superpeeve Oh my Gawd! - Totally unOfficial Pet Peeve Thread.

[Love Zhaoying]

7 hours ago, PheebyKatz said:

Uh-uh, I'm not falling for it, I bet there's a buncha potato fetishists out there just waiting for me to put that thing on.

Nothing against the potato fetishist community, it's just not how I roll. Now if it was an ANIME potato...

...maaaaayyyybe. It'd need much larger eyes, tho.

There's an old joke..with a potato..

2 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Too easy.

Make the so-called "Alphas" sob.

THAT'S fun.

Maybe that's why they're so "bad", they are subconsciously hoping for a proper spanking / punishment. (Momma didn't raise them right.)

[Orwar]

1 hour ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

There are good men, there are crappy men, and there is a vast range of men who fall in between.

   Peculiarly, I've made note of a near identical type of spectrum for women!

   .. Although for some reason, making any woman cry makes you Ahriman incarnate. 

[PheebyKatz]

3 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Too easy.

Make the so-called "Alphas" sob.

THAT'S fun.

I was playing on a playground once and a pack of trolls came in and attacked all the children. I was assaulted by a clown riding a flying weener. My response? Explaining to him exactly why he was flying around on a weener as a clown trying to frighten children. I ended up holding him in the lap of the giant teddy bear as he cried. The rest gave up and left.

I didn't exactly give him what he wanted (according to a post above I agree with wholeheartedly), but he certainly got what he NEEDED.

Edited July 1, 2022 by PheebyKatz

[Love Zhaoying]

19 minutes ago, Orwar said:

   Peculiarly, I've made note of a near identical type of spectrum for women!

   .. Although for some reason, making any woman cry makes you Ahriman incarnate. 

Odd, how most people see crying as so terrible but laughing as so good. Life without either wouldn't be right. Philosophically, laughing - I learn to laugh at myself. Crying - I learn to cry for others.

[PheebyKatz]

6 hours ago, Lindal Kidd said:

Nope. I've been waiting ten years for someone to make an iceboat. Nothin'.

Oh noes, you're sposed to make one yourself when this happens, so someone else can see it and declare that they can do it better, and then the MP can be saturated with a gazillion of them!

EDIT: You know, ten years is too long not to have something awesome like that. Gimme a little while, cos I have a lot on my list right now, but I hereby vow that I shall attempt to make one, just for you.

Edited July 1, 2022 by PheebyKatz

[Scylla Rhiadra]

5 hours ago, Orwar said:

   Peculiarly, I've made note of a near identical type of spectrum for women!

Well . . . Yes!

That is in fact the implication of my point that there are no "special" categories of men. They are best judged as we judge other things, including women. I'm glad you picked up on this!

I should note that there is a type of woman parallel to the pseudo-Alpha Male. Pretty much any woman who went to middle or high school will have run across them: they are particularly toxic and destructive, but more subtly so. Tina Fey wrote a movie about them. Ultimately there is nothing "Alpha" about them, either. They are just crappy women. 

6 hours ago, Orwar said:

Although for some reason, making any woman cry makes you Ahriman incarnate. 

I hope and believe that you don't actually make anyone cry, Orwar, as that would be unnecessarily mean. I'm sure you don't.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

6 hours ago, Love Zhaoying said:

Maybe that's why they're so "bad", they are subconsciously hoping for a proper spanking / punishment. (Momma didn't raise them right.)

 

5 hours ago, PheebyKatz said:

I was playing on a playground once and a pack of trolls came in and attacked all the children. I was assaulted by a clown riding a flying weener. My response? Explaining to him exactly why he was flying around on a weener as a clown trying to frighten children. I ended up holding him in the lap of the giant teddy bear as he cried. The rest gave up and left.

I didn't exactly give him what he wanted (according to a post above I agree with wholeheartedly), but he certainly got what he NEEDED.

People who believe themselves to be "Alphas," or want others to believe this, do tend to be crappy people, in that they are destructive and mean

But I think ultimately that they are really rather sad. I don't mean that in a nasty sense: I mean rather that they are probably pretty damaged, their personalities distorted by low self-esteem, a sense of inadequacy, or whatever. A kinder, gentler world would, I suspect, not produce such people at all.

[PheebyKatz]

1 hour ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

 

People who believe themselves to be "Alphas," or want others to believe this, do tend to be crappy people, in that they are destructive and mean

But I think ultimately that they are really rather sad. I don't mean that in a nasty sense: I mean rather that they are probably pretty damaged, their personalities distorted by low self-esteem, a sense of inadequacy, or whatever. A kinder, gentler world would, I suspect, not produce such people at all.

It used to be called "having an inferiority complex".

People actually tolerated it because they knew where it came from. I do not, I seek to cure it when possible, or at least alleviate it somewhat. He was a very sad clown, flying on a very sad weener and I told him so. I also told him that I understood why he felt that way and that he never deserved to be made to feel that way.

It was not the reaction anyone there expected me to have. I held him while he cried, and told him, in a Robin Williams kind of way, that it wasn't his fault. People turn toxic because they're tired of being hurt and feeling small and unloved and unimportant, and nobody likes to hear it because they know they can't fix it for anyone but themselves. So nobody wants to listen to it, but everyone wishes someone else would when they need to get it out.

As amusing as the whole event was at the time, and as much fun as it is to laugh at it later on, I really meant it when I told him I was sorry he had been treated so badly his whole life. I was able to understand his feelings and motivation in what had happened, because I've been there. Before I lived in SL I was a rather "famous" troll myself. I told myself I was doing it for fun, but I was doing it to make people feel what I had felt, the same way an abused child grows up to abuse their own children.

Once I saw what it really was, I had to change. I still fall into nastiness, painting everyone with broad strokes, assuming they're all dismissing me or treating me poorly, when in reality, often they just aren't interested in whatever inanities I'm blathering at them. I have to remember sometimes that not everything I say is of profound importance.

My entire life has been full of such things, and as even people on this forum have seen, I've been incredibly toxic on occasion. Nobody deserves to feel like that, and even if it wasn't my fault, I take responsibility. It's the only thing to do. Anyone here I've ever been mean to or angry at, on this or my other account, please know that I'm sorry. You didn't deserve it either.

I hope my sad clown troll person is doing better now. As angry as I can get at times, and as much as I just can't stand to be around some people, I really do wish for everyone to have the best experience possible. Even people who hate me.

It's the only cure to the sickness and poisoning in this world, not tolerance or dismissal, but understanding and loving kindness.

Edited July 1, 2022 by PheebyKatz

[Arielle Popstar]

1 hour ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Well . . . Yes!

That is in fact the implication of my point that there are no "special" categories of men. They are best judged as we judge other things, including women. I'm glad you picked up on this!

Well what word would you use to describe the sort of male who has these sort of qualities vs the "egomaniac with an inferiority complex" sort you are describing.

[Scylla Rhiadra]

46 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Well what word would you use to describe the sort of male who has these sort of qualities vs the "egomaniac with an inferiority complex" sort you are describing.

Ugh?

ETA: Sorry Arielle, now that I'm at my computer, I can give this the response it merits.

I'm not sure if this is supposed to be descriptive, or prescriptive. Are we supposed to like this person? Are men supposed to want to be like this?

That's an important question because, for me (and most men and women with whom I associate, I suspect), this person is far from "desirable." This description seems to elevate egoism or narcissism to a kind of moral virtue. He is apparently entirely un-self-aware ("Not affected by criticisms"; "Rarely admit their mistakes"). I value criticism, at least legitimate and thoughtful criticism, because I know I make mistakes, all the time, and I want to prevent them from recurring in the future.

He seems to be emotionally disconnected and intentionally self-isolating. I find the former sad: why would you WANT to cut off an important part of who you are? The latter is underlined by the fact that there is not a single mention here of connection, generosity, or altruism. This guy exists by himself, solely for himself.

He's certainly not going to "charm" this "lady."

Edited July 1, 2022 by Scylla Rhiadra

[PheebyKatz]

I'd call it a domineering person with a lot of hurt. And it's not just men, I've seen toxic "masculinity" in women, too. It's a human thing, not everything boils down to gender. People act callous and crass and uncaring because they think it will make them the sort of person they wish they could be, a dominant one, rather than an oppressed one.

The whole problem seems to be pretty much the same cycle that occurs with bullies. Bullies are cowards, and cowards, when they can get away with it, are bullies. They are one and the same.

Real strength is having the courage to admit mistakes, without having to grovel and look all weak. People go to such extremes, polarities of behavior, without realizing the extremes are just the further limits. I've known people who were super sweet to everyone except their partner. That partner abuse was their balancing act, like therapy for having to be nice all the time, and allow others' dooky to slide off of them. The result? Their partner sees the abuser as the real person under the mask shown to others, when really, it's just a person who is too nice to everyone deciding not to put the front up with the person closest to them, and it all comes out and gets all over the one they should be loving and caring for above all else.

I believe in all of us speaking our minds when we need to, and when we go too far, admitting it, and allowing things to be okay afterward. People seem to feel everything is either black or white, or hard or soft, or wet or dry. Those extremes don't exist independently, theyre part of a spectrum.

If everything was either hot or cold, with no in between, nobody could ever be warm, or cool.

I prefer warm, and cool, myself.

Edited July 1, 2022 by PheebyKatz

[Ayashe Ninetails]

The person described in that chart doesn't even exist.

"Always sure to stay ahead in life" - how? How does a person guarantee success at every turn and prevent *everything* bad from ever happening to them?

And lol, a person who isn't affected by ANY criticism whatsoever. Or never allows anyone to interfere in his life. Maybe if he lived alone on a private island somewhere.

Edited July 1, 2022 by Ayashe Ninetails
I can grammar sometimes

[PheebyKatz]

6 minutes ago, Ayashe Ninetails said:

And lol, a person who isn't affected by ANY criticism whatsoever.

Not being affected by criticism isn't a quality of leadership, it's idiocy. Anyone who thinks they're perfect as they are and couldn't improve anything about themselves is a narcissist.

And as we've already seen, narcissism is just the other end of the inferiority stick.

Edited July 1, 2022 by PheebyKatz

[Kiera Clutterbuck]

40 minutes ago, Arielle Popstar said:

Well what word would you use to describe the sort of male who has these sort of qualities vs the "egomaniac with an inferiority complex" sort you are describing.

While many of the traits described in the alpha male chart you posted can be desirable there are no traits demonstrating any caring for others, or any qualities needed to join with others and create a beneficial world for others outside his own realm. I see no traits like empathy, the ability to cooperate with others, or an ability to understand one is not always right and so needs to accept a degree of criticism.
Sure, he is successful when achieving his personal goals, but at what cost to others?

Not all of these types of people have poor self-esteem they are compensating for with pronounced individualism. Some are just excessively self-centered with little empathy for others. Taken to extreme they are called psychopaths.
At the website you took your graphic from they list ten problems for women in relationships with alpha males, and list an example of one such male:

Powerful Alphas
Currently Donald Trump is the classic example of a powerful, dominating alpha male.

https://thepleasantpersonality.com/alpha-male/

Pet Peeve: Too many people like this run the world. 

[Ayashe Ninetails]

4 minutes ago, PheebyKatz said:

Not being affected by criticism isn't a quality of leadership, it's idiocy. Anyone who thinks they're perfect as they are and couldn't improve anything about themselves is a narcissist.

And as we've already seen, narcissism is just the other end of the inferiority stick.

Agree. Honestly, quite a few of the qualities described in that chart aren't attractive to me. Rarely admit mistakes? Unemotional? Fearless? No thank you.

That's actually a big peeve of mine - being sensitive and human is a great thing. Admitting mistakes and showing an ability to listen to constructive criticism and adapt is hot. People who try to power through every situation like robots get on my nerves.

[PheebyKatz]

Kiera makes a good point, also. It's self centeredness and lack of empathy.

Some lack empathy because they don't know any better, and some lack it because they've either lost it or see it as weakness and try to avoid it.

Either way, it never leads to lasting success in anything. You can own the world, and if everyone despises you, you really ain't got squat.

Edited July 1, 2022 by PheebyKatz

[Solar Legion]

The appropriate label is "Non-existent" - to be polite.

Anyone trying to claim otherwise ... is in need of help.

[Coffee Pancake]

Just what this forum needs.

MOAR RED PILL

[Silent Mistwalker]

1 hour ago, PheebyKatz said:

Kiera makes a good point, also. It's self centeredness and lack of empathy.

Some lack empathy because they don't know any better, and some lack it because they've either lost it or see it as weakness and try to avoid it.

Either way, it never leads to lasting success in anything. You can own the world, and if everyone despises you, you really ain't got squat.

There are those who truly do lack any empathy. They do not see others as human or individuals. We are NPCs to them, mere reflections of themselves. What it boils down to is we do not exist as people, only tools.

[Love Zhaoying]

2 hours ago, PheebyKatz said:

It used to be called "having an inferiority complex".

I think these days they call it "overcompensation"!

[Love Zhaoying]

1 hour ago, Kiera Clutterbuck said:

While many of the traits described in the alpha male chart you posted can be desirable there are no traits demonstrating any caring for others, or any qualities needed to join with others and create a beneficial world for others outside his own realm. I see no traits like empathy, the ability to cooperate with others, or an ability to understand one is not always right and so needs to accept a degree of criticism.
Sure, he is successful when achieving his personal goals, but at what cost to others?

Not all of these types of people have poor self-esteem they are compensating for with pronounced individualism. Some are just excessively self-centered with little empathy for others. Taken to extreme they are called psychopaths.
At the website you took your graphic from they list ten problems for women in relationships with alpha males, and list an example of one such male:

Powerful Alphas
Currently Donald Trump is the classic example of a powerful, dominating alpha male.

https://thepleasantpersonality.com/alpha-male/

Pet Peeve: Too many people like this run the world. 

I'm not sure if our local Alphas ("Look at me! I'm an Alpha! This is how women should be! There is no inequity!", etc.) would consider the comparison with DJT a compliment, or not!

[Coffee Pancake]

 

[Arielle Popstar]

4 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

Ugh?

ETA: Sorry Arielle, now that I'm at my computer, I can give this the response it merits.

I'm not sure if this is supposed to be descriptive, or prescriptive. Are we supposed to like this person? Are men supposed to want to be like this?

That's an important question because, for me (and most men and women with whom I associate, I suspect), this person is far from "desirable." This description seems to elevate egoism or narcissism to a kind of moral virtue. He is apparently entirely un-self-aware ("Not affected by criticisms"; "Rarely admit their mistakes"). I value criticism, at least legitimate and thoughtful criticism, because I know I make mistakes, all the time, and I want to prevent them from recurring in the future.

He seems to be emotionally disconnected and intentionally self-isolating. I find the former sad: why would you WANT to cut off an important part of who you are? The latter is underlined by the fact that there is not a single mention here of connection, generosity, or altruism. This guy exists by himself, solely for himself.

He's certainly not going to "charm" this "lady."

1.  Alpha male/female is highly intelligent
2.  he/she is fearless
3.  Alpha male/female is goal driven
4.  He/she is a natural leader
5.  Alpha male/female has a magnetic personality
6.  he/she is super successful
7.  Alpha male/female has great intuitive sense
8.  he/she will not allow others to interfere in his life
9.  Alpha male/female is always sure to stay ahead in life
10.  he/she is not affected by criticisms
11.  Alpha male/female is usually unemotional
12.  Alpha male/female is dominating
13.  Alpha male/female is a fast decision maker
14.  he/she knows how to charm a lady
15. he/she rarely admit their mistakes

Ok so I rewrote the alpha characteristics to include females. Does that change your opinion somewhat on those characteristics? Do you feel the characteristics are negative when they are applied to a female leader? I noted both you and a few other posters commenting on this, chose to project several of the characteristics to their extremes to take the opportunity to then be critical of them but really, would you want the CEO or other type of leader to be any less then what is listed?

Interestingly enough, my perception of your forum persona at least is that of one having many of the qualities listed and seeing that as a good thing, in spite of disagreeing with your viewpoints in many cases. I suppose then being attracted to the opposite, ie beta boi's, would be reasonably natural.

Edited July 1, 2022 by Arielle Popstar
too many quotes

[LittleMe Jewell]

Today's peeve:  Environment friendly toilet paper.  Yes, I know we should applaud the hotels that use it because it is good for the environment, is more biodegradable, etc...., but even 2-ply is super thin, so I HATE it.

[Rowan Amore]

Alpha male qualities are different than alpha female qualities because we're female.  

https://liveboldandbloom.com/06/personality-types/alpha-female-characteristics