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kungaroo2010

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  1. I can play guitar, but I also am not really that much of an enthusiast. I do it more as something to do and the fear that I will regret it if I stop. Also, see above for some examples of my music.
  2. Let me see, I like dark ambience and 3d platforming. I love stuff like Thief: The Dark Project and Thief II: The Metal Age. I like slow paced stealth; I absolutely hate anything that requires you to move around quickly or rushes you. I dislike traditional fantasy or sci-fi, I like more down-to-earth worlds with cynical outsets. I also love visual novels with darker themes, stuff like Wonderful Everyday for example. Or Kara no Shoujo. Or Nothing is Beautiful. I am cursed by the fact that I don't know Japanese, so I am limited to translated novels, but the stuff I have found is definitely appealing. I hate standard reading, too quiet a hobby. Note I really hate Japanese voices, so it is mostly about the story here, I couldn't watch an anime or something. I also am passionate about music. Suffice to say they are dark, I like a lot of gothic style stuff. But I hate EBM or normal gothic things: https://bit.ly/3gjLkrC - Lacrimosa - Seele in Not https://bit.ly/2XkaKOf - Farsot - Thematic: Trauer https://bit.ly/3gjLXS0 - Estatic Fear - Chapter V https://bit.ly/3k1L82n - Vampiria - Reminiscence of Vlad https://bit.ly/30hEAF1 - Agathodaimon - Near Dark https://bit.ly/39O5G9P - Dornenreich - Eigenwach https://bit.ly/3hY4q6P - Graveworm - Awake https://bit.ly/3jZ4bKG - Credic - Illusionist Being https://bit.ly/3hXnFNV - Crematory - Waiting https://bit.ly/31aZYLq - Advent Sorrow - Shining Hollow https://bit.ly/2D1hRV2 - Circus of Fools - Halo Lights https://bit.ly/2XdNiCj - Evelyn - Suicidal Melancholy
  3. That sounds logical, but the problem there is that my interests are too niche. I don't really have sims I can go to that fit my particular interests, so instead I tend to wander through places I find tolerable and look for exploration.
  4. Most people I run across log in, become immediately busy with a roleplay session, then leave after it is done. You try to go there and get involved, only for them to get upset as they rather do things with you outside the roleplay, which of course never happens since they never leave the roleplay. The only time I wouldn't invite someone is if I was at the home of a friend and respected that they didn't want a bunch of people there. I suggest to meet elsewhere and for them to find a place, but they usually give up at that point. These days I don't have that friend home, nor do I have people wanting to meet up, so it has gotten even worse apparently.
  5. I hate to live in nostalgia like that, but I definitely feel SL has been getting worse with time, and thus I can see it having been better around 2007. I started around 2015; while not close to those early days I can at least say there felt like there was more variation in sims. I remember attempts at making MMOs in SL, I remember giant mazes with robots chasing you, or multiple level mazes where finding the exit to each part would take hours. Especially in the adult sims these days, a lot of that variety has faded, instead mostly being AFK places, clubs, or beaches. In 5 years it has gotten worse, so I can only imagine what it was like in 2007, especially from some people I have run across who lament for those days. The days when a lot of big creators were around and motivation was a lot higher. That is always the hope, but I have become doubtful. The more people I go through, the more I feel like a revolving door. As said before, I have questioned my humanity, since it feels unlikely any human should be unable to connect with so many others. My interests and experiences are different, so I am terrible at comprehending pop culture. How do people keep up with all these topics out there, all these references? Do people go out of their way to research what is popular? Do they devote their life to it? It seems quite time consuming based on the amount of time I have taken to try to grasp some things. Just yesterday someone told me "no, deadass" and I had to look it up to figure out that they weren't insulting me. But then they got angry at me because I couldn't grasp the basics of a tutorial and when they told me to hit a key it did not do what they said it should do. I get accused of doing things to draw attention to myself a lot, which is depressing. On the one hand I am desperate enough to try to get someone to talk to me, but on the other I am being completely genuine and trying to comprehend things others can easily grasp. Yet, because I didn't get the result they expected, obviously I am just seeking attention. It gets very upsetting to be genuine, only for others to think you must be making things up because nobody can be as terrible as you are at something. This is why I feel SL is such a lonely place. Even if someone IMs you, it usually is disconnected and involves just a couple messages that feels more like you are taking them away from whatever they were doing. I have talked to people on the other side of the world, have talked enough that they should be my friends, yet they are more the occasional pen-pall that doesn't see the daily struggles you go through to find something to amuse yourself with due to the lack of others around. There definitely is a balance to be had. If you always are talking random, you end up like that individual I mentioned that always just talks through others. I guess what matters is if the individual cares for the responses, or if they just wish to say things. If the former it can be rather nice; SL is all about adventuring and exploring, so making unique experiences and doing different things is definitely nice, especially since the social aspect allows for the concepts to be further built up or the adventures to be more unpredictable.
  6. All I do is vent, so I hope something below is sort of relevant and doesn't just make me further disliked for getting off-topic. As far as I have figured it, there are individuals that can somehow mesh with society and understand how to make things flow. Then there are those who remain lost. SL, RL, any game, any social media... it is all the same. At the end of the day, social conventions take a monotonous form that at the same time manages to be so backwards from some of us that it becomes hard to interact. Of course, there are nuances between the two, the biggest being that real life requires the individual to retain a certain amount of courtesy whilst also forcing them into situations whereby they must interact with another. SL allows for individuals to hide themselves, freely do whatever they seek, and thus leads to a certain level of apathy within an echo chamber. From my perspective, a friend is an individual that desires to do activities with you. Someone who would log in, remember you exist, and invite you to places or otherwise spend time with you at some point. From experience, friends in SL mostly just do their own thing; they undoubtedly will find their own little area to hang out that doesn't really involve you. If you try to get involved, they will become offended, at best wanting you to only spend time with them when they specifically message you. Note that they might not bother with you, thus essentially saying that they don't really want to be around you. They keep you on their friend's list, they might even occasionally send some distant message that sounds like they don't care if you initiate a conversation, but you never really feel welcome in their world. You never belong. The closest I found to belonging was when I was with a community expecting me to change everything about myself and pretend to be someone I am not. Saddest thing is that I did this, only for them to dislike me even more for being obvious in how fake it was. People are either not happy with my presence or just apathetic. I never belong anywhere, no matter how much desperation I have had to try to be welcomed. I feel like screaming "please like me" at random people just in the hopes that someone might actually say something. But then you remember that it likely would just be out of pity, which is society's way of allowing them to pat themselves on the back before inevitably getting frustrated with you because you don't improve. I have tried changing my appearance to appeal to others, it just leads to me feeling like Rudolph covering his nose. I know I am not what others like, I know my appearance might even be a problem for various sims. I know it should be as simple as changing things around, but at a certain point it begins feeling like you aren't even being yourself anymore. I guess that makes it even worse, I want friends that accept me for how I am, want me to be around, yet at the same time I am also cursed to be problematic with everything, including my preferences with how I look. I am terrible at making friends anywhere. I accept this is likely my fault more than anything. I am depressive by nature, my tastes are rather controversial or different, and I have lost much motivation for places to go or things to do. You always get this situation in each friendship where they try to boost you up, saying how it was obviously everyone else in the past that had it wrong. Yet they inevitably fall down the same routes, resulting in them realizing how terrible you were or just otherwise losing interest in you. Perhaps my expectations are deluded. As said, I expect a friend to be someone who WANTS to do something with you. This means they love talking to you when around and, whenever possible, they might even go places with you. I understand I am not the type of person who can really go to a lot of places, but at the same time I shouldn't be going weeks just trying to find ways to amuse myself due to a lack of involvement with others. It is mocking to have a list of friends, many of which are online, yet you are left wandering around aimlessly. I annoy people when I talk, all I do is ramble and they don't really care about anything I have to say. My unhappiness brings down any community I try to be part of, thus in turn making me further unwelcome anywhere I go. I am too different from others, I never really find that person that shares interests with me. This actually leads to further problems, since in a crowded setting I can easily become the one who has no idea about a topic but is desperately trying to be part of a conversation. I ask questions, I am accused of being a cop. It seems I am expected to just sit and listen, at which point I begin to wonder if I could just fade away without anyone noticing. Yet another place I am tolerated in, yet at the same time don't really feel welcome in any capacity, since at best it feels like I am either an invisible presence or an intruder. As for finding people with shared interests, it usually doesn't work as that one common taste usually will be a thing you latch to while they go on to other stuff whilst also making a point to not involve you. "I have depression and don't want to talk to anyone" only to post RP logs, get involved in some Discord servers, and stream a bunch of games. I guess I am too cynical. I dislike too much out there. I try things on a frequent basis, but find most just unappealing... no, worse, heavily annoying to the point it is baffling how someone can endure it or find any appeal. I have spent a lot of time questioning how to widen my palette and appreciate the tastes everyone else seems to have. My own don't have sims; I could create one, but then it would be an isolated echo chamber nobody would visit. People tend to see my stuff as extremely annoying, thus they don't want to bother with it at all, then tell me I need to continually put forth effort into their interests for them to bother with me. I have endured a lot of terrible things in the name of friendships that didn't pay off. A friend isn't someone who is going to show you their tastes, but then refuses to even bother with yours; I comprehend disliking things, but I cannot comprehend a lack of effort. Friendships I encounter usually hold entirely different interests where they don't wish to bother with anything of mine; this in turn makes me begin questioning why I am putting effort into trying to endure stuff they like. Then again, tastes are good, but what really determines a friendship is mindset. You must share a wavelength. To make friends you have to put forth an effort. I have gone to clubs and spent hours just sending IMs. I have made a game out of it, rolling a dice for the number of people in a club and sending a message if it is a person I have yet to try. 95% don't respond, 4% respond with something like "please don't bother me", and 1% you hit off with a good conversation... only to never hear from after that day. At a certain point all human interactions begin to mesh together, you begin expecting society to just behave in certain ways, and so you rather just devote times to isolated hobbies. Second Life isn't a place I go to have fun; it is a last resort when I have a lack of enjoyment elsewhere and delude myself into thinking things might ever get better. I am too depressive. Nobody comes on SL to listen to someone be negative. If you aren't going to be entertaining, why bring you along? It is too much of a mental strain for people when you are depressive, since their natural reaction is to try to build you up, which inevitably leads to frustration when it fails due to relying entirely on shallow advice like "read inspirational quotes" or "start praying to God more" or "assault a family member so they defend themselves, then claim abuse so you can get a new family". As said, I am not happy when on SL, which in turn means people are bound to dislike me all the more for not being happy. Anyone bound to talk to me is bound to try to save me, which in turn leads to anger as "I find excuses for everything". I am too self-centered and focused on my negativity, I don't entertain people at all. To have friends, you need to belong and have connections with others. If you are different from others, you likely won't have friends. If you are like me, you might not even be human, since human beings seem to be able to connect on an unconscious level. Though many seem to deny it, there is a hive mind, where even those with somewhat differing tastes or thoughts still can fit in with society at the end of the day. Perhaps that is just schizophrenia talking, but at this point it feels like endless circles. Of course, that can lead to self-fulfilling prophecies, but how can one expect different when nothing different ever occurs? I guess I can't say I am totally alone. I get what I deserve, the only one who might message me is an individual who has blatantly told me they could care less about me and just use our IM feed as an echo chamber for them to convey thoughts to themselves. When they never respond to anything you say, you start to feel very isolated, perhaps even more so with such a presence around. I feel lonelier when around people than when alone, since the former expects some form of interaction I don't generally get. It would be nice to have one active friend. One friend who actually wants to do things with you. I do have someone who seems to be a great friend, but they are always busy to the point that I am lucky if I talk to them (forget doing something with them) once a month. Then again, I am entirely different from most. Personally, I don't really desire much in the way of privacy, I have had enough alone time for one lifetime and just want one individual to explore reality with. Living is rather meaningless for me, so the best I can hope to find is another I could live for, specifically by almost always being a part of their world. I am mentally unhealthy and likely set off a million red flags. Many people have been afraid I am going to do something violent and drastic, since I always seem off to others. At the end of the day, I don't deserve friends. I am a terrible individual that really doesn't belong in this world. All I can do with my existence is annoy or be tolerated by others. I offer nothing of benefit to this world, I lack any skills or capabilities whilst at the same time seemingly being incapable of learning due to being unable to grasp the basics even a tutorial glances over since it is so innate, and thus am nothing but a leech that steals the oxygen from others. Thus it is pretty right for them to dislike me; I can't even entertain people on a daily basis. I hate to say it, but if you cannot make any friends you might be a terrible person like me, and thus simply don't deserve happiness. Even councilors couldn't handle me, who could expect any normal individual to feel nothing but contempt or annoyance if they can be bothered to care at all? Usually when I run out of normal responses I start getting more and more silly. What I find is that people tend to just get upset. Maybe I just have a terrible sense of humor. And it doesn't help that I get wary when people start talking about things they noticed about my profile or about me. A lot of friends in the past tended to watch my every action and get mad at what I would do, stating the action I did and that it was atrocious that I did such. I guess I have accepted that I am likely to differ from others, so it is best to not bring up many interests otherwise it will lead to the person ranting about it. I guess I am not much better, since I can't find it in myself to like most things others may like, so I don't really have much I can say about something other than that I dislike it. I throw most things into a folder called Old. Hundreds of boxes, random objects I have gotten, most things go in there. Of course the problem with that is that everything is buried in a giant area, but luckily I can at least search and find some old box. The main things I keep outside of the old folder are clothing and vehicles. The good friend who is always busy was heavy into military stuff, so I got involved with a giant tank collection, plus I find it a better alternative to standing or just watching my avatar dance to music (since clubs apparently dislike if you move around to dance with the music). People in SL fall into two categories. Those who are serious about their SL time and will want everything as realistic and normal as possible, and those who don't mind if you do something different but can't really bring much to the table themselves. I don't mind the latter much, though I do wish I could build a Tower of Babel with the extents of the human expression. I have two states personally. Either I am in my normal state, which usually means I need to maintain my identity. If I am not myself, I cannot take things seriously, and so begin to instead try to have fun. I remember being banned from London City for being a giant dancing roll of toilet paper. Usually a lot of my fun involves rezzing a lot of random things and making a big giant event, so I try to go to an empty place and ideally do it on some land I know I am not going to offend anyone on. I believe heavily in cleaning up my messes, but of course a stray chicken can always wander off, which has led to me not really being welcome at some places I was originally encouraged to express myself on. I am the type that likes to be doing something and finds amusement mostly through props. I love places I can rez objects in. I also love roaming the world and exploring peoples' houses. It is very likely to see me as some sort of griefer, but I don't want to harm or cause problems, I just want to either be myself and explore or embrace SL for the freedoms it offers and cause giant explosions with rocket launchers. I don't understand those who take offense to intruders in their house; personally I would love people to visit my home if I had one. Main reason I don't have a home is because I know nobody would be there, so it is a worthless investment to have. You are doing a great justice to the world by existing. I don't understand the obsession with clubs and beaches in SL. Why do we seek to recreate reality with all its laws and expectations? I rather creativity and the freedom to express ourselves. I probably would get along with furry communities more, since I think they have a similar mindset, but then again they don't like interacting with someone who generally is a human. In the event I am going to a sim I cannot be myself on (say non-adult sims, since the only way I can freely be myself is with minimal censorship), the answer is to become the "guitar playing banana". In my case, that is usually a panda riding a chicken, but also might be a red shirt from Star Trek who is seeking intelligent life on the sim I am traveling to. Or I might use a flying tractor. Or a classic human made out of wood trying to pass of as a normal human who doesn't eat flesh. Or Gollum. Or a tiny rabbit made out of dust. I take many forms, but if I lose my ability to be myself I also lose any seriousness. To be myself I have to be myself. I am not sure that makes any sense, but that is the way my mind operates. If only I wasn't a terrible person, since I essentially live on adult sims, especially on my main. I think I have made a record for the longest post in this thread... I am sorry for the mess I have made. I guess I rambled too much. This was the best activity I really had to do for the past few hours. I guess this tells you how few friends I have, I had nothing better to do than write up a long post going nowhere.
  7. This is a question I tend to ask myself on a frequent basis. I don't really have hobbies or things I enjoy. I suffer from anhedonia that makes others not really want to bother with me, since I am too miserable, and those who stick around tend to be busy either in RL or with their own hobbies in SL. Even if I get to talk to someone, they tend to just IM me and not really want to go anywhere or do anything, so it becomes very depressing. Sometimes I update my profile. That kills a bit of time and allows me to spice things up. I can also dig on the marketplace and buy some updates to stuff to look better, I tend to try to constantly improve myself. I might just buy a lot of random stuff I don't really care much about just so I can have some hobby. Plus I will teleport to random sims and walk around them until I get tired of teleporting to empty sims or sims where it is just people who know each other and me isolated in some corner of the landmark. Perhaps I should get back to mainland wandering, but I hate the amount of grid lines, and it feels like half the sims I wander into get upset about me intruding. SL has this weird curse where it feels like there is a lot of land, but at the same time a lot are private places that you are unwelcome on. And the places you are welcome tend to be inactive. Even public places tend to be empty most of the time, maybe due to the hours I am on or just bad lack. I have tried getting a slave to enhance my exploration, but all I found was that exploration really is demoralizing. I hate beaches; they are so generic, often make me wearing a bikini when I am not a big fan of wearing such, and just tend to be a lot of people crowded together while being isolating. I tend to prefer actively doing something. This is why I tend to spend a lot of time buying random tanks and planes, but eventually that gets old as you start feeling the mechanics of each tank and plane feel too similar, plus the whole lack of targets to really hit. I guess a lot of it is my fault. I limit myself with crutches and needs that I find I can't escape from that in turn makes me unwelcome in most places such as most clubs. Even if I go to club, it just is listening to music I don't like while being surrounded by people who don't speak to me. Could I do more if I changed my avatar to be less offensive to others? Probably, but at that point I feel like I am removing part of who I am, no matter how silly my priorities might seem to others. Ever feel like an alcoholic who can't get much alcohol for some reason and thus is constantly experiencing withdrawals, yet the symptoms never clear up as you don't really have anything that makes you happy and a lot that can cause emotional breakdowns? So you wean yourself on light beers, not really ever getting to a stable place yet at the same time at least having some fragment to hold onto? How you feel desperately for crying out for help on any sim you go to, yet you know that nobody has a reason to care about you or your situation, and thus you just endure endlessly while rambling wherever you can in the hopes that it can bring some sort respite? That seems to sum up my SL life. I really wonder if I even belong in SL. But, I have anhedonia, so I guess it fair to say there isn't much of a good alternative for me. Sorry if this isn't the most optimistic post here, but at least it shows that some of us don't know what we are doing in SL, so don't feel bad if you are lost yourself.
  8. I tried to be thorough. Thanks, I wanted a more powerful computer just so I could cut down on bottlenecks. It pays to have peace of mind. That is about all I can assume. Perhaps this is a case of throttling? I guess if this is the problem, I will soon find out. I plan on moving within a couple months and having a new line, most likely a fiber connection, put in. Needless to say, it will be ideal if this is indeed the problem. A bit of a hassle now, since the shortness of it means I don't exactly want to deal with the hassle of a new line when it will be changed again so quickly, but it means I am just around the corner from having the problem fixed. Mostly this is just to ensure I have covered all the ground I can cover and that, if the problem still exists, it is from something that I can fix shortly. Using the link you supplied, which seems to be the closest test location, I am getting 816 Mbps Down, Upload is 39.3 Mbps. This seems to make sense, when SL works, it seems to work fine, without lag or hindrances. If it wasn't for me suddenly disconnecting without warning, it would be an ideal setup. Ping seems to average around 70ms with 0% loss. TraceRT shows the signal starts rather quick for the first 5 hops. Once it switched to Level 3 it seems to become a bit less stable. The first attempt usually fails, but it gets through on subsequent attempts. The 7th hop, the Level 3 between my major city and Arizona, seems to be where the problems start occuring. It times out on the first hop, then the next hop works fine to get to Arizona (LINDEN-RESE.bar1.Phoenix1.Level3.net). My biggest problem seems to be the signal from Arizona to Linden Labs. it times out for two hops before working fine. Are the time outs problems? If so, I am unsure how to fix it, since it seems the greatest problem is the part involving Line3 and not my ISP. It seems to consistently make its trace in 11 hops.
  9. Firestorm 5.0.7 (52912) Jun 13 2017 03:57:58 (Firestorm-Releasex64) with OpenSimulator support Release Notes You are at 87.0, 206.0, 216.2 in Sawya located at sim10449.agni.lindenlab.com (216.82.51.155:13014) SLURL: http://maps.secondlife.com/secondlife/Sawya/87/206/216 (global coordinates 258,647.0, 192,974.0, 216.2) Second Life RC BlueSteel 17.12.01.511131 Release Notes CPU: Intel(R) Core(TM) i7-7700K CPU @ 4.20GHz (4199.99 MHz) Memory: 65470 MB OS Version: Microsoft Windows 8.1 64-bit (Build 9600) Graphics Card Vendor: NVIDIA Corporation Graphics Card: TITAN X (Pascal)/PCIe/SSE2 Windows Graphics Driver Version: 23.21.0013.8859 OpenGL Version: 4.6.0 NVIDIA 388.59 RestrainedLove API: RLV v3.1.4 / RLVa v2.1.0.52912 libcurl Version: libcurl/7.47.0 OpenSSL/1.0.1i zlib/1.2.8 J2C Decoder Version: KDU v7.9.1 Audio Driver Version: FMOD Ex 4.44.61 LLCEFLib/CEF Version: 1.5.3-(CEF-WIN-3.2526.1347-32) LibVLC Version: 2.2.4 Voice Server Version: Not Connected Settings mode: Firestorm Viewer Skin: MetaHarper Modern (BlackGlass) Window size: 2560x1417 px Font Used: Deja Vu (96 dpi) Font Size Adjustment: 0 pt UI Scaling: 1 Draw distance: 120 m Bandwidth: 1500 kbit/s LOD factor: 4 Render quality: Ultra (7/7) Advanced Lighting Model: Yes Texture memory: 2048 MB (1) VFS (cache) creation time (UTC): 2018-1-1T21:57:10 Built with MSVC version 1800 Packets Lost: 0/21,285 (0.0%) January 04 2018 08:37:44 SLT Hopefully this makes it a bit clearer. Interesting. I thought it was as simple as saying that because all are not disconnecting at once, it isn't a failure of the actual network since I assumed all connections would fail simultaneously. I do run multiple viewers, but the issues occur when I run a single avatar at a time. I have even tried disabling "Allow multiple viewers" without success. Funny you mentioned that link, I was trying to follow that blog post before I ran into a snag. I am not sure how to point SpeedTest to a specific IP. Google didn't reveal anything helpful, nor did trying to find an alternative website. If you can explain how to do this, I would gladly test it. I actually use HWMonitor, that is why I mentioned I had tested my temperatures earlier. None of my cores are going above 50 C, my GPU is only at 63 C, and I am only using 12% of my video memory. With 3 avatars going at one time I am still only hitting 64 C maximum on my CPU, 91 C on my GPU, and 22% of my video memory. At 8% RAM memory with all 3 running, RAM is not an issue. So with 3 avatars at Ultra graphics, I seem be borderline hot on my GPU, but a single avatar shouldn't be causing these issues. Already running in 64-bit.
  10. Actually, what I have noticed is the opposite. As frustrating as my main avatar is, which is indeed decked out with a large amount of gear, I find I crash even more on my alt. I expected the opposite as well, so i found that quite a curious oddity. My alt crashes to the point it is near impossible to use, I am almost guaranteed to disconnect within the first minute, even if I have no other avatars running.
  11. Hello everyone. I have been suffering from an issue and, after trying anything I could find, decided to try to see if I could get anymore suggestions to make the experience less of a headache. I disconnect (I can still turn, but cannot move. I can still chat, but cannot see any messages, and lose any that were sent. I can still interact with media. Eventually it will go grey, but I tend to close it out beforehand to fix the issue as quickly as possible. It tends to kill most interactions with other people, because who wants to do something only to have to do it again after I crash) at a highly frequent rate, though the exact rate seems to vary. I can go 4-5 hours without issue, or I could have to relog every 2-3 minutes. This has made it hard to diagnose, since it could look like the problem was improving, only for it to act out again. This issue has been going on for at least quite a few months, it might be possible that I never had a point where I didn't have these issues. I do recall it killing RP experiences in the past, when I had a very different computer setup including a different OS (in fact, I struggle to think of a part that would have remained the same since then). Needless to say, I feel it is unlikely to be a hardware issue. I know the first thing people like to point to is a network issue. However, I should note that I have been on multiple accounts quite frequently, and that I tend to crash on one while the other continues to work fine. It is like each account is independent of each other, though all crash just as frequently, which would seem odd for a network issue since I would assume both would simply crash at the same time. I can also play various MMOs without these issues occurring, it seems to only happen like this in SL. I have Xfinity and recently changed my modem to a 1 Gbps model. Changing my modem did not fix the problem, if anything it might be increased in frequency. I have changed my DNS to Google, no luck. I have forwarded the proper ports in my modem, which is a wired connection. I have tried using Black Dragon to see if the problem was Firestorm. It seems to happen less frequently upon first trying a new viewer, but eventually starts settling back to what I have on Firestorm. Therefore, I think it is a problem independent of viewer. I have tried lowering my graphics settings to the minimum and still had crashing issues to the same severity, so I have my doubts that the graphics are too demanding. Computer hardware seems fine. I have tested the CPU/GPU temperatures while running SL, I am not stressing the hardware at all. It has persisted through graphics driver updates. With 64 GB of memory, I am barely taxing SL memory-wise. I doubt it has anything to do with avatar complexity, a simple alt with the bare minimum attached crashes quite frequently. I have watched what happens when I disconnect. No packet loss. FPS remains fine. The only difference is that no data is being sent. I should also note I have noticed issues with llceflib_host.exe and, from time to time, will get a message saying that it has crashed. Not sure how related this is. I have auto-play turned off for media. At this rate I just don't know what to do. It is enough of a hassle to stop most things dead in their tracks, yet I am not sure where the problem is coming from. Any ideas would be appreciated. Thank you for your time.
  12. Very amazing Skell, I am thankful for your detailed explanation. I often use the eyes to try to spread it out, so I could definitely see some familiarity with the looking at various locales. But I see what you mean with the book-like mentality, just throw in some extra little motion to make the scene feel more natural. I guess my problem was that I never really thought of RP as a book, but more a screenplay as you described. I shall definitely try a bit more and hopefully my future travels end up a bit more positive
  13. I can heavily relate to the struggles involved with roleplaying. I have a love/hate relationship with RP, I love the concept of it but always seem to run into problems whenever I try to do it. The reason I am on SL is for the roleplay, I always heard that you could live essentially a second life and roleplay out various stories, meaning it fit my passion heavily to do said things. It definitely hasn't been the easiest of experiences. Since then I have traveled to plenty of RP sims, but generally find myself conflicted and need to move on. I am not a clubber, I tried to explore the world but got tired of bumping into ban lines, the only thing that interests me is RP. One problem is often the rules involved. Many a time a rule has been in place that I am not sure how to interpret and makes me feel like that I couldn't RP in said sim without breaking it or having to conform my character to their rules. I am pretty limited by the fact that I like being relatively small (5.4 meters), resulting in many questioning if I am trying to *****. There are sims often telling me how to dress, how to fit in world, and how to read a bunch of documentation that seems to have grey areas in the midst of the rules. The biggest problem with dress code is that I prefer to use a mesh body. Beyond this, I am relatively poor, meaning I generally don't like spending Lindens on some outfit (especially if it turns out I am just going to be alone). If allowed by the sim (meaning adult with no dress code restrictions) I often will enter a sim in the nude. If the sim has any magical or sci-fi lore, I can use that to make an easy explanation for how I got to a place, I just teleported somewhere by some higher power that decided it wanted me in this new location (nudity of course fitting much like the Terminator series). Not only does this save me from having to hunt down outfits for every failed RP attempt, but it gives me the extra challenge of trying to find clothing in the new location, which gives me a great excuse to try to interact with people or an immediate goal to have upon entering the world (meaning a good excuse to explore around). As might be assumed by the ***** rule, I often find myself in adult RP sims. I don't even care for the sexual content, I just am desperate for RP. Plus my favorite character tends to be human and, due to it being one of my favored methods of entering the world, one of the most welcoming things I can find. I definitely prefer this to something saying I must be wearing age-specific clothing that I cannot seem to find any logic behind until I have assimilated with the world that I know nothing about. Usually non-adult sims tend to be attached to another lore that I have no idea about and thus feel unwelcome. I go to a MLP sim, I have to be a pony, I can't be a lost human trying to find my way and thus has an excusable reason to have no idea about the lore of the world. Meanwhile on adult sims I have to be something with body parts, I was made unwelcome at one sim that supposedly welcomed all manner of individuals due to constantly being refused when I thought of various things I could be. Another problem is that I often find RP sims to be empty. Many a time I will treat the sim like an abandoned city and start surviving on my own, breaking into houses for resources and otherwise taking what I need from a place where it appears nobody remains. I usually end up getting OC messages after someone comes to the sim and sees me in a house, saying it was IC locked and I wasn't allowed inside. Or that I wasn't allowed to touch X or Y. It is quite depressing, I try to make RP for myself and I usually risk getting banned. Yet even when others are in the sim, they often are doing their own thing. Many will often log into a private room you aren't supposed to access and never come out so that I can ever RP with them. There have been some very nice encounters, but there have also been many of these instances. When you do run into people, you have to hope they actually remember they are supposed to be RPing, I have had many an individual try to give me landmarks and start telling me how to use them when I say I am trying to find my way off an area or something. I have had many a sim where I will be sitting on a bed and someone will start changing my poseball with no IC explanation. Oftentimes, the most depressing part is the fact that nobody will even bother to RP with me most of the time. I may be walking in forbidden areas with alarms blaring, nobody cares enough to even do anything about it. If someone will interact, it will be an OC of someone saying I am in an area that my character isn't allowed to go to. Say I press an elevator button and go to the barracks, I would just get a message that my character should be compliant with the rules. The people I do try to talk to tend to be AFK, which I tend to infer after standing around without doing anything for half an hour. Oftentimes there is many a sim where nobody is even in the RP area, everyone just sits in the OOC area and talks. I have had good RP sessions, times where people will actually play along and we act out some story. Usually I have to be sitting at my computer for 10+ hours for that to occur however, something that is not ideal when I generally cannot do said things. I have gotten to the point where I often will install SL, try to interact with the world, get depressed at the lack of things going on, and uninstall SL again for a few months. I am not a para RPer, at least not professionally. I try, but I just cannot find much to detail my surroundings in the midst of a normal conversation. When two people are standing still and talking, there just isn't much I can say. I also can relate to Talligurl, I tend to like to use my RP to accentuate what you cannot see rather than what you see. I also don't believe in describing what I am thinking as the other character should not know said information. Needless to say, I often give relatively short replies that make me feel bad for the effort the para-RPers put in, I just don't know how to lengthen it without resorting to thoughts.
  14. Prokofy Neva wrote: So there are those dynamics but I think a bigger problem is what you say, trying to make friends, find a group, fit in somewhere. I notice from my customers that they form FIERCELY TIGHT GROUPS. They want security up the wazoo to keep everyone out, block, boot, ban. And mind you, this isn't a couple with cybersex. This could be a group of pals who play Greedy or sit and breed their animals or make gardens or just chit chat with a media on a prim playing. They are out in the front yard, but they don't want ANYONE to come over for a barbecue. I don't allow bans anywhere on the ground in my rentals, and that might be why people actually meet and become friends and even marry in my rentals, imagine. I thank you Prokofy and wish more of Second Life took this approach. I tend to like to explore when waiting for something to happen in my RP, so I often start sim hopping and checking out places. What I often find is I am at someone's house and am unwelcome there. I try to explore the mainland, I keep hitting ban lines to the point I expect most parcels to have them. I go sim hopping by the map, you can bet I expect to be sent back to some Safe Hub or be warned I will be evicted in 30 seconds. I understand people want privacy with cybersex or with a couple talking together, but many of the sims I get kicked off of will only have one or oftentimes zero people there. I just like to explore, if it allows for building I always delete anything I rez, and I go so far to close doors that were closed and put things exactly the way I found them. Yet so much of Second Life seems to consist of private land. When I go to a sim it should be a surprise that they want privacy, not the expectation that it will be a private place I potentially need to leave quickly. When I show up in a place without banlines, I have pretty much conditioned myself to expect that land to turn out to be private and for the owner to show up and ban me off their property. That isn't a positive image and not a very welcoming one, but it is what I have found from my travels. I am thankful to hear it verified that I am welcome on some properties. Perhaps this is what makes people leave. They come for a world where everyone can interact, but run into banlines and estates any time they try to get outside of safe hubs that are overrun with spammers. It is an effective quarantine and one way to prevent against people you don't want messing up your house, but it also gives the vibe to newcomers or even those who have been around a bit of being generally unwelcome. My question in SL is not often where I can go, the world is massive, but more where I can go and actually be welcomed. Between ban lines, cryptic rules on RP sims that leave room for unsurities, and automatic bannings I wouldn't be surprised if many without some social gathering find SL a very unwelcoming place.
  15. (Sorry in advance if my post is a bit long, I am a bit overtalkative.) SL is a bit depressing of a place. I have been here nearly two years. My main thing is RP, I absolutely am passionate about stories and feel the visual aspect of SL adds to the experience as a whole. I guess seeing Hot Tub Time Machine made me interested. You can get arrested here and serve sentences? It sounded like you could do anything, be anything. RP is nothing new to me, at least self-indulged RPs. I often would load up a RPG game and roleplay there, doing things such as finding shelter or collecting food. I have done this for years prior to coming to SL. Needless to say, doing the same thing but with other people thrilled me. In my head I was doing RPs, but the problem was I knew what was occuring. I wanted unpredictability. Getting interested enough to join, I spent months just setting up my avatar to be the way I wanted. I absolutely love the customization options here. I also love the idea of being in a giant world where anything can happen. Eventually I left the dressing room (yes, I spent months in a dressing room trying on clothes) and decided to explore. Originally all I saw was clubs and safe zones, areas with a lot of people. But I wasn't here for a 3d version of Facebook. I found out about RPs and started trying to interact in them. But the problem was many were medieval and my avatar was modern based. I wanted something with some adapatbility that I could join. I guess that is how I started joining adult RP servers, the urban based servers were pretty much the little I could adapt to. Well, at least try. Every sim I would go to I would end up reading the rules, which there were many, and find such little tidbits such as "my avatar height is too small". I guess it is my fault for not adapting to them, but once again I wanted something I could be welcome in. Plus the sims that didn't have that just had guys that would IM me and want to take me to some other sim. Or, you know, nobody would be on the sim besides 1 afk person. After months of searching, I found a home for a bit. I decided what I needed was quests, some singleplayer motivation. which I could use as a jumping off point and interact with NPCs. Instead I found a place I was welcome at. It was an adult sim, so most of the interactions were sexual, but I didn't mind as it meant I was actually doing some RP finally. But my character had a strong will, she wouldn't just let herself remain trapped, so she seeked to escape. They helped me RP my escape and so I had to seek somewhere else. Trying to find out where I could go, I tried Gorean. The problem was that it was uncommon to find people on the sim, I would often have to wait hours on the weekends just to get one interaction. Eventually they RPed a way to get back to Earth and I hoped to find more sociability. It was around this time I tried chatting with people on SL and take a break from the RP for a bit. Sadly everything ended on a bit of a big disagreement and I ended up alone in SL once again. Since then I have pretty much been searching again but the same problems as before exist. Except now they are even worse because my chracter never got clothing when escaping the last area. I have pretty much trapped myself in adult RP sims that accept nudity, which is a smaller number than you might think. I got a mesh body around this time, but couldn't find any mesh clothing to fit me. I also can't stand alphas, feeling I want the outfit to perfectly contour to my body and look like I am wearing it instead of it being too small for me. This pretty much meant I was limited in the clothing choices I could wear, especially as I don't want to use real life money in my SL as I don't feel comfortable making an investment in a digital world. How this affected me is that it became really hard to wear clothing, especially anything with decency. Combine that with the fact that I would need to have an RP of getting clothing means that I have been stuck on Adult sims for a bit of time. I could go back to system or accept alphas as a downside of mesh, but both feel like unhappy compromises. Being stuck on sims filled with people who just go there to use people and forget about them, it has been pretty lonely. I found a home, got banned from it. Found my way to somewhere else, found my escape, moved on. I guess what eventually happened is I ran out of places to run to and have no way to really leave the area I am at. I have trouble creating a new character since I invested so much time in this one, but at the same time feel stuck until and if something happens. Sometimes that something happens quickly, sometimes not, but oftentimes lately I barely see anyone to even talk to. Even if I do, the people tend to not care about RP and just want to IM me something awkward. I try to be accepting of others RP, I am a newbie myself with any sort of para RP and thus am not the best at it, but it seems like I run into so many people that don't even want to try on RP sims. My newest place is a small world I am stuck on. People have come and gone here, but I am stuck in a location that makes it impossbile to interact with them. Usually when I say people I mean one other person, a good deal of the time involves sitting here and looking at my people tracker to see that nobody is around. It has taken me an hour to write all this up, nobody has appeared in this sim in this time. I guess that is why this post struck home with me, I have felt very lonely here and have at numerous points in my SL career. Hopefully it picks up again, that is why I still log on, but I do feel very alone in the meantime.
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