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Can't there be a way to change whether someone can see if your inworld BEFORE you log in??? (Just wishful thinking) I want to go inworld, but someone is in who will immediately bombard me with PMs. It would just be easier to change his ability to see me ahead of time¬¬

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I suggest you grin and bear it this time and log out quite quickly, remembering to change the setting before you do. I think that changing the setting without logging out makes it appear to him that you've logged out, but that could be risky.

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Just now, Phil Deakins said:

I suggest you grin and bear it this time and log out quite quickly, remembering to change the setting before you do. I think that changing the setting without logging out makes it appear to him that you've logged out, but that could be risky.

Exactly, this is my only option if I want to go inworld.

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4 minutes ago, Phil Deakins said:

I think that changing the setting without logging out makes it appear to him that you've logged out, but that could be risky.

I've done this i the past with bad results. They message, it goes through because you are, in fact, online. They now want to know why you're hiding.That is the moment you throw out the old "must be a glitch" excuse and pray they buy it!! lol! 

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LOL. You could have a stock of plausible excuses ready, such as, "I desperately need to do my inventory and I can't handle doing it if I get interrupted". You can buy that one if you like. I don't charge much :)

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1 minute ago, Phil Deakins said:

LOL. You could have a stock of plausible excuses ready, such as, "I desperately need to do my inventory and I can't handle doing it if I get interrupted". You can buy that one if you like. I don't charge much :)

EXCELLENT one!!! I will definitely give that one a try!!

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11 minutes ago, Aislin Ceawlin said:

I've done this i the past with bad results. They message, it goes through because you are, in fact, online. They now want to know why you're hiding.That is the moment you throw out the old "must be a glitch" excuse and pray they buy it!! lol! 

If someone IMs me and I don't want to respond, I simply don't. When I finally do (which is often after they've logged off), I say: "Sorry I missed your IM, doorbell rang as I logged in! How are ya?" Never mind if it's 4AM, let them wonder.

ETA: Working up non-response messages, like working up my RL phone answering message, can be quite amusing. My current phone message is "I bet you were expecting Maddy. You're stuck with me instead. If you give me a message, I'll pass it on, even though the last time I did that she just waved her hands and started humming."

Edited by Madelaine McMasters
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I had this problem when I was brand new to SL.  I could not bring myself to be "rude", but I had already started building and decorating and I could not do those much and talk to this person. It was frustrating.

Knowing what I do now, I would do as Maddy does --'just not reply. And just do Broken Record:''I was AFK. Yep, again."

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1 hour ago, Lillith Hapmouche said:

So what's the deal with the permissions set at https://my.secondlife.com/settings/friends ?

As far as I know, you can pick a specific friend from the list, hit the wrench icon on the right and uncheck "See my online status" from the pop-up menu. 

Shouldn't that be sufficient?

 

34 minutes ago, Phil Deakins said:

Yes it is, but Aislin's problem is that she can't do it until she's logged in, and the guy she wants to do it to is already logged in, so he'll know that she arrived

What Lillith is meaning is that the web page gives you that ability now, without logging in to the viewer first.  You do have to be logged in to your account, but not inworld.

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2 hours ago, Madelaine McMasters said:

If someone IMs me and I don't want to respond, I simply don't. When I finally do (which is often after they've logged off), I say: "Sorry I missed your IM, doorbell rang as I logged in! How are ya?" Never mind if it's 4AM, let them wonder.

ETA: Working up non-response messages, like working up my RL phone answering message, can be quite amusing. My current phone message is "I bet you were expecting Maddy. You're stuck with me instead. If you give me a message, I'll pass it on, even though the last time I did that she just waved her hands and started humming."

You've done this to me so many times that I thought your doorbell's button must be stuck. ;)

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1 minute ago, Parhelion Palou said:

You've done this to me so many times that I thought your doorbell's button must be stuck. ;)

My RL house is big, and it's easy to miss the doorbell if you're in some far corner (especially my basement office/lab). So years ago I purchased a couple of those doorbell extender thingies. They came with a transmitter that connects to the existing doorbell and a remote button you can put anywhere. I keep one in the kitchen and another at my computer. If I'm on a phone call I want to escape, I just push the button. After one bar of the Westminster Chimes, I say "Uh-oh, doorbell. Gotta go!"

I've also used the panic button on my car's key fob to escape a conversation in a parking lot.

I know, I know, I have no shame.

Oops, I think I hear something wrong with the furnace, gotta go!

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Aislin, thanks for bringing this topic up. Now I know I'm not the only one who this drives the blood pressure up on. I do have to say that sadly this is a kickback of an old social experiment from 'The Lab' in their all encompassing approach at how people should and might interact with each other on this platform in building social networks.

I have voiced my dislike for being IM'd immediately when I log in (1. I have a plethora of Inventory that has to load. 2. I am waiting for my surroundings to load. 3. I am waiting for my Avatar form and attachments to load) my mind is still warming up and preparing for whatever project I had in mind, but that steady peace is broken at times with that incessant 'Ding! Ding! ANSWER ME NOW' noise and pop up I get. This is just how I am. (and there are others who do not like to be jumped immediately coming online.)

Hiding online status does not help (one can check groups too to see true status ). I have told these offenders of this practice not to IM me immediately after seeing me log in, to me it's rude and to give me atleast 10 minutes after they see my name come up, before hitting that IM button.

I get a responses from "ohhh I'm sorry I didn't know , to " it's not a big deal I just 'wanted' (keyword WANTED) to talk." After 12 and 1/2 years in SL , sometimes enough is enough of these dismissive responses to bad manners.

While my stance on status privacy might seem over reactive and selfish, I find people so jump me without thought to my plans in SL are being extremely rude and selfish themselves.

Yes I friended them for  a reason, but along with friend goes the attribute of human which I still show a side of when logging on that I don't want my blankets yanked off in so many words and thrust into anothers train of thought right then.

My only solution for this problem ( and it helps avoid those awkward moments of when you have set yourself to offline to someone and they bump into you seeing you are online  and the drama wheels start rollin) I Block them and take a note, and at a later date when I am ready I unblock the offender. If I am not that invested or close to said person, I in the extreme unfriend them and sometimes I answer when asked why and sometimes I don't. The Lab imo still needs to remember that some of us are paying users on this platform and a little semblance of privacy and order would go a long way and it isn't too much to ask.

*I also have most Group Notices turned off and Group Messages for this very reason as well, until I am ready to further deal with that particular group (some can be very tenacious in their spam tatics.

Edited by Hunter Stern
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When I don't have time to chat to people I simply say so.   I guess it helps that people know that I'm a busy working scripter, but I've never found it that people object to my telling them that.  

If they tell me that they want to ask me something, then I tell them to ask the question in the IM and I'll reply as soon as I am able, which I do.   

Works for me, and if people won't accept that, then they're probably not people with whom I want to cultivate a relationship.  

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Hello op,

 

i`m glad that your friends are excited to see you on and can't wait to talk to you. They must really like you.  Yes, friends go get excited and want to talk but there is no obligation for you to do so at that time. Its simple common courtesy to msg back to say : great to hear from you, I'm a bit busy but I can message you later. Its really that simple.. Please don't make excuses. You don't need to and its impolite. 

further just let them know you like to have the first 10 to 15 minutes to organize things..  Please don't complicate things for yourself. People do understand some like their privacy. Also when you friend someone, let them n

know your contact preferences so its easier later. Its not peoples job to read your mind on what you like but yours to let them know in advance. Most people Are mature enough to respect your wishes. Don't get mad at them for something that is a normal human behavior when you see people you like. We each have our preferences for how we want ti be contacted so let them know yours.  Keep it simple and you will be happier :-)

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16 hours ago, Hunter Stern said:

Aislin, thanks for bringing this topic up. Now I know I'm not the only one who this drives the blood pressure up on. I do have to say that sadly this is a kickback of an old social experiment from 'The Lab' in their all encompassing approach at how people should and might interact with each other on this platform in building social networks.

I have voiced my dislike for being IM'd immediately when I log in (1. I have a plethora of Inventory that has to load. 2. I am waiting for my surroundings to load. 3. I am waiting for my Avatar form and attachments to load) my mind is still warming up and preparing for whatever project I had in mind, but that steady peace is broken at times with that incessant 'Ding! Ding! ANSWER ME NOW' noise and pop up I get. This is just how I am. (and there are others who do not like to be jumped immediately coming online.)

Hiding online status does not help (one can check groups too to see true status ). I have told these offenders of this practice not to IM me immediately after seeing me log in, to me it's rude and to give me atleast 10 minutes after they see my name come up, before hitting that IM button.

I get a responses from "ohhh I'm sorry I didn't know , to " it's not a big deal I just 'wanted' (keyword WANTED) to talk." After 12 and 1/2 years in SL , sometimes enough is enough of these dismissive responses to bad manners.

While my stance on status privacy might seem over reactive and selfish, I find people so jump me without thought to my plans in SL are being extremely rude and selfish themselves.

Yes I friended them for  a reason, but along with friend goes the attribute of human which I still show a side of when logging on that I don't want my blankets yanked off in so many words and thrust into anothers train of thought right then.

My only solution for this problem ( and it helps avoid those awkward moments of when you have set yourself to offline to someone and they bump into you seeing you are online  and the drama wheels start rollin) I Block them and take a note, and at a later date when I am ready I unblock the offender. If I am not that invested or close to said person, I in the extreme unfriend them and sometimes I answer when asked why and sometimes I don't. The Lab imo still needs to remember that some of us are paying users on this platform and a little semblance of privacy and order would go a long way and it isn't too much to ask.

*I also have most Group Notices turned off and Group Messages for this very reason as well, until I am ready to further deal with that particular group (some can be very tenacious in their spam tatics.

OH, HUNTER!!! We have SO much in common! I'll be sure to message you in world the second I see you!!! (LOL) Seriously though, I totally get it, and even after 10 years (in June) I just have a horrible time when I need to avoid someone (or EVERYONE! lol) Like you, I also wish people would give me some time to log in, get settled, let things rez, etc. 

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13 hours ago, lostsoul2017 said:

Hello op,

 

i`m glad that your friends are excited to see you on and can't wait to talk to you. They must really like you.  Yes, friends go get excited and want to talk but there is no obligation for you to do so at that time. Its simple common courtesy to msg back to say : great to hear from you, I'm a bit busy but I can message you later. Its really that simple.. Please don't make excuses. You don't need to and its impolite. 

further just let them know you like to have the first 10 to 15 minutes to organize things..  Please don't complicate things for yourself. People do understand some like their privacy. Also when you friend someone, let them n

know your contact preferences so its easier later. Its not peoples job to read your mind on what you like but yours to let them know in advance. Most people Are mature enough to respect your wishes. Don't get mad at them for something that is a normal human behavior when you see people you like. We each have our preferences for how we want ti be contacted so let them know yours.  Keep it simple and you will be happier :-)

I don't think I was being impolite, you have no clue what the circumstances were with that particular person. I appreciate your response, but to make it seem like it's all on me is ridiculous. It's also extremely rude to start dinging someone the second they log in. 

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