh avatars, tinies etc and so on aren't really an issue for me.

[Rick Nightingale]

13 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

THIS IS NOT ABOUT NEURODIVEGENT PEOPLE.

I'd better stay out of it then, being autistic. Except to say...

 

Edited April 14 by Rick Nightingale

[Love Zhaoying]

8 minutes ago, Rick Nightingale said:

I'd better stay out of it then, being autistic. Except to say...

 

Thank you! To clarify, what I meant was that I am not singling out autistic / ND people in my post. I hope you got the intended meaning!

[Rick Nightingale]

Just now, Love Zhaoying said:

I hope you got the intended meaning!

Of course

 

[Ceka Cianci]

12 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Ok, some food for thought, grist for the mill: does anyone else have stories of people in SL they couldn't understand, and came to accept overtime, realizing they were "different" (whether you put up with them any more or less)?

Ya, there was a few people that I knew when I was in my first couple of years that really got on my last nerve.. Coming into contact with them years later and they had changed, as well as I had changed.. I know I had to have gotten on peoples nerves back then..

I let my avatar and what I was doing at the time go to my head and give me a huge, bloated, big fat, ego.. Talking with those people later was a much difference experience than the run ins we had early on.. We were more settled in and much more humbled and more or less had cringe about those days back then and kind of laughing about ourselves and how we acted like such children.

I've had some that I've ran into though that  really seem to be on that same road though.. I find that when I run into them, I just let them go on about things and kind of find a way to cut things short without being rude..

Something like, Oh one of the boys are calling me , I have to log off, or something.. hehehe

A lot of times people change.. other times some are stuck the same, like the uncle in Napoleon Dynamite, living out that big game from high school.. hehehe

 

[Hymn Celestia]

12 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Ok, some food for thought, grist for the mill: does anyone else have stories of people in SL they couldn't understand, and came to accept overtime, realizing they were "different" (whether you put up with them any more or less)?

Yes, but the stories would be impossible to go into great detail about here.

However, the method I use for accepting involves great distance.  I distance myself from whatever I perceive to be the friction or the impasse.  I observe it from the point of view of other people, other observers of the problem.  Nevermind how I see it or the other party sees it -- how would third, fourth, fifth, sixth parties see it?  And then I realize how many differences there really are, and that I am such a small, small part of the whole "Difference Soup."    So, some distance is required; some empathy (i.e. looking at things from many other perspectives, not just the two involved); and then to begin the long journey of accepting that there ARE differences without necessarily accepting the differences themselves. 

In other words, "it is the mark of an educated mind to entertain a thought without accepting it," evolves into "It is the mark of an accepting mind to note the great many differences, to select the ones that resonate with oneself at this stage in one's life, and to simply let live the others at a great distance if they simply cannot be improved upon." 

Also happy birthday!

Edited April 14 by Lyric Demina
spelling gah

[Love Zhaoying]

In some cases, I welcomed "different" people into my own Second Life "family", and after that only had "WTH?" moments when they crossed some line or overstepped some boundary.

Now, years later, maybe I know myself better enough - in part, THROUGH these encounters - that I could ask some careful "why?" question or explain why I felt they overstepped.

Or, maybe not.  I'm reminded of a more recent encounter where someone "merely" asked annoying RL questions, and I just didn't want to deal with it. That's a hard one!