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When do you realize that there's nothing for you in SL?


CaitlinParker
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I'm not sure if this is the right section to post this in.

Aside from performing Bible Readings on Sundays in SL, most of the time there's nothing for me to do.

I do sim hop, yet, I get bored.  I've had people tell me that I should put my energy into creating, yet I feel that if I put Blender on my PC again... it'll start to have problems once more.  Anyone can create alpha layers and edit textures.  I try to fit in, but instead I just feel like that square peg that's surrounded by a bunch of circular ones who often are more part of the group or clique atmosphere than anything.  The last time I tried attending an event that I ended up shutting down after a little over an hour.  Everyone I know is usually busy with their group stuff (RP/etc.) or busy with other stuff so pointless to even chat.

I think you've all realized where this is going at this point.  There's literally nothing for me in SL.  Most of the time, because there's nothing for me in SL, I just end up sitting around, surf the web or afk nap.

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5 minutes ago, CaitlinParker said:

I'm not sure if this is the right section to post this in.

Aside from performing Bible Readings on Sundays in SL, most of the time there's nothing for me to do.

I do sim hop, yet, I get bored.  I've had people tell me that I should put my energy into creating, yet I feel that if I put Blender on my PC again... it'll start to have problems once more.  Anyone can create alpha layers and edit textures.  I try to fit in, but instead I just feel like that square peg that's surrounded by a bunch of circular ones who often are more part of the group or clique atmosphere than anything.  The last time I tried attending an event that I ended up shutting down after a little over an hour.  Everyone I know is usually busy with their group stuff (RP/etc.) or busy with other stuff so pointless to even chat.

I think you've all realized where this is going at this point.  There's literally nothing for me in SL.  Most of the time, because there's nothing for me in SL, I just end up sitting around, surf the web or afk nap.

I dunno what to say. I find sl extremely engaging and magical. I love to explore sims, it's like walking into a painting. But if you are feeling jaded and can't appreciate other people's creations, then you really should go. It's boring for other people too when interacting with someone who has no enthusiasm. Sucks the energy right out of the room. 

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5 minutes ago, Robberinthemuseum said:

I dunno what to say. I find sl extremely engaging and magical. I love to explore sims, it's like walking into a painting. But if you are feeling jaded and can't appreciate other people's creations, then you really should go. It's boring for other people too when interacting with someone who has no enthusiasm. Sucks the energy right out of the room. 

You're assuming I feel jaded and can't appreciate other people's creations.  You assume that this is another "I'm leaving SL" post, in which it's not.  There's always a deeper meaning in someone's post than they let on.  In my case, it's depression... again.

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2 minutes ago, CaitlinParker said:

You're assuming I feel jaded and can't appreciate other people's creations.  You assume that this is another "I'm leaving SL" post, in which it's not.  There's always a deeper meaning in someone's post than they let on.  In my case, it's depression... again.

Oh God, I had no idea, sorry. I hope it passes quickly 😘

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I've never felt that there was nothing for me in SL, but I have needed breaks from it from time to time. Long breaks. I'd just gotten a little bored and wandered off to play MMOs and other social and single-player games for quite a long time. When I came back, I was thrilled to see some of my oldest friends of 15+ years were still bopping around, but funny enough - we get together only very occasionally. I picked up a slew of new solo hobbies like shopping, home decorating, creating and styling avatars (sometimes making new ones on a daily basis), and lost myself in SL photography. I almost never venture out to socialize - too busy shopping & snapping photos.

I'm not going to say the answer for you is to pick up a new hobby, but it can definitely help if you can find something you really, really enjoy doing. There's so much more to SL than just events. I actually enjoy the tranquility and solitude of being on a quiet, empty island and being left to my own devices. For others, they enjoy traveling the grid and snapping landscape photos, clubbing, hanging out at live events, sailing, adventuring, etc., and that's okay, too!

When I DO want to be social, I poke my friends in IM, take the odd decorating job, chat with and help people in SL-related Discord groups I've joined, or go wander around the huge shopping events like Shop & Hop. I don't really go out of my way to talk to people in-world these days, but if conversation happens, yay.

My suggestion would be to take a short break and when you're feeling better, try hopping back in with a new small goal in mind - make 2 new friends, create a new avatar, learn photography, buy a boat and take up sailing, attend a live show, explore a scenic region you've never been to, etc. See how you feel after that. If curiosity pushes you deeper into what you tried and you enjoy it, keep at it. If not, that's okay, too. SL doesn't have to be interesting all the time and it's okay to walk away from it when it stops being fun - I learned that a looooooooooong time ago. If you get NO joy out of it whatsoever, it's okay to move on to non-SL hobbies, too.

Oh, last bit of advice - you don't have to fit in with what everybody else is doing. That's one of the main draws that keeps pulling me back into this nutty place.

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6 hours ago, CaitlinParker said:

You assume that this is another "I'm leaving SL" post, in which it's not.

6 hours ago, CaitlinParker said:

I think you've all realized where this is going at this point.  There's literally nothing for me in SL.

   Saying that there's nothing left for you someplace usually suggests one is considering leaving, assuming someone is intent on leaving if they imply that they are is quite natural, no? 

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I took a 10 year break from SL, and when I came back literally ALL of my friends were gone. Now I have a few acquaintances, but nobody really close like I did back then. It's ok though, my interests have changed a lot, and there are a lot of things to do that I never thought I would find enjoyment in until I tried them. Look me up if you want - we could hang and enjoy long awkward silences :)

 

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8 hours ago, CaitlinParker said:

I'm not sure if this is the right section to post this in.

Aside from performing Bible Readings on Sundays in SL, most of the time there's nothing for me to do.

I do sim hop, yet, I get bored.  I've had people tell me that I should put my energy into creating, yet I feel that if I put Blender on my PC again... it'll start to have problems once more.  Anyone can create alpha layers and edit textures.  I try to fit in, but instead I just feel like that square peg that's surrounded by a bunch of circular ones who often are more part of the group or clique atmosphere than anything.  The last time I tried attending an event that I ended up shutting down after a little over an hour.  Everyone I know is usually busy with their group stuff (RP/etc.) or busy with other stuff so pointless to even chat.

I think you've all realized where this is going at this point.  There's literally nothing for me in SL.  Most of the time, because there's nothing for me in SL, I just end up sitting around, surf the web or afk nap.

Like others have said and will say.. take a break. No need to delete an account (not saying that you said that), but others may think this way. Maybe in days, weeks, months or more, you may feel like logging in again. There is no deadline, well until the day before it closes down, whenever that is.

Second life is just one hobby. Do some other ones for now.

 

 

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10 hours ago, CaitlinParker said:

Everyone I know is usually busy with their group stuff (RP/etc.) or busy with other stuff so pointless to even chat.

The problem isnt necessarily others being busy with their group stuff, its more about you obviously not being interessted in what that group stands for.
If you run into someone who has nothing but 25 sailing groups tagged in the profile, you actually know what to expect from that person in terms of interests.
You can either turn away and search for something else - or you chat that person up, getting involved yourself in whatever it is about, becoming a part of.

Finding like-minded people (the ones not being busy with other friends, activities and groups) is probably hard to achieve, as they often just hang, doing literally nothing.

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4 hours ago, Orwar said:

   Saying that there's nothing left for you someplace usually suggests one is considering leaving, assuming someone is intent on leaving if they imply that they are is quite natural, no? 

A few months ago, I had a similar episode like this that lasted roughly two months.  I tried to go to a live event during that time, but like I said in my original post, I ended up shutting down after an hour.  I had a few people message me, asking me why I wasn't dancing.  I told them I was taking a breather, but the truth was that I ended up shutting down and leaving shortly thereafter.  I thought I was feeling better, but it just came back at me like a ton of bricks.

1 hour ago, Resi Pfeffer said:

The problem isnt necessarily others being busy with their group stuff, its more about you obviously not being interessted in what that group stands for.
If you run into someone who has nothing but 25 sailing groups tagged in the profile, you actually know what to expect from that person in terms of interests.
You can either turn away and search for something else - or you chat that person up, getting involved yourself in whatever it is about, becoming a part of.

Finding like-minded people (the ones not being busy with other friends, activities and groups) is probably hard to achieve, as they often just hang, doing literally nothing.

As for the group issue?  Groups do evolve over time, and in some cases, people just feel like they're another number and get lost in the shuffle.  We just end up feeling lost as everyone else is busy with stuff.  It happens.  It's not that we don't feel interested in what the group, or sub-group, stands for, but fact that we end up feeling like square pegs just trying to find a way to fit in.  What usually happens?  People end up drawing the wrong conclusion and assume we want to be left alone, or aren't interested in anything.

The bottom line... depression hurts one way or another.

 

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2 minutes ago, CaitlinParker said:

A few months ago, I had a similar episode like this that lasted roughly two months.  I tried to go to a live event during that time, but like I said in my original post, I ended up shutting down after an hour.  I had a few people message me, asking me why I wasn't dancing.  I told them I was taking a breather, but the truth was that I ended up shutting down and leaving shortly thereafter.  I thought I was feeling better, but it just came back at me like a ton of bricks.

   Personally I don't really consider dancing in SL an 'activity', it's something you park your avi to do whilst you're socialising. Same goes for listening to music really, unless you're blowing your ears clean and air drumming like a maniac - but again, not an SL 'activity'. For mere chatting, whether on voice or via text, you can do the job just as well (better, even) using just Discord, SL's 'thing' is that it's a three-dimensional world where your possibilities are nearly endless (and almost always severely limited, both at once!). 

   Do some photography, horse riding (dressage or course jumping), find some interesting vehicles (go sail, fly a simulation helicopter, go shoot some people out of the sky playing WarBug or any number of VICE-compatible vehicles on land, sea, or in the skies, go for a kayak ride through a jungle, ride a motorbike through a sky-track, grab a pirate ship and buckaneer your way through the world, go for a SAR mission, go for a drive across any continent of your choice, etc), find some interesting and engaging role play, play some board games (come lose your soul in a round of Othello!), go scuba diving or get yourself a mermaid tail and explore the underwater worlds on the grid, become a virtual farmer, go fishing, go skiing/snowboarding, go surfing, go play some En Garde, or try jousting, or zombie shooting, or go on a puzzle-solving adventure - being bored in SL isn't really an SL issue.

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41 minutes ago, CaitlinParker said:

It's not that we don't feel interested in what the group, or sub-group, stands for, but fact that we end up feeling like square pegs just trying to find a way to fit in.  What usually happens?  People end up drawing the wrong conclusion and assume we want to be left alone, or aren't interested in anything.

To pick up Orwars suggestion and my passion about sailing as an example, i do have a hard time trying to understand why you would feel like a square peg trying to fit in.
If you dont wanna do it on your own, you can join a yacht club participating in some leisure cruises around the grid, or you even get competetive, racing others. 
In all of the listed options you will be only expected to be friendly and interested in sailing and the rules about. Thats all. 

At my YC there is most likely always someone else around. In the best case there is a nice chat about the weather and other small talk, like boats of course, also paired with helpful hints and instructions for beginners or maybe even developing a friendship, and in the "worst" case its just a friendly "Hi, im practicing, see ya later" before that person sets off with their boat - because they are here for the sake of having fun sailing mainly, not to fit in a social group. Being social happens naturally there in various levels and no one feels forced to act in a certain way, as the main reason for all the people gathering is the interest they have in common. 

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3 hours ago, Orwar said:

   Personally I don't really consider dancing in SL an 'activity', it's something you park your avi to do whilst you're socialising. Same goes for listening to music really, unless you're blowing your ears clean and air drumming like a maniac - but again, not an SL 'activity'. For mere chatting, whether on voice or via text, you can do the job just as well (better, even) using just Discord, SL's 'thing' is that it's a three-dimensional world where your possibilities are nearly endless (and almost always severely limited, both at once!). 

   Do some photography, horse riding (dressage or course jumping), find some interesting vehicles (go sail, fly a simulation helicopter, go shoot some people out of the sky playing WarBug or any number of VICE-compatible vehicles on land, sea, or in the skies, go for a kayak ride through a jungle, ride a motorbike through a sky-track, grab a pirate ship and buckaneer your way through the world, go for a SAR mission, go for a drive across any continent of your choice, etc), find some interesting and engaging role play, play some board games (come lose your soul in a round of Othello!), go scuba diving or get yourself a mermaid tail and explore the underwater worlds on the grid, become a virtual farmer, go fishing, go skiing/snowboarding, go surfing, go play some En Garde, or try jousting, or zombie shooting, or go on a puzzle-solving adventure - being bored in SL isn't really an SL issue.

I did try to fly a WWI plane on a flight sim, however, I couldn't even get it moving so I could get it off the ground.  When it comes to SL games (Like Greedy, Skippo, En Garde, etc.), and trust me, I've tried them, I'm the absolute worst at them.   I don't really like doing combat stuff as I'm just too lousy at it.  Yeah, I tried Overwatch and I was just terrible at it.

Driving is ok since it seems easy.

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5 minutes ago, CaitlinParker said:

I did try to fly a WWI plane on a flight sim, however, I couldn't even get it moving so I could get it off the ground.

   Depending on the vehicle, it can take a bit of practice (and notecard reading) to get things going, that's nothing unusual. 

6 minutes ago, CaitlinParker said:

When it comes to SL games (Like Greedy, Skippo, En Garde, etc.), and trust me, I've tried them, I'm the absolute worst at them.

   Another few things which may be improved with practice.

8 minutes ago, CaitlinParker said:

I don't really like doing combat stuff as I'm just too lousy at it.

   .. Practice. 

   I'm sensing a pattern here!

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SL will not entertain you or keep your interest in and of itself unless you put in a lot of effort.   I always compare it to the children sitting in a room full of toys and saying there's nothing to do.  Entertaining yourself in whatever way you choose is important.  Things and people are not here to entertain you.  I think a lot of people come into SL with this expectation.  If you're shy or socially awkward, this can be an even bigger hurdle.  I don't think there is an easy fix.  I do, and always have, spend most of my time solo.  I strike up a conversation if I'm in the mood but most days, I'm happy seeing the sights by myself.  When I tire of that and am NOT feeling social, I log out.  

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Hey CaitlinParker!

Depression can really sap your motivation and enjoyment. I have been there. 

SL has something for everyone.  The trick is finding it.  

I would encourage you to start small.  For instance, if you just want to be around people, but not feel pressured to participate, the Second Life User Groups are actually a pretty good option.  They are ~1 hour in length and you can get some insight into the workings of SL without having to talk to anyone. You can leave any time you want without feeling like people are watching you or wondering who you are, so if you can only handle 15 minutes before you feel like you need to get out, there is no guilt or pressure to stay or participate. 

https://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Linden_Lab_Official:User_Groups

You can also check out the Destination Guide for suggestions on User Created Regions.

https://secondlife.com/destinations

With the holidays coming up, you could check out the Linden Homes Regions.  Users are starting to really decorate their homes. You do not need to have a paid account to visit Bellisseria and look around.  You can even get a free bicycle or car and ride or drive around on the roads. 

https://secondlife.com/destination/bbb

 

 

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2 hours ago, Orwar said:

   Depending on the vehicle, it can take a bit of practice (and notecard reading) to get things going, that's nothing unusual. 

   Another few things which may be improved with practice.

   .. Practice. 

   I'm sensing a pattern here!

When I did try driving, it was easy enough as the controls were simple.

As for the SL games, I actually am a slow learner as it would take me longer than most to figure it out.

FPS and combat games tend to bother my eyes after a short period of time because of how fast paced they can actually get.

It's not that I don't try, it's that I end up following the same loop.

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That's the thing with depression. You desperately may want to not be alone but everything you do pushes people away because all the thoughts you think they have of you, negative thoughts, are usually in your mind, or not. Reaching out is a good thing. The right people will find you, just don't ever give up.

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1 hour ago, Dakota Linden said:

Hey CaitlinParker!

Depression can really sap your motivation and enjoyment. I have been there. 

SL has something for everyone.  The trick is finding it.  

I would encourage you to start small.  For instance, if you just want to be around people, but not feel pressured to participate, the Second Life User Groups are actually a pretty good option.  They are ~1 hour in length and you can get some insight into the workings of SL without having to talk to anyone. You can leave any time you want without feeling like people are watching you or wondering who you are, so if you can only handle 15 minutes before you feel like you need to get out, there is no guilt or pressure to stay or participate. 

https://wiki.secondlife.com/wiki/Linden_Lab_Official:User_Groups

You can also check out the Destination Guide for suggestions on User Created Regions.

https://secondlife.com/destinations

With the holidays coming up, you could check out the Linden Homes Regions.  Users are starting to really decorate their homes. You do not need to have a paid account to visit Bellisseria and look around.  You can even get a free bicycle or car and ride or drive around on the roads. 

https://secondlife.com/destination/bbb

 

 

I'll have a look.

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You don't have to drive. There are wearable vehicles on the Marketplace for free or cheap that you can operate with the usual WASD or arrow keys. I find that wearables are much easier to use, especially when my draw distance is larger than usual. It also helps to not have to rezz a vehicle when you crash, too. Exploring the mainland via the highways can be enjoyable. 

SL is really pretty this time of year, with all the amazing winter sims popping up. You might like those. There's ice skating, balloon, sleigh, and horse rides, and various concerts and events to go to. Good luck, and I hope you find what you're looking for. :) 

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