Why is it so difficult making friends here?

[Adamburp Adamczyk]

tbh, with so many boring "hi hru" kind of messages, it does get monotonous.  Personally, I favour a far more silly approach, silly stuff like "/me sneaks up and yells oompappa ommppapa that's how it goes, oompapa ooompap everyone knows, and legs it".

 

I've made some good friends like this, of course the flip side is those without a sense of humour ^^

[Madelaine McMasters]

4 hours ago, Scylla Rhiadra said:

I'm a pretty outgoing, chatty person . . . but I've always found making friends to be hard work.

........

But it's worth it, because people are worth it. And the friendships that you nurture and grow that way are everything: they are the real reason I'm here at all.

 

Agreed.

I'm a natural introvert with a deep appreciation for the value of extroversion. My in-world profile says "Your seeing this may mean I've taken a rare trip out into a populated place. Don't let me miss the opportunity to meet you!" That line has served me well over the years (as has my mention of Richard Feynman).

When I spot someone interesting, I often chat them up using something of interest in their profile as the seed for conversation. Not every introduction goes well, but most do and the results are usually quite pleasant. A few of those blossom into something long lasting and become part of the bedrock of my continued attraction to SL.

People are absolutely worth it.

Edited July 31, 2020 by Madelaine McMasters

[Vanity Fair]

On 7/29/2020 at 9:17 PM, Jordan Whitt said:

I agree that it's hard to make friends.  I've tried going places, being more active here, even joining AVMatch and approaching people there....nada.  I guess I am destined to be a workaholic hermit loner forever sorting my inventory on my skypad.

You sort your inventory?!?? I just let mine pile up (I'm at over 260,000 elements and counting....).

[Bagnu]

8 minutes ago, Vanity Fair said:

You sort your inventory?!?? I just let mine pile up (I'm at over 260,000 elements and counting....).

I still have to continue setting up my Wardrobe!!!

[MelodicRain]

3 hours ago, Adamburp Adamczyk said:

tbh, with so many boring "hi hru" kind of messages, it does get monotonous.  Personally, I favour a far more silly approach, silly stuff like "/me sneaks up and yells oompappa ommppapa that's how it goes, oompapa ooompap everyone knows, and legs it".

 

I've made some good friends like this, of course the flip side is those without a sense of humour ^^

Yeah I prefer those kinds of whimsical conversations as well, but it's SO RARE to find someone with a whimsical side like us. I mean SL of all places should be a place to explore your fun side, but no, 90% of people I had the displeasure of interacting with sound like my university professor. So damn serious, formal, boring. I try to inject some humour into the conversation and they just stare at me like I'm some kind of freak. At that point it's hard to resist giving them the middle finger and just walk off.

Edited July 31, 2020 by MelodicRain

[Adamburp Adamczyk]

5 minutes ago, MelodicRain said:

Yeah I prefer those kinds of whimsical conversations as well, but it's SO RARE to find someone with a whimsical side like us. I mean SL of all places should be a place to explore your fun side, but no, 90% of people I had the displeasure of interacting with sound like my university professor. So damn serious, formal, boring. I try to inject some humour into the conversation and they just stare at me like I'm some kind of freak. At that point it's hard to resist giving them the middle finger and just walk off.

well, i Was just stood near a hub as a guitar playing banana, i gave up using google translate on "hi hru wyd asl " etc, I said ask me it in morse code, and I'll answer you in semaphore, cue the tumbleweeds.

[Bagnu]

I'm honestly lost on this. I make friends almost every day I'm inworld. I can't work on an outfit without getting an IM (and I would rather have it that way). I would be more than happy have more friends, and introduce you to my friends!!! It could only work if you want to be a part of the Adult community though.

[Jordyn McGregor]

10 hours ago, Vanity Fair said:

You sort your inventory?!?? I just let mine pile up (I'm at over 260,000 elements and counting....).

I do!  I'm a total anally retentive Virgo!

[Caroline Takeda]

Here is the trick:

The best and most effective way of making friends is: Stop making friends!

Don't expect to have any friends. Limit yourself to socializing and sharing interests with no friendmaking intention at all.

Then they will find YOU, instead of YOU finding THEM.

Trust me, It works.

 

 

[Caroline Takeda]

16 hours ago, MelodicRain said:

Yeah I prefer those kinds of whimsical conversations as well, but it's SO RARE to find someone with a whimsical side like us. I mean SL of all places should be a place to explore your fun side, but no, 90% of people I had the displeasure of interacting with sound like my university professor. So damn serious, formal, boring. I try to inject some humour into the conversation and they just stare at me like I'm some kind of freak. At that point it's hard to resist giving them the middle finger and just walk off.

Well,

For YOU it is a place to explore your fun side.

Others might be there for business, or to explore their creativity, to learn somthing or to explore sexual kinks.
An example: If someone would walk into my SL office whilst I do a sales presentation to a potential advertiser and turns it into some kind of slapstick comedy, I would hit the eject button.

There are many reasons to be in SL and they do not have to match yours.

Each to his own.

 

[kungaroo2010]

All I do is vent, so I hope something below is sort of relevant and doesn't just make me further disliked for getting off-topic.

As far as I have figured it, there are individuals that can somehow mesh with society and understand how to make things flow. Then there are those who remain lost. SL, RL, any game, any social media... it is all the same. At the end of the day, social conventions take a monotonous form that at the same time manages to be so backwards from some of us that it becomes hard to interact. Of course, there are nuances between the two, the biggest being that real life requires the individual to retain a certain amount of courtesy whilst also forcing them into situations whereby they must interact with another. SL allows for individuals to hide themselves, freely do whatever they seek, and thus leads to a certain level of apathy within an echo chamber.

From my perspective, a friend is an individual that desires to do activities with you. Someone who would log in, remember you exist, and invite you to places or otherwise spend time with you at some point. From experience, friends in SL mostly just do their own thing; they undoubtedly will find their own little area to hang out that doesn't really involve you. If you try to get involved, they will become offended, at best wanting you to only spend time with them when they specifically message you. Note that they might not bother with you, thus essentially saying that they don't really want to be around you. They keep you on their friend's list, they might even occasionally send some distant message that sounds like they don't care if you initiate a conversation, but you never really feel welcome in their world. You never belong.

The closest I found to belonging was when I was with a community expecting me to change everything about myself and pretend to be someone I am not. Saddest thing is that I did this, only for them to dislike me even more for being obvious in how fake it was. People are either not happy with my presence or just apathetic. I never belong anywhere, no matter how much desperation I have had to try to be welcomed. I feel like screaming "please like me" at random people just in the hopes that someone might actually say something. But then you remember that it likely would just be out of pity, which is society's way of allowing them to pat themselves on the back before inevitably getting frustrated with you because you don't improve.

I have tried changing my appearance to appeal to others, it just leads to me feeling like Rudolph covering his nose. I know I am not what others like, I know my appearance might even be a problem for various sims. I know it should be as simple as changing things around, but at a certain point it begins feeling like you aren't even being yourself anymore. I guess that makes it even worse, I want friends that accept me for how I am, want me to be around, yet at the same time I am also cursed to be problematic with everything, including my preferences with how I look. 

I am terrible at making friends anywhere. I accept this is likely my fault more than anything. I am depressive by nature, my tastes are rather controversial or different, and I have lost much motivation for places to go or things to do. You always get this situation in each friendship where they try to boost you up, saying how it was obviously everyone else in the past that had it wrong. Yet they inevitably fall down the same routes, resulting in them realizing how terrible you were or just otherwise losing interest in you.

Perhaps my expectations are deluded. As said, I expect a friend to be someone who WANTS to do something with you. This means they love talking to you when around and, whenever possible, they might even go places with you. I understand I am not the type of person who can really go to a lot of places, but at the same time I shouldn't be going weeks just trying to find ways to amuse myself due to a lack of involvement with others. It is mocking to have a list of friends, many of which are online, yet you are left wandering around aimlessly.

I annoy people when I talk, all I do is ramble and they don't really care about anything I have to say. My unhappiness brings down any community I try to be part of, thus in turn making me further unwelcome anywhere I go. I am too different from others, I never really find that person that shares interests with me. This actually leads to further problems, since in a crowded setting I can easily become the one who has no idea about a topic but is desperately trying to be part of a conversation. I ask questions, I am accused of being a cop. It seems I am expected to just sit and listen, at which point I begin to wonder if I could just fade away without anyone noticing. Yet another place I am tolerated in, yet at the same time don't really feel welcome in any capacity, since at best it feels like I am either an invisible presence or an intruder. As for finding people with shared interests, it usually doesn't work as that one common taste usually will be a thing you latch to while they go on to other stuff whilst also making a point to not involve you. "I have depression and don't want to talk to anyone" only to post RP logs, get involved in some Discord servers, and stream a bunch of games.

I guess I am too cynical. I dislike too much out there. I try things on a frequent basis, but find most just unappealing... no, worse, heavily annoying to the point it is baffling how someone can endure it or find any appeal. I have spent a lot of time questioning how to widen my palette and appreciate the tastes everyone else seems to have. My own don't have sims; I could create one, but then it would be an isolated echo chamber nobody would visit. People tend to see my stuff as extremely annoying, thus they don't want to bother with it at all, then tell me I need to continually put forth effort into their interests for them to bother with me. I have endured a lot of terrible things in the name of friendships that didn't pay off. A friend isn't someone who is going to show you their tastes, but then refuses to even bother with yours; I comprehend disliking things, but I cannot comprehend a lack of effort. Friendships I encounter usually hold entirely different interests where they don't wish to bother with anything of mine; this in turn makes me begin questioning why I am putting effort into trying to endure stuff they like. Then again, tastes are good, but what really determines a friendship is mindset. You must share a wavelength.

To make friends you have to put forth an effort. I have gone to clubs and spent hours just sending IMs. I have made a game out of it, rolling a dice for the number of people in a club and sending a message if it is a person I have yet to try. 95% don't respond, 4% respond with something like "please don't bother me", and 1% you hit off with a good conversation... only to never hear from after that day. At a certain point all human interactions begin to mesh together, you begin expecting society to just behave in certain ways, and so you rather just devote times to isolated hobbies. Second Life isn't a place I go to have fun; it is a last resort when I have a lack of enjoyment elsewhere and delude myself into thinking things might ever get better.

I am too depressive. Nobody comes on SL to listen to someone be negative. If you aren't going to be entertaining, why bring you along? It is too much of a mental strain for people when you are depressive, since their natural reaction is to try to build you up, which inevitably leads to frustration when it fails due to relying entirely on shallow advice like "read inspirational quotes" or "start praying to God more" or "assault a family member so they defend themselves, then claim abuse so you can get a new family". As said, I am not happy when on SL, which in turn means people are bound to dislike me all the more for not being happy. Anyone bound to talk to me is bound to try to save me, which in turn leads to anger as "I find excuses for everything". I am too self-centered and focused on my negativity, I don't entertain people at all.

To have friends, you need to belong and have connections with others. If you are different from others, you likely won't have friends. If you are like me, you might not even be human, since human beings seem to be able to connect on an unconscious level. Though many seem to deny it, there is a hive mind, where even those with somewhat differing tastes or thoughts still can fit in with society at the end of the day. Perhaps that is just schizophrenia talking, but at this point it feels like endless circles. Of course, that can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies, but how can one expect different when nothing different ever occurs?

I guess I can't say I am totally alone. I get what I deserve, the only one who might message me is an individual who has blatantly told me they could care less about me and just use our IM feed as an echo chamber for them to convey thoughts to themselves. When they never respond to anything you say, you start to feel very isolated, perhaps even more so with such a presence around. I feel lonelier when around people than when alone, since the former expects some form of interaction I don't generally get.

It would be nice to have one active friend. One friend who actually wants to do things with you. I do have someone who seems to be a great friend, but they are always busy to the point that I am lucky if I talk to them (forget doing something with them) once a month. Then again, I am entirely different from most. Personally, I don't really desire much in the way of privacy, I have had enough alone time for one lifetime and just want one individual to explore reality with. Living is rather meaningless for me, so the best I can hope to find is another I could live for, specifically by almost always being a part of their world. I am mentally unhealthy and likely set off a million red flags. Many people have been afraid I am going to do something violent and drastic, since I always seem off to others.

At the end of the day, I don't deserve friends. I am a terrible individual that really doesn't belong in this world. All I can do with my existence is annoy or be tolerated by others. I offer nothing of benefit to this world, I lack any skills or capabilities whilst at the same time seemingly being incapable of learning due to being unable to grasp the basics even a tutorial glances over since it is so innate, and thus am nothing but a leech that steals the oxygen from others. Thus it is pretty right for them to dislike me; I can't even entertain people on a daily basis. I hate to say it, but if you cannot make any friends you might be a terrible person like me, and thus simply don't deserve happiness. Even councilors couldn't handle me, who could expect any normal individual to feel nothing but contempt or annoyance if they can be bothered to care at all?

 

Quote

Personally, I favour a far more silly approach, silly stuff like "/me sneaks up and yells oompappa ommppapa that's how it goes, oompapa ooompap everyone knows, and legs it".

Usually when I run out of normal responses I start getting more and more silly. What I find is that people tend to just get upset. Maybe I just have a terrible sense of humor.

 

Quote

When I spot someone interesting, I often chat them up using something of interest in their profile as the seed for conversation.

And it doesn't help that I get wary when people start talking about things they noticed about my profile or about me. A lot of friends in the past tended to watch my every action and get mad at what I would do, stating the action I did and that it was atrocious that I did such. I guess I have accepted that I am likely to differ from others, so it is best to not bring up many interests otherwise it will lead to the person ranting about it. I guess I am not much better, since I can't find it in myself to like most things others may like, so I don't really have much I can say about something other than that I dislike it.

 

Quote

You sort your inventory?!??

I throw most things into a folder called Old. Hundreds of boxes, random objects I have gotten, most things go in there. Of course the problem with that is that everything is buried in a giant area, but luckily I can at least search and find some old box. The main things I keep outside of the old folder are clothing and vehicles. The good friend who is always busy was heavy into military stuff, so I got involved with a giant tank collection, plus I find it a better alternative to standing or just watching my avatar dance to music (since clubs apparently dislike if you move around to dance with the music).

 

Quote

So damn serious, formal, boring.

People in SL fall into two categories. Those who are serious about their SL time and will want everything as realistic and normal as possible, and those who don't mind if you do something different but can't really bring much to the table themselves. I don't mind the latter much, though I do wish I could build a Tower of Babel with the extents of the human expression. I have two states personally. Either I am in my normal state, which usually means I need to maintain my identity. If I am not myself, I cannot take things seriously, and so begin to instead try to have fun. I remember being banned from London City for being a giant dancing roll of toilet paper. Usually a lot of my fun involves rezzing a lot of random things and making a big giant event, so I try to go to an empty place and ideally do it on some land I know I am not going to offend anyone on. I believe heavily in cleaning up my messes, but of course a stray chicken can always wander off, which has led to me not really being welcome at some places I was originally encouraged to express myself on.
 

I am the type that likes to be doing something and finds amusement mostly through props. I love places I can rez objects in. I also love roaming the world and exploring peoples' houses. It is very likely to see me as some sort of griefer, but I don't want to harm or cause problems, I just want to either be myself and explore or embrace SL for the freedoms it offers and cause giant explosions with rocket launchers. I don't understand those who take offense to intruders in their house; personally I would love people to visit my home if I had one. Main reason I don't have a home is because I know nobody would be there, so it is a worthless investment to have.

 

Quote

guitar playing banana

You are doing a great justice to the world by existing. I don't understand the obsession with clubs and beaches in SL. Why do we seek to recreate reality with all its laws and expectations? I rather creativity and the freedom to express ourselves. I probably would get along with furry communities more, since I think they have a similar mindset, but then again they don't like interacting with someone who generally is a human.

In the event I am going to a sim I cannot be myself on (say non-adult sims, since the only way I can freely be myself is with minimal censorship), the answer is to become the "guitar playing banana". In my case, that is usually a panda riding a chicken, but also might be a red shirt from Star Trek who is seeking intelligent life on the sim I am traveling to. Or I might use a flying tractor. Or a classic human made out of wood trying to pass of as a normal human who doesn't eat flesh. Or Gollum. Or a tiny rabbit made out of dust. I take many forms, but if I lose my ability to be myself I also lose any seriousness.

To be myself I have to be myself. I am not sure that makes any sense, but that is the way my mind operates.

Quote

It could only work if you want to be a part of the Adult community though.

If only I wasn't a terrible person, since I essentially live on adult sims, especially on my main.

I think I have made a record for the longest post in this thread... I am sorry for the mess I have made. I guess I rambled too much. This was the best activity I really had to do for the past few hours. I guess this tells you how few friends I have, I had nothing better to do than write up a long post going nowhere.

Edited August 1, 2020 by kungaroo2010

[Skell Dagger]

1 hour ago, kungaroo2010 said:

From my perspective, a friend is an individual that desires to do activities with you. Someone who would log in, remember you exist, and invite you to places or otherwise spend time with you at some point.

Everyone's definition of friendship is different. Having people who want to physically be with you, invite you to go places, hang out in the same location with you is your definition.

My definition is different. Being invited to lots of places and having people wanting to be around me all the time would be my idea of a pain in the backside. I prefer to have friends who will hang out with me in IM while I do my own thing. (And even then, I'm very very selective about the rare individuals that I add to my contacts list.)

It sounds like your vision of SL is that of gentle, humorous chaos. That is a side of SL that has fallen by the wayside somewhat from its early days (and I've been around for long time, so I remember those early days). You would have been right at home here circa 2007 or so.

I do hope that you find a place and/or group where you feel comfortable and among like-minded people. I wish I knew what had happened to Nostoll, as he always struck me as the kind of guy who was fun to be around, and his idea of fun looked to be the kind of thing you describe enjoying, but he hasn't posted here since July 2019.

Edited August 1, 2020 by Skell Dagger

[NicoleSartre1]

Such an interesting topic! It's always fascinating to see such different approaches and experiences. We are all in this same virtual world, and all have the same social opportunities, but we are coming from an endless variety of personal perspectives and hopes and needs, which are themselves in a state of constant flux, and none of us are 100% the same today as we were yesterday.

To me, much as I enjoy the beauty of the sims and landscapes, the essence of SL is the people I meet. I will finish a session feeling either empty or very satisfied and fulfilled depending on whether or not I have had a conversation with someone - and spontaneous conversations with perfect strangers can often be the most satisfying of all. I have never had a problem making friends, and all friendships start with the striking up of a conversation. As my dear old Dad (sadly departed) used to constantly say to me....."Use the gift of language." As a child I would watch him enter a room and immediately engage others. He would walk up and start talking to the most unlikely or unfriendly looking prospect, and I would watch in wonder as that person's face would break into a smile, be transformed, as he/she started chatting back.

This was one of the greatest life lessons I learnt from my Dad - and I love doing this in SL. There's no doubt that some avis do look intimidating at first glance, and when one reads their profiles they can seem even more intimidating! But incredibly, when I spontaneously "use the gift of language" on them a good 80% respond and turn into pussycats! I love it. 

I will always notecard and file good conversations so that I can quickly recap personal details, etc. Not everyone, or even most end up as in-your-pocket friends, but I do have many (most in fact) who are occasional coffee-shop/drink in a bar, or even 'under-the-sheets' (!) friends where, following a wave, we meet for a catch up, and it's nice to remember and be remembered. I can be VERY talkative!

The hardest thing, I find, is when I arrive somewhere and am immediately assailed by multiple IMs. I am not a good multi-tasker, and I seriously prefer one conversation.....but how to choose? It's like being allowed only one sweet! And they all look so interesting. And it seems rude to curtail any one of the approaches....and that's the last thing I would ever want to seem if someone has been kind enough to express an interest. (Worth bearing in mind, too, if someone doesn't respond to one's own IM, or is slow, or stops....I always give them the benefit of the doubt....they may be inundated with IMs. I know that has been my own anguished experience on a good many occasions). I feel that contacts that fall by the wayside for this reason are ships that have passed in the night. Another unique person...mind....consciousness...fellow life-traveller....that I will now never know. There's always a tinge of sadness.

But it's all worth it. So my advice is, even if no one is talking....just use the gift of language. Almost everyone is there because they want some contact (otherwise they would be playing video games....yuck!), even if they won't admit this to themselves. Don't be discouraged if people don't respond, or are a bit cool - this could be for a whole host of reasons that have nothing to do with you. Just keep going - it's a numbers game. I often find it's the most unlikely, hostile-looking avi, who responds positively, and we have a lovely conversation. They won't all end up as in-your-pocket friends, the conversation doesn't always have to be about sex (really!). So many avis are standing/sitting/mooching around in a state of 'quiet desperation' just waiting for an IM. People are shy, awkward, introverted - but they are also so often deeper and more rewarding to talk to once you get them going.

Of course, some will also just want some peace and quiet....and I must come across as highly irritating to them! Oops! Sorry!!

[Adamburp Adamczyk]

For me, the best way I've encountered to make friends, is when my partner in crime and myself are busy goofing off.  So many people say to me "Hey, it's the Flash".  I point out, "nope, I'm not the Flash, I'm The FLUSH" (for those not getting the joke, I collect toilets in SL so it's a pun on that).

 

We'll come up with a random, daft idea, just last week we got a crowd going by standing at a crossroads on hobby horses referring to each other as Captain Underpants and Colonel Snoozy.

 

Point is - it's the sheer random humour that breaks the ice with people, some you win, some you lose.

 

For me, I'll happily post in a group chat "Hey I just found so and so Linden afk, come see" and post a slurl to 300m above a water sim, sit back and watch everyone tp in and get a free bath.  Again, the point is randomness, gets people talking.

Edited August 1, 2020 by Adamburp Adamczyk
mental note: never post on the forum when out of bed after night shift, without copious amounts of caffeine

[BelindaN]

4 hours ago, Caroline Takeda said:

Here is the trick:

The best and most effective way of making friends is: Stop making friends!

Don't expect to have any friends. Limit yourself to socializing and sharing interests with no friendmaking intention at all.

Then they will find YOU, instead of YOU finding THEM.

Trust me, It works.

 

 

It's a simple as this ^^^^^^^^^. There's no point in going out there looking for friends, that's the least effective way of doing it. Just go exploring. Hang out at a few places like clubs or whatever you enjoy. Take part in local chat. If somebody IM's you don't expect a new friend at the end of the chat. It takes time.

And then there are different categories of friends. Some I hang out with to chat. Some I hang out with to go dancing. Some I hang our with for photos. Some I hardly ever hang out with but we chat in world. Some I hardly ever see in world. Each one matters, and I rarely unfriend anyone, with just the occasional clear out.

[Bagnu]

4 hours ago, Caroline Takeda said:

Here is the trick:

The best and most effective way of making friends is: Stop making friends!

Don't expect to have any friends. Limit yourself to socializing and sharing interests with no friendmaking intention at all.

Then they will find YOU, instead of YOU finding THEM.

Trust me, It works.

 

 

That's exactly it!!! Go places you like, and join in on the conversation if it appeals to you. Friendship happens naturally, just like RL!!!

[Bagnu]

38 minutes ago, BelindaN said:

It's a simple as this ^^^^^^^^^. There's no point in going out there looking for friends, that's the least effective way of doing it. Just go exploring. Hang out at a few places like clubs or whatever you enjoy. Take part in local chat. If somebody IM's you don't expect a new friend at the end of the chat. It takes time.

And then there are different categories of friends. Some I hang out with to chat. Some I hang out with to go dancing. Some I hang our with for photos. Some I hardly ever hang out with but we chat in world. Some I hardly ever see in world. Each one matters, and I rarely unfriend anyone, with just the occasional clear out.

Perfect points too!!!

[Bagnu]

3 hours ago, Skell Dagger said:

I prefer to have friends who will hang out with me in IM while I do my own thing.

IM's are important for sure, and that shows real friendship, But, not hanging out with a friend could mean you eventually lose them. Like RL when someone moves away, and there's only the phone. I feel friends need to share experiences together, otherwise we could end up with nothing in common anymore.

[Skell Dagger]

18 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

But, not hanging out with a friend could mean you eventually lose them.

Perhaps in your world, with your friends. Not in mine. I seem to be able to hold on to friends even though I rarely bump into them inworld. I'm able to hold onto real life friends when we can't physically hang out, too.

18 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

Like RL when someone moves away, and there's only the phone.

My closest friend lives 5,000 miles away from me. We talk - either in voice or text - every single day, and have done so since 2006 when we both met online. We have never met each other in person, but we are still incredibly close friends.

Edited August 1, 2020 by Skell Dagger

[MelodicRain]

5 hours ago, Caroline Takeda said:

Well,

For YOU it is a place to explore your fun side.

Others might be there for business, or to explore their creativity, to learn somthing or to explore sexual kinks.
An example: If someone would walk into my SL office whilst I do a sales presentation to a potential advertiser and turns it into some kind of slapstick comedy, I would hit the eject button.

There are many reasons to be in SL and they do not have to match yours.

Each to his own.

 

I don't walk into businesses to make friends lol... that's kind of common sense? I'm talking about trying to make friends in SOCIAL sims, like clubs. Imo humour is kind of mandatory to maintain friendships. I don't want someone who has zero sense of humour and always speaks to me like a professor as a friend.

[Bagnu]

You already made one friend, and you are making more by being here!!!

Edited August 1, 2020 by Bagnu

[kungaroo2010]

5 hours ago, Skell Dagger said:

It sounds like your vision of SL is that of gentle, humorous chaos. That is a side of SL that has fallen by the wayside somewhat from its early days (and I've been around for long time, so I remember those early days). You would have been right at home here circa 2007 or so.

I hate to live in nostalgia like that, but I definitely feel SL has been getting worse with time, and thus I can see it having been better around 2007. I started around 2015; while not close to those early days I can at least say there felt like there was more variation in sims. I remember attempts at making MMOs in SL, I remember giant mazes with robots chasing you, or multiple level mazes where finding the exit to each part would take hours. Especially in the adult sims these days, a lot of that variety has faded, instead mostly being AFK places, clubs, or beaches. In 5 years it has gotten worse, so I can only imagine what it was like in 2007, especially from some people I have run across who lament for those days. The days when a lot of big creators were around and motivation was a lot higher.

Quote

I do hope that you find a place and/or group where you feel comfortable and among like-minded people.

That is always the hope, but I have become doubtful. The more people I go through, the more I feel like a revolving door. As said before, I have questioned my humanity, since it feels unlikely any human should be unable to connect with so many others. My interests and experiences are different, so I am terrible at comprehending pop culture. How do people keep up with all these topics out there, all these references? Do people go out of their way to research what is popular? Do they devote their life to it? It seems quite time consuming based on the amount of time I have taken to try to grasp some things.

Just yesterday someone told me "no, deadass" and I had to look it up to figure out that they weren't insulting me. But then they got angry at me because I couldn't grasp the basics of a tutorial and when they told me to hit a key it did not do what they said it should do. I get accused of doing things to draw attention to myself a lot, which is depressing. On the one hand I am desperate enough to try to get someone to talk to me, but on the other I am being completely genuine and trying to comprehend things others can easily grasp. Yet, because I didn't get the result they expected, obviously I am just seeking attention. It gets very upsetting to be genuine, only for others to think you must be making things up because nobody can be as terrible as you are at something.

 

2 hours ago, Bagnu said:

I feel friends need to share experiences together, otherwise we could end up with nothing in common anymore.

This is why I feel SL is such a lonely place. Even if someone IMs you, it usually is disconnected and involves just a couple messages that feels more like you are taking them away from whatever they were doing. I have talked to people on the other side of the world, have talked enough that they should be my friends, yet they are more the occasional pen-pall that doesn't see the daily struggles you go through to find something to amuse yourself with due to the lack of others around.

 

5 hours ago, Adamburp Adamczyk said:

Again, the point is randomness, gets people talking.

There definitely is a balance to be had. If you always are talking random, you end up like that individual I mentioned that always just talks through others. I guess what matters is if the individual cares for the responses, or if they just wish to say things. If the former it can be rather nice; SL is all about adventuring and exploring, so making unique experiences and doing different things is definitely nice, especially since the social aspect allows for the concepts to be further built up or the adventures to be more unpredictable.

Edited August 1, 2020 by kungaroo2010

[Bagnu]

9 minutes ago, kungaroo2010 said:

This is why I feel SL is such a lonely place. Even if someone IMs you, it usually is disconnected and involves just a couple messages that feels more like you are taking them away from whatever they were doing. I have talked to people on the other side of the world, have talked enough that they should be my friends, yet they are more the occasional pen-pall that doesn't see the daily struggles you go through to find something to amuse yourself with due to the lack of others around.

We can all be busy for sure, but my IM's  never feel disconnected, and we are honest with each other if we can't chat or meet up. The only times I'm truly busy is when I'm working on my appearance, or something related to it, or when I'm with a client. Other times, I try and get my friends to meet each other, and that usually does happen.

When I'm working on my appearance, I usually invite the friend who IM's me for their opinion. 

[kungaroo2010]

11 minutes ago, Bagnu said:

The only times I'm truly busy is when I'm working on my appearance

Most people I run across log in, become immediately busy with a roleplay session, then leave after it is done. You try to go there and get involved, only for them to get upset as they rather do things with you outside the roleplay, which of course never happens since they never leave the roleplay.

The only time I wouldn't invite someone is if I was at the home of a friend and respected that they didn't want a bunch of people there. I suggest to meet elsewhere and for them to find a place, but they usually give up at that point. These days I don't have that friend home, nor do I have people wanting to meet up, so it has gotten even worse apparently.

[Bagnu]

6 minutes ago, kungaroo2010 said:

Most people I run across log in, become immediately busy with a roleplay session, then leave after it is done. You try to go there and get involved, only for them to get upset as they rather do things with you outside the roleplay, which of course never happens since they never leave the roleplay.

The only time I wouldn't invite someone is if I was at the home of a friend and respected that they didn't want a bunch of people there. I suggest to meet elsewhere and for them to find a place, but they usually give up at that point. These days I don't have that friend home, nor do I have people wanting to meet up, so it has gotten even worse apparently.

Really, you have to go to places where others have similar interests. You can make friends there, and you could be yourself. You can't make friends with people who have different interests than you. Think of what you would enjoy doing, and take it from there.