When they disappear

[ballparkdogg]

Not sure if this is the correct forum, A longtime SL friend who used to be an SL girlfriend told me she has lung cancer in RL.  She was telling her friends just in case she disappears.  She told her current SL partner who will most likely contact us because they know each other in RL.  I am depressed about it.  Has this happened to you with someone on your friend's list? 

[Wulfie Reanimator]

Yup. Friend of mine had cancer and was buried on 17th of May, 2011. Still have a blurb about it on my profile, probably will until SL disappears too.

[Pixie Kobichenko]

Yes.  Someone who I referred to in another post.  He called me sister, but to me he was even more than a brother.  He was this safe place I could spend time with and have the conversations I was never able to have in the real world with blood family.  I wish I had words to make things less scary, or hurt less @ballparkdogg.   Hugs.  

[Lysistrata Szapira]

I've been in SL since 2008. I know multiple people who have passed away in that time frame. I know a few more I suspect have passed but do not have confirmation of it.  It always comes as a bit of a shock, but we have to remember that SL has been around 20 years, so people who were older when it started are getting up in years. 

[Lindal Kidd]

On 10/29/2023 at 4:11 PM, Lysistrata Szapira said:

...people who were older when it started are getting up in years.

...picks up the earpiece to the telephone, jiggles the hook, turns the crank, shouts into the microphone, "I'm still here, kids!"

[Caitlin Tobias]

Like many others, I've also experienced the loss of friends who have passed away in real life. In some cases, it came as a shock, while in others, I was aware of their terminal illness. It hurts, and it's normal to mourn.

[Marigold Devin]

On 10/29/2023 at 3:36 AM, ballparkdogg said:

Not sure if this is the correct forum, A longtime SL friend who used to be an SL girlfriend told me she has lung cancer in RL.  She was telling her friends just in case she disappears.  She told her current SL partner who will most likely contact us because they know each other in RL.  I am depressed about it.  Has this happened to you with someone on your friend's list? 

There have been a couple of announcement on these forums of the sad news that some of our lovely long-time friends have sadly passed away in real life. It is extremely sad, and they will always be missed. 

I don't think there can be any one of us oldbies who hasn't suffered the loss of a friend we made in Second Life. It's a reminder that behind every avatar is a mere mortal, even though it does look like our virtual selves will live on a long time after our death because of what is stored and available for many years on the internet. 

Be sad and grieve, it's very normal, a sign that you are a caring human being. 

[Maitimo]

@ballparkdogg  I'm very sorry to hear about your friend. I know a few people from SL who have passed away in RL, one of them a very close and dear friend who passed away after a long illness two years ago.  I think most of us have experienced similar, or will do so in the future. Sometimes we never learn the truth and are left wondering, without closure.

The sad truth is that SL has a higher-than-average proportion of people who are older, or who are struggling with disabilities or chronic/terminal illness.  It's normal to be sad, and to grieve.

[Lindal Kidd]

16 hours ago, Lindal Kidd said:

...picks up the earpiece to the telephone, jiggles the hook, turns the crank, shouts into the microphone, "I'm still here, kids!"

 

I'm going to quote myself, because this just reminded me...

In RL, my mother in law lived to 102, and was living on her own until the very end. For about the last 10 years, she lived in an apartment near us. Every morning, without fail, she would call us, just to let us know she made it through the night, and every evening, we would call her, just to touch base and say a few words about our respective days.

One day, she didn't call, and when we tried to call her, we kept getting a "phone off the hook" signal. We rushed to her apartment and found she'd fallen, broken her hip, and could not get up, but she'd pulled the phone off the table (she had an actual land line phone).

This simple habit of calling twice a day saved her life. So remember:

Pester your kids every day. The life you save may be your own.

[Anna Nova]

At the height of the pandemic my partner of 6 years told me in-world that she was off to hospital having failed a Covid test.  Never heard another thing from her.  I assume she died.  As we lived on different continents in RL, we never did exchange RL identities, so there is no way to check.

Long before that I had a good friend who just disappeared one day, never to return.  Mutual friends had the same experience.

I still keep both names in my Friends.

[Love Zhaoying]

On 11/1/2023 at 6:08 PM, Lindal Kidd said:

On 10/29/2023 at 4:11 PM, Lysistrata Szapira said:

...people who were older when it started are getting up in years.

...picks up the earpiece to the telephone, jiggles the hook, turns the crank, shouts into the microphone, "I'm still here, kids!"

"Hey kids, call me on the Ouija Board every day!"

[PheebyKatz]

Without going into too much detail, cos privacy and respect, yeah, I've lost dear people, and found out later they had gone the way of all things IRL. It sucks, but it happens.

My SL mom was the first. A longstanding contributor to my home sim's community (was there from the early days) dropped a while back, and we suspect she has passed on, as she's had no online activity on any platform in the past year, and one of my artist gods, and someone I wish I could have been better friends with, an admin of New Babbage, has been MIA for a long time now also, and is presumed lost to us. We keep his builds intact as an homage to his awesomeness, and I intend to build and name a park in his honor someday, as a permanent part of our sim. His work inspired my own, and if not for him I would never have thought to undertake a project as big as some of the ones I've worked on.

Our cemeteries have memorials for many others, including people I never got to meet, and I make sure not to walk on their graves, because those are "real" memorials for real people who are loved by those still living. When giving tours I make sure to point out the memorials, and tell whatever I know about the people who are "buried" there, and ask people to bear in mind that these are something more than RP props. Even virtual spaces can have sacred locations, in my opinion.

I'd share more personal beliefs on the subject, but people would probably just pooh-pooh whatever they don't believe in. Suffice it to say, I will be happy to see my friends again someday, because they are dearly missed.

 

Edited November 4, 2023 by PheebyKatz

[BillFletcher]

Not a close friend in SL, but someone I knew and admired, I actually rented an art gallery from her, She was a very well known individual in the SL art scene and a major force behind the Chelsea Hotel and the galleries that are around it. She passed away from health issues, it was well known that she was sick and generally known that eventually she would die from it but that doesn't make it any easier. 

[Robin Kiyori]

I've lost an SL Friend to Cancer, We all knew beforehand but it Still hurt. Also lost three other friends. Death sucks.

[animats]

Should the Linden Memorial Park be used more? If you've had Premium or Premium Plus for a while, should you have a grave in SL, so your friends can remember you?

[Ina Fairport]

I lost two dear friends in SL that passed away. A girl and a guy. I was partnered with the girl for almost 4 years. We bought land together and had our home there. It is 3 years ago since she died and I still miss her.
The guy was a close friend. He was DJ and a jazzfan like me. His RL wife is still in SL. 
Loosing close and good friends in SL feels the same as in RL
 

[Katherine Heartsong]

The guy I swung into SL with (at the advice of a long time SLer and mutual friend) just vanished one day. RL stresses I knew he was going through and a bunch of things all just wore him down and he left without a word. Did get a short message later sort-of explaining but gone. Hope he's doing okay.

[Marigold Devin]

On 11/4/2023 at 2:09 AM, PheebyKatz said:

Without going into too much detail, cos privacy and respect, yeah, I've lost dear people, and found out later they had gone the way of all things IRL. It sucks, but it happens.

My SL mom was the first. A longstanding contributor to my home sim's community (was there from the early days) dropped a while back, and we suspect she has passed on, as she's had no online activity on any platform in the past year, and one of my artist gods, and someone I wish I could have been better friends with, an admin of New Babbage, has been MIA for a long time now also, and is presumed lost to us. We keep his builds intact as an homage to his awesomeness, and I intend to build and name a park in his honor someday, as a permanent part of our sim. His work inspired my own, and if not for him I would never have thought to undertake a project as big as some of the ones I've worked on.

Our cemeteries have memorials for many others, including people I never got to meet, and I make sure not to walk on their graves, because those are "real" memorials for real people who are loved by those still living. When giving tours I make sure to point out the memorials, and tell whatever I know about the people who are "buried" there, and ask people to bear in mind that these are something more than RP props. Even virtual spaces can have sacred locations, in my opinion.

I'd share more personal beliefs on the subject, but people would probably just pooh-pooh whatever they don't believe in. Suffice it to say, I will be happy to see my friends again someday, because they are dearly missed.

 

There are memorials all over Second Life that I have stumbled across from time to time. Somewhere among the sailing sims near to Marmedunc (can't exactly remember where) there is a memorial, and I am sure there must be a permanent memorial in world for our recently departed CEO Ebbe Linden aka Ebbe Altberg, who passed rather young at 57 (a temporary one was put on one of the SLB sims). 

Ceremonies take place in world, floating candles are lit, everyone makes a mark on someone else, and I think it's very touching to show respect and not walk on graves, even in a virtual world.

We just never know where some people have gone, but it would only be those without empathy that would pooh-pooh these memorials.

 

Edited November 7, 2023 by Marigold Devin

[PheebyKatz]

I attended the memorial service of a best friend's long-time friend in the SL Coast Guard, and it was astounding how many people showed up and how much they put into making it as real and immersive as possible for everyone involved. The Blue Angels did a flyover, and everything, just like they would IRL for anyone of such importance in their respective branch of the service. I was in awe. It was like attending an actual, real-world event.

It's one of the things that makes SL so special to me, really. Seeing that many people in a virtual space being so completely... genuine for the sake of the people they love in that virtual space, it just blows me away when I encounter it.

Edited November 6, 2023 by PheebyKatz